Depression sets it... What's your cure?

[00Kevin]

oh.. and a nice 40 oz of JW black goes a long way. Buying that bottle can put a smile on a mans face.

 

[Alpine]

MrB,

I agree that he may have some problems to resolve, but have you ever experienced depression? Have you any clinical experience yet working with depressed patients?

What I don't think you are getting is Jay has to change his current state BEFORE he can do ANYTHING. It's no good saying solve your problems or snap out of it.

I think this thread would be worth showing your Tutor or atleast discussing the theme. His insight may be valuable.

ps. have you cut up any bodies yet? Mine was called Harvey.

 

[00Kevin]

I have a lot of personal experience with people who are depressed. Sometimes there is NOTHING you can do about it. You have to let them deal with it on their own.

The more sympathy you give them the more they get depressed. Depression takes time to resolve and it usually only happens when you start to ignore what they say and pretend that they are normal.

Sometimes I think depression is like a drug. I know it might sound strange but depressed people get pleasure out of being depressed.

 

[Alpine]

OOKevin,

Your post has given me an idea for yet another new therapy (there are over 200).

It's called Blockbuster Therapy. Remember that last scene in American Beauty where he's running his life back and sees it from a 3rd person perspective?

.... and what does he realise GRATITUDE.

Stage two is to watch Fight Club, especially the scene where he puts a gun to the shopkeepers head. Sort of concentrated his mind didn't it.

Phase 3 is to watch Champion. It's about a guy with cancer and a racehorse (know honestly it's really good). At his lowest ebb he walks round the children's cancer ward where all the kids are laughing and playing despite their illness.

Therapy complete.

Test question.

In what way does feeling depressed help me feel any better?

 

[00Kevin]

the best therapy is this.

GET OFF YOUR F*CKEN ASS AND GET YOUR ACT TOGEATHER!

 

[Alpine]

 

[jakeyboy]

hey guys thanks so far for this ton of information and advice... will definitely take up some of it...

i haven't tried anti depressants, because i heard off somewhere that they make you groggy and sleepy and they numb your mind, therefore making it difficult to study for any major exam.. any one can clarify this?

here's a silly idea, write your troubles on a piece of paper and flush it down the bowl after your morning doodie..

do you guys have any ideas for blocking out negative thoughts? these suggestions are all perfectly fine for killing depression, but what's a guy to do when he's all alone trying to get a few winks after mugging hard for an exam and these thoughts just flood him to death?

hey Alpine and Bond... your suggestions are all fine, no one is definitely wrong in what they say, as i look at this board, everyone has their own unique way of dealing with depression.. some may feel that drugs work, while some feel that exercise is the way to go! i just asked you guys for your personal regime to fight off these depressing feelings to get an idea of how to go about killing these bad thoughts...

do keep this thread going, share your wealth of miracle cures for anxiety and depression to help the stumbling DJ back on his feet... i thank you mates so much once again...


yeah and i realize i have to be grateful for what i've already got, rather than dwell on what i don't have... that's a sound piece of advice!

 

[Abbott]

Do you have any hobbies?

I don't know what kind of financial situation you have, but most people can afford at least some kind of hobby. It'll help you quit thinking about whether or not a certain woman likes you or not.

Also, look at everything around you and everything in your life. Is there anything that is making things worse for you?

I was in high school once, like most people. In those days I never did my hair, so it looked shaggy and messy. My clothing style was non-existent. I worked at this terrible sh!t-job (I worked at a fast-food joint for longer than I would care to admit), and I was letting the fact that some social mistakes I made during the freshman year of high school get to me.

Near the end of my four years there, I started doing my hair. I paid more attention to what I wore, and I quit that job that I utterly hated so much. I also did my best to evaluate what kind of things I was doing wrong socially so I wouldn't do those things anymore.

Lo and behold, I felt SO much better about myself after I started doing those things. The last year of high school I barely managed to scrap by, getting many D's and still hating myself. Chances are, I probably would've done better if I had tried to do those things before starting high school.

I don't if the high school example is very helpful. But what I do know is that sometimes things around you are hurting you, and you need to fix them. I had issues that I fixed, and I'm so glad I did, I can't believe I didn't try to do that sooner.

Oh yeah...stay far away from anti-depressants. You don't need the side effects. People DO get better without them. I did, and so can you.

Ben

 

[jakethasnake]

Jake,


What are you depressed about? Is it because you feel that you can't get women? It's baffling to me, because I saw your picture in the picture thread, and you're WELL ABOVE average, in fact you're fast approaching 'good looking'. You're that dark-blond haired guy, right? You also have a strong jaw, and pretty angular features - something that many women find appealing. And as many senior poster have said, looks matter quite a bit. Your looks alone should get your foot in the door for you many times. So why the depression with women?


