"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Did I blow it?

wootapotky

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Hi, I'm new here and I wanted to ask your opinions on this.

I was walking to my class before school and I saw a girl that was in one of my classes from last year that I liked(she is an 8.5 but for some reason I'm attracted to her like she's a 10). When she looked at me she gave me a full smile which caught me completely off guard. I gave a weak smile in return, and didn't have an opportunity to say anything to her because we were already late and I was already within ten feet of my classroom door.

I'm not a hundred percent sure that I blew it though because last year when in class during lunch to finish an essay, she stopped before she grabbed her paper and said something to me and all I managed was a "Huh." in response. Then she sat where I sit in class and I being an idiot sat on the opposite side of the room even though all the seats near her were open. And yet, even though I completely blew that she still smiled at me this year. So did I blow my chances with her?

One last question, what do I do, because the only two times I have seen her during school are before school started and I am always late so I can't start a conversation with her and I don't even know how to start one since I can't ask her what her name is because I already know her name and she might take offense if I ask her name since I was in her class.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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JSH

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No, figuratively grab your balls and go and approach her and ask her name, make a joke of it. ( in an attitude that you care you dont know her name but that its difficult remembering all these girls names)
 

Eddymj89

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Well I somewhat disagree with that. You can do that, depending on what your personality is. But you don't have to seem like a possible jerk when you attempt to initiate a conversation. Girls love being remembered, so that may very well offend her anyways. On the other hand, you can still sit next to her, but not say a word to her. Let her initiate something. She seems to be interested in you. It doesn't offend her, and it doesn't land you feeling like an idiot for not doing anything. Once you get used to the "aura" or presence of her, it'll become easier and easier to both talk to her, and hang out with her. If you're looking for some conversation starters, try to think up of some kind of survey that you could possibly be taking, and ask her questions regarding that survey. It's a win win situation, you get to talk to her, and you get to find out things about her that you wish to find out. If you have any common interests, drop the survey, or finish it, and start talking about that common interests, of course without getting yourself landed in trouble.

Hope that helps.
 

wootapotky

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Well that's strange, I can get back on here now. Parental controls is messed up. Eddymj89 your advice would work if I was in her class but I'm not. I need to know how to go up to her when I'm walking to class. I almost think it would be easier if I didn't know her name because then I could just ask for her name, but I'm sure she knows I know her name. So how would I go about approaching her?
 

Eddymj89

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How about this, when you see her in the hall, give nice eye contact, smile, and use that little upward thrust of the head for a casual greeting, walk towards her, and hold your hand out, ask how school's doing for her, if she's enjoying herself, obviously if she is say you're glad, wish her luck, move on without a second glance, or if you're sure she's watching, throw a hand in the air with your back towards her as you walk away, but don't look back.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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