Desperate for advice

[Why_You]

Hey guys

In very plain terms - I was with a my ex for 4 months and yes, at face-value this is a short time but coming from a 2 plus year before this, I can say this last one was much more serious and intense then the two year one easily. I met my ex's parents they loved me, would take care of her baby nephew with my ex and we planned on moving out together in the coming months. All she spoke about was how great I was and how I was everything in the world she prayed for and everything she pictured in the perfect boyfriend.

A few days before she broke up with me, we were at the gynaecologist discussing falling pregnant as my ex has fertility issues along with a bunch of other serious health concerns which would have made me run from any of my ex's in the past. My ex's ex was a drug dealer and I almost left her weeks into the relationship because as I told her, "I don't need all this drama in my life I am only 25". She's 29 years old too so not like some 18 year old baby girl.

I work with her and she will be returning back to work in 2 weeks time, something I am having serious trouble grasping and anticipating. When she returns, I will on average see her once a week but that's one too many times as far as Im concerned.

She left me saying things like she can't be the woman I need, that her illnesses and past experiences have left her so dependent on me and she has to become independent and that she loves who I am not is not in love with me. At first I believed all that sh*t but now a few weeks post BU I am firmly of the belief that it was all said to drop me as lightly at possible. She did break up with me via text message and only met up with me after me asking about half a dozen times. We recently had a very fiery exchange of words over the phone with her threatening to get people after me and me reminding her of all her flaws (sl*t, b*tch, unintelligent etc).

My biggest concern is work atm but of course, this has been the hardest relationship or situation with a girl in general am honestly struggling very badly. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[georgie24]

dude let her go and move on

she"s older wich is a sign that she knows what shes doing to you and has its purposes

the more you try and "fix" this situation is the equivelent of you in a choke chain

the more you do whether its fighting for the relationship or trying to figure it out the tighter it gets !

 

[d!ckmojo]

Ummm, what do you need help with? Sounds like you dodged a bullet man, you should be thankful that its over with her now.

Dude, just treat it like a learnt lesson. You had to have that experience so that you could grow wiser and stronger, and now you've gone through that experience, and learned from it, you're a better man for it.

 

[Why_You]

For sure, it's undisputed that I have learnt so much from this experience. I'm embarrassed that I left myself so open and was naive with things. Let her have pretty much all the power to do as she please, I was never a walk over but tried to maintain the mature sensitive and caring character the entire time.

I just wanted to add that she had never seen the angry or fed up version of me ever until our last contact. She was so used to me being the one who made exceptions and made up after fights. So I wonder what her situation or thoughts would be at the moment. All I should really care about is myself and I feel feel a lot better having that intense verbal altercation with her. I could tell that she was kind of shocked by it all. Like I said, never have been this pathetic creature I am being or was being. Felt like I was hiding from her and had to maintain her health and wellbeing despite being dumped.

I know i dodged a bomb but two main things: How should I act when she gets back to work i.e need some direct skills and things to avoid. I am usually very good with this stuff but like I said, I find myself feeling things and experiencing things that I have not before so it makes it tough dealing with this.

The second thing is, well, work was the big main thing but I guess there's a whole bunch of issues I'm dealing with at the moment in terms of emotional loss and just her presence and all that bullsh*t. I feel like a joke atm. I have hit the gym again, been with mates a lot, have hit up girls and am going to persue one just hope it doesn't make things worse.

Thanks guys

 

[d!ckmojo]

Regarding how you should treat her at work, I think you should just treat her however you feel like. If you feel like ignoring her, ignore her... if you feel like being rude to her, be rude to her.... Just don't try to be nice to her (unless you really, really feel like being nice to her, and even then, try not to feel like being nice to her). Genuineness is where credibility comes from.

Yeah dog, just approach 3x women a day for 3 weeks. Conquering some new pvssy and getting another notch on your belt will make you feel A LOT better he he.

 

[marmel75]

In general when I see posts like this regarding a toxic woman who the OP knows he should get rid of, wants to get rid of, but doesn't get rid of, it always seems to boil down to the OP has nobody else to have sex with. If the OP had other options in regards to sex, there is no way in the world he puts up with this type of shyt. He puts up with this in return for the sex.

IMHO when you find other women to have sex with, you will dump this chick in a New York Minute...

 

[Why_You]

Regarding how you should treat her at work, I think you should just treat her however you feel like. If you feel like ignoring her, ignore her... if you feel like being rude to her, be rude to her.... Just don't try to be nice to her (unless you really, really feel like being nice to her, and even then, try not to feel like being nice to her). Genuineness is where credibility comes from.

Yeah dog, just approach 3x women a day for 3 weeks. Conquering some new pvssy and getting another notch on your belt will make you feel A LOT better he he.

This is something I have been lacking. I tried to be such a 'perfect guy' for her because she has serious illnesses which made me pity her daily and because I treated my ex ex so harshly I suppose. When possible (out of manager's sight) I will act however the f*ck I want to act. Im so glad I had the chance to open up to her the other day - I don't feel suppressed anymore. Sounds like an Oprah guest but Im open with it all here atleast. I went from a well respected self worthy dude to complete dog **** over the past few months. The guy she met was confident, savvy and generally then she and I let her muck that all up.

 

[Why_You]

In general when I see posts like this regarding a toxic woman who the OP knows he should get rid of, wants to get rid of, but doesn't get rid of, it always seems to boil down to the OP has nobody else to have sex with. If the OP had other options in regards to sex, there is no way in the world he puts up with this type of shyt. He puts up with this in return for the sex.

IMHO when you find other women to have sex with, you will dump this chick in a New York Minute...

Bro there is a strong element of truth to this but there are many other things you are missing too. I do have three other women who are DTF but problem is two have husbands and one has a boyfriend. Im old school with my values and beliefs so I find it hard to sleep with them because I put myself in their partner's shoes. I can honestly say they are the ones contacting me daily sending me dirty messages and even unrequested naked photos. All three are attractive too. I have been outgoing since break up gotten a couple of hot girls numbers but one that I really want to get on top of is flaking. Im not too familiar with the term flaking but she's been eye balling me for weeks and so I approached her in public small talked for few minutes got the number she seemed very keen. She didn't get my number as I told her Id message her it that night; did so she sent a few very friendly messages then I tried calling three days later - no answer.

Im leaving it with her now that was yesterday I rang. I honestly am messed up because I invested so much emotional and physical time to my ex. Never in a million years did I think I would be so dedicated and well really, willing to ignore all my basic rules and standards for a girl at my age. Just hurts knowing I did it all for a slut.