Divorce... A warning to men

R.U.G.

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I just got back with a few friends at a lounge. He pulled me aside and asked to discuss something with me. I said sure, what's up. Well, he thought he was happily married for 3 years, but not so much. Sex stopped 2 years ago after the wife couldn't get pregnant. They sleep in separate bedrooms, he takes care of the home and cooks dinner. She goes out with her friends, he's never invited; even when there are spouses there. She never visits his family, but he visits hers. She contributes very little to the expenses, but he pays for nearly everything he says. Just last week she told him there's a wedding this weekend, and he stated he'll be happy to go. She said, nah, don't bother, I RSVP'd for you a few months back that you would not be attending. He also claims she's hit him a few times, and he just walks away. I said, this doesn't sound very promising. Why are you staying? He states my belief in God is what is telling me this is just a phase and we can work through it. I said, I see. Did you try to talk to her about these issues? He said yes, but she will not talk to him about it. Have you tried to do a family intervention with both of you? Yes, but the parents do not want to get involved. Hmm... I said. How about marriage counseling? He said, yes, she's going, just without me. Huh I said? Yea, she doesn't want me there he stated.

I said brother, I do not know what you married, but this is not a wife. I think you should go see a lawyer and weigh your options. The look on his face was of sheer panic. I understand as he own a house, a vacation house, a business, a few cars, retirement accounts, etc. Since he's in NJ, I do not know those laws, but he's going to get emotionally and financially raped. Chances are, she's just waiting for the time to jet. I wouldn't be surprised if she's cheating on him too. I never heard of a spouse RSVPing for the other one as a no and not even telling them.

This is going to be a battle. This should be a warning to all. DO NOT SIGN LEGAL CONTRACTS WITH A PERSON AND THE STATE.

We should all take a moment and pray for the young man. He's going to be in a world of pain very very soon. Gentlemen, think with your brain and not your penis.
 
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kingvavy

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No kids and only married 3 years? He’s not going to get financially raped. He’s super lucky...divorce without kids is like a scrape on your knee. Divorce with kids is like getting your arm ripped off. Your friend is lucky as ****. He has a relatively pain-free opportunity to wake up and start living. If he is insistent on ‘staying the couse’ tell him to avoid marriage counselling at all costs, start working out, and start seeing other women.
 
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R.U.G.

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Equitable share of all earnings and assets after signing marriage contract as well as built-up interest on premarital assets paid for with any marital funds. In addition, he owns a couple of dealerships in NJ and Long Island, NY. I've been down this road before (but was wise enough to end it within the first year or so).

The legal fees alone will be a small fortune.
 

kingvavy

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it was only 3 years...the assets could not have appreciated that much...He does not have to contend with crippling alimony payments/child support. Legal fees are only an issue if he’s stupid enough to go to trial. Money is still somewhat cheap to borrow. Tell him to get a good lawyer and instruct the lawyer to SETTLE, not go to trial.
 
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ChristopherColumbus

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Marriage married to mediocrity is doomed. If a marriage is conceived of as a civil contract between two parties in a purely economic arrangement, then I for one want no part of it.

Now if on the other hand, it is conceived of as a lofty and unifying ideal, where two become one, it shall begin to pique my interest. But the difficulty is that this lofty enterprise requires something of a moral atmosphere that has largely been lost. The question is whether individuals desire to reconstitute such an atmosphere in their own lives. I can't see it happening short of a couple sharing a truly religious worldview.

It's a question of logic really... within various paradigms.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I just got back with a few friends at a lounge. He pulled me aside and asked to discuss something with me. I said sure, what's up. Well, he thought he was happily married for 3 years, but not so much. Sex stopped 2 years ago after the wife couldn't get pregnant. They sleep in separate bedrooms, he takes care of the home and cooks dinner. She goes out with her friends, he's never invited; even when there are spouses there. She never visits his family, but he visits hers. She contributes very little to the expenses, but he pays for nearly everything he says. Just last week she told him there's a wedding this weekend, and he stated he'll be happy to go. She said, nah, don't bother, I RSVP'd for you a few months back that you would not be attending. He also claims she's hit him a few times, and he just walks away. I said, this doesn't sound very promising. Why are you staying? He states my belief in God is what is telling me this is just a phase and we can work through it. I said, I see. Did you try to talk to her about these issues? He said yes, but she will not talk to him about it. Have you tried to do a family intervention with both of you? Yes, but the parents do not want to get involved. Hmm... I said. How about marriage counseling? He said, yes, she's going, just without me. Huh I said? Yea, she doesn't want me there he stated.