Or is your depression about some other aspect of your life?


You need to elaborate these things a little bit for us to better understand what you're depressed about.


- Jake.

 

[Alpine]

Jakeyboy,

Yes you certainly seem to have negative thoughts wizzing round and round. Venting them here or with your friends may help, but bare in mind it keeps you focussed on these thoughts. Also you can loose friends if you constantly tell yor troubles to people, because it makes them feel down too.

As I keep on saying you need to change your current state before you are able to tackle some of the issues in your life. All the things I have suggested attack the problem from different avenues and WILL help.

Other things to consider are 1)diet, lay off soda, refined sugars and make sure you have a sensible, balanced diet esp. B Vits.

2) Thought stopping. From your last post I think this would help alot. As someone else has stated you can get addicted to negativity, or more specifically the mini high you get from the sympathy/attention of others during the low.

Talk to youself in your head, whenever you start going round and round with neg thoughts just say 'stop' Immediatley replace the thought with the 10 reasons to be gratful you got from the exercise. It seems too simple but it does help, it takes a bit of personal discipline though and constant vigilence.

For external help if you are still having problems in a month or two, go see a Doc as it 'could' be a medical prob. If he offers you SSRIs (he shouldn't, they are soon to be band for people of your age) say you would be up for some counselling instead.

 

[jakeyboy]

Originally posted by jakethasnake
Jake,


What are you depressed about? Is it because you feel that you can't get women? It's baffling to me, because I saw your picture in the picture thread, and you're WELL ABOVE average, in fact you're fast approaching 'good looking'. You're that dark-blond haired guy, right? You also have a strong jaw, and pretty angular features - something that many women find appealing. And as many senior poster have said, looks matter quite a bit. Your looks alone should get your foot in the door for you many times. So why the depression with women?


Or is your depression about some other aspect of your life?


You need to elaborate these things a little bit for us to better understand what you're depressed about.


- Jake.

hey... yup, that's me alright. ok the main reason for this depression is my ex. i find that i've been trying to get rebounds from other girls but somehow to me it just aint the same. though i've tried to block it out (these thoughts), (stupid AFCness) and just last night, i was subconciously stuck in a dream.. where i waited one year for my ex to return to me and finally i asked her to get back with me and she just shrugged and said sorry... no.

and then i could feel my whole body just collapse. i mean i was aware that i was asleep but i felt my heart start beating really fast and my mind just went dizzy... the strange thing is that i was aware of it all yet i couldn't sit up and stop it.. i couldnt move!!! it was a really strange feeling.. and finally i think i just gradually told myself it was a dream... and my mind relaxed again..

i hate these thoughts about my ex... its never been like this, and suddenly a bout of it just appears!

what now...



hey Abbott ... that's definitely a great piece of advice.. i love to lift weights. so i guess ill channel my energy to do that? thanks for sharing your story... it had been really enlightening and helpful to me... thanks matey! good to know that i'm not the only one who's been down in the dumps


Alpine ... how come you know so much about handling depression eh? -nudges- haha.. sorry, shouldnt poke fun at you

Talk to youself in your head, whenever you start going round and round with neg thoughts just say 'stop' Immediatley replace the thought with the 10 reasons to be gratful you got from the exercise. It seems too simple but it does help, it takes a bit of personal discipline though and constant vigilence.

am definitely gonna use this.




guys dont worry so much... my depression isn't a terminal disease yet... i feel much better sharing my bit of downness with you guys on the forum... and the advice you have given me so far is splendid. gonna print out this thread soon and stick it on my wall!

thanks for helping me feel better man.. tis good to know i'm not alone in this world. anyone out there with more information or advice.. feel free to post! i'm gonna print it all out

 

[Alpine]

Alpine ... how come you know so much about handling depression eh? -nudges- haha.. sorry, shouldnt poke fun at you


Because I have to listen to people like you all day and it depresses me

Med. Doctors, shrinks and Farmers have the highest suicide rates ranked by profession.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by jakeyboy
, but what's a guy to do when he's all alone trying to get a few winks after mugging hard for an exam and these thoughts just flood him to death?

ok, you need to stop thinking that way. Why do you feel the need to get a wink from a chick? that is what women do! men don't do that.

I can only suggest that you do one thing a day that picks you up a bit. Make sure you don't go to sleep until you have done something for yourself that lifts you up.

For example,
The first step in getting a girl is to always have nice shoes on.
I have a shoe shining step under my desk at work. I always have shinny shoes.

