Mind_Magic
New Member
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2010
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I've been lurking on this website for a few days now, devouring information and contemplating new ideas. I finally decided it's time I ask the real questions bothering me.
Due to psychological issues concerning my mother's abandoning me as a child, I've had problems with women all my life (Freud strikes again). I've unwittingly sought to replace her with the women I meet, while simultaneously deciding on inaction every time. End result? A deep longing for a nurturing relationship and a deep, penetrating fear of abandonment that prohibited me from ever, and I do mean EVER, making a move. Sure I've had internet/phone relationships that involved real emotions on my end. I've even fallen in love with one of them. Phone sex/cyberfvcks and even Cam2Cam were a common occurrence. If only that translated into my real life. But real life is scary. You don't have the technology walls to hide behind. Online, you are whoever and whatever you say you are, in real life, not so much. Online I'm the cool guy, the life of the party, the bad ass with the cool bike and the leather jacket, and the eternal money tree in the backyard. In the real life I'm the scum of the earth, contemplating suicide at every sign of bad luck, broke and so worthless my own mother couldn't love me.
I've since battled successfully most of these psychological issues (no thanks to shrinks and self-help gurus), and have regained a stable self-esteem. I now have realized and have learned to cope with the unhealthy childhood. I've also learned that I'm a pretty damn good catch. Intelligent, funny, and confident, what's not to love?
The only problem is this whole 24yr old virgin thing. I know that some women know that I'm a good catch, and have all but begged me to fvck them passionately. Keep in mind that I've never, EVER, approached or made any attempt whatsoever to do anything at any time with any girl, except behind my protective technology walls and a tiny bit of flirting with girls who approach me. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the women who have approached ME. The problem is, we flirt, and things go great and such. However, when it comes to crunch time, my paralyzing fear kicks in and I quickly retreat into a Nice Guy mode, and eventually they loose interest.
Take the latest girl for instance. I was in the hot tub one cool September night at my apartment complex talking on the phone to my friend. For some reason they felt the need to turn the jets off at night, and leave them on during the day. I live in a particularly hot climate, where triple digit weather is the norm until about mid Oct. So I was commenting on the stupidity of the idea of sitting in a hot tub midday when it's 100+ outside. This girl was in the hot tub too, and I was completely oblivious to her until she laughed at my jokes. I got off the phone and we began talking. We flirted and talked until she invited me up to her apartment. Awesome! This could be, should be my lucky night, right? As if.
I go up to her apartment and the all-too-familiar demon of fear began to show it's ugly face. We go to her bed (which was really just a blanket on the ground, I would later be responsible for all the furniture show now has), and she waits for me to make a move. I can see it in her eyes, in her body. I choke up and decide to talk. TALK! About what? EVERYTHING! You could see the disappointment in her face. I'm not what she thought. Now she begins yawning and talking about how tired she is, which is my queue to leave. I leave, lonely, slightly horny, and beating myself up the way home. Well basically since then I've worked hard at placing myself in the FriendZone. Why, you may ask? This stupid, irrational, impenetrable fear. We hang out virtually every day, and do date thing, but its as friends.
Well some time has passed since then, and now it seems, she's pretty much given up on me. We're still friends, and close friends at that. But I'm forever in the FriendZone now. She still tries to fish something out of me that says something of "I want to fvck you." and as usual, I neither confirm nor deny it. But it's different. It's as if she's on to me. Instead of trying to get me to make the first move, it's now seeming to be a matter of her just wanting to know if i like her. Which I do, but this brings me to my dilemma. We are very close friends now, and I enjoy her friendship very much. I don't want to change that for the world and have now decided it is in my best interest to just continue working on that, and that alone when it comes to her. But I like her. She's different than most girls I've met or seen, and there's something captivating about her. I'm like two people. One likes her as strictly a friend and almost views her as a little sister (even though she's a year older, figure that one out), and the other person is crazy about her.
Wow. This was A LOT longer than I intended! Now, my questions: First. How do I stop feeling crazy about her while still remaining good friends? Second, how do I learn to grasp hold of this fear? And Third, my biggest problem is transitioning from one stage to another. Once I grasp hold of the fear, I won't know what to do. Most of the advice I've come across talk about how to get a girl interested. But I don't know how to respond to her interest.
