Do men have friendzones?

[Robert28]

That’s perfectly fair. It’s not harsh at all. It’s who you are. My guy friends are who they are and I am who I am. Interpersonal dynamics are not all the same. So your way of being is cool & works for you just as my way of being is cool and works for me.

I love men. Love masculine energy and being around men. Men feel this when I’m around. I hang out with men who love women. They love to be around feminine energy. What that does is create a synergy that is magnetic to others.

But the dynamics that work in my posse are not the same dynamics that work for everybody.

For me my masculine energy was drained when I had a woman friend (friendzone situation). I felt my self esteem and confidence being sucked out of me and if I was away from them for awhile I noticed it would return to normal. I knew something wasn’t right when after I’d hangout with them I’d feel like **** about myself. I don’t like to stay in contact or do boyfriend things with a girl I’m not dating, it’s not natural and my internal instinct screams at me “this isn’t normal! Get out!”. I like feminine energy too but I need to enjoy it in a non-platonic sense or it’s not enjoyable for me whatsoever. I don’t like being around women that don’t find me sexually attractive or at least a potential sex partner. A lot of women don’t understand this and bash me for it. You can’t make a dog act like a cat no matter how hard you try.

 

[BeExcellent]

Girl girlsplaining what the friendzone is. Just doesnt work that way.

What i mean in particular is men and women don't see this the same way.

Just back from seeing one of my buddies. We swapped stories & had a ball. Look. The fact that some don’t understand it doesn’t invalidate my actual experience in my real life.

Some of you need to lighten up.

Seriously.

 

[BeExcellent]

Really I think so many people (men and women both) are so bloody insecure and immature that it’s hard to understand how a thoroughly secure and mature person behaves. Most people are insecure at their core. Insecure people will always have a “taking” energy about them.

Secure people always have a giving energy about them.

I am ultra secure in myself. I am a giver and generous to my core. That generosity comes from strength. I uplift people around me whilst being direct and holding people to account. I can do this because nobody defines me but me.

Insecure people always draw energy from those around them. Secure people contribute energy to those around them.

Food for thought.

 

[Robert28]

Just back from seeing one of my buddies. We swapped stories & had a ball. Look. The fact that some don’t understand it doesn’t invalidate my actual experience in my real life.

Some of you need to lighten up.

Seriously.

I think the “just friends” dynamic can change between women and men when they’re older (50+) but younger than that it usually won’t work. I had a girl refer to me as her “companion”, “like family”, you name it she labeled me as it. It’s weird because she used every term BUT friend.lol

 

[Robert28]

Really I think so many people (men and women both) are so bloody insecure and immature that it’s hard to understand how a thoroughly secure and mature person behaves. Most people are insecure at their core. Insecure people will always have a “taking” energy about them.

Secure people always have a giving energy about them.

I am ultra secure in myself. I am a giver and generous to my core. That generosity comes from strength. I uplift people around me whilst being direct and holding people to account. I can do this because nobody defines me but me.

Insecure people always draw energy from those around them. Secure people contribute energy to those around them.

Food for thought.

It’s funny you say that about the energy of being secure and insecure. Usually the guy in the friendzone is doing all the giving and is seen as insecure by the woman (which is part of why she isn’t attracted to him) and the woman is the taker but is supposedly the secure one. I guess I’ve never thought of it the way you put it. Interesting.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

We always talk about friendzones like only women have them, but don’t men have them as well? Aren’t there women in your life that you are friends with but that you don’t want to sleep with?

I have two women right now that are chasing me, they are friends but I will not sleep with them, they just don’t do it for me and they are in my FZ.

It seems to me that if you have someone in your FZ and you are in hers then she is a true platonic friend. The problem comes when you are in her FZ but she is not in yours or vice versa.

True platonic friends are actually very valuable assets, for example, they have girl friends that they will introduce you to.

Any thought?

Fwb, booty call, **** buddy. D in and around her mouth.

 

[Dam44]

Yes. There are girls (who are only friends to me) I'd never get involved with

 

[Kotaix]

I do have a friendzone. I have a few female friends that I know want to bang me, they've come out and said it. And I really enjoy them as a person, we have lots in common, and they're LTR material. But I turn down their advances because I don't find them hot, and there is no sense ruining a good friendship for the sake of one mediocre bang.

 

[Robert28]

I do have a friendzone. I have a few female friends that I know want to bang me, they've come out and said it. And I really enjoy them as a person, we have lots in common, and they're LTR material. But I turn down their advances because I don't find them hot, and there is no sense ruining a good friendship for the sake of one mediocre bang.

All the friendships I’ve ever had with women, they had this same view about me. The thing is, the friendship meant more to them than it did to me. Being friends also didn’t stop me from going off and meeting other girls. I wasn’t about to waste my time hanging out with girls that didn’t want to date me or bang me, if I had some free time every now and then sure we can hangout. But the problem is they demanded too much of my time for girls that weren’t going to give me anything more than friendship. I don’t have time to waste on stuff like that, I have no interested in making the effort to keep a relationship like that going. They were going to have to make 90% of the effort, I could give a damn about friendship.

