Developing guts

[Darth]

I've just realized the fundamental problem. I dress well, I look good, I speak well, I'm secure with myself, I can shamelessly ask anybody any innocent question...

but when it comes to approaching strange women walking down the street, or even talking to a good looking woman beside me at a counter (who I don't know)- anything that involves risk and the possibility of getting crushed- I'm a damn coward.

When I ask a girl an innocent question, I KNOW that she knows exactly why I'm talking to her (especially on a crowded street and I ask her specifically). The whole idea freaks me out.

It depresses me that in all other areas of my life I'm bold, I'm headstrong, I take what I want, but when I see a pretty woman walking down the street, I turn into a coward. I mean, it's true. I've been trying to preserve my self-image, but time to call a spade a spade.

For those of you that used to be like this and are no longer, How did you do it? How can I develop guts like that too? How can you chat up a woman sitting across from you on a public bus, with 2 dozen people around (a situation I had today) without it seeming awkward? That's the level I want to be at.

Thanks.

 

[scrouds]

I don't know about you, but I'm considering drugs.

In particular MAO-B inhibitors found in certain types of cat's claw and 5-htp as a precursor to seratonin. Of course, take too much cat's claw and you can have a fatal interaction due to seratonin toxicity, so don't just go out there and chomp on pills cause some dude on the internet said so.

 

[Darth]

No way. It's got to come from inside.

 

[Igetit!]

No way. It's got to come from inside.

+1 rep Darth.


That's what I like to see man.


If it comes from drugs or alcohol,then as soon as the stimulate wears off, the so called "confidence" will wear off as well.


I hope that drug suggestion was a joke,because it was stupid. I mean what are you going to do,carry a bottle of pills around with you in case you see a girl you want to talk to? Pop a pill before each approach?



What happens if you're out and see a girl you like,but you left your "drug" at home?


Develop it from the inside like you said,Darth. If it comes from the inside you don't have to worry about leaving it anywhere.



You'll take it with you wherever you go.

 

[Sexual]

Darth man, you gotta do a boot camp and take it seriously. I know it's hard when you're by yourself, but if you're uncomfortable with the material, read it over again. If you are really all that you say you are, and you've read Pook's 15 Lessons, then you should have no problem. You need to focus on good thoughts and know that rejection is always better than regret.

 

[Darth]

Darth man, you gotta do a boot camp and take it seriously. I know it's hard when you're by yourself, but if you're uncomfortable with the material, read it over again. If you are really all that you say you are, and you've read Pook's 15 Lessons, then you should have no problem. You need to focus on good thoughts and know that rejection is always better than regret.

That's true.

Logically, I know I'm mentally beating myself up for cowardice way more than I'd be hurt if I was rejected.

EDIT: That is a brilliant article. I hadn't read it in years. Back then, I saw no opportunities, so it wasn't much use. Now I see them all around, I just haven't been able to act on them. Now I can really use this article. Thanks. I needed that.

 

[Sexual]

NP man good luck

 

[Ronnie Poleman]

I don't know about you, but I'm considering drugs.

I'll just assume you are kidding lol.

Darth man, get reading on the holy book, that can inspire you, make you think a little and search inside yourself about why you feel you lack guts, so you can confront that reason head-on, lose the nervousness and gain confidence with women.

By the holy book I mean the DJ Bible

 

[Bible_Belt]

Do what you fear most, and you will control your fear.

 

[pua1989]

dude. just dont care. i dont know how else to explain it. my buddy and i will switch off one of us is deaf, and go up and game the girl saying "oh my buddy here is deaf he says hello" then after he gives fake signs ill say "he thinks you havea good personality" and screw with the girl (who eventually finds out, and then proceeds to be "mad" then magically wants our knobs)

the point of what im trying to say is....WHO CARES. HAVE FUN WITH IT. if the girl knows you are trying to pick her up.......AND shes still talking to you..isnt that a good thing? come on dude, grow a pair and sack up

 

[playerone]

Don't be bothered with the people around you when you're approaching a girl. Just focus on the girl. Only experience through failed attempts can get you comfortable.

 

[jj123]

I don't know about you, but I'm considering drugs.

In particular MAO-B inhibitors found in certain types of cat's claw and 5-htp as a precursor to seratonin. Of course, take too much cat's claw and you can have a fatal interaction due to seratonin toxicity, so don't just go out there and chomp on pills cause some dude on the internet said so.

dumbest advice.... nobody needs drugs its all mental....same goes with psychologist that's all bull****....how is someone who goes through the same trouble in their life help someone that goes through the same?....everyone goes through ups and downs but its how you progress and keep moving forward...do you really think talking to someone is going to help you or take some medication because you have aa? LOL....get real and man up *****.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Just don't desire the girl. Cast your spell. If your act truly is together, then what have you got to worry about? I never worry about her reaction, OR other-people-around's reactions.

 

[Darth]

Cast your spell. If your act truly is together, then what have you got to worry about?

I just can't get the words out of my mouth. I can't explain it. I know I just need to do it a lot, and then it won't be a problem.

I tried today at the football game. I approached 3 hot girls and a ton of guys. At first I was just approaching guys, then I realized this was an opportunity to practice. I had no problem doing it with the girls because I actually had a legitimate question (where to buy ponchos). I started with "Excuse me," and they were all moving targets and they all stopped to talk with me. So that part isn't a problem.

