Diminished Connection

[luber873]

Gf asked me how I thought we were doing last night. She said she feels a diminished connection to me and that we are less intimate and "lovey dovey." We are at 7 months straight official but been dating on/off for 14 months.

We've taken a vacation together but lately she had swings of being super into me and distant.

Any advice?

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, what is your "gut" feeling about the reason? Usually the gut feeling turns out to be correct.

 

[luber873]

Pair - it's not another guy. Routine is a likely culprit.

Atom - my "gut" says I'm not as attracted to her as I initially thought and she feels this.

 

[Checkmate12]

Luber, I don't know your relationship experience but this is a very common occurrence around the 6-7 month mark. Attraction on both ends has dimmed due to familiarity and the onset of LTR comfort. The excitement has subsided a little and that anxious feeling you got before meeting up for a date has gone away.

This is the point in the relationship that makes or breaks a couple. You aren't riding the emotional wave of new romance anymore and you're coming back to reality. This happens in EVERY serious relationship. It s not a bad thing, it just signifies that the relationship is maturing. Now you must choose if this is the woman you want to MAKE IT WORK WITH. I emphasize this because the choice to make it work with any woman in an LTR is a conscious choice to apply more effort, and requires the wisdom to understand that this is not some fairy tale relationship, and you wont always feel like loving her.

On the same hand, this is also the point where you could decide that you cannot see this woman as your future spouse, and she is not worth the effort that it takes to make a relationship work. In that case you should cut her and move on and avoid waisting both of your times.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Pair - it's not another guy. Routine is a likely culprit.

Atom - my "gut" says I'm not as attracted to her as I initially thought and she feels this.

Interesting... I'm actually considering starting a new thread on this very subject.

I think that many men become somewhat bewildered when a woman starts to show signs of diminished interest, when in fact she is simply reacting to the man's own diminished interest.

 

[luber873]

Luber, I don't know your relationship experience but this is a very common occurrence around the 6-7 month mark. Attraction on both ends has dimmed due to familiarity and the onset of LTR comfort. The excitement has subsided a little and that anxious feeling you got before meeting up for a date has gone away.

This is the point in the relationship that makes or breaks a couple. You aren't riding the emotional wave of new romance anymore and you're coming back to reality. This happens in EVERY serious relationship. It s not a bad thing, it just signifies that the relationship is maturing. Now you must choose if this is the woman you want to MAKE IT WORK WITH. I emphasize this because the choice to make it work with any woman in an LTR is a conscious choice to apply more effort, and requires the wisdom to understand that this is not some fairy tale relationship, and you wont always feel like loving her.

On the same hand, this is also the point where you could decide that you cannot see this woman as your future spouse, and she is not worth the effort that it takes to make a relationship work. In that case you should cut her and move on and avoid waisting both of your times.

This is great. I wonder if it's better to talk about this face to face, intimately and put it out there. Sometimes that builds connection.

Or if you continue to "game" and act like a "challenge" and let her come to me.