 

[RangerMIke]

Not really.

Yes men have female friends, I have a few. But what is commonly called a 'friendzone' is when you are a plutonic friend, but want more and orbit around waiting your turn. In my experience, chicks don't do this. If they want you and you do not want them back they are GONE. They really don't hang around wanting something more. This is why they don't understand dudes that do this.

Sure women can have their eye on you, even if you aren't interested in them... and if an opportunity comes up, and the timing is right, they'll take advantage of it, but they are fvcking waiting around for you. Cavoite: Not all women are like this, it just seems like they are.

 

[Robert28]

Not really.

Yes men have female friends, I have a few. But what is commonly called a 'friendzone' is when you are a plutonic friend, but want more and orbit around waiting your turn. In my experience, chicks don't do this. If they want you and you do not want them back they are GONE. They really don't hang around wanting something more. This is why they don't understand dudes that do this.

Sure women can have their eye on you, even if you aren't interested in them... and if an opportunity comes up, and the timing is right, they'll take advantage of it, but they are fvcking waiting around for you. Cavoite: Not all women are like this, it just seems like they are.

The guys orbiting around waiting on their turn are doing so because when the woman rejected them she did a piss poor job of it. Not many guys know what “I’m not ready for a relationship now.” “I need time to heal from my ex. But we can be friends for now.”, **** like that. Women say the rejection in a way that leaves all sorts of doors open. What they deem as being nice is actually a mind fvck. If they’d be more clear they wouldn’t have friendzone orbiters but they secretly want them even though they deny the existence of the friendzone. It’s like the government denies stuff all the time but we all know it’s true.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The guys orbiting around waiting on their turn are doing so because when the woman rejected them she did a piss poor job of it. Not many guys know what “I’m not ready for a relationship now.” “I need time to heal from my ex. But we can be friends for now.”, **** like that. Women say the rejection in a way that leaves all sorts of doors open. What they deem as being nice is actually a mind fvck. If they’d be more clear they wouldn’t have friendzone orbiters but they secretly want them even though they deny the existence of the friendzone. It’s like the government denies stuff all the time but we all know it’s true.

They do it because they want the guy to have some hope and hang around.

 

[Robert28]

They do it because they want the guy to have some hope and hang around.

Yep and they live in denial about it.

 

[BeExcellent]

Not really.

Yes men have female friends, I have a few. But what is commonly called a 'friendzone' is when you are a plutonic friend, but want more and orbit around waiting your turn. In my experience, chicks don't do this. If they want you and you do not want them back they are GONE. They really don't hang around wanting something more. This is why they don't understand dudes that do this.

Sure women can have their eye on you, even if you aren't interested in them... and if an opportunity comes up, and the timing is right, they'll take advantage of it, but they are fvcking waiting around for you. Cavoite: Not all women are like this, it just seems like they are.

I’ve seen women orbit. Lots actually. Orbiting has to do with value. Yours versus hers. If a woman perceives a man as highly desirable and the best she can do? And if her other options are limited? She will orbit more often than not, trust me. This is how playboys get and keep fan clubs of women (because the women are willing to orbit). It’s no different than beautiful women having orbiters. It’s driven by respective value.

Once in a while a man will promote an orbiter to GF but more often than not that blows up for two primary reasons. 1. The chick in question doesn’t garner the man’s respect because she was willing to orbit...and more importantly 2. The chick blows herself out with her own insecure, clingy, needy behavior (since she didn’t have the self esteem to drop the man in question and move on in the first place).

So having opposite sex friends really means NOT being in the other person’s orbit. The buddy of mine I had coffee with the other day? I winged for him yesterday after we met for lunch. Got him set up with a gorgeous Latina who owns a high end boutique. He’s out with her tonight and I am tickled for him. She asked me point blank why I’m not dating him (he’s a handsome Italian), and I told her I date someone else and we’ve always been friends but that he’s a *great* guy (he is)...

He’s pleased because this lady is not someone he would have met out and about in nightlife. She is a business owner and works all the time. She’s drop dead gorgeous and seems really cool. She would not have warmed to him like she did without the endorsement of a beautiful woman (me). So it can benefit to be friends.

The biggest question you get, incidentally, is Ok, if he/she is so great, why aren’t you guys dating? And that has to have a decent honest answer.

 

[CoandaEffect]

... The biggest question you get, incidentally, is Ok, if he/she is so great, why aren’t you guys dating? And that has to have a decent honest answer.

Yes I get this all the time, especially from women. If a women has any interest in me she will always ask “so why aren’t you dating her” or “so you’ve known her all these years and you guys never dated”. I’m not sure why but they find it very hard to believe that we are just friends.

