Dealing with the accursed oneitis and high stress

[SteR]

Hello gentlemen,

This is pretty much another thread stemming from this one. I've started this thread to basically ask how you older guys would deal with this.. and if you have any advice?

I'd just like to preface this by saying that I know what the usual treatment is for oneitis: go bang other girls, and I both completely understand and agree this. The problem is that due to my immense workload at the moment, I really don't have a social life. Combine this the fact that I'm dieting for summer, so no alcohol (or very limited at best) for at least another 2 months. Not to mention, even if I did find time to get out, I'd be in a foul mood.

I'd also better say a bit about the girl in question: First of all, she is very attractive I'd say 8+ even though that scale is pretty meaningless. The point is she gets a lot of attention and she knows she's attractive. When she first started at my workplace ~6 months ago I didn't feel anything whatsoever for her. I knew she was pretty but she gave off a very bratty, spoiled vibe. She's the stereotypical version of a "daddy's princess". I did get on with her but felt she was a bad egg (from what I understand she gets around a bit and she gets asked out on a lot of dates). Basically there were red flags all over the place and, being at work, I figured it's best not to dip the pen in company ink so basically just joked around with her but had no intention of taking it anywhere.

It's also worth mentioning that since the outset she's been attracted to me. I've caught her giving me a lot of furtive glances, she constantly tries to be around me/get close to me at work social events. At our last social event (a few months ago) she was draped all over me, asking why I don't have a girl etc etc. She asked if I was coming to another bar with her afterwards but I turned her down as I had another party I had to be at. In the end the party was cancelled but she left after I told her I wasn't going. This carried on until the Christmas break and now suddenly, since we've been back at work the last ~6-7 weeks she's been quite cold with me. I've no idea why, and I won't waste any time speculating. I've noticed her giving me the rare glance but nothing like her behaviour before the break.

That's fine with me (although I'll admit my ego was slightly bruised.. I do like the attention) although now I'm finding I'm getting these 'feelings for her'.. cringe. This has only started since work has become incredibly busy and I've been working most evenings/weekends so I've had a lot of time around her. So far I've played it cool. If anything, I've ignored her. I know she doesn't suspect anything but I'm starting to find it very difficult to deal with.

I've had crushes like this before and usually I just sever all contact and it fades. The problem is that this girl is pretty much in my face every day. I'm also finding myself irritated when I overhear her talking about going on other dates etc, since I sit very near to her. I'll admit, it really sucks. I find it influencing my work too because it's difficult to concentrate when you're focusing all your willpower on controlling your emotions.

In a rather weird way I am actually glad I'm having this experience. I view it as a test.. of self-control. So far I think I've played my cards well but I'm starting to feel I'm at breaking point - mainly due to all the stress from so much overtime, lack of sleep, irritability from dieting (anyone who's gone sub ~10% will know the feeling) and I'm finding it very very stressful.

Have any of you been in this situation before? Have you any advice? I must admit I'm a little ashamed posting about this.. I'm a grown man that's been on these boards long enough to know how to deal with these things.. but at the very least I'm getting to vent.

I have also got a lot of holidays planned this year although they're not due for another few months.. so that's at least something to look forward to. But for the time being I really don't know what to do.

Thanks guys

 

[bmp2cpm]

Ask yourself why you're attracted to a woman that

1) Gets a lot of attention from other guys
2) Is bratty
3) Is cold to you

Have you ever fallen for other women with these traits? If so, then you need to figure out why.

Also, are these the traits of a quality woman? Needing attention implies low self esteem and possibly daddy issues. If she has daddy issues, you might be able to play the angle of being a father-like figure in her life, but honestly she does not sound worth the effort.

Bratty and cold are traits you don't want in a significant other.

If you want to get involved with a co-worker, wait until one of you leaves the company. Otherwise it's a train wreck you visit every work day.

Career>Woman

 

[Jitterbug]

I have also got a lot of holidays planned this year although they're not due for another few months.. so that's at least something to look forward to. But for the time being I really don't know what to do.

Tell yourself: "this shall pass".

And it will.

This is first world Disney romcom problem. It's not like you have some kind of life threatening sickness. You'll be fine.

Also, regardless of how busy you are, make time for hobbies. Don't be a slave to the company. Lift weights, eat healthy, learn meditation, you'll develop control over your emotional states.

 

[AlphaGhost]

It hard, when you have very little time and few choices, but I'd just focus on work, disregard females and aquire currency for now (**** *****es get money!). Use this time to push yourself at work and bettering yourself as a man, so when you do go on those vacations she'll be the last thing on your mind because of all the fun you'll be having.

This chick defintely comes across as if she gets off from mass attention (most daddy little girls are like that) don't become another one of her fans. Fall back all the way, talk to your males co workers about guy stuff loudly and watch how she will slowly graviatate to you and when she does you play it cool (although i wouldnt give her the time of day, entitled *****) and if she doesn't come to you, it aint the end of the world.

You'll be fine, love yourself.

 

[SteR]

Well I can safely say this has turned into full-blown oneitis. I'm keeping my distance while using every ounce of willpower I have to concentrate on my work but it's turning out to be quite a challenge...

Since I sit so close to hear I can overhear conversations about her dating, hooking up with other guys etc which I'll admit stabs at heart but I'm totally aware these are just chemicals running through my brain.

How long do these things usually take to pass? I'm actually feeling very drained trying to fight these irritating feelings.

 

[scrouds]

I'm going to put this thread as reason 7686 not to mix work and pleasure.

 

[SteR]

I'm going to put this thread as reason 7686 not to mix work and pleasure.

Ah don't worry, nothing has happened yet. Before these stupid chemicals started flooding my brain I was thinking rationally and I chose to keep my distance from her for exactly that reason.

The problem is that now I'm having trouble controlling my emotions. Ideally I'd go after other girls but my social life is getting raped because of work at the moment...