"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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DJ's have no feelings?!

chicksrock

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With my new found DJ skills..I get out there and have some fun.

I am however finding that I have a very warped sense of reality.

When out on dates, HB's seem to take it the wrong way. They have every right to think that I am interested in them, but I am not! They seem very disapointed when they find out.

I have flaked on 3 women like this just recently.

I don't fall down that LOVE trap with women anymore, I refuse to.
Has becoming a DJ made me stone cold.

I view love almost as if it is some kind of joke. I got badly hurt numerous times as an AFC when i thought I was in love, only to see everything fvck up.

Am I not normal to not have feelings as well for those women ?

I now doubt the DJ mindset, sure it helps you get HB's. But you seem to become spoilt and have this 'warped sense of reality' which in the end doesn't get you very far either
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Seeph

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Delete this.
 

Seeph

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Being a DJ does not teach guys to not have any feeling and lock out girls. It teaches not to be phased if you get rejeced by some hot HB.. It also teaches you how to be able to aproach these HBs. Flaking on 3 girls is a problem inside your head from when you were hurt in your AFC days. Instead of locking girls out, you meet them, get their numbers.. if your just going for ONS then that is what you go for. If your looking to be able to aproach HBs that you can possibly have a serious relationship with then that is what your goal is. It sounds to me that right now you are not ready to be "dating" girls.. so just go have fun with your boys and ONS or whatever the hell it is that you want to do.
 

Skweints

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I've noticed something of the same thing happening to myself. I agree with Seeph. You've been hurt in your AFC days, so you're somewhat in a way revenging against women because they HAVE hurt you. Trust me, I've been there. But I have realized not to live in the past, and enjoy life one day at a time.

You definitely need to get out of the dating game. Don't set up dates, but don't stop meeting women either. Just become friends with and have fun with them. Stop worrying about not trying to fall in love. And if you do fall in love, and it doesn't work out, for god sakes, get over it. We all know it sucks, but it's a part of life; welcome to it.

To add to what you said in the last part of your post, DJ's are far from emotionless. If you grasp the greater meaning of being a DJ, you'll realize that being a DJ means being the life of the party. You -have- to have feelings in order to do that. You HAVE to have a sense of humor and be fearless. It doesn't teach you to make women feel like crap, instead, it teaches you how to bring out their emotions to create attraction. My good friend for almost 16 years told me "Being attracted to is attractive." If you do not feel some sort of attraction to a women because she's attracted to you, then it's all on you buddy, and you gotta help yourself to get over that.
 

becker

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You know, I'm generally very good at getting women to be attracted to me, but I'll tell you, the most difficult part is to realize that you can't change your tune somewhere in the middle once you feel you have her in your grasps.

I've made this mistake before, the girl loved me literally had her wrapped around my finger. Then, one day, she backed away. I should have let her go and figure things out, but I sort of pressed and looked for answers as to why. This killed it.

Anyways, it's important that all you do is make your moves, and let her come to you first as far as letting you know she likes you. Then you ease into it even then. If you try to press even a little, sometimes you lose it pretty quick. This literally happened in the matter of one day for me. It was crazy as hell.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Project.D

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Originally posted by becker
You know, I'm generally very good at getting women to be attracted to me, but I'll tell you, the most difficult part is to realize that you can't change your tune somewhere in the middle once you feel you have her in your grasps.

I've made this mistake before, the girl loved me literally had her wrapped around my finger. Then, one day, she backed away. I should have let her go and figure things out, but I sort of pressed and looked for answers as to why. This killed it.

Anyways, it's important that all you do is make your moves, and let her come to you first as far as letting you know she likes you. Then you ease into it even then. If you try to press even a little, sometimes you lose it pretty quick. This literally happened in the matter of one day for me. It was crazy as hell.
Thanks, good advice that actually helps me in a situation i am in right now.
 

chicksrock

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Originally posted by Skweints
I've noticed something of the same thing happening to myself. I agree with Seeph. You've been hurt in your AFC days, so you're somewhat in a way revenging against women because they HAVE hurt you. Trust me, I've been there. But I have realized not to live in the past, and enjoy life one day at a time.