But I couldn't say anything after they answered the question. Two of them just answered the question straight, but the first girl I asked, as she was answering I smiled and I saw almost a gleam in her eye and the corner of her mouth turn up as if to say, "This isn't the real reason you're talking to me, is it." I'm almost positive she was attracted.

Looking back this seems like a good thing, but at the time, I can't explain the feeling, it was, "Oh, man, she's onto me. She knows." And I freeze up.

Which is illogical, because how would you approach a girl for her number and be completely under the radar? It can't and shouldn't be done.

GOT to force myself to do this.

 

[lokariototal]

I have been/are through that situation. I think, u're taking things to seriously. You have to learn to be more humble and laugh at yourself if things go wrong. Also, try to not think things too much. Follow the 3 second rule! Also, you can use the "reject me" game. Just try to get at least one rejection a day. Look at it as something..... fun! With time, u will stop fearing being rejected.

In my case, I used it with approaching, and after I fixed that issue in my life, I stopped using all of this, cuz i thought i was good enough, but now i have problems with kino-rejection, so im trying to do what i did in the past: not thinking too much, having a crazy attitude, 3 second rule...

Let me know how it went! good luck man

 

[Darth]

Yeah...

I came across this other thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=162176

I think they have a point by the end....approaching after you see "buying signals" is better than just walking up to complete strangers who haven't even seen you.

But somehow, that still feels like a copout- I want to be able to approach anyone, anytime, anywhere.

I gotta start somewhere, though.

I think the boot camp really is the way to go here.

 

[pua1989]

DUDE its a GOOD thing if she knows you are hitting on her and shes STILL talking to you

 

[Interceptor]

This has to do with your sense of self worth, and your placing of a Value on a specific woman.

A lot of these concepts are formed in your subconcious, youve accepted them, and then they manifest in your daily life. Especially in what feels like a high pressure environment like an interaction with a woman.
If you feel inadequate in any way, it will show up somehow. If you feel shes just 'out of your league', it will also manifest.

Youre going to have to have a paradigm shift, and an upward shift in your consiousness in order to let go of those deep rooted beliefs that are affecting your consious actions.


You must re examine how you feel about yourself in relation to women.
And how valueable women are in general to you, and how valueable the specific woman youre interacting with is to you.
How important is her acceptance and approval to you?
How comfortable do you feel about yourself in relation to women?

What do you want from women?
What do you want from that particular interaction? And that particular woman?
What would happen if you didnt get the result you wanted?
How would you feel about yourself?

What do you want to feel about yourself?

These are just the beginning of the question you need to ask yourself.


I hope this starts getting you thinking...

Good luck.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Remember how your parents loved you thoroughly as a little boy (3,4,5 yrs old)? Harken back to that, and start loving yourself the way you felt love from all directions as a child. These are the most formative years. If you didn't get shown that love, then join a church to know what brotherly/sisterly/motherly/fatherly love IS. Know what it's like to receive that love and then every second of every day, give that gift to yourself. In the mirror you will see a change in you eyes and total overall complexion.

Eating a lot of spinach, watching a good movie or two, and listening to good music, will open up your emotional love for yourself and others too. It's an elevated mentality. A lot of negativity in this world, don't be stuck in that crowd. It takes courageous decisions, and possibly a good honest reciprocal woman, to climb your way out of it.

 

[Darth]

Thank you, Interceptor. That's a lot to think about. I know how powerful those ideas carried over from childhood can be. I did come from a loving family and from the Church, but I had a rough childhood. I remember being bullied in early elementary school, and a nasty joke played on me by two 3rd grade girls, which is still burned in my mind. I also had a speech impediment until a couple years ago, when I took it upon myself to fix it, which meant that even the teachers talked down to me as if I was retarded. I breathed out of my mouth and had lousy posture in my early teenage years, and I was awful at sports, and as I got older I felt I could never make my father happy. My father was superior, I was inferior.

That was my main problem. It evaporated one day when I realized, "I don't need to be fixed." I was so caught up in self-improvement throughout middle teens, I forgot who I was- I thought my identity was faulty. This took such a physical and mental toll on me it was unbelievable. When I stopped thinking I needed to be fixed and stopped "acting" my way through life, I realized I was a lot smarter and better at a lot more things than I thought I was, to the point of being called charismatic by people. I transformed from socially inept into Joe Cool, practically overnight. It was the most incredible thing that ever happened to me. I started to really love people, too, instead of hating them for embracing values that weren't mine.

Maybe the woman thing is a holdover from that period in my life. In fact, I'm sure it is in some way.

Know what it's like to receive that love and then every second of every day, give that gift to yourself. In the mirror you will see a change in you eyes and total overall complexion.

Eating a lot of spinach, watching a good movie or two, and listening to good music, will open up your emotional love for yourself and others too. It's an elevated mentality. A lot of negativity in this world, don't be stuck in that crowd. It takes courageous decisions, and possibly a good honest reciprocal woman, to climb your way out of it.

I think that's 100% true. I think my mission here is to spread good and happiness to as many people as possible. I want people to smile after talking to me, I want to make people feel good about themselves. I really love people, as stupid as they can be sometimes. I think there's good in everyone. What little kid is evil? Our culture today in 2009 is rotten through and through, but not the people in it. They're just followers. That's why it's my plan to go into film or TV and start making good stuff again. Not just for myself, but for everybody out there who would recognize good if only they were exposed to it.

Anyways, that was kind of a tangent, but this girl thing is the last thing that's holding me back from doing everything I want. Thanks for all the help guys. I know I'll nail it eventually.