Dealing with Female outbursts.

[THE_ADDMAN]

A situation happened to me recently, and its caused me to notice a flaw that is holding me back. perhaps some of the more experienced DJs can help me



I was hanging with some friends at lunch the other day, and we were all talking. all of us were telling jokes, so to tease one of the girls, I told her a woman joke as we were walking to class. (they had all been telling jokes that teased one another)

we exchanged a smirk, and we all kept walking. she gave me a poke in the side, so I poked her back. she did it harder, so I reached back and messed up her hair, and it escalated with (what I thought) was harmlessly play-fighting. so I'm walking, play-fighting, when out of the blue I hear "OK! you know what?! **** OFF!" from her. and it was not playful. it was dead-serious and angry.

I was totally stunned. here I thought it was harmless play fighting, and I had not accidently touched anywhere inappropriate or did anything besides playing around. so I did nothing that I thought would elicit that kind of response.

I talked to some of our friends later, asked what had happened, and the 2 friends (they are girls) mentioned that "oh, apparently she thought u were play-fighting too hard". then they made a comment how guys cant understand what a girl REALLY means by what she says (right, I dont usually interpret "**** OFF!" to mean "not so hard, please " )

First of all, how do you guys read into the situation? what should I have done/not done, do you think her behavior was appropriate, etc

also, in regard to my getting stunned whenever a woman yells at me angrily. I guess I still have some bad programming that holds me back and prevents me from handling these female outbursts properly (call it society and twisted "chivalry") It causes me to freeze up and not know what to say. by the time I regain composure, its too late. any advice for dealing with this issue is also appreciated.

Thanks in advance.


ADDMAN

 

[flexion_]

Well hopefully women aren't yelling at you angry often - that isn't normal.

You just didn't know when to quit is all - next time don't push it so far. Or its possible she is nutts...

 

[THE_ADDMAN]

Well hopefully women aren't yelling at you angry often - that isn't normal.

You just didn't know when to quit is all - next time don't push it so far. Or its possible she is nutts...

I understand. it was the same girl both times (another time I didnt mention).

If they keep it up, I usually treat that as an invitation that its still on. if she wished me to stop, all she had to do was ask (and ask genuinely).


This actually hasnt happened too often. its just that when it does, I get stunned. and I do not like that. I want to be able to calmly say "Is there a problem?" and talk calmly about what happened to bring that anger on. or if there is no reason, for her to tell me, so I can judge her to be a nut job and avoid her in future.

 

[flexion_]

Don't forget women don't communicate like men.

A women isn't going to tell you to stop... she probably was giving off some body language or whatever and you repeatedly missed it and finally the "**** off!!" was her ******** of saying... listen buddy I've been giving you repeated subtle hints here and you aren't picking them up... so wham... outburst..

Try treating women like someone from a foreign country who can't speak English. What they are saying is blah blah blah... but you really only have the tones of their voice and posture etc to know what the heck is going on... should give you some insight for the future.

 

[THE_ADDMAN]

Don't forget women don't communicate like men.

A women isn't going to tell you to stop... she probably was giving off some body language or whatever and you repeatedly missed it and finally the "**** off!!" was her ******** of saying... listen buddy I've been giving you repeated subtle hints here and you aren't picking them up... so wham... outburst..

Try treating women like someone from a foreign country who can't speak English. What they are saying is blah blah blah... but you really only have the tones of their voice and posture etc to know what the heck is going on... should give you some insight for the future.

Thats a good point and I will try to remember that for the future.

but if she didnt want me to continue, why would she keep doing it to me?
thats my main hang-up

 

[92 GSR-4]

Don't forget women don't communicate like men. ......

Try treating women like someone from a foreign country who can't speak English. What they are saying is blah blah blah... but you really only have the tones of their voice and posture etc to know what