do u keep falling in the friendzone?

[Deadly_Assassin]

I am not very good at writinig so here goes: yes I have this problem. I have liked, I mean really liked these 4 chicks in my whole life so far, n every time, LJBF. When I found this website it opened my eyes. Dont be desperate, persue ur dreams n ur hobbies first, self improvement first, tons of fish in the sea, confidence, be a man, act on your desires, be sexual, all good advice. It really helped n I started getting the chicks but not the ones I liked. I mean I could goto clubs n parties n pretty much didnt even have to try to get these chicks, well most of the time just had to intiate a convo n listen. Now I thought I had it all figured out.

But then she came. Saw her at church for the first time. At first she was attractive n seemed kinda interesting. MY guess she was LTR material. I didnt want a comimtment then so I wasnt interested, I said to myself when I decide to settle down I will go get her then, till then I am just gonna enjoy life n the sluts I come across most of the time.

She was the first to intiate the convo between us. As time went on I started to get to know her better, n I knew she had more to her than just her looks. I still didnt show any interest upto this point. She seemed to be showing a bit of interest in me, I didnt even think of DJing her then cos I just wasnt interested enuf n it was church.

After a while I started getting serious at church n thought I might settle down. And thats when I decided to chase after her. Now I was starting to develop feelings for her, always thinking about her, just waiting for sunday to come so I could talk to her. I still didnt show any signs of desperation yet. After a while I was really into her n I thought I had a good chance. I didnt pull away thinking shes nice girl, she doesnt need to be Djed. But boy was I wrong, when I finally asked her out, wallah LJBF!!!

I didnt know what it was at first that I had been doing wrong. I asked here for advice, followed most of it. But I still couldnt figure out. I even starting doubting myself that I was still an AFC. Finally it hit me, it was my attraction to this chick, that I liked her, that I thought of her 24/7 that I started become attached to her. I tried meeting other girls, but I wouldnt do much with them because I thougth I was been unfaithful to this one chick who I thought was the one for me. My own attraction, my attachment to the one chick was my downfall. Not just this one chick but the previous ones as well. This attachment made me needy. I was blinded by this attachment that I couldnt see my desperation, I started talking to other people about her, they started getting the hint about me liking her. This attachment was the reason I couldnt be sexual, I dont know why, but for some reason it stopped me from acting on my desires at times. It made me nervous around her, I couldnt be myself most of the time. Man fricking unbelievable.

This is my advice n I hope some of the newbies learn something from this post. Dont get attached to one chick, no matter what. It will be ur downfall. If your thinking about her 24/7, n u think its normal cos u like her, ur attached. U gotta eliminate this attachment, I really like this chick, blah blah blah, shes the one for me. N trust me chicks can smell a sucker a mile away, dunno how many times have other people repeated that so must be true. I am not saying eliminate ur desires, eliminate ur attachment towards her, nothing wrong with u being horny about her, or u thinking about sex with her. You just gotta get rid of that attachment that ur in love with her or u really like her n shes the one n shes got everything u need in a chick. And once u do that, u are not acting desperate, u know there are better ones out there than her, u wont put her on a pedestal in the first place, she can see this too, n she knows ur a challenge. I hope this helps, n thankyou dementia, PRL, Player supreme, n the list goes on n the other experienced DJs on giving me advice on my previous posts, it was good. if anyone else wants to add anything plz go ahead

 

[becker]

Good point in this post.

I have always been fascinated by how people progress from the "I'm not interested in you" act that seems to have to go on into the point where it doesn't matter whether you tell her you're interested in her, and it won't make her flee.

In essence, it seems like to keep a girl, you can't ever tell her you're interested, but what about married couples? How do they ever get to that point? That's sort of the whole paradox in relationships. At some point the game has to sort of end.

 

[jakethasnake]

Sounds like you were definately an AFC when you were seeing other chicks but felt that you were 'being unfaithful' to that chick, despite not even being 'official'. Re-read what you wrote. Back to the drawing board - you're still a work in progress, like all of us.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

another thing I wanted to add was that when u get rid of this attachment you automatically focus on urself instead of the chick. You dont worry about ur actions offending the chick, if i do this will she get pissed off? n if u say this she wont like me? cos u stop caring about the consequences. It automatically brings the right attitude in u cos u just coudlnt care less. You dont care if u lose her or not cos u know they are other out there.

