Dinner dates. is this advise practical?

[Travel memoir21]

This was taken from one of dating newsletters. Man, I wish SW15 was still around to give his perspective, RIP. But I'm sure there's plenty of good perspective to be had around here, Mexican, Sushi,....what else comes out quick, casual and easy on the spending?



' I came across the following text exchange on X:

Girl: Hi, I was wondering if we could do dinner tonight with drinks! I'm not going to have time to eat before! Hope that's ok

Guy: Hey...I don't do dinner for first dates, but am down to grab a drink a bit later to give you some time. How's 9?

Girl: Honestly I'm not interested in going out anymore. But best of luck with whatever you're looking for!

If a guy is looking for a girlfriend, or even something casual, you have to show a girl some level of effort.

Dinner is not that big of a deal.

You don't have 45 minutes and $60?

Go to a Mexican restaurant. It's $18 a plate and the food comes out fast. You're in and you're out if the vibe is off.

You make the woman feel like she has no value in your eyes if she's not even worth a 45 minute meal costing $60.

Go do sushi.

That's another fast and relatively inexpensive dinner.

Women want romance.

Women want to feel special.

Even if you're looking for something casual, even if you're not sure where this date will go, you have to show some level of romance with a girl.

"What if I'm really against dinner dates?"

Don't be direct about it.

Most women are down to go to a bar.'

How often is a girl specifically requesting dinner anyway?

It's rare.

But if a girl directly asks if you guys can do dinner, obviously say yes if you have some interest in her.

 

[Alvafe]

interested woman will go regardless, she wanted a free meal, if that is a real deal break for her, so its for you move on, plus you can always eat something in a bar or so, most nowadays have some nice things to eat together with drinks

 

[Tilex]

No such thing as inexpensive dinners.
Definitely not in this economy!
Remember when appetizers used to be cheap?
Guess what? Now they cost the same as an entree.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well I think you have the completely wrong mindset.

First, in that text convo, the woman did the guy a favor. She showed her hand which is that she likely just wanted a free meal. He should feel great, take the Dub and keep it moving.

The point of not wanting to take a woman to dinner on a first date is more of a logistical/frame issue and less of a money one. Or at least it should be. Sure there are some broke ass dudes that should be focused on improving their financial situation more than dating, but that's neither here nor there.

The main issues are:
1) I have no idea if I'm going to want to spend even 15 minutes with this person let alone be stuck for an hour and a half having lame conversations and watching them eat. The first date should be akin to a meet and greet to determine if you actually want to spend more time with this person or not. If it ends up turning into a same night opportunity then that's fine.

2) By offering her dinner you are effectively trying to bribe her to meet you by offering her something of value. You subconsciously are telling her that you are not valuable enough to just want to meet on your own, so you need to provide something for her to make her want to do that. Not a great way to start things. No different than a man trying to buy a woman a drink at the bar for her attention and conversation instead of just feeling you are valuable enough to walk up to her and start talking and that she would want to do that.

3) You group yourself into the same "chump" bucket that 85% of other men are grouping themselves into. Not a great place to be.

4) There is very little chance for any real closeness/proximity/kino when you have a giant table in between the both of you. You have no opportunity to "heat them up" so to speak or allow themselves to heat themselves up.

5) In most cases unless you have a booth, you are sitting directly across from someone when eating. This sets up an "adversarial" context psychologically. Adversaries sit across from the table from each other. Friends sit next to each other, which is what you would be doing at the bar. Does this mean much? I am not sure, but it likely has some, so why would you want to do something you shouldn't be doing anyway for the other reasons listed above?

Don't employ the simp mindset where you feel lucky to have a date so you should be willing to do whatever you need to do so that she meets you. That's a much bigger problem, you should not care at all whether any single woman ever decides to meet or not meet. Least of all a woman who is "expecting" dinner as if she is the goose that lays a golden egg.

If a woman wants men willing to be simps to 'prove themselves' then that women is either not actually interested in you and just going out for a free meal, or is one of those women that likes controlling guys and looking for a doormat that is easy to control and she is seeing if you pass her initial "screening process" for that.

 

[Solomon]

If you go to a mid-tier restaurant, $30-$60 for the food, and don't forget $10–$20 for the 3 martinis(and whatever you're drinking) she'll have, which easily brings the total to $120 before the tip.

Dinner dates should be for girlfriends or active plates. Even if you go just for drinks, some girls try to be slick and get an appetizer, etc.

80–90% of first dates don't lead to a second. If you go on 3-5 dates a week, it gets costly. Granted, the average guy probably goes on only 2-3 dates a year (depending on which study you cite), but the above-average guy goes on 2-3 dates a week and that adds up really fast. My buddy who's a "Tyrone light" went on 25 dates last October. He now has a girlfriend. He makes over $100K a year, but even for a guy like him it adds up. Luckily he's game-aware, so he was sticking to coffee dates and now has a chill g/f

 

[The Duke]

This is advice written by someone with very little dating experience and a beta/female mindset.


-Dinner is not that big of a deal.
On the surface its not. I've bought a few meals over the years, but only when it suited me. There are lots of problems with a woman suggesting you go to dinner. It says she isn't submissive, she wants a provider, she isn't willing to let the man lead, and she is looking for you to buy her a meal. These women that look for free meals justify their behavior by "hey, if the guy turns out to be a loser, at least I got a free meal". And one that insists that we go to dinner after I say no is a combative woman.

If thats the kind of woman you want to attract, then by all means go for it. I use this as a great opportunity to screen for the type i want/don't want.

-Go to a Mexican restaurant. It's $18 a plate and the food comes out fast. You're in and you're out if the vibe is off.
Nah, you smell like onions and chili powder after you are done. Thats not sexy at all for a first/second date. Women are very cognizant of that and it throws many of them off.

-Women want romance. Women want to feel special. Even if you're looking for something casual, even if you're not sure where this date will go, you have to show some level of romance with a girl.
I don't need to put food into a woman to generate romance and make her feel special. Thats all on you and how you make her feel in your presence.