"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Do actions ALWAYS speak louder then words? (help please)

DJ422

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So, I've liked this girl for about a month, and she shows some classic signs of interest ie:laughing at my jokes when they're not that funny, maintained eye contact during conversation (except for when she's working on a drawing, then she will glance back at the paper every so often). We hung out on orchestra tour, including sitting together at the Blue Man Group concert and walking together at the mall during some free time. She's a very "Hands off" person and doesn't like a lot of physical contact, however she lets me have extreemly casual touches. (like light touches on the shoulder, walking close enough together that we occasionally bump shoulders) and is not afraid to touch me (She's a bit strange and one day put a piece of tape in my hair for no particular reason). She also has made a few comments about my appearence. One conversation we had went like this :
Her: "You're hair is longer then usual" (said with a smile)
Me: "Yeah, people keep on telling me I need a hair cut"
Her: "Don't be silly, I like it long"

She has also asked me why I ride the School bus instead of the city bus route which get me home at about the same time and suggested that I ride the city bus more often (which is what she takes home).

We share quite a few interests and tend to talk about these often:
Drawing
Origami
Music (We even enjoy the same styles of music. On tour we spend time on the bus listening to each others ipods together)
Musicals/plays: We are both novice actors at our school. I lean more to the musical side and she leans towards plays but we enjoy watching and performing in both.
Books

We had exchanged numbers at some point last year but do not often call/text. (She is forgetful and sometimes, very rarely, calls me about assignments. Although it could be an excuse to talk to me)

Her actions (and some words) would indicate she likes me/ is interested in me.

So, I invited her to get ice cream with me last Thursday. She wasn't able to go then (she has uptight parents) and was dissappointed, so I suggested that we go next week. The plan right now is for us to go on Friday (assuming she is able to go). We grabbed DQ while at the mall on Tuesday after an orchestra festival, but that wasn't my "treating" her to ice cream. And hung out for an hour or so (similar to like on tour)

However, today during Chemistry, a friend of mine mentioned how she liked a guy and the girl I like said "Me Too! But he doesn't go to school here so you don't know him." (Ouch ><) This caught me off guard and it took me about a minute or two to recover, but afterward I was flirting like usual (and she continued to act the same as normal as well).

So the question here is, do I continue to flirt with and spend time with said girl, going on dates/outings when possible (I haven't used the word date with her but you might consider the ice cream invite as a date. In a few months "Les Miserables" will be playing at a local theater and I was thinking of inviting her to go with me.) OR do I assume I'm in the friend zone and move on? (I've known said girl for over a year, but was not interested in her until recently and we only hang out occasionally back then) OR is there something else I need to be doing?

I figure that I've only been interested for a month and the she is interested enough to spend time with me but might not "like" me yet. I'd like your opinions on this. Thanks for the help!
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Rikudo

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You hit the nail your in the friend zone you should have act more sexual with her.You should not tell her about how you feel about her you should invated her agian sometime and tell this is a date then act more sexual with her try to touch kiss and more so she can see that you have lover potential.
 

NorwegianDJ

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First off: EVERYTHING IS AN IOI!
It just makes everything so much easier.

second: Has what you've been doing so far worked?
Not really, no. So you must change your approach.

Realize that you started liking her because she showed some interest.

Waiting for 'the perfect date' is not a good idea. It's even months of waiting.

Remember that rules are made to be broken. It's more like a signpost, to allow newbies to spend less time going for that chick that friendzoned them 3 years ago. The rule is true, but not always.

My advice?
Be more aggressive in your touch. Assume attraction and move things forward faster.
You might think that time = attraction, but time =/= attraction. It rather takes it away, as it gives you less ability to spike her emotions.
Hold hands from the beginning of the date. Dont wait untill the end to kiss her.

If it doesn't work out, then there's tons more girls. And since they are all attracted to you (EVERYTHING IS AN IOI), which makes you go for them, I dont see a problem. Maybe 10 chicks later you can find another one just in time for the show.
 

DJ422

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NorwegianDJ said:
Waiting for 'the perfect date' is not a good idea. It's even months of waiting.
I completely agree. That was just a thought for a future date. I would want to have dates in-between. IE lunch or dinner + a Fun activity (Mini-golf or bowling perhaps, I'm not a fan of movie dates for the first/second date).

You said to be more agressive with my touch. I also agree with this. However, you said to hold hands from the start of the Date. When I invited her to get Ice Cream I didn't specify that it was a "date". I've also never kissed a girl before (oh the shame ><) and don't feel comfortable with kissing on a first date, especially when it might not even be seen as a date by her.

Would It be better to Invite her for some other activity about a week after the Ice cream, and say that it was "as a date" and THEN be super agressive (hold hands from the start and go for a kiss in the middle of the date) on THAT date while just being less agressive with it on the ice cream "date" (such as some arm touches and hand touches, possibly with some hand holding)?

I ask because I'm EXTREMELY new to this. I've always been a flirt and have pretty good social skills, but "dating" itself is new. Being as new as I am, my skills aren't as good as they could be and I am more likely to move too fast or make a mistake (which is probably why I've been going at the pace I have been).
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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Pozitron

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I know what you mean - being "new" to this. You might be afraid not to scre* things up and this may prevent you from taking action. Don't go there, it's not a fun place.
 

DJ422

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Update: Went to coldstone with her. I had a lot of fun. I couldn't bring myself to kiss her ( ><) but I did touch (not quite hold) her hand quite a bit and I poked her in the side. she poked me back and a short poking war ensued. There was a lot of laughing, story and joke telling and such. Everything was going great, but shortly before the end she told me "I don't know whats going on in your head, but you're like a brother to me". I recovered quickly from this and the rest of the time was pretty much the same as the first part of the date. I'm unsure if she truly is un-attracted to me or if she's just unsure of her feelings or what. Opinions for my next move?
 

Analyzeit

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Dude i think your pretty screwed, you should of kissed and moved foward on that date so she knows whats going on in your head. You might have to try again, talk to other girls and stuff do the old jealous girl trick (can work for friendzone girls) but you gotta mak your move quickly before its too late or let her know what your in for.

What i do is i don't really have friends that are girls unless im sure i'll never want them haha. In high school girls are ****ty friends as you get older this changes and ya can be good friends with girls... but in the mean time be mates with the guys and advance on the girls
 

DJ422

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I'm not going to continue to post in this thread... any further details will be in my journal.
 
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