"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Divorced mature men...the new Prize?

Latinoman

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By the way, I'm not following an order with the exerpts.

Single since the age of 32, McHale, the ad exec who lives in Manhattan, can attest to the warm reception many women offer formerly married men. The women he dates are "15 years [older], 15 years younger, and anything in between. It's been...yeah," he says, recalling the years since his divorce with the misty-eyed joy of a middle-aged woman who got out from under a Neanderthal husband.

"These are my prime years," McHale says. "Every yearI'm happier with myself and my life. I've got a great career with a very good company, I'm highly respected, so right now is avery fun time for me."

Marc, 33, a film and music-video director in Toronto, kept his house in an arty downtown area of the city after his marriage ended a year and a half ago and began dating with the abandon of a 23-year-old. "I'm rebuilding the years I missed. The feeling of being able to sit on your couch at 11:30 at night and think, I feel like going out, and just going, and not having to answer to anyone-that stuff is stuff we take for granted when we're single. That's a great feeling."

And finding female companions to go out with has been made easier for guys like Marc and McHale by modern technology -some of which is rightly considered the domain of twentysomethings. "MySpace is the key to a single life." Marc says. "You wake upto a hundred girls telling you how hot they think you are, and most of them are like, 'Let's hang out.' It's unbelievable the amount of people, especially girls, that I've met." Sure enough, his MySpace comments board is littered with remarks from the women who number among his 6,000 friends, including one very friendly magazine model.

"You can see why these guys would be a desirable marketing target," says Mack, the ad-industry trend spotter. "This is a prime opportunity for companies trying to build brand affinity. These men are making their own purchasing decision without having to consider anyone else or compromise."
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Latinoman

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Vulpine said:
Cut the crap, Latinoman. Who WROTE the article?
Peter Rubin wrote the article for "Details" (the magazine). It is in the section called "Manhood". The title is "The Bachelor Life: The New Divorced Guys Have Money, Women, And Marketers At Their Feet."
 

Vulpine

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Ah... see I was hoping it was written by a cougar. Instead, it was written by a married dude. Shall I infer that the writer could be, oh I don't know, unhappily married? Hmm... Jealous of a single man's lifestyle? Thinking out loud in the form of an article trying to justify a decision he's considering making? Ah... Hmm..... HMMMMMMMMMMMM...

There are just so many factors... I'm suddenly... no wait... uh, what were we talking about on here again?

I just heard a little "ding" sound and suddenly I realized that, well, I don't care.

That is, it just became obvious to me that the article was merely sunshine and lollipops for the subscribers of Details. You know, a "feel good" article designed to make the readers feel "ok" about themselves. Those lucky Details readers. I kind of want to buy some Details magazines so I feel good too! Hey, maybe while I'm feeling so good, I'll want to buy some of the crap in the ads with all my disposable income! Without picking up a Details magazine, let me just guess... more than half of the magazine is advertisements?

*bangs gavel*
...Eherghm...
Since magazines have a motivation to not only sell more magazines, but to also push that which is advertised therein, and given that the writer is paid by a company with such motivation, the evidence submitted by the prosecution must be disregarded by the jury. This case is nothing more than media hype and slander.
Case dismissed.
*bangs gavel*

Jeez. If I wanted to read a bunch of garbage, I'd go pick up some GQ's, Details, Cosmopolitans, etcetera. Screw reading, I'd just have TV program my head instead. Alas, I don't care to be "marketed at", so I don't subscribe to landfill liners or watch TV.
 
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Latinoman

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Vulpine said:
LOL.

I missed that one.

Listen, I'm not endorsing nor disagreeing with the article. I'm just showing that even some men can come on top after divorce.

But what's the difference? These men ALREADY prepared themselves to have a great life. Being a DJ is about self-improvement. They self-improve. And that does not happen overnight.
 

Vulpine

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Well, I'm disregarding the whole topic. Since the target market of the magazine is obviously single males, and a portion of them are divorced, you have to cater to the wishes of your market. When you single out one demographic or the other (previously married vs. never married), you run the risk of slighting the other portion of your market. Which, if I were in marketing and had to take a guess, is a bad move: alienating your own target audience?

