"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Dealing with your drunken friends

AlwaysExcel

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Hey all! I've searched for this topic but can't seem to find anything relevant.
Basically, I'm wondering how to gently deal with good but very drunk friends who join my conversations with girls and ruin them by being there. They'll make the situation less intimate, or less intelligent, or downright uncomfortable by talking very loudly right in the girl's face. I've tried to isolate the girl but alot of times, my friends will follow us. I don't think that they would if they weren't drunk.

Most of the time it's innocent. But sometimes it is a little underhanded. They are more comfortable hitting on the girl once they see me with her and use me as an in. One friend is so annoying. He always either comes up interrupting and trying to talk to me because he wants attention or he starts talking to her because he wants to hit on her or he slaps me on the back as he passes by. He was doing this so much one night that I smacked the sh*t out of him.

Anyhow, does anyone have tips or suggestions other than "get new friends" or "go out alone." Thanks!
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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diablo

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From the sounds of it, I'd say loosen up a bit. Have a few drinks as well - your friends are having a good time, join them in it. The odds are that the girl you're speaking with will much prefer you over the drunken guy slurring his words coming up to your side. If it really is bothersome, I'd recommend talking with your friends about it when they are sober sometime. Explain what you're trying to do, and let them know that their ****blocking isn't appreciated. If they are your friends, they'll be fine with it (even drunk people can remember certain things)...

Whenever a drunk guy comes up and starts trying to bust through the conversation I'm having with whatever girl (whether I know the guy or not), I take him by the shoulder and give him a 'guy to guy' sort of voice, letting him know "Hey, that girl over there - the hot blonde with the great features - she was checking you out earlier, asking some of my friends if you were here with anyone..." Without fail, they'll go up to that person and make an ass out of themselves, leaving you alone with the girl.

Oh, I'd recommend moving away from that spot on the off chance they come back and want to have drunken words with you about misleading them... :p
 

So Many Ways

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What I've Done in the Past

I would try to isolate her away from them but that may not work if it's a small venue. The Bishop's approach might work better.
 

splinterkb

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Make some jokes about their stupidity at the time. It will give her a laugh, and your friends wont really feel offended since they're drunk. Girls don't really like huge alcoholics.
 

Crank_It_Up

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your friends are a bit jealous of your success, tell them to knock it off or you'll start going out alone
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Yotsuya-san

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It depends on where you are. If you're in a club with your friends, why are you trying to have a serious convo with her. That's not the time for the deep stuff. It's the time just to loosen up and have fun. Later, when your friends aren't with you. Plenty of time for the serious stuff .

Now if it's somewhere that you don't have to talk over the music, you might have a problem. But you might still get farther by keeping it light around your friends and saving the serious convo stuff for later when they're....errr....aren't around or otherwise occupied. Y'know. Out of the earshot of fools and all that...
 
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