Lansing, this is typical 'Failure to Deploy".
You rational mind/Ego could not afford to take such a hit if you didnt get what you wanted. You didnt want to 'fail'. You didnt want to take that pain.
And you also tried to avoid any potential future awkwardness between the two of you.
I have a pretty big ego thanks to a "rumour" that went around school recently, so it can afford to take a hit or two. I am not afraid to fail, I have failed before and I felt awesome after because I just went for it.
SO it was a multitude of things.
You werent sure of what you wanted.
You werent sure of how to approach and interact with her.
I think this is it right here, once I get the ball rolling with her, it seems that I just cant ask her then. So Im going to have to do something different
You didnt want to fail.
You were kind of intimidated by her.
You were a littel overwhelmed by your feelings for her.
You doubted your ability too.
YOu didnt want to create any sort of workplace awkwardness.
If you didnt get what you wanted , you didnt want to have a reputation of being the creepy guy at work.
A multitude of things.
So you have some inner game issues you have to address.
This is quite a bit of stuff in your mind, sub conscious and body.
You need to deal with the issues of WHY you feel those things.
It's the only way.
"Why am I embarassed?"
"Why do I feel uncomfortable with my desire, or my sexuality, or her sexuality?"
"Why do I feel uncomfortable just lettign it all hang out with her, and just enjoying her company and she will just know that Im into her??? Why cant I just relax and enjoy this???!"
She knows I am into her, and it takes me a while to "settle down" but eventually it will get to where I can ask her. But I dont want to wait everytime.
"I know my reputation is important to me. But how much control do I really have over my coworkers? Theyre going to believe whatever, it's up to me to stay true to my self, and stay confident, self assured, secure, and stick to my values and keep my self respect, and dignity. No matter what."
Self acceptance is the first step to Self Love and Self Forgiveness.
Once we start the ball rolling we begin to experience 'being comfortable in our own skin', which is the BASE level of communication we send to women on a sub level, which lets them know you are comfortable with yourself, thus, them, thus, sexuality.
Believe it or not, 'being comfortable in your own skin', is related to the level of SENSUALITY you are connected to.
And women dont know how to logically explain this feeling, and why theyre attracted to you.
But it is that.
If you are OPEN to Sensuality, they see you differently, and sense something different about you, which helps to arouse them and open them up to you.
The Key word here is being OPEN.
And the others are being comfortable with sensuality, thus intimacy, thus physical intimacy as the precursor.
You subcommunicate these things wether you realize it or not.
You must understand how women are wired.
And they are wired to RESPOND to a Man who is 'comfortable in his own skin'.
And if you demonstrate Leadership,Decisiveness,and a take charge demeanor, women simply cannot HELP being attracted to you.
Granted, understand this does not GUARANTEE Interest, but you do begin the arousal process, and curiosity sets in tremendously.
You need to do a lot of inner work.
Free yourself from disempowering thoughts, and the social programming that castrates men, and makes them passive eunuchs.
There is a wave of emasculating thought forms out there.
So dont go entirely bashing yourself for it.
Part of it is not your fault.
But to move forward, is to gather Information, be Informed, so you can make Decisions with ACCURATE THINKING.
Accurate Thinking based on unwavering values, and laws that are beyond and not contrived social norms, and programming, and thought control are the key to your freedom.
Be the Decisive man.
Be the Leader.
Take Charge.
KNOW what you want.
Dont expect too much of intial interactions with women.
Instead give women a sense of your non judgemental self, a free man, free thinking, who is comfortable with himself, and comfortable with his desire, his sexuality, and also....a woman's sexuality. This is actually crucial.
Interact in a manner in which you demonstrate your SELF, not trying to TAKE from her. It is a strange undertone in the interaction which she will feel when you communcate this. When you depend so much on some random stranger female for gettign what you want from her, it kills the interaction and any attraction.
YOu cant look at this as trying to GET from her.
YOu have to look at it more as "Im attracted to you. But Im attracted to a lot of women. And Im interested in finding out more about you. There is no pressure here.
And if this goes well, I'll consider continuing interacting with you. If you dont want me, that is fine. Because I understand that you dont owe me anything, we just met. And Im not desperate. I dont need female validation. Im not starved for female attention. And while Im sexually attracted to you , Im not going to sacrifice my dignity or self respect for your attention, especially if youre not reciprocating. Ultimately, Im just revealing WHO I am to you, and YOU make the decision if you want more, if you DO then you'll let me know, and then, since Im already attracted to you too, I willl take the lead and see where this goes...."
Its the last part that I am stuck on. I look back on how I interact with her, and its seems to me that I am putting out that "Im not desperate, but I would like to take it to the next level with you" vibe, but maybe she's not seeing it that way.
It seems complicated.
But what it really is is being well socially calibrated. And having Strong Personal Boundaries.
Being confident in your interaction with her. KNow that its ok to be atracted to her, and move along to the steps of the attraction process between a man and a woman.
But the key thing here is not to be desperate. To be confident with or without her. Understand that you DONT NEED this particular woman. And operate from this kind of mind set.
Continual DEEP interactions with women will begin to put your 'radio frequency' closer and closer to the frequency women are 'listening' for.
Thats why some men never appear on a woman's radar. And some men are on a whole lot of women's radars.
Find that frequency and dont be afraid to be there with her...
I think I am getting closer to that mindset they are looking for.
Women are programmed too. They also grw up with false notions about life, romance, and men in partcular.
This is why there is a notion among women about Men 'freeing' them, liberating them, deflowering them, exploring them, exposing them, devouring and ravishing them....
You need to get your own house in order and begin to see outside a lot of these crazy social conditioning programs that are neutering men.
Then you can begin to interact with women on a more open, and free level.
Remember:
Women want MEN to ESCALATE.
If you are uncomfortable with that, you cannot keep their attraction, and thus, no interest level.
(Her friend told me that she usually "likes" a new guy every week or so, and we have been "friends" for almost a month now, so that is a good sign that I can keep her interest level high.)
Reconnect to your Masculine Instincts.
Do not apologize for who you are.
NEVER apologize for BEING A MAN.
NEVER allow yourself to be SHAMED for being a Man, and desiring what you desire.
And be comfortable with being more and more and more DIRECT with women, without all the tip toeing around her to make sure you dont upset her, or scare her off, or make her angry or disappointed. Women hate that.
They want respect. Not for a guy to be terrified of her.
It makes her feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable. And there cannnot be ANY sexual attraction there when she feels so uncomfortable with you.