Unless, of course, your target demographics included women. In which case the emotional controversy and jealousy would make the women more attracted to your magazine.
 

“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”

Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.

Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers.  Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.

I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.

Read more...

Latinoman

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Vulpine said:
Well, I'm disregarding the whole topic. Since the target market of the magazine is obviously single males, and a portion of them are divorced, you have to cater to the wishes of your market. When you single out one demographic or the other (previously married vs. never married), you run the risk of slighting the other portion of your market. Which, if I were in marketing and had to take a guess, is a bad move: alienating your own target audience?

Unless, of course, your target demographics included women. In which case the emotional controversy and jealousy would make the women more attracted to your magazine.
Details target afluent men in their 20s and 30s. Regardless of marital status.

It is a lifestyle magazine (such as GQ and Maxim which might have a different target audience). The main purpose of those magazines is to market a product (clothes, shoes, jewerly, food, etc.).

But once in a while, they have some great articles. This being one.
 

Vulpine

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Latinoman said:
Details target afluent men in their 20s and 30s. Regardless of marital status.

It is a lifestyle magazine (such as GQ and Maxim which might have a different target audience). The main purpose of those magazines is to market a product (clothes, shoes, jewerly, food, etc.).

But once in a while, they have some great articles. This being one.
Bullseye! The "feelgood" hit it's target!

That WAS a great article, wasn't it, Latinoman!

Lifestyle magazine. :rolleyes: I bet "Details" is a great magazine for those who choose to affect themselves with a media lifestyle. I suppose there is a multitude of articles where one could concern themselves with "details", maybe learn how to impress their peers, learn how society expects a person to conform, or perhaps even be stimulated by entertaining trivia. To each their own, but, don't you feel the slightest bit silly for being duped into puppeting this jibberish? Perhaps even swindled out of the cost of the magazine?

Morpheus: "You think that's air you're breathing?"
 

Latinoman

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Vulpine said:
Bullseye! The "feelgood" hit it's target!

That WAS a great article, wasn't it, Latinoman!

Lifestyle magazine. :rolleyes: I bet "Details" is a great magazine for those who choose to affect themselves with a media lifestyle. I suppose there is a multitude of articles where one could concern themselves with "details", maybe learn how to impress their peers, learn how society expects a person to conform, or perhaps even be stimulated by entertaining trivia. To each their own, but, don't you feel the slightest bit silly for being duped into puppeting this jibberish? Perhaps even swindled out of the cost of the magazine?

Morpheus: "You think that's air you're breathing?"
You can rest assure that I act the way I want.

But UNDERSTANDING society and their standards...would help us understand the environment that surround us. It gives us more control over our lives.

You have to understand WHY people act certain way. Then take that to your advantage.

Information is POWER.
 

Vulpine

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Well said, and I agree, a head full of useful information IS power. However, a head full of propaganda isn't nearly as useful.

Now, what is useful and what is propaganda? To each their own, and I'll leave it at that.
 

fedagent

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Bullseye! The "feelgood" hit it's target!
Vulpine, I would have to agree with you, it did as expected, which is to make the target audience feel good.

It appears it also alieneted those it applied lower value to, aka the unmarried. Of course I'm making the assumption you have never married.

Fed
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

Vulpine

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That is correct, sir.

Vulpine said:
When you single out one demographic or the other (previously married vs. never married), you run the risk of slighting the other portion of your market. Which, if I were in marketing and had to take a guess, is a bad move: alienating your own target audience?
Indeed, I was slighted, hence the rampage earlier in the thread. Oop, there's one person not buying a details magazine anytime soon. (I wouldn't have anyway, but, you know.)
 

bigjohnson

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My experience is that being divorced after 35 or so seems to be a small plus, I think a lot of women think if you've never committed by then you have issues that might be "unfixable". I suppose if you're a widower they'd be creaming in their jeans, lol. It seems like (and this is total SWAG) the past commitment is a big plus and the subsequent breakup is a big, but not as big, minus. Instead of damning with faint praise it seems more praising with faint damning. :eek:

Some women flat out don't like divorced guys though, so it's not anything near 100%.
 

fedagent

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I really don't apply much thought to the article in general, although it does seem interesting.

