"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

Read more...

Do actions ALWAYS speak louder then words? (help please)

DJ422

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 25, 2011
Messages
57
Reaction score
1
So, I've liked this girl for about a month, and she shows some classic signs of interest ie:laughing at my jokes when they're not that funny, maintained eye contact during conversation (except for when she's working on a drawing, then she will glance back at the paper every so often). We hung out on orchestra tour, including sitting together at the Blue Man Group concert and walking together at the mall during some free time. She's a very "Hands off" person and doesn't like a lot of physical contact, however she lets me have extreemly casual touches. (like light touches on the shoulder, walking close enough together that we occasionally bump shoulders) and is not afraid to touch me (She's a bit strange and one day put a piece of tape in my hair for no particular reason). She also has made a few comments about my appearence. One conversation we had went like this :
Her: "You're hair is longer then usual" (said with a smile)
Me: "Yeah, people keep on telling me I need a hair cut"
Her: "Don't be silly, I like it long"

She has also asked me why I ride the School bus instead of the city bus route which get me home at about the same time and suggested that I ride the city bus more often (which is what she takes home).

We share quite a few interests and tend to talk about these often:
Drawing
Origami
Music (We even enjoy the same styles of music. On tour we spend time on the bus listening to each others ipods together)
Musicals/plays: We are both novice actors at our school. I lean more to the musical side and she leans towards plays but we enjoy watching and performing in both.
Books

We had exchanged numbers at some point last year but do not often call/text. (She is forgetful and sometimes, very rarely, calls me about assignments. Although it could be an excuse to talk to me)

Her actions (and some words) would indicate she likes me/ is interested in me.

So, I invited her to get ice cream with me last Thursday. She wasn't able to go then (she has uptight parents) and was dissappointed, so I suggested that we go next week. The plan right now is for us to go on Friday (assuming she is able to go). We grabbed DQ while at the mall on Tuesday after an orchestra festival, but that wasn't my "treating" her to ice cream. And hung out for an hour or so (similar to like on tour)

However, today during Chemistry, a friend of mine mentioned how she liked a guy and the girl I like said "Me Too! But he doesn't go to school here so you don't know him." (Ouch ><) This caught me off guard and it took me about a minute or two to recover, but afterward I was flirting like usual (and she continued to act the same as normal as well).

So the question here is, do I continue to flirt with and spend time with said girl, going on dates/outings when possible (I haven't used the word date with her but you might consider the ice cream invite as a date. In a few months "Les Miserables" will be playing at a local theater and I was thinking of inviting her to go with me.) OR do I assume I'm in the friend zone and move on? (I've known said girl for over a year, but was not interested in her until recently and we only hang out occasionally back then) OR is there something else I need to be doing?

I figure that I've only been interested for a month and the she is interested enough to spend time with me but might not "like" me yet. I'd like your opinions on this. Thanks for the help!
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

Read more...

Rikudo

Don Juan
Joined
Apr 16, 2011
Messages
29
Reaction score
0
You hit the nail your in the friend zone you should have act more sexual with her.You should not tell her about how you feel about her you should invated her agian sometime and tell this is a date then act more sexual with her try to touch kiss and more so she can see that you have lover potential.
 

NorwegianDJ

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 8, 2010
Messages
2,553
Reaction score
83
First off: EVERYTHING IS AN IOI!
It just makes everything so much easier.

second: Has what you've been doing so far worked?
Not really, no. So you must change your approach.

Realize that you started liking her because she showed some interest.

Waiting for 'the perfect date' is not a good idea. It's even months of waiting.

Remember that rules are made to be broken. It's more like a signpost, to allow newbies to spend less time going for that chick that friendzoned them 3 years ago. The rule is true, but not always.

My advice?
Be more aggressive in your touch. Assume attraction and move things forward faster.
You might think that time = attraction, but time =/= attraction. It rather takes it away, as it gives you less ability to spike her emotions.
Hold hands from the beginning of the date. Dont wait untill the end to kiss her.

If it doesn't work out, then there's tons more girls. And since they are all attracted to you (EVERYTHING IS AN IOI), which makes you go for them, I dont see a problem. Maybe 10 chicks later you can find another one just in time for the show.
 

DJ422

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 25, 2011
Messages
57
Reaction score
1
NorwegianDJ said:
Waiting for 'the perfect date' is not a good idea. It's even months of waiting.
I completely agree. That was just a thought for a future date. I would want to have dates in-between. IE lunch or dinner + a Fun activity (Mini-golf or bowling perhaps, I'm not a fan of movie dates for the first/second date).

You said to be more agressive with my touch. I also agree with this. However, you said to hold hands from the start of the Date. When I invited her to get Ice Cream I didn't specify that it was a "date". I've also never kissed a girl before (oh the shame ><) and don't feel comfortable with kissing on a first date, especially when it might not even be seen as a date by her.

Would It be better to Invite her for some other activity about a week after the Ice cream, and say that it was "as a date" and THEN be super agressive (hold hands from the start and go for a kiss in the middle of the date) on THAT date while just being less agressive with it on the ice cream "date" (such as some arm touches and hand touches, possibly with some hand holding)?

I ask because I'm EXTREMELY new to this. I've always been a flirt and have pretty good social skills, but "dating" itself is new. Being as new as I am, my skills aren't as good as they could be and I am more likely to move too fast or make a mistake (which is probably why I've been going at the pace I have been).
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

Read more...

Pozitron

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 3, 2011
Messages
275
Reaction score
3
I know what you mean - being "new" to this. You might be afraid not to scre* things up and this may prevent you from taking action. Don't go there, it's not a fun place.
 

DJ422

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 25, 2011
Messages
57
Reaction score
1
Update: Went to coldstone with her. I had a lot of fun. I couldn't bring myself to kiss her ( ><) but I did touch (not quite hold) her hand quite a bit and I poked her in the side. she poked me back and a short poking war ensued. There was a lot of laughing, story and joke telling and such. Everything was going great, but shortly before the end she told me "I don't know whats going on in your head, but you're like a brother to me". I recovered quickly from this and the rest of the time was pretty much the same as the first part of the date. I'm unsure if she truly is un-attracted to me or if she's just unsure of her feelings or what. Opinions for my next move?
 

Analyzeit

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
342
Reaction score
5
Location
Auckland, New Zeland
Dude i think your pretty screwed, you should of kissed and moved foward on that date so she knows whats going on in your head. You might have to try again, talk to other girls and stuff do the old jealous girl trick (can work for friendzone girls) but you gotta mak your move quickly before its too late or let her know what your in for.

What i do is i don't really have friends that are girls unless im sure i'll never want them haha. In high school girls are ****ty friends as you get older this changes and ya can be good friends with girls... but in the mean time be mates with the guys and advance on the girls
 

DJ422

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 25, 2011
Messages
57
Reaction score
1
I'm not going to continue to post in this thread... any further details will be in my journal.
 
Top