Desdinova's Relationship Recovery Journal

[Desdinova]

So I figured I'd update this thread after reading one of Zarky's recent threads. I've been sarging POF during the hours that I can't go out and meet women. I had a 22yo girl from POF flake on me Friday eve, but she counter-offered for Sunday morning and asked me to breakfast. I've NEVER done breakfast for a first date, but I went for it.

We had some great conversation through POF. She threw her number at me without me even asking for it. Before we were to meet up, she interrupted the fun chit chat by getting self-conscious about her physical appearance because my profile specifically states that I don't want a fattie. I gave her 5hit and told her to keep her self-conscious thoughts to herself because EVERY woman thinks she's fat. I thought I was gonna lose her at that point, so I just steered the conversation back to being playful which worked well. Emotional fluctuation through text messaging

What was really odd is instead of meeting her at the location, she asked me to pick her up. I don't even know this fvcking chick and she's requesting a ride from a stranger! So I drive over to pick her up. Body at the distance looks pretty good. A little closer and she could stand to lose about 20 lbs. No biggie, at least she's not a fvcking cement truck. Her face - well... I've seen way better. I'd rate her a HB6. Could be a HB7 if she lost the weight.

This is probably the least attractive chick I've met off that site, but at least she doesn't have any fvcking full-time kids. Regardless, we went out for breakfast and I had fun teasing the 5hit out of her. I'd forgotten how much fun a first date can be. She ate it all up and it was obvious that she was into me. The date lasted a total of 1 1/2 hours, not enough time to build up to a kiss. She had to go to work after.

I'm not keeping her around for anything long term, but I wanna fvck her brains out. Her body's good enough to keep me interested at least until something better comes along. Right now, I'm all about progressing away from the LTR and this is a good start.

Now, let me get over to Saturday Night... I met this French teacher at the bar. Solid HB7.5, but she's got ears like an elf. Ugly goddam things. I'll buy her a set of ear muffs if I land a date with her

I remembered what bb said about developing a connection with the woman, so that was my focus with this one. Conversation was awesome and got the number without a problem. Texted her today and heard nothing back, but she doesn't seem to be too tech-savvy so I'm gonna try calling her tomorrow. If I get nothing out of this, no biggie. I don't really like French women anyway.

So that's my progression so far. I'm happy as 5hit that I finally got out on a date after a month of busting my ass out in the field, even if the chick isn't even close to being as hot as my ex. Whatever, it's all puzzy when they're naked in the bedroom.

 

[L B]

Always fun to see your threads about your journey after a breakup. Like zekko, I get to live my singles life vicariously through these threads.

Keep us updated as always.

 

[Desdinova]

Called the elf-eared frenchie last night. She apparently had some friends over to watch the bachelor, so I asked her when a good time to call her is. She told me in a couple days. I'll call her on Wednesday, but I have a feeling she's going to drop off the map. If so, that's fine. She can go make toys in Santa's workshop.

Got a decent prospect on OKCupid. Convo going really well, seems like a fairly compatible chick. Got another one on POF who just doesn't say much, but she's been putting in the effort to stay in contact. Today I sent them both a request for their numbers. The POF one may drop off the radar, but the OKCupid one looks promising.

I find it odd that I'm having a better time with online dating. I've never done well at it before and usually had better luck out in the field. But then again, it's been so fvcking cold here (-30 degrees) that women just wanna hibrinate in front of the TV.

I also set up a second date with the HB6. I mostly just want her for a lay.

 

[Desdinova]

I've realized one thing in the last little while. It's difficult to get over a LTR with an all-around decent girl when you encounter substandard women.

I successfully moved contact to text messaging with the OKCupid chick. Still solid convo, we like the same music, she has her own house, own vehicle, she's got one kid, but so do I, so that doesn't bother me too much. She has a unique spelling for her first name, so I searched her out on FB and checked out her pics. She's fat

I should've known after she told me what she does for work. She sells insurance. Every fvcking chick I've met who sells insurance is fat.

I'm calling the frenchie again tonight, but I'm not expecting a whole lot from that.

I ended up not going out this week because I've been so damn tired. Kinda wished I would have gone out now to search for other prospects. I'm almost getting to the point where I want to give up dating for a bit. The problem with that is I'll be thinking about my ex non-stop if I do that. It's almost tempting to date the fat insurance chick just to keep my brain preoccupied.