It's been my experience that this kind of thing just depends on the woman and what has happened in her life to shape her views.

Also, Vulpine, I didn't state it in my earlier post, but you are one of the posters I place high value on, so I was surprised to see you let that article affect you.

Fed
 

Victory Unlimited

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bigjohnson said:
My experience is that being divorced after 35 or so seems to be a small plus, I think a lot of women think if you've never committed by then you have issues that might be "unfixable". I suppose if you're a widower they'd be creaming in their jeans, lol. IQUOTE]


Yo Bigjohnson,


There is a special unit within my branch of the Sosuave Armed Services that "specializes" in MAKING SURE that all our divorced soldiers can enjoy the preferred advantage of having WIDOWER status...

But for a small FEE...

and OFF the books...

and I'm SURE you can understand WHY, can't you?




Hey, just KIDDING, guys. :crackup:

So please..don't nobody PM me with ANYMORE unsanctioned, domestic soil, assasination requests today, okay?:rolleyes:


March on.
 

bigjohnson

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Victory Unlimited said:
There is a special unit within my branch of the Sosuave Armed Services that "specializes" in MAKING SURE that all our divorced soldiers can enjoy the preferred advantage of having WIDOWER status...
Woot.

Victory Unlimited said:
But for a small FEE...

and OFF the books...

and I'm SURE you can understand WHY, can't you?
Tax reasons?
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Vulpine

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It's not so much the article that affected me, but the skewed value.

See, before finding this site, I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've fielded the "So, Vulpine, why aren't you married?" question. And, being that I hadn't found this site yet, I crashed and burned in a matter of moments after being asked that question. I used to see it as a woman putting a gun in my face and ****ing back the hammer... and I'd scramble to qualify myself (for I new she was digging for a flaw) before she pulled the trigger.

*sigh*

It has been a sore spot with me since.

Funny though, now that I think of it, AFTER finding this site, I haven't had to field that question. Wonder why that is? :whistle:

Perhaps I know better than to entertain the 20 questions scenario on dates? Or, maybe chicks are too wrapped up in positive vibage to be digging for negative stuff? The befores and afters is a whole different thread...
 

Victory Unlimited

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Yo Vulpine,


As Bill Clinton said while he was campaigning way back in 1992:

"I feel your pain...lol"

But seriously, dude, I was at a 20 year highschool reunion a few years ago and this fine-assed girl from back in the day sat down next to me at the reacquaintence party and said:

"So, Victory...so you NEVER got married huh?"

At first I was taken aback by her question/comment in much the same way that you just described earlier. I felt like, what the fukk??? Was my life OVER, or somehow a FAILURE because I was unmarried at that time??? But luckily, I recovered nicely when I smiled at her with my best ****y/funny expression and said:

"Me married? Naw...and I never been DIVORCED either."

My response was perfection. Here's why: I came to find out that THIS chick was just ONE MORE in a long line of unhappily married women who would later on (UNSUCCESSFULLY) try to get with me BEFORE the party was over!:rockon:

So hang tough, soldier.

'Cuz you sho ain't by yo' damnn self...


Peace...one day.
 

Wyldfire

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I think a divorced man's "dating value" depends entirely on how he coped with his divorce. I've met some divorced men who I thought were great guys...they were very involved with their children, weren't bitter with their ex and viewed their divorce as an opportunity to start fresh. I've also met some divorced men that women avoided like the plague. Usually those didn't cope well with their divorce, were bitter, angry, and just very negative all the time. I think it all comes down to how well adjusted to being divorced a man is that determines his future success with women.
 

penkitten

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vulpine, are you working on those "gently used " tshirts yet?
 

bigjohnson

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In reality a lot of it also has to do with how badly wounded his finances are. The article was carefully limited to men who "escaped" (that makes me laugh) relatively unscathed financially and we assume, emotionally.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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