You definitely need to get out of the dating game. Don't set up dates, but don't stop meeting women either. Just become friends with and have fun with them. Stop worrying about not trying to fall in love. And if you do fall in love, and it doesn't work out, for god sakes, get over it. We all know it sucks, but it's a part of life; welcome to it.
Yes all that is very true... I shouldn't let one or two bad experiences with women reflect upon all women I meet.

I guess I am also coming from a revenge perspective such that to give my old AFC self some well needed satisfaction!

I should be more upbeat and positive about the whole thing....

Maybe I should make it a rule to date ONLY women i'm truly interested in ..and not do half assed dates....
 
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your feelingS TOWARD A WOMAN DON'T COUNT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN ....
+
YOU DON'T PROYECT YOUR FEELINGS TO THE WOMAN ... YOU LET HER SHOW HER INTEREST TO YOU....
+
YOU KEEP YOUR OWN FEELINGS FOR YOURSELF
 

Dee-Zy

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DJs have 3 feelings.


Happy

Mad

and Don't give a fukk.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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becker

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Originally posted by Project.D
Thanks, good advice that actually helps me in a situation i am in right now.
I'm glad it helps, and seriously, be careful, because the girl could apparently be infatuated with you, but can completely do a 180 on you if you make the wrong move.
 

becker

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Originally posted by NoMoreMisterNiceGuy
your feelingS TOWARD A WOMAN DON'T COUNT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN ....
+
YOU DON'T PROYECT YOUR FEELINGS TO THE WOMAN ... YOU LET HER SHOW HER INTEREST TO YOU....
+
YOU KEEP YOUR OWN FEELINGS FOR YOURSELF
Boy, truer words have never been said.
 

squirrels

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Originally posted by chicksrock
With my new found DJ skills..I get out there and have some fun.

I am however finding that I have a very warped sense of reality.

When out on dates, HB's seem to take it the wrong way. They have every right to think that I am interested in them, but I am not! They seem very disapointed when they find out.

I have flaked on 3 women like this just recently.

I don't fall down that LOVE trap with women anymore, I refuse to.
Has becoming a DJ made me stone cold.

I view love almost as if it is some kind of joke. I got badly hurt numerous times as an AFC when i thought I was in love, only to see everything fvck up.

Am I not normal to not have feelings as well for those women ?

I now doubt the DJ mindset, sure it helps you get HB's. But you seem to become spoilt and have this 'warped sense of reality' which in the end doesn't get you very far either
You don't HAVE the "DJ mindset". If you did, you wouldn't be posting this crap.

What is this superiority complex you seem to have where now you're above things like "love" and "feelings" and "girls" because you're supposedly "DJ"? All you did is use one philosophy to f*ck your head up in place of another philosophy. And you're still getting NOWHERE. You've just found another different set of excuses not to stop your whining and take control of your own goddam life. :mad:

Get over yourself. You're part of the same rotting compost heap as everyone else.

"Sticking feathers up your ass does NOT make you a chicken!"
 

DankNuggs

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its more about learning to control your emotions, not to get rid of them, but to channel them into a constructive response...

I did the same thing in college after getting out of a serious LTR, i didn't realize it, but I was treating girls like $hit, as some sort of revenge for the past..While I got laid alot, I didn't have many fulfilling relationships until I took a step back and realized how I was behaving...

The nice guy vs jerk was almost a pendulum, that swung WAY into jerk after it was in nice guy...Eventually, it will correct itself and stay in the middle....
 

Skweints

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Maybe I should make it a rule to date ONLY women i'm truly interested in ..and not do half assed dates....
Agreed. If you realize that the woman you are setting up dates with won't have a positive impact on you, then just take the just be friends route, let 'em off easy, and walk away. There's no need hurting their feelings just to satisfy your own. Besides, you never know when you'll meet up with one of the girl's friends. You'll end up making things harder for yourself (even though the chances are slim.) if this happens to come up.