Oh yeah, I also still have the HB6 on the line, but she might be ready to fall off the cliff too.

 

[Reyaj]

Enjoying the thread Des, you keep it real and I respect that.

Take it from someone who sarges the field and has recently looked into internet dating.... there really isn't much of a difference regarding quality...

 

[SamTheHobit]

I've realized one thing in the last little while. It's difficult to get over a LTR with an all-around decent girl when you encounter substandard women.

Totally agree, there has been basicly one girl besides my ex gf that I "clicked with".

Alas she wasn't interested in me.

But God damn is it hard to find a girl I'm attracted to on a physical and emotional level and get along with well.

 

[Boilermaker]

I would reduce expectations at this point.

All you need is to get laid with two different girls, and you are good to go,

you'll be over her.

 

[Desdinova]

I found after my ex broke up with me that literally every girl I met for about 4 months was substandard. They were nice enough and fun enough, but generally not piquing my interest. You will find yourself measuring every woman against your ex, and since you have been physical and emotional with your ex for so long, no one has even the opportunity to prove otherwise.

I absolutely needed this post. You're 100% right.

I would reduce expectations at this point.

All you need is to get laid with two different girls, and you are good to go,

I'm doing a good job so far. I've got two dates for this weekend: a second date with the HB6 and a first date with the SM. I figured fvck it, it's better than sitting at home thinking about the ex. I'm aiming to bang both of them on the third date.

 

[BeDJ]

Knowing and realizing that there are so many choices when it comes to women eliminates desperation. All AFCs seem to have this desperation and hopelessness when they're single, feeling like they will never get the woman they need. Those of us who have been on this site for quite some time know that there are plenty of options out there and all we have to do is get out there and take advantage of those opportunities. We aren't desperate because we KNOW that we WILL be able to find ourselves a woman when we desire to have one.

It's good to be a Don Juan.

Your mind drugs you with thoughts of your ex to reminisce the comfort you had with her. Flakes and unsuccessful dates will trigger the thoughts to get some good feelings in a depressing reality. Bang the fattie if you must.

 

[Desdinova]

Your mind drugs you with thoughts of your ex to reminisce the comfort you had with her. Flakes and unsuccessful dates will trigger the thoughts to get some good feelings in a depressing reality. Bang the fattie if you must.

There shall be a storm at sea. At least she's got a good face.

 

[cordoncordon]

Keep up the good fight.

 

[Desdinova]

My date for Friday night ended up canceling on me. I had a feeling she was going to do that. I have a very low tolerance for that 5hit, especially from a woman who's only a HB6, so I NEXTed her. After she sent that text saying she had to work, I didn't even bother messaging her back. Saturday night, I got a text from her saying "way to not message me all day". Again, I didn't respond. Unless she comes back with super high interest, she's history.

Last night, I had two potential prospects to work with. One was a blonde who was showing some IOIs, but I had noticed this one dude who came with her group occasionally touching her in a way that seemed to claim her as 'property', so I decided to avoid pursuing her.

The other one I had run into previously, and me and her had a hell of great time! She was busting a gut laughing at my jokes, and generally giving me positive vibes. Me and her ended up sitting with our shoulders pressed against each other along with our legs resting against each others. I tried to take it a step further with the kino... When she touched my hand while laughing at something I said, I reciprocated by stroking my finger against it a couple of times. She did not reciprocate in any way. I tried to get her number, but she claimed that she didn't have a phone and instead asked me to add her to fb which I did.

When we parted for the night, She gave me one hell of a tight hug. I again did my test to see if she would reciprocate by rubbing my hand up and down her back once, but still no reciprocation. WTF???

So this morning, I saw she confirmed me as a friend. I went and looked at her profile and it turns out she's married. Never once mentioned the guy and didn't wear a ring either.

Oh well, it's all part of the game.

I've still got my date tonight with the OKCupid chick. She's still showing very high interest, so we'll see how that one goes.

 

[Die Hard]

Ah yes, seems to be a new trend: girl inserts excuse why she can't give her phone number, then counters by offering to become friends on facebook.