 

[squirrels]

If you're anything like me, you're depressed because you're worrying too much about whether women like you.

Contrary to the beliefs of many people on this forum, you don't NEED sex. YOu may want it, you may want it BAD, you may be DYING for it, but you don't NEED it.

You're working on a spender-saver mentality. You come on forums like this and you absorb all of these techniques and tricks and crap and SAVE them all up until one day you SPEND them all on some p00n in exchange. You may get it, you may not. The thing is that you're constantly worried about whether the exchange is legitimate, if you're REALLY getting what you wanted for what you've spent. If all the time, energy, etc you've put in is giving you what you expected in return.

You're also trying to stack up what you have in the way of time, money, energy, love, etc against where you THINK you "want to be" in life, what you want to have. You treat your experiences like furniture in the house that is your life.

I fell into the same thing just before my 25th. I started thinking to myself, "By this time, I wanted a steady hot girlfriend, should be thinking about marriage, should have more financial success, a bigger house, more friends, etc etc"

It's all BULLSH!T.

Start thinking as an investor instead of a saver/consumer. Take your energy and your love and your "DJ skills" and INVEST them in people. Take some risks in your life and give your time and energy to people who you think are worthwhile investments. Let them grow and in return they'll pay you back dividends which you can re-invest in someone else.

Instead of approaching women and looking at it like, "OK, I'm going to give her the "Box of Crayons" pattern followed by some ****y-funny and some kino", think about INVESTING some of your natural energy in her.

Even if you've got only very little to give, don't horde it for yourself thinking that you "won't have enough to sustain yourself". Because you can ALWAYS generate more love, more energy, more time as long as you're alive.

The nature of human life is to be spent. Let your energy burn off, let that light that you give off cause others to grow and give light back to you. This is how we ALL grow.

The past is gone. It doesn't matter. It doesn't EXIST. The future doesn't exist EITHER. All that matters is what you do RIGHT NOW. Take each moment as its own baby step.

By the way, you can CHANGE the way you respond to your world. A newborn child comes out not knowing a damned thing about how to move...it just kicks and wails. But slowly over time it can learn to control those random muscle spasms, it learns to crawl, then to walk, then to run.

In a similar way, when we come into the world, our thoughts are just a jumbled mess of survival impulses. But over time, we learn how to create words, how to communicate, how to think logically, how to solve problems...we learn to control the way we speak.

What most people don't know is we can ALSO control the way we FEEL, the way we interpret the stimuli we encounter. Our attitudes toward life. You can train yourself to be happier, freer, more ALIVE. Some people do it behaviorally (acting "as if" until their spirit starts following suit). Some people can cognitively think their way to a better attitude. Some people need therapy...but actually a lot fewer than you'd think. The hardest thing to do is to actually ACCEPT that your universe is largely shaped by your interpretation of it...and your interpretation is FULLY within your control.

You may not be able to control your heart, but you certainly can control your soul.

Think of that last scene in the Matrix. When those bullets come streaming in, in your mind, hold your hand up and say, "No." And let them drop away powerless. See the whole world in raw code and understand that you HAVE the power to re-write it in any way you see fit. Not by using the socially accepted interface, but by using your mind and your soul and your hands to imprint some of yourself on the code of the universe. Something that will change others, that will set THEM free and allow THEM to give back to you in return.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Some great advice here.

Bottom line is unless you are seriously depressed, ie suicidal, you don't really need a doctor, a counsellor or medication.

You need sleep (regular hours, go to bed and get up at the same time every day, don't have naps), good diet (balanced with the right vitamins) cut down on the booze and take plenty of exercise, even just brisk walking is good.

Then you have to be aware of your own cognitive processes and how these lead to depression. Start off by watching comedy films, listening to comedy broadcasts, upbeat music etc. Get into the habit of saying to yourself 'I'm not going to think about this right now' when depressing thoughts enter your head, and concentrate on something you have recently achieved/felt good about.

However, if you have SPECIFIC, solvable problems, ie you are feeling down because your flat looks crap, then DO something about it. If you're just generally feeling sorry for yourself, ***** slap that out immediately.

 

[Alpine]

Nice observations Squirrels, I like the spender/saver analogy I'll have to remeber that myself.

Where I start getting p*ssed off is when I start compairing myself to others. Of course it's always the ones who are Taller, bigger, better looking than me. When I catch myself, I remember just not to judge myself is the answer.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't take active steps to improve yourself and your DJ skills, hell, that's why I'm on the forum.

