Do I have a problem or is this common?

[imarockstar]

Sup guys, havent posted in a while. Things are going pretty great in my life. Im pretty happy with who I am, and how I interact with women. EXCEPT...

Let me explain in detail. Had a LTR 2 years ago which lasted 4 years. Had amazing sex constantly, I know Im pretty good at it. Well in the last 2 years I traded focusing on women and ONS's for improving my quality of life, my direction, and my passions. There were times that I went through some dryspells, even lasting up to 4 months at a time. In between these times I would be involved with a girl or I would have a random fling.

But ever since I broke up with my LTR, the majority of my sexual encounters have fu&kin sucked. I guess because I will go through periods of time where I dont have sex, and I fear that I am rusty and wont be good. This in turn makes me nervous, and my past couple sexual encounters have resulted in me losing my erection. Also, the majority of these encounters are while I am drunk.

But I have no problem getting it up in the morning or when I MB (which is usually only once a week). So I know its my nerves, or the fact that Im not comfortable with the girl or my ability to please her.

I dont know why this bothers me, because my attitude towards women is "who cares, if she doesnt like me its her loss". But for some reason I want sex to be perfect, I dont want the girl to think, "man what a let down".

I know if I had a serious GF, this wouldnt be an issue. I could take it slow, which deep down is what I want. But in the meantime I do want sex, no matter if I like the girl or not. Only problem is, every girl I meet is a fu*kin sl*t or crazy, so I have to resort to ONS's for a little while.

Ive read about performance anxiety, and I havent had a lot of sexual partners, just have had a lot of sex with the same people. So I guess its just weird for me to be with someone new. But the fact is Id rather have sex than MB so at this point I dont care.

Im beginning to ramble, Im just wondering if anyone here has dealt with this issue and how they overcame it. Im open to any suggestions guys, thanks.

 

[TomSwift]

It's performance anxiety. You said it yourself, "I want the sex to be perfect." this ALWAYS happens to me with a new girl. The first couple of times I'm so focused on being a great lover that I get really tense and have trouble keeping it up. Perfectly normal.

Edit: Wanted to add that one thing that helped me is to lay off the porn and MB. I mean completely. By the time you get around to being with a woman the damn thing should work properly.

 

[imarockstar]

i think i will do that man. i dont really have an addiction to porn, im actually pretty against it and what it stands for. i guess i give myself the excuse that "im gonna explode if i dont let it out". this will be something I aspire towards, thanks for the advice.

anyone else have any recommendations?

 

[imarockstar]

wow awesome answer flush. you're absolutely right. you know what i think? when I MB to porn I am ashamed of it, and since it is a sexual act, it conditions me to become shameful or nervous when I involve that sexual act with another person.

haha, like when you're a kid and you get caught whackin it, your heart jumps through your chest. its embarassing, thus making it a despicable thing to do. porn just makes it an even more tainted deed.

damn cant believe I have never thought of it like that. I have quit watching porn and the ol knuckle shuffle before, lasted like 3 weeks, but I remember worrying about sex then too, insecure about a premature ejaculation. But I guess thats better than not getting it up in the first place!

Hate to turn this into another masturbation thread, I know what I need to do now. Thanks

 

[imarockstar]

holy sh*t so i went a whole month without jerkin it just to see if i could do it, and i did. ive cut porn out of my life, it was messing with my head way too much. well after that month i let one loose, then a week later me and this chick ive been wanting to bang for years finally fvcked. i was pretty nervous but i was also pretty drunk, but i didnt really have any problems. i dont know if its the kegel exercises ive been doing or if i was just that right kind of drunk but i railed this chick for like 4 hours straight. anyways i just wanted to thank everyone that replied to this original message for their advice. im awesome at sex i just had to remind myself haha

 

[backbreaker]

learn how to go down on a woman right, no matter how good or bad you perform, she will think you ****ing rock.

 

[grayclif]

Also, the majority of these encounters are while I am drunk.

This may be your problem. Personally if I've had a few drinks I have to work really hard to bust one. It really takes deep concentration and as someone mentioned here I end up objectifying her, that real freaky shlt. If I'm a drunk and wearing a condom busting one is impossible.

If you're sure you will get some one night try not drinking at all, ask the bartender to make sure all your drinks are cola and in a glass. When you get your sure thing home hit it like there's no tomorrow.

 

[Mike32ct]

I know exactly what you are talking about. For a
ONS, you are under a LOT more performance-related pressure. You literally have one opportunity to get her off good. With a gf, you can relax, take it slower, and if you have a "malfunction" once in a while, you two can laugh about it.

Like the other posters said, stop MB completely and minimize your alcohol consumption. A thinner condom can also give you more sensation which helps. I like Durex Extra Sensitive. Anyway, I haven't totally resolved this issue myself, but I personally use these three measures and it helped a lot.