Dear Therapist: My Boyfriend Won’t Let Me Have Male Friends He’s been cheated on before, and he gets very anxious that I will want to be with someone

[MatureDJ]

Dear Therapist: My Boyfriend Won’t Let Me Have Male Friends

He’s been cheated on before, and he gets very anxious that I will want to be with someone else.

www.theatlantic.com

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now, in a long-distance relationship (we live two and a half hours apart). We are both happy and serious about our relationship. He has been in a few relationships before and has been cheated on every time. This has really damaged him, and he gets very anxious that I will want to be with someone else or will stop loving him one day. He also gets worried when I don’t message for a while. I have a busy schedule and things crop up randomly, so it is difficult to message sometimes. I tell him this, but he doesn’t cope well with any change to the system.

He also gets very upset and threatens to leave any time I mention any boy I am acquainted with, and he worries about what will happen when I go to college soon. I have tried assuring him that I am never going to leave him, because I love him, but this doesn’t help at all.

He says if I am ever friends with boys at college (I currently attend an all-girls school), he will have to leave me, because he won’t know how to handle his anxiety. He even gets upset if I message any boys, who are just friends, on social media. He also hates the idea of clubs because he says that boys only go there to get girls, but I feel that going out with friends to clubs is a typical college activity.

my opinion: The lad understands cucking.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This dude is insecure and weak and will drive her away eventually. And he is probably terrible in the sack to have a woman cheat on him

 

[Spaz]

your opinion and posts are trash dude.

R u upset because that post describes you?

Well we're all seen how you went off the rails over some relationships you had long distance...

 

[Spaz]

"spaz" is right

Have you ever wondered why others rise like eagles while u r stuck in mediocrity?

 

[SW15]

I looked at the original article. The biggest problem there isn't the male friends. It's the long distance relationship. I do not enter a relationship with a woman who lives more than 30 minutes away under free flowing traffic conditions from where I live.

In a situation where there isn't a long distance relationship, male friends and acquaintances usually aren't too much of a worry. They are just orbiters stuck in a friend zone and not getting the poontang.

I agree that the guy in the article is insecure.

 

[Atom Smasher]

There are a lot of factors at work her. Yes the guy is insecure, but he also knows on a gut level how women are, especially in his age group. There is zero chance that she will be faithful to him, and he knows it. He’s just struggling to find a way to believe otherwise, which is futile.

Those years were the worst in my life. Young, confused, and disgusted by women’s complete lack of loyalty.

 

[Who Dares Win]

There are so many wrong things in this relationship that it only needs to one of them to worship satan to make it more complicate.

Anyway gotta give credit to the guy that at least he push his ultimatums, too bad he cant do sh1t to check if the girl keeps her word or not.
If I was him I would simply opt for a no-investment relationship but at that age your toughts are not as cold to make it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

There are so many wrong things in this relationship that it only needs to one of them to worship satan to make it more complicate.

Anyway gotta give credit to the guy that at least he push his ultimatums, too bad he cant do sh1t to check if the girl keeps her word or not.
If I was him I would simply opt for a no-investment relationship but at that age your toughts are not as cold to make it.

Hey so, a woman may have actual male friends... If she gets a man, how much time do you think is respectful that she spends talking with them?

In my good situations, they might speak several times a year. They were real friends, she has a life and a man now, and he backs off and spends more time with his gf or non attached friends.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Hey so, a woman may have actual male friends... If she gets a man, how much time do you think is respectful that she spends talking with them?

In my good situations, they might speak several times a year. They were real friends, she has a life and a man now, and he backs off and spends more time with his gf or non attached friends.

You are asking to the wrong person here, I genuinely dont give a fvck about her attention wheter psychological or sexual given to some other man.

I put so few investment in relationships that as long as she does not create problems and leaves me enough room for my things Im fine, when she is not with me she can do anything she wants as long as it doesnt damages me in any way.

Trying to be a normal guy in his 20s I would say that the simple fact that she talks with a guy knowing he wants to bang her its already a reason to be concerned...there is nothing wrong to go out in mixed groups but a 1on1 meeting with a guy doesnt sound great to me.

It also depends where that friendship grew, one thing is that they were neightbours while kids and suddenly found themselves in a new big town randomly while an other is if they met on a house party and exchanged number cause he said "he likes art too".

 

[Atom Smasher]

Ain’t no such thing as men and women being innocent friends. Usually the guy dreams of boning her, and sometimes it’s the woman thinking about that.

As soon as the woman in a relationship gets frustrated with her man, she starts thinking, “”Friend” always listens to me and comforts me”.

An opposite-gender friend is a spare tire, if you know what I mean. I just see absolutely no innocent purpose in opposite-gender “friends”. Nothing good ever comes from that.

 

[AttackFormation]

These people like the therapist, who say that concern over unfaithfulness is only based on a "lack of trust", are tunnelvisioned and delusional. But they probably truly believe in their argument. Being concerned over a person's unfaithfulness is similar to being concerned for the relapse of an alcoholic - perfectly sound, and in fact more prudent than not being so. The only difference between the two is that an unfaithful person is more likely to calculate it than a genuinely impulsive relapser, but there is still the same overlap otherwise.

And how many accounts of infidelity have you read where they basically say "it just happened"? Well, if the therapists are right and it never "just happens", then we have to assume those accounts are lying which means you still can't trust them. So they are hoisting themselves by their own petard one way or the other anyway, either it can "just happen" and you're right to treat it as a relapsing alcoholism or it doesn't "just happen" and those people are liars which means you shouldn't trust them anyway.

Donovan Sharpe explains it here:

 

[Spaz]

reported for stalking, pathetic. Get a life creep.

If you dare to call another man's opinion and post as trash, then you must be daring enough to accept a reply to that.

So, as long as someone doesn't agree with what you said he becomes a psycho and a stalker?

Next thing I'm sure you'll be saying I got BPD too...

 

[Spaz]

Ive been saying you have BPD or equivalent for years, its why I offended you so badly at some point..its beyond obvious based on your fragile ego shattering and causing you to act like my complete cuck orbiter following me around

What? You actually saw through it. Yes, you have some talent.

 

[Billtx49]

Ok gentlemen, this thread is off topic now as it wasn’t originally about two men bitchin at each other…
Closed

 

[Atom Smasher]

Guys, stop tanking threads with your petty personal arguments. This is precisely why we take action against personal attacks. This seriously damages the quality of the forum. We're going to start to increase forcing ignores if it continues.