One thing I learned, just for the record, since I'm still learning the routes of becoming a DJ... don't let your target infiltrate your mind. In other words, don't spend time dwelling on the fact that you like this girl. It'll make you look forward to seeing her again, and when you actually do, you'll be nervous and otherwise act stupid and combersome. Did that with a chick tonight, and for no apparent reason. Women are a lot smarter than they look, and when it comes to doing their job (she happens to be a bartender), they know EXACTLY what to look for. I almost ****ed up tonight, but luckily, I got enough drinks into myself to realize to stop giving a ****. Just for the record. ;) I agree with Dee-zy... it's true. I should've had the "I don't give a ****" attitude tonight.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

Read more...

chicksrock

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Re: Re: DJ's have no feelings?!

Originally posted by squirrels
Get over yourself. You're part of the same rotting compost heap as everyone else.

"Sticking feathers up your ass does NOT make you a chicken!"
HAHAHAHAHA...

very true...................
 

MetalFortress

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LOL to squirrels

Chicksrock, the best kind of DJ mindset is the kind where you aren't afraid to fall in love, because you are the masculine, strong, romantic lover and you know how to choose your women, not the AFC, give 100 long stem roses and 200 chocolates a week who falls in love with headcases and feminist nutjobs lover. If your mindset is correct, then falling in love can be not only not a bad thing, but in fact a very very good thing.
 

neobrood

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ME TOO!!!

I DJ every woman I come accross whether I'm REALLY interested in them or not.

And somehow, I'm getting a good feeling of the THRILL of it.

- I'm trying to steal some chick from her boyfriend. I don't care if I succeed or fail... I just do it for the fun of it. To piss of somebody. To cause trouble. And I'm happy doin it... Oh... at worst, boyfriend will drive all the way from missisauga just to kick my a$$. I dont care if I get my a$$ kicked or kick his a$$...

- I acted like I was really interested in some chick and actually just used her to practice ****y and funny and kino and neghits. She got disappointed when I turned her down when she wanna go out with me.

- Some Muslim chick who is already MARRIED... continues to flirt with me even if I STOPPED flirting with her and even if I toned down the DJ tactics. I still use her as target practice for C & F.

- Many times I also failed in attracting women. But I didn't seem to care at all. Even if I forced myself to cry and feel pain, I simply could not. All I could do is laugh and feel great even if I got rejected. Since its all a game to me.

You've been hurt in your AFC days, so you're somewhat in a way revenging against women because they HAVE hurt you.
Maybe this is the case. And also call it revenging against society. And how come everytime I see competition, I somewhat jump into it. For instance, I saw chinese HB5 in art class who barely can speak english. Ooh... I just DJ her and try to seduce her even if there's this other chinese guy who seems to be goin after her. Just for the thrill of it... just to piss people off.

Or maybe, my life during my AFC days was just toooooo booorrrriiiinnnngggg that I just wanna find some thrills.

Oh yeah... I'm a bad boy eh? :cool:
 

chicksrock

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LOL!!
neobroad I can so identify with you...
it seems like we are both a bunch of ANGRY DJ's!

but I think the root cause of why we do this is because we really badly want to improve as DJ's. And we play women just to get experience and be the best DJ that can possibly be. I think there is a very positive long-term goal that we both share, but to get there I guess we have to be very ruthless in the short term.

and dude isn't that the muslim chick who is at your work? LOL she is married and flirting with you?! .... haha... you are so cruel.... how would you feel if some DJ in the making was flirting with your future wife.... I'm sure you would rip his balls off!
I think you have got enough practice at flirting... move onto single women now dude!
remember you only have a certain amount of flirting energy per day...don't waste it!
 

rgeere

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I identify with you guys as well. Just yesterday I was at this party and getting the ****y/funny on with this girl. She had an AFC boyfriend and started to kino and flirt back to me right in front of him and he just sort of stood there not knowing what to do.

Then another guy came along who had about the same level of DJ skill and it got sort of competitve after that.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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