I've never had a girl use this one on me before, until two months ago. And since then, it has strangely happened another 3 or 4 times again. I'm curious if this is just a coincidence or have any of you guys noticed a developing trend here as well?

In the past, girls would either give their number to me or they wouldn't. In case they wouldn't, they either just said no or came up with some kind of excuse and that was it, THE END. But lately, they seem to often add the facebook counter offer.

Anyway, even from my limited experience with this, I've established for myself that the girl should be instantly NEXTED when she does this. It's a sign of low interest and basically a new variant of putting you in the friend zone.

 

[Desdinova]

Anyway, even from my limited experience with this, I've established for myself that the girl should be instantly NEXTED when she does this. It's a sign of low interest and basically a new variant of putting you in the friend zone.

I'm not closed to adding them on FB. I've turned a few of my FB-only chicks into dates and there's nothing wrong with expanding your social circle, even if the chick is virtually un-dateable. The more social proof I have, the better.

 

[BeDJ]

It's a way of evaluating you without any risk because women treat it like reality. It's just another obstacle you have to overcome to get her number off Flakebook. Too much effort. I reply to the offer with, I prefer texting, it's easier. What's your number?

I have taken the Facebook bait in the past, which never amounted into anything. Maybe Naughty Ninja can post a guide on creating a profile?

 

[Desdinova]

So I went out on my date yesterday. The girl wasn't as fat as I was expecting which is good. She could still stand to lose at least 20 lbs. I'd rate her somewhere between a HB 6.5 or 7 (pic in my profile). She seems really nice, we had good convo, lots of 5hit in common, she's got enough independence to avoid trying to move in with me, has had the same job for the last 11 years, and she only has her kid part-time. Perfectly ideal woman to date. After we ate our food, I dragged her ass into my truck and we listened to some music which included some of my originals. I reached over and grabbed her hand. She squeezed back hard. Nice to get a response like that after the night before.

We're planning for a date again on Thursday. Should be able to fvck her by date 3 or 4.

I'm planning on going out tonight to see what else I can find

 

[zekko]

The girl wasn't as fat as I was expecting which is good. She could still stand to lose at least 20 lbs. I'd rate her somewhere between a HB 6.5 or 7 (pic in my profile).

I guess you're not one of these "if she gains 20 lbs. she's gone" guys, lol. She has a nice "girl next door" look. How old is she, Des?

 

[Desdinova]

She's 28. If she's already 20 lbs overweight and gains another 20, then that's a problem.

 

[blindnowisee]

Desdinova; I seem to resonate with some of your posts so just wanted to give you a word of warning..

After breaking up with your longterm gf and hitting the dating scene again imho you'll hit 2 discoveries:
1- you need to find yourself a girl who is better than your ex otherwise the pining/hurting won't be healed. You found out this one earlier when stating 'all other girls are substandard'.
2- I read a great post about 'convenience'.. can't seem to find it but the jist of it is that you're more susceptible for falling for a girl that happens to turn up at the right time; she's alright looks wise, character wise etc etc however you just know she's not LTR material. I fell into this trap and after +- 2 months of dating she wanted me to become exclusive.. which I didn't.. ended up banging her a couple of times after which she went and found herself a new bf. Truth be told.. in a weird way this felt like a blow to me.. even though I knew I'd never end up in a LTR with her.

Rambling ends here..

 

[Desdinova]

1- you need to find yourself a girl who is better than your ex otherwise the pining/hurting won't be healed.

Could you define "better"?

The reason I ask is because some women are going to be "better" in certain aspects. For example, my ex lived at home with her overly-religious parents and had no vehicle. This new girl lives on her own and has an SUV. She's not as high on the looks scale, but she's got a lot more going for herself.

I think in the end, we convince ourselves which women are high quality and which are low quality. If a woman's hot enough, we might convince ourselves that her emotional outbursts show that she has self-confidence and doesn't take 5hit from anybody. We can make a woman high quality in our minds solely because we find her attractive.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on that.

Got a text from the new girl last night, wanting to bump our date from Thursday to tonight. I'm an advocate on striking while the iron's hot and tonight works much better for me, so I agreed. I still need to get the first kiss in. That's the downside of online dating... The first date gets tied into the first meeting so the first kiss needs to occur on the second date.

We're going mini-golfing.