Did marriage save my friend or was it just coincidence

[Gamisch]

I have been in plenty of LTRs where marriage was a realistic possibility, and I have never had a woman insist on some extravagant traditional wedding unless it was culturally expected and her wealthy family was paying for it.

I understand that you are uncomfortable with institutions, but virtually every aspect of modern life depends on them. Contracts, property rights, banking, employment, courts, and even basic public infrastructure rely on institutional rules and enforcement. That is simply how complex societies function.

If personal promises and "vibes" were sufficient to maintain cooperation, we would have little need for contracts, courts, or governments in the first place. Marriage follows the same basic principle: it takes a private commitment between two people and gives it formal social and legal recognition.

What are you talking about? A diamond ring isn't an " extraordinary request " when discussing marriage, neither is an expensive trip far away or an expensive wedding dress and wedding party. That's simply part of the equation.

Mind you, in this case the conversation didn't start because I brought up marriage or whatever ( never ever will!!) , but because I brought up a documentary I saw about lab daimonds and how the Beers fooled humanity for years by inflating daimond prices .

And finally; you cant compare a marriage that's based on feels with something like a contract you signed when you bought a house or started a job or whatever. The evidence is in the fcat that you can't sign a marriage contract for a specific time. It's like us singing a contract to be " BFFs". It's actually quite delusional to sign a contract on something as untouchable and unproven like "love". There is no "love judge" other than family court.

However, the interesting thing is that LOT of men still believe it does. They really think that a marriage is somehow gonna make a relationship more solid, and I doubt it does.

 

[CornbreadFed]

What are you talking about? A diamond ring isn't an " extraordinary request " when discussing marriage, neither is an expensive trip far away or an expensive wedding dress and wedding party. That's simply part of the equation.

Be honest, is all this about a ring? He literally bought the ring from Costco for like $500. You waste more money on accumulated pointless dates.

And finally; you cant compare a marriage that's based on feels with something like a contract you signed when you bought a house or started a job or whatever. The evidence is in the fcat that you can't sign a marriage contract for a specific time. It's like us singing a contract to be " BFFs". It's actually quite delusional to sign a contract on something as untouchable and unproven like "love". There is no "love judge" other than family court.

However, the interesting thing is that LOT of men still believe it does. They really think that a marriage is somehow gonna make a relationship more solid, and I doubt it does.

The terms are pretty clear: you are committing to building a life with this woman. Nobody is forcing you to get married, and there is nothing inherently wrong with deciding marriage is not for you. However, do not be the guy who is too afraid to be upfront about his intentions while allowing the other person to invest years into a relationship under different expectations. If you do not want marriage, own that position and give the other person the opportunity to make an informed decision about whether to stay.

 

[Gamisch]

Not only is this forum shifted towards more discussion on marriage, much of it has also shifted towards MGTOW.

I geuss both are knee-jerk reactions to the current dating market. Men need to cope with the reality presented to them. Soms double down on love ,others on independence. The first one makes sense as most men grew up with the image of two people being together in a marriage ( parents, grandparents ect). The current dating market where OLD plays a big role is actually a novelty .

Makes sense as the majority of men are struggling with women in general. I'd like to see the forum focus more on making a man come out as the winner in life, and that includes understanding female nature, being realistic about where one stands and what one needs to do in order to become a man of high value.

A good woman can obviously be a great addition, but a man also gotta be aware that the power of p00sy has devastated the mightiest men earth has ever known.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I geuss both are knee-jerk reactions to the current dating market. Men need to cope with the reality presented to them. Soms double down on love ,others on independence. The first one makes sense as most men grew up with the image of two people being together in a marriage ( parents, grandparents ect). The current dating market where OLD plays a big role is actually a novelty .

Makes sense as the majority of men are struggling with women in general. I'd like to see the forum focus more on making a man come out as the winner in life, and that includes understanding female nature, being realistic about where one stands and what one needs to do in order to become a man of high value.

A good woman can obviously be a great addition, but a man also gotta be aware that the power of p00sy has devastated the mightiest men earth has ever known.

I’m not being sarcastic. From your posts, the logical conclusion would be to dispassionate from women entirely.

 

[Gamisch]

I’m not being sarcastic. From your posts, the logical conclusion would be to dispassionate from women entirely.

Nobody thinks you're being sarcastic bro.

Well...only a fool would deny women can be a nuisance to a man who wants to move forward. Ofcourse we all love p00sy, but it would be ignorant to ignore the risks that come with it!

Mind you; my stance is that a man gottta be 10000% sure about what he's doing when he wants marriage specifically( this thread) , and that other forms of relationships might be equally valid and validating but also equally dangerous and damaging.

The wrong woman can set you back years, and that's me talking from experience.... I understand my message might be dark, but nobody promised this would be easy...

 

[CornbreadFed]

The wrong woman can set you back years, and that's me talking from experience.... I understand my message might be dark, but nobody promised this would be easy

how does a man avoid the wrong woman

 

[BackInTheGame78]

how does a man avoid the wrong woman

A better screening process that uses his big head over his little head. That's where the vast majority of men go wrong.

 

[Gamisch]

how does a man avoid the wrong woman

Thats like asking how does a man in a dark alley avoids getting robbed. Or perhaps like asking; " how does a man gets lucky? "

It's a
high risk/ high reward
Low risk/ low reward or low risk /HIGH reward game

And any other variation you can think of. The standard answer is " vet properly ", but I have yet to meet the man who can vet mother nature and father time. In other words; you NEVER know how a woman will develop in the future. Preferences can change over time...

Ofcourse you can avoid the most obvious things like do NOT look for women in places where you know the % of slots is significantly higher. Clubs bars, online ect.

If I would get only one sentence I'd say follow your gut feeling. Most of the time the power of p00sy makes us blind for obvious red flags. But when we look back sober and with a clear view we can see the signs that it was a losing bet were always there from the get go.

 

[Barrister]

how does a man avoid the wrong woman

You aren’t going to “avoid” them unless you just don’t date at all. They’re everywhere. The trick is in recognizing signs to not get tied down, legally or emotionally, by the wrong one who just wants to suck away your life and resources. Getting married, especially with no prenup, hands a woman a huge ability to do so over the course of “forever.” Especially given that most of them aren’t exactly emotionally stable, this is why you see the advice you do on marriage.

 

[Sega Genesis]

In other words; you NEVER know how a woman will develop in the future. Preferences can change over time...

Or how about you never know how both you and she together will develop over time.

Cause you're both changing, growing and evolving, individually and together as a couple, right?

Agree it's a risk and a crapshoot unless you're able to foresee into the future which most of us are not.

Do your part, be the best you can be, behave with integrity and ideally she will too.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Or how about you never know how both you and she together will develop over time.

Cause you're both changing, growing and evolving, individually and together as a couple, right?

Agree it's a risk and a crapshoot unless you're able to foresee into the future which most of us are not.

Do your part, be the best you can be, behave with integrity and ideally she will too.

Yes of course...but still the bigger issue is guys marrying women they had no business marrying just because they thought she was hot or the sex was great and overlooking everything else thinking that's all they needed.

That would greatly reduce many of the "problems" that develop.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Yes of course...but still the bigger issue is guys marrying women they has no business marrying just because they thought she was hot or the sex was great and overlooking everything else thinking that's all they needed.

Fair enough and will defer to you (as a man) on that!