Due to psychological issues concerning my mother's abandoning me as a child, I've had problems with women all my life (Freud strikes again). I've unwittingly sought to replace her with the women I meet, while simultaneously deciding on inaction every time. End result? A deep longing for a nurturing relationship and a deep, penetrating fear of abandonment that prohibited me from ever, and I do mean EVER, making a move. Sure I've had internet/phone relationships that involved real emotions on my end. I've even fallen in love with one of them. Phone sex/cyberfvcks and even Cam2Cam were a common occurrence. If only that translated into my real life. But real life is scary. You don't have the technology walls to hide behind. Online, you are whoever and whatever you say you are, in real life, not so much. Online I'm the cool guy, the life of the party, the bad ass with the cool bike and the leather jacket, and the eternal money tree in the backyard. In the real life I'm the scum of the earth, contemplating suicide at every sign of bad luck, broke and so worthless my own mother couldn't love me.
I've since battled successfully most of these psychological issues (no thanks to shrinks and self-help gurus), and have regained a stable self-esteem. I now have realized and have learned to cope with the unhealthy childhood. I've also learned that I'm a pretty damn good catch. Intelligent, funny, and confident, what's not to love?
The only problem is this whole 24yr old virgin thing. I know that some women know that I'm a good catch, and have all but begged me to fvck them passionately. Keep in mind that I've never, EVER, approached or made any attempt whatsoever to do anything at any time with any girl, except behind my protective technology walls and a tiny bit of flirting with girls who approach me. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the women who have approached ME. The problem is, we flirt, and things go great and such. However, when it comes to crunch time, my paralyzing fear kicks in and I quickly retreat into a Nice Guy mode, and eventually they loose interest.
Take the latest girl for instance. I was in the hot tub one cool September night at my apartment complex talking on the phone to my friend. For some reason they felt the need to turn the jets off at night, and leave them on during the day. I live in a particularly hot climate, where triple digit weather is the norm until about mid Oct. So I was commenting on the stupidity of the idea of sitting in a hot tub midday when it's 100+ outside. This girl was in the hot tub too, and I was completely oblivious to her until she laughed at my jokes. I got off the phone and we began talking. We flirted and talked until she invited me up to her apartment. Awesome! This could be, should be my lucky night, right? As if.
I go up to her apartment and the all-too-familiar demon of fear began to show it's ugly face. We go to her bed (which was really just a blanket on the ground, I would later be responsible for all the furniture show now has), and she waits for me to make a move. I can see it in her eyes, in her body. I choke up and decide to talk. TALK! About what? EVERYTHING! You could see the disappointment in her face. I'm not what she thought. Now she begins yawning and talking about how tired she is, which is my queue to leave. I leave, lonely, slightly horny, and beating myself up the way home. Well basically since then I've worked hard at placing myself in the FriendZone. Why, you may ask? This stupid, irrational, impenetrable fear. We hang out virtually every day, and do date thing, but its as friends.
Well some time has passed since then, and now it seems, she's pretty much given up on me. We're still friends, and close friends at that. But I'm forever in the FriendZone now. She still tries to fish something out of me that says something of "I want to fvck you." and as usual, I neither confirm nor deny it. But it's different. It's as if she's on to me. Instead of trying to get me to make the first move, it's now seeming to be a matter of her just wanting to know if i like her. Which I do, but this brings me to my dilemma. We are very close friends now, and I enjoy her friendship very much. I don't want to change that for the world and have now decided it is in my best interest to just continue working on that, and that alone when it comes to her. But I like her. She's different than most girls I've met or seen, and there's something captivating about her. I'm like two people. One likes her as strictly a friend and almost views her as a little sister (even though she's a year older, figure that one out), and the other person is crazy about her.
Wow. This was A LOT longer than I intended! Now, my questions: First. How do I stop feeling crazy about her while still remaining good friends? Second, how do I learn to grasp hold of this fear? And Third, my biggest problem is transitioning from one stage to another. Once I grasp hold of the fear, I won't know what to do. Most of the advice I've come across talk about how to get a girl interested. But I don't know how to respond to her interest.
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