did I let her off too easy?

[aim22]

So, my girlfriend just dumped me. We were not together for that long but I did see this as something potentially long term. She went to her place for the summer and I stayed home where we both live (not together, I mean same city)... Worst part is that we had a trip planned together for later next month, plane tickets already booked. I didn't see any indicators that this would happen, other than her going a bit colder on our IM conversations, and I noticed the subtle change only after the break up when I re-read them.

She ended it by a facebook message (wtf?) the message was apologetic and she knew she was being the "bad guy", but facebook?? She could argue that she was having money problems and couldn't really afford to make a long distance call, but she could have only texted or sent an earlier fb message asking me to call her, she knows I'd have no problem doing that...

I will not go into any more details to not make this post too long but after that message I was not going to go down to that level and continue with a fb break up so I called her and we talked only for a few minutes. I didn't ask for any explanations, and in an effort to not seem butt-hurt or too affected by it, I limited myself to say: "it is very unexpected and sad that it ends like this, don't know what else to say but I'll miss you, and enjoy the rest of your summer, bye"

Now I'll start no contact and it won't be a problem sticking to it, but.. But, did I let her off too easy? even if I know I shouldn't let it bother me, I still think there was a way I could have shown that I'm worth way more than that, and that I hold myself to higher standards.

What's done is done, and as I said, It'll be no contact from now on... But I'd appreciate your opinions regarding what I said on the phone.

regards

 

[Yewki]

But, did I let her off too easy?

The answer is... it doesn't matter. Take the advice you gave her. Enjoy the rest of your summer and move on.

 

[G_Govan]

it is very unexpected and sad that it ends like this, don't know what else to say but I'll miss you, and enjoy the rest of your summer, bye

It's understandable why you said this but realize this kind of thing is defeatist. There's nothing wrong with wanting to break away from someone and I can't fault her for that but she didn't respect you enough to do it face-to-face and you turn around and give her the reward of expressing your hurt feelings over it.

She didn't care about YOUR feelings, only her own.

Ultimately it's not a big deal but it irks me when guys want "closure" after getting dumped. All it serves is to boost their ego and provides confirmation that they made the right choice. "Ahh look at how broken up he is about it, damn I'm awesome!!".

It doesn't endear them to you but it will make them pity you. No man wants to be pitied.

 

[aim22]

It's understandable why you said this but realize this kind of thing is defeatist. There's nothing wrong with wanting to break away from someone and I can't fault her for that but she didn't respect you enough to do it face-to-face and you turn around and give her the reward of expressing your hurt feelings over it.

She didn't care about YOUR feelings, only her own.

Ultimately it's not a big deal but it irks me when guys want "closure" after getting dumped. All it serves is to boost their ego and provides confirmation that they made the right choice. "Ahh look at how broken up he is about it, damn I'm awesome!!".

It doesn't endear them to you but it will make them pity you. No man wants to be pitied.

So, for future reference. What would be a way to not show I'm broken up about it? Other than the "I'll miss you" part, what was not ideal about what I said?

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

So, for future reference. What would be a way to not show I'm broken up about it? Other than the "I'll miss you" part, what was not ideal about what I said?

Little Homie. There was nothing to really say to her response. Perhaps you could've said "Cool, see ya later" and got on with your life.

 

[blind_one]

You did a good job, and as Yewki said, enjoy your summer.

The ''I miss you part " was unnecessary but hey.

And seriously, breaking up through fb ? I would really laugh inside me that it's for the better than being with a coward like that. Text isn't better but its XXI century.

My ex dumped me several times like that and then when I went NC she crawled back and I sadly, took her back a couple of times and then after some time proceeded to chumpify again. Imagine the look on her face when that didn't work. Long texts,rants day and night, well sh!t you dumped me so stay away .

Keep strong, you're better than this.

 

[aim22]

-Removed unnecessary chumpy thoughts. /Thread

 

[Surprise]

How about turning it to a mutual breakup . Like saying by txt : I think its about time . Or : maybe its the best for both of us .... etc .

 

[aim22]

How about turning it to a mutual breakup . Like saying by txt : I think its about time . Or : maybe its the best for both of us .... etc .

nah.. it's too late for that. And it wouldn't be honest, I didn't want the break up, but hey, that's life. And by text?? dude, have you been reading?

 

[Surprise]

nah.. it's too late for that. And it wouldn't be honest, I didn't want the break up, but hey, that's life. And by text?? dude, have you been reading?

Yes i know its too late but didn't you say "So, for future reference. What would be a way to not show I'm broken up about it?" .

 

[aim22]

Yes i know its too late but didn't you say "So, for future reference. What would be a way to not show I'm broken up about it?" .

Sorry buddy, you're right, Since you didn't quote the message you were answering I thought you meant it as if I could do that now.

 

[El Payaso]

What a b!tch.

 

[Peña]

Women will try to avoid face to face confrontation in those breaking up situations. I do not see anything you did wrong. She probably will try to contact you but stay NC and do not waste your time with her. Make sure you still go on your trip and have a good time. Women like that who do not care are not worth your time or thoughts. Lots better women out there. Stay cool man.

 

[marmel75]

So, my girlfriend just dumped me. We were not together for that long but I did see this as something potentially long term. She went to her place for the summer and I stayed home where we both live (not together, I mean same city)... Worst part is that we had a trip planned together for later next month, plane tickets already booked. I didn't see any indicators that this would happen, other than her going a bit colder on our IM conversations, and I noticed the subtle change only after the break up when I re-read them.

She ended it by a facebook message (wtf?) the message was apologetic and she knew she was being the "bad guy", but facebook?? She could argue that she was having money problems and couldn't really afford to make a long distance call, but she could have only texted or sent an earlier fb message asking me to call her, she knows I'd have no problem doing that...

I will not go into any more details to not make this post too long but after that message I was not going to go down to that level and continue with a fb break up so I called her and we talked only for a few minutes. I didn't ask for any explanations, and in an effort to not seem butt-hurt or too affected by it, I limited myself to say: "it is very unexpected and sad that it ends like this, don't know what else to say but I'll miss you, and enjoy the rest of your summer, bye"

Now I'll start no contact and it won't be a problem sticking to it, but.. But, did I let her off too easy? even if I know I shouldn't let it bother me, I still think there was a way I could have shown that I'm worth way more than that, and that I hold myself to higher standards.

What's done is done, and as I said, It'll be no contact from now on... But I'd appreciate your opinions regarding what I said on the phone.

regards

Long distance costs money? WTF...I haven't paid for a long distance call in 10 or more years...that's an even worse excuse than the original one, lol

 

[aim22]

Women will try to avoid face to face confrontation in those breaking up situations. I do not see anything you did wrong. She probably will try to contact you but stay NC and do not waste your time with her. Make sure you still go on your trip and have a good time. Women like that who do not care are not worth your time or thoughts. Lots better women out there. Stay cool man.

Thanks man. Appreciate it. I already made plans to go to another city and visit a friend, Losing some money in the tickets but thankfully money is not a big issue for me at the moment.