Hello Friend,
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Why what? I'm confused too.
Not too sure about her seeing other dudes, but it's possible. I do know for a fact she has orbiters contacting her, but she claims she doesn't respond. She thinks it's funny the way these guys keep contacting her and she just ignores them. It's one of the reasons why my trust isn't very high with her. I've said to her trust grows over time and by actions, not by words.
Not really, I've shown interest as I'd did bring up if she was sleeping and seeing others a few weeks ago. I've shown more interest in the past, and it just torpedoed it.
Allow me to reword. I hid my profile about six weeks ago. About 3 weeks ago I deactivated it. For some reason I had a strange feeling, so I logged in and reactivate the profile and she was there. I do not know if she's active or not, but it is still online. I think it's pretty obvious that I like her, but been burned before so I am keeping my cards close to my vest.
How would someone bring up is your profile still online? Seems awfully insecure as Marmel suggests. I've done that before, and they lie about it or hide it, or get offensive. One did deactivate and then was still online as I found she was matched and conversing with a friend. We just happened to be talking about online dating and he mentioned this new one, and I said she sounded very familiar. Low and behold, she lied and I walked away.
Has nothing to to with "alpha" BS you are talking about. Comes off needy and desperate. That's the issue.
I am holding myself back in terms of investing too much. The last time I did that was last year and it really hurt as she told me I was the one she was looking for and other BS. Then she just ghosted. I trusted she took her profile down too, but no, she was on three sites. That really hurt me and prevents me from trusting or giving too much of myself too early on. With this one, I met her family multiple times, as well as friends and co-workers. She met mine as well. I would say it really changed the way I thought of dating moving forward. Since then, I become more aloof and quiet. I would say that break hurt as my as my LTR as I opened up and exposed my feelings.
Not sure where you got that idea.
Again, when I saw this going the way I liked, I stopped dating others, since we talked about sex and other people; unless she forgot. Wouldn't be surprised. I'm not trying to be difficult, I am just guarded.
He’s just trying to follow PUA advise. He’s not dumb or stupid. Something he read and even pieces together from the forum on what he should do. At least he’s giving it a go.
Sometimes I read that different. Those good feelings have faded with every guy she’s been with. Why should she think that this guy can maintain those good feelings and excitement?
I'll say it again, if she's spending time with you and having sex with you everything else is a moot point UNTIL she brings up exclusivity and that point you can worry about leaving profile up or her going out to drinks with the singles meetup groups in fishnets etc.
I will hide it and see how it goes.
What sorts of ways should I work on my frame?
Yes, we had sex each day from Friday - Sunday. She seemed satisfied prior to her leaving on Sunday.
My account was deactivated, so it would be impossible for her to see me, as it was not online. I only went online because I had a gut feeling about hers. It's a free app she's using.
If you ask her in the right tone, and frame of mind you won't be seen as weak or insecure. Be confident and bold. She'll probably be blown away because most men are to afraid to go there. Your attitude/frame should always be IDGAF and Abundnace Mindset. Nothing wrong with wanting a LTR or steady gf if that's your goal. Just ensure you're not wasting your time as it's your most precious resource.
As you, yourself stated, you are purposefully holding back and staying aloof while she is investing. She is experiencing these actions as "he's just not that into me". Your behavior/approach is making her feel insecure. Then there lack of solidifying the relationship. All of it has her keeping her options open.
True, that's why I said don't overly invest emotionally (until you know she's invested in you). A woman who's emotionally detaching will start to spend less time with you, the passion during sex will be less, she'll act more aloof when she's with you so you can tell by the subtle changes in their behavior/actions unless she's really the player type of a woman who's good at hiding and faking stuff. In that case, you couldn't win anyway.
A lot of truth in this.
Those good feelings don't fade this early, and yes, most women lose these feels eventually with most men, but not all, there are men who can continue to cause those feels, I've done it and know ppl who's doing it now.
30 + years is a long time. You’re way more skilled than I am.
Yeah, women are fickle, they like you on Tuesday but Thursday? Not so much lol.
When you see for yourself how many options they have, like when they show you an inbox or whatever, and then you think to the fact that they can still be more or less single for years and years and years despite ostensibly "trying" or "wanting" to find a boyfriend. The only explanation I can give for it is like that whirlpool analogy I think you linked the other day. The validation and excitement of their options progressively becomes an addiction to that high, that their brains become more and more desensitized to which just makes them more and more jaded. That's how you get the chronic damage, which I doubt they could heal even if they recognized it and wanted to... it's a hard journey from addiction to abstinence and health.