I said brother, I do not know what you married, but this is not a wife. I think you should go see a lawyer and weigh your options. The look on his face was of sheer panic. I understand as he own a house, a vacation house, a business, a few cars, retirement accounts, etc. Since he's in NJ, I do not know those laws, but he's going to get emotionally and financially raped. Chances are, she's just waiting for the time to jet. I wouldn't be surprised if she's cheating on him too. I never heard of a spouse RSVPing for the other one as a no and not even telling them.

This is going to be a battle. This should be a warning to all. DO NOT SIGN LEGAL CONTRACTS WITH A PERSON AND THE STATE.

We should all take a moment and pray for the young man. He's going to be in a world of pain very very soon. Gentlemen, think with your brain and not your penis.
Love don't live there! Dude he's being raped daily by that situation. He's being cvcked and used as a convenience .
 

Spaz

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it was only 3 years...the assets could not have appreciated that much...He does not have to contend with crippling alimony payments/child support. Legal fees are only an issue if he’s stupid enough to go to trial. Money is still somewhat cheap to borrow. Tell him to get a good lawyer and instruct the lawyer to SETTLE, not go to trial.
I concur.

This is the best possible course of action for anyone contemplating a divorce.
 
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R.U.G.

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Even if it doesn't go to trial, which, since it is relatively short, the attorneys on both sides will rack up tens of thousands in fees. I know this, as we (my ex-wife and I) had an uncontested divorce, and it took 2 years for the attorneys to agree (and I filed pretty quick). That and the court backlog. This is with no fighting on my end. So, I assure you, he will be spending north of 40k on this divorce just on his end when they enter discovery. We didn't have discovery, as I moved my assets into an irrevocable trust years before marriage (my legal fees were about 20k, my ex-wife's around 12k).

There will prob. be some alimony and splitting of the assets as well as a huge legal bill even if his peach of a wife doesn't fight it. As for his love and her love, I have no idea. Right now, I am trying to get him to face reality. I gave him the attorney who handled my divorce. He works in NJ and NYC. He's a pit-bull, but he ain't cheap.

Just warning some of you blue pill orbiters hanging around SS. Be careful.
 

R.U.G.

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I think your friend needs to start thinking more with his penis and less with his head. His brainwashed head is what got him to where he is now.
Brother, thinking with his penis is what got him into this mess. If he thought with his brain, he would had analyzed what she brings to the table and at least setup up some insurance on his assets. I just hope he didn't put her name on any properties...
 

R.U.G.

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Marriage married to mediocrity is doomed. If a marriage is conceived of as a civil contract between two parties in a purely economic arrangement, then I for one want no part of it.

Now if on the other hand, it is conceived of as a lofty and unifying ideal, where two become one, it shall begin to pique my interest. But the difficulty is that this lofty enterprise requires something of a moral atmosphere that has largely been lost. The question is whether individuals desire to reconstitute such an atmosphere in their own lives. I can't see it happening short of a couple sharing a truly religious worldview.

It's a question of logic really... within various paradigms.
Unless you marry young where two people start from nothing, the chances of any marriage lasting is slim and none.
 

skinnyguy

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I’ve always said I’ll get married if the chick makes more money than me.

My relationships have all been short term. They end well before the woman even thinks about marrying me. One time, two months in, the woman said she wanted to have kids soon, so I pulled out.

I agree with most of what you said but I do see a lot of couples deciding to get married still. Yes, there is societal pressure to do so. But I also think they don’t want to be alone when they are 50
 
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R.U.G.

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I’ve always said I’ll get married if the chick makes more money than me.

My relationships have all been short term. They end well before the woman even thinks about marrying me. One time, two months in, the woman said she wanted to have kids soon, so I pulled out.

I agree with most of what you said but I do see a lot of couples deciding to get married still. Yes, there is societal pressure to do so. But I also think they don’t want to be alone when they are 50
I get you, but even then, do you not think of your future earnings potential? Your retirement/stock accounts? Remember, should you divorce, she'll get an equitable portion. For me, since I was unable to protection my retirement accounts, that was my biggest concern. Luckily, I hit her so hard and fast with the separation and divorce filing, she was shell shocked. It's just not worth the headache. If two people "love" each other, why is it necessary to involve the State? The State doesn't love you? I gather neither does she.

