Did I blow it by being too aloof?

[dingmachine]

Met a plate about a month ago through friends. We met up at a bar twice, and she's come to my house after both times. No sex because I can tell she likes me and doesn't want to come off as "that type of girl," but we made out a lot. We hung out at my house on Sunday and it was a good time. Conversation has always been good and we get along well. She texted me the next day and we texted back and forth for a bit. It was all light and playful. She ended it by saying that she had a nice time and wants to do it again. I responded with, "For sure. After thanksgiving." She said that's what she meant and wished me a good night. Word on the street from my friends is that she likes me and is very interested. I'm 50-50, to be honest. I move really, really slow when it comes to LTR prospects and she could be one. I'd like another chance to hang out with her to be sure either way.

I didn't text her at all until this afternoon because I knew she was going to be out of town for Thanksgiving and I'm not going to blow up her phone when she's with family. I said I hoped she had a good Thanksgiving and I was free tomorrow or Tuesday if she wanted to meet up. She responded that she'll have to check her schedule for Tuesday and she'll get back to me. Nine times out of ten, that's a blow off. At minimum, it's a yellow light.

With all these positive signs up until now I'm wondering if going days without texting came off as being too aloof and she's auto-rejecting me. But maybe I made another mistake somewhere else. I'll leave it to your guys' wise counsel to clue me in. Thanks in advance.

 

[FCB]

I doubt it. She either isn't that into you/is telling the truth or is trying to play it cool. You probably should have escalated more when you were at the house, to be honest if you pair that with being aloof she could think its a rejection. I've made similar types of mistakes in the past, its AFC behaviour, girls want a guy who wants to rip her clothes off, create passion and show her with your actions you want her. You're probably getting another chance either way and this is likely a **** test, keep your frame and when you talk to her next be playfull/flirty and when you get her alone escalate. Overall chill, and learn from your hesitation.

 

[pyros]

I dont know what she thinks but..

acting too aloof is counterproductive. Girls expect you to show interest in them, to show that you're kind of romantic also, and when you dont... they get mad, think you just want sex or nothing from them, so they lose interest in you. I dont know if I make sense.

Many guys here confuse acting lame, desperate and beta...(texting the girl nonstop, doing EVERYTHING for her, etc), with being too cold and too aloof which is as bad as the opposite. You fear acting too beta, so you end up acting too cold, harsh, distant etc.

For example, when a guy is blue pill (beta) he thinks it is a good idea to send flowers twice a week to the girl he just met . ---> bad. ---> The girl starts to feel he's too tiresome, weak, lame.
When he's red pill, and he thinks he's alpha, he does the opposite, so in the first six months of dating that chick, he doesnt send her flowers not even once (cause that is beta right?). --- > bad. ---> The girl starts believing he's not appropiate for LTR cause he doesnt show any romantic interest in her ever.

You have to find the right balance, or as someone in this forum wrote, you must not be a white knight, but when you're dating a girl, you have to be grey knight, ie, you must do 'romantic', 'typical', 'beta' stuff once in a while.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I agree that has to be a happy medium...and like always, its a big mistake when a woman is alone at your house with you and you fail to escalate. She gave you two chances, so you have nobody to blame but yourself if you don't get another.

 

[FCB]

Yeah I agree completely with the happy medium. I've been naturally aloof about most girls all my life, the ones I really liked I'd **** up and be too beta but the others I'd usually have all over me, then they'd see I'm not interested in a LTR and they'd go cold, then I'd get a bit desperate when they'd pull away and give up the power. The key is the happy medium to keep a girl interested, and when you're in a clear relationship you need to make some gestures, but keep them rare so they have impact and you don't come off Beta. The girl needs something to chase, she should win something and feel like she is close to the prize but never fully locked it up.

 

[dingmachine]

Thanks for the feedback. I gave it some thought and I'm going to next her. As I said above, I was 50-50 the whole way through, so there's no need to continue even if this is some sort of **** test. I imagine she'll reach out on Tuesday to either tell me she's busy or to say she's free. If she's busy I'll do no contact. If she's free, I'll make up an excuse about having to work and I won't offer to reschedule.

 

[Julian]

Doing romantic typical beta stuff is cliche' and played out and FORCED. Nobody wants to do that weak azz **** save the hallmark card and teddy bear for your mama boy.