Like just tonight I had to meet up with my mates for dinner cos my good mate was going overseas for a while. I couldnt say no and the chick from church was gonna be there as well. The whole time I kept saying to myself dont get attached, dont let those feelings start over again. It was a long hard fight, but guess what happens. We start off dinner, things are still awkward between us ( 3 days have gone past since she LJBF me n i rung her up last nite saying we should just start over again just being friends n leave it at that )At the dinner i am being relaxed, funny, myself. I am making her other two mates laugh. I dont have any attraction towards them. I am not being shy or nervous, I talk to the chick from time to time, but most of the time I talk to her mates n try not to take notice of her.

We then goto the driving range. We decide to hit this pole as many times possible about 120mtrs away. I end up hitting it 6 times the most out of all of us. The whole time I was just shaving the pole. And the chick would notice this n would compliment me about it. I just pretended not to take notice, cos I honestly couldnt care. Whenever I would hit the pole she would be like wow nice, same thing again. Well I didnt make it obvious. Like sometimes I would ask her if she wanted to have a turn cos I didnt wanna ignore her completly cos she would think that I still havent goten over her saying no.

Then we goto to mcds. There I am just being myself again, cracking up silly jokes n wot not. Me n the other two of her mates r having an awesome time laughing about it n making jokes about each other. I notice the chick laughing at my jokes. Then me n her kinda have a conversation between us about the history of the church. Wat a subject to talk about, I try my best to listen but the whole time I start to admire those eyes again, the hair, those lips, n my feelings start to pop up again. I start to think about sex with her right when shes talking to me, but at the same time i try to supress my feelings for her. This was the hardest part, because it felt like they were softening me up on the inside.

It was an awesome night, tomorrow night I am going out with some other mates to clubbing, I gotta make up for all the chicks I missed out on cos of this one chick.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
another thing I wanted to add was that when u get rid of this attachment you automatically focus on urself instead of the chick. You dont worry about ur actions offending the chick, if i do this will she get pissed off? n if u say this she wont like me? cos u stop caring about the consequences. It automatically brings the right attitude in u cos u just coudlnt care less. You dont care if u lose her or not cos u know they are other out there.

Like just tonight I had to meet up with my mates for dinner cos my good mate was going overseas for a while. I couldnt say no and the chick from church was gonna be there as well. The whole time I kept saying to myself dont get attached, dont let those feelings start over again. It was a long hard fight, but guess what happens. We start off dinner, things are still awkward between us ( 3 days have gone past since she LJBF me n i rung her up last nite saying we should just start over again just being friends n leave it at that )At the dinner i am being relaxed, funny, myself. I am making her other two mates laugh. I dont have any attraction towards them. I am not being shy or nervous, I talk to the chick from time to time, but most of the time I talk to her mates n try not to take notice of her.

We then goto the driving range. We decide to hit this pole as many times possible about 120mtrs away. I end up hitting it 6 times the most out of all of us. The whole time I was just shaving the pole. And the chick would notice this n would compliment me about it. I just pretended not to take notice, cos I honestly couldnt care. Whenever I would hit the pole she would be like wow nice, same thing again. Well I didnt make it obvious. Like sometimes I would ask her if she wanted to have a turn cos I didnt wanna ignore her completly cos she would think that I still havent goten over her saying no.

Then we goto to mcds. There I am just being myself again, cracking up silly jokes n wot not. Me n the other two of her mates r having an awesome time laughing about it n making jokes about each other. I notice the chick laughing at my jokes. Then me n her kinda have a conversation between us about the history of the church. Wat a subject to talk about, I try my best to listen but the whole time I start to admire those eyes again, the hair, those lips, n my feelings start to pop up again. I start to think about sex with her right when shes talking to me, but at the same time i try to supress my feelings for her. This was the hardest part, because it felt like they were softening me up on the inside.

It was an awesome night, tomorrow night I am going out with some other mates to clubbing, I gotta make up for all the chicks I missed out on cos of this one chick.

Despite this story, it still shows that not caring is not going to get the girl back. At best it will allow you to move on.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

yes I will have to move on. Cos if I dont n start chasing her again I will get attached n it will be another cycle. I have to move on to other prospects n actually date them. She will see this that I have moved on and not like the other AFCs from church who are still chasing after her after they got LJBF. I feel like I am in control for some reason.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

yes I will have to move on. Cos if I dont n start chasing her again I will get attached n it will be another cycle. I have to move on to other prospects n actually date them. She will see this that I have moved on and not like the other AFCs from church who are still chasing after her after they got LJBF. I feel like I am in control for some reason. I have read Mr. fingz post on escaping the frienship zone. What I cant figure out is how long should I wait till I can start the kino up again, like the hugging, talking about sex n stuff. But at the same time just letting her know that shes just a friend