I had a similar HB7 a few months ago that would not stop talking about children and thinking how ours would look like. She even apologized the next day about that and she didn't want to scare me away. She continued on about the babies and decorating. I got rid of her the same week and wished her well. Oh, she also considered herself a logical woman. LOL. I just smiled when she said that. Hehe.
 

skinnyguy

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I get you, but even then, do you not think of your future earnings potential? Your retirement/stock accounts? Remember, should you divorce, she'll get an equitable portion. For me, since I was unable to protection my retirement accounts, that was my biggest concern. Luckily, I hit her so hard and fast with the separation and divorce filing, she was shell shocked. It's just not worth the headache. If two people "love" each other, why is it necessary to involve the State? The State doesn't love you? I gather neither does she.

I had a similar HB7 a few months ago that would not stop talking about children and thinking how ours would look like. She even apologized the next day about that and she didn't want to scare me away. She continued on about the babies and decorating. I got rid of her the same week and wished her well. Oh, she also considered herself a logical woman. LOL. I just smiled when she said that. Hehe.
Prenup?
 

R.U.G.

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Sure. Good for wiping your ass after you take a dump. A landmark case in 2013 where a iron clad prenup was thrown out in NY. NY, while liberal, a prenup was never tore up. Well, a Judge did in 2013. Only way would be through what I did. An irrevocable trust. Even then, you still have the legal fees. I didn't lose anything in terms of assets or money. However, I hired a very expensive lawyer which ran rings around my ex-wife's POS attorney. There's a whole process to it. It's expensive to setup and very hard to follow. My house had no mortgage and was a fixer-upper I did prior to marriage by myself. Thus, no common marital home. Nonetheless, it will NOT protect your retirement accounts. Nothing you can do about that aside from not getting married and not commingling funds. If you commingle, opposing counsel and the court could, in theory, put together that money was for the marital union and not separate.

This is America. Ain't it grand.
 

kingvavy

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Brother, thinking with his penis is what got him into this mess. If he thought with his brain, he would had analyzed what she brings to the table and at least setup up some insurance on his assets. I just hope he didn't put her name on any properties...
I hear what you're saying, but what I'm trying to say is there are deeper reasons why your friend is in the situation he is in...reasons that go beyond analyzing what she brought to the table financially, or what insurance measures he could have taken.

As you seem to agree with your last post above, the idea that you can circumvent marriage laws with some piece of paper is wishful thinking. Kinda like a levee or a bomb-shelter-- makes you feel good until the hurricane hits or the bomb actually drops. The law is the law and if she has a decent lawyer, you will face the music regardless of whatever steps you thought you took to protect your assets. The more pressing question is why did your friend's marriage fail and what could he have done to lessen the chances of ending up where he is now?

If one is stupid enough to get married, your best chance at staying married/not losing everything is to make sure not to give away your overall power during the course of the marriage. Women stay loyal to strong men and abandon weak ones. Power is achieved via how you conduct yourself in the marriage, your level of self-respect, and your knowledge/willingness to lead as opposed to letting her lead. Following the "happy wife happy life" mantra is probably what got your friend to where he is now. The same rules of game apply, only the stakes are much higher, and it's a suicide mission. That being said, without knowing all the details, it sounds like he is like every other AFC soon to be divorcee, and I include myself in that category. Look at my post history and what brought me here years ago...the good news is he can use this opportunity to wake up and start living a normal life, and he won't lose as much as I, or others have.

If he is truly is at the brink, then he should hit the gym and start seeing other women. That being said, it's pretty damn near impossible to have a true personal 180 while on the brink of a divorce, but hey, anything is possible...Either she will magically start acting like the good wife he thought he was marrying, or she'll divorce him which is what it sounds like she is about to do anyway...I do feel bad for your friend. Been there, as have many of us.
 
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Smartone84

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Interesting (and sad) post. But maybe I missed something... Where does it get noted that this man married this woman bc of his "penis". That's implying that he was brainwashed by her looks and maybe she was a piece of work all along, only it got very bad recently.

Either way, this man should thank the lord they have no kids and that he has a chance to start his life over. Sure its not a regular breakup and it will be hell, but going through AND coming out of a divorce without kids is night and day compared to when you do.
 
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