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Did your wife/ex-wife change after kids?

lamath

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Never let the women take charge of everything that has to do with the kids, this is how you lose frame after kids imo

Never let the women take charge of everything that has to do with the kids, this is how you lose frame after kids imo

Never let the women take charge of everything that has to do with the kids, this is how you lose frame after kids imo

Wish I had the energy to post this 1000 times. Many many men let the women take control (primarily because they are lazy), respect is lost, and the snowball starts rolling...
I think that was my biggest mistake.
This gave her too much power in the relationship.
 
R

Ranger

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I think that was my biggest mistake.
This gave her too much power in the relationship.
I fought it tooth and nail. I busted my way into my kid’s life and assumed the role. Especially with my son. My daughters love me for my strength and straight forward persona.

There is some sort of instinct to deny certain forms of intimacy from the father in the form of influencing the raising. As if she is the all knowing diety of child raising. It’s important to bust through this barrier.
Present day woman is impregnated by the feminine imperative to the degree that somewhere internally, men are the demise of children. Of course it’s completely misguided but it’s there.
 

glass half full

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Some good points here. Guessing I was guilty of this, after my hard days work I wanted to come home, have a few cold beers and relax with the family. Which made me passive. I noticed a couple of the older men I worked with joked @ me about this, but looking back I heard them say in other convo they had done that too.

Women on the other hand, wanted to go out and party with friends on the weekends, and the guys sometimes just wanted to stay home and do things.

Apparently the men learned the hard way too, but didn't share the reasoning with me so I would learn. I think this is what irritated me with them, they didn't share their "hard knocks" with me so I could grow as a man. I don't think they saw it appropriate to be that way, for whatever reason. Just the way it was.

I hope that makes some kind of sense.
 

Roober

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I fought it tooth and nail. I busted my way into my kid’s life and assumed the role. Especially with my son. My daughters love me for my strength and straight forward persona.

There is some sort of instinct to deny certain forms of intimacy from the father in the form of influencing the raising. As if she is the all knowing diety of child raising. It’s important to bust through this barrier.
Present day woman is impregnated by the feminine imperative to the degree that somewhere internally, men are the demise of children. Of course it’s completely misguided but it’s there.
It actually goes back to the 60s, when NOW (National Organization for Women) changed their stance. I was horrified when I learned this, but it makes sense with the current state of our society. They changed from...

"Let's do what's best for the children"

To

"Mom knows what's best for the children"

Unfortunately, it is so embedded now in our society that almost all relationships default to this. While men on average are spending a significant amount more time with their children, the gap is still wide and large. We must understand that the men are the primary source of the problem. Does a general blame his soldiers for losing the war?

Even your words, "I had to bust my way into my kids life.." suggest that at one point... you were not in their lives, to some extent. Once more men recognize the problem, we can move towards correcting it.
 

Masculinity

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Marrying or having children with a woman is a transfer of power: from you to her.
 

princelydeeds

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My wife is a much better mother than I ever thought she would be. She takes care of the children and asks little of me.

She never really tells me no with regard to sex. She goes to bed at the same time my very young children go to bed and there are two young wild sleeping babies in the bed with her. So while she doesn't say, "no" she says a passive "no".

If I ask her she won't say no she will do what I ask, often without enthusiasm but she will do it. I end up chasing her 98% of the time. At this point she's married to my kids way more than she's married to me
 

Kailex

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I'm guess I'm never going to find out. Got the vasectomy locked down already, so I'll never have to worry about a future where I end up posting on Reddit's Dead Bedrooms because of kids or because that's the excuse my wife would use.
 

samspade

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Yes they will punish you mercilessly for the crime of boring them. Its the only unforgivable sin in this Game.

By the way this is a narcissistic trait(devaluation), so the more narcissistic a woman is the more vicious she will be in this regard. The more you understand narcissism the better you understand ego-maniacal women in my opinion.
This is a great point. But...it's human nature, narcissism or not. Men get bored too - have you heard of the Coolidge Effect? Men crave variety, which is a big reason why boredom slips into marriage. @guru1000 pointed it out on this thread or another, but I'm sure you've dated a woman and looked another, perhaps slightly less attractive but different, and thought, "that'd be fun."
 
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