I’m always just completely honest and say that I admire her greatly but she just doesn’t do it for me in a romantic way. I usually add that I believe the feeling is mutual.

So, help me out here, what is the right thing to say in that case?

 

[CoandaEffect]

I should add that my platonic friend recently ran into one of my old girlfriends. When I enquired how my old GF was, my friend said “you know it was very awkward, she never really liked me”

I was surprised by that answer, I always thought they got on fine.

 

[RangerMIke]

I’ve seen women orbit. Lots actually. Orbiting has to do with value. Yours versus hers. If a woman perceives a man as highly desirable and the best she can do? And if her other options are limited? She will orbit more often than not, trust me. This is how playboys get and keep fan clubs of women (because the women are willing to orbit). It’s no different than beautiful women having orbiters. It’s driven by respective value.

Once in a while a man will promote an orbiter to GF but more often than not that blows up for two primary reasons. 1. The chick in question doesn’t garner the man’s respect because she was willing to orbit...and more importantly 2. The chick blows herself out with her own insecure, clingy, needy behavior (since she didn’t have the self esteem to drop the man in question and move on in the first place).

So having opposite sex friends really means NOT being in the other person’s orbit. The buddy of mine I had coffee with the other day? I winged for him yesterday after we met for lunch. Got him set up with a gorgeous Latina who owns a high end boutique. He’s out with her tonight and I am tickled for him. She asked me point blank why I’m not dating him (he’s a handsome Italian), and I told her I date someone else and we’ve always been friends but that he’s a *great* guy (he is)...

He’s pleased because this lady is not someone he would have met out and about in nightlife. She is a business owner and works all the time. She’s drop dead gorgeous and seems really cool. She would not have warmed to him like she did without the endorsement of a beautiful woman (me). So it can benefit to be friends.

The biggest question you get, incidentally, is Ok, if he/she is so great, why aren’t you guys dating? And that has to have a decent honest answer.

It does happen that women get hung up on a man they are attracted to that is not available. But the BIG difference between most men and most women is a woman will not put her life on hold... waiting. She'll still go out... hook up with other dudes... sit around and talk about this with friends.... who will give her good advice and re-enforcement to move on.

Many men will slam on the breaks, and focus like a laser on their 'crush'. He'll sit at home, keeping all this bottled up, staring at his cell phone waiting for her to text him back. And it takes men a whole lot longer to recover from this.

When it comes to dealing with emotional problems, men are the weaker gender.

 

[BeExcellent]

Yes I get this all the time, especially from women. If a women has any interest in me she will always ask “so why aren’t you dating her” or “so you’ve known her all these years and you guys never dated”. I’m not sure why but they find it very hard to believe that we are just friends.

I’m always just completely honest and say that I admire her greatly but she just doesn’t do it for me in a romantic way. I usually add that I believe the feeling is mutual.

So, help me out here, what is the right thing to say in that case?

I think your response is fine. It’s candid. When I get asked that I will say I’m involved with someone else (if I am), or I’ll say there’s just not attraction between us, strictly friendship. It is tough at times for people to buy that...especially when both you and your friend are in fact objectively attractive people...

But that really has more to do with them if you think about it.

 

[Robert28]

The two times I’ve been friendzoned I can honestly say the girl NEVER even attempted to wing for me, just the opposite really. If I wanted to date someone else I had to do it on my own and keep them away from the friendzoner because they’d show fake jealousy. In my experience, women friends expect you to do boyfriend type stuff without sex.....that’s friendship to them. Not to me. I want no part of it because it’s abuse and a way to use people.

 

[BeExcellent]

It does happen that women get hung up on a man they are attracted to that is not available. But the BIG difference between most men and most women is a woman will not put her life on hold... waiting. She'll still go out... hook up with other dudes... sit around and talk about this with friends.... who will give her good advice and re-enforcement to move on.

Many men will slam on the breaks, and focus like a laser on their 'crush'. He'll sit at home, keeping all this bottled up, staring at his cell phone waiting for her to text him back. And it takes men a whole lot longer to recover from this.

When it comes to dealing with emotional problems, men are the weaker gender.

I’ve seen women do exactly this that you assign to men. I’ve watched my sister do it for 2 years...and one of my playboy buddies has a girl who has done the behavior you talk about for, get this...10 years! So this woman has lost a decade of her life to occasional casual encounters with this guy...and she desperately pines for him & if he calls or texts any time and in any state (drunk, high, just had sex with someone else...) she comes running if she’s not at work. He likes the sex and he likes the attention but my Lord 10 years lost on her part. Never been with another guy or even tried to date anyone else. Predictably she has zero self esteem. Meanwhile he does as he pleases quite openly, including having serious LTR girlfriends along the way. She’s a sad case really. He just uses her but she thinks she’ll end up with him...and he strings her along just enough to keep her in limbo waiting...while she could be in a real relationship with a man who truly loves her.

So yeah. I’ve seen women do it too.