 

[jakeyboy]

Originally posted by 00Kevin
ok, you need to stop thinking that way. Why do you feel the need to get a wink from a chick? that is what women do! men don't do that.

haha a few winks... a few winks of sleep dude. why would i need affirmation from women like thaT? i told you guys i was having problems with the ex. haha...



hey Squirrels ... great advice you got there! definitely printing that post out.. thanks matey... i really likethe last bit of you post with the imagery about the matrix... excellent post.




Alpine

Where I start getting p*ssed off is when I start compairing myself to others. Of course it's always the ones who are Taller, bigger, better looking than me. When I catch myself, I remember just not to judge myself is the answer.

wow. thats how i feel at times too. yeah, we shouldn't judge ourselves...

i'm soon going to compile this messy thread and put all the advice i've been given here into a new thread.. hopefully good enough for the bible! watch out for that... for now... continue your postings.. give me more information to compile into a mini depression guide..

 

[Alpine]

wow, I thought that might ring a bell.

Jakeyboy,

now you're feeling a bit better (presupposition), tell me, what are the things you have gratitude for?

Examples 'may' include: you live in a country where you have free speech and no one can hold you back if you want to get on, you are able bodied, you can read and write etc.

But what's important to you? go on list them NOW, ten of them.

Also make a list of the 3 things you are going to do today to move you slightly closer to solving your problems.

Do it now and post it here. Then I'll tell you what's just happened.

 

[jakeyboy]

Originally posted by Alpine
wow, I thought that might ring a bell.

Jakeyboy,

now you're feeling a bit better (presupposition), tell me, what are the things you have gratitude for?

Examples 'may' include: you live in a country where you have free speech and no one can hold you back if you want to get on, you are able bodied, you can read and write etc.

But what's important to you? go on list them NOW, ten of them.

Also make a list of the 3 things you are going to do today to move you slightly closer to solving your problems.

Do it now and post it here. Then I'll tell you what's just happened.

ten things i'm grateful for..

1. mostly i'm grateful for my friends and family.. that they'll always be there even if some bit*h wont.

2. i'm grateful for you guys and this forum... helping me see this anxiety through and giving me loads of advice on problems and situations that i may encounter on the long road to being a don juan...

3. and i'm grateful for this... for every 1 woman that shirks your company, and treats you like dirty vermin, there's probably 1 other who can't wait to rip your clothes off...

4. i'm grateful for life.. that i wasn't born prematurely and died within the next five seconds..

5. i'm grateful for being healthy.. that i wasn't born with physical dysfuctionalities..

6. i'm grateful for having met some wonderful people in my life... people who've been sources of inspiration to me, picked me up when i was down...

7. i'm grateful that i wasn't born poor, although i wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, i still live pretty comfortably.. and i'm glad for that

8. i'm glad i'm not living in a war torn country, where people are getting their heads blasted off every 2 seconds.

9. i'm grateful for my education.. that i've been given the necessary opportunities to further enrich myself.. while others have no chance to do so

10. and finally i'm grateful for chivas regal... a glass or two occasionally helps me relax after a stressful day at school


3 things i can do today to move me slightly closer to solving the problem of "THE EX'

1. no contact with her.. totally block her out

2. exercise and channel my energy to working out and bulking up

3. socialize around more... have a meaningful conversation or two with friends i have neglected as a result of channelling all my time and energy into that girl.


man.. seriously those were my ultimate AFC days... although i cant say that i'm completely a don juan and that i'm free from the chains of AFCness... it was because of her that i joined this forum for self-improvement... thanks guys for helping me grow as a person and for teaching me new things everytime i come here.


cheers
jake

 

[Alpine]

So what you have in fact managed to do is make yourself feel better just by changing the way you look at things.

The problems my still be exactly the same but you don't attach such negative feelings to them that it leaves you feeling powerless.

The feeling of achievement when you start making progress will keep you up. I'm telling you now though you will have times when you feel low in the future (you are human). The big difference is you now have a formula to get you up again very quickly and with practice you will get very good at getting into a resourceful state.

Look at any adversity as an opportunity to learn something. This situation has taught you a lesson that will help you throughout the rest of your life.

How to control your brain!

From now on try to be emotionally independant, you don't need other people to get you up, if you cling to others like a lifebelt you chip away at your own power and drag then down with you.

Now this is a bit of a trite cliche, but you do have to keep feeding in positive to keep out the negative. The best way to do this I've found is to always have a book on the go.

A good place to start are biographies of people you admire and have succeded in life. Mandela? Arnie? Ghandi? Churchill?(who was dogged by severe depression). whoever floats your boat.

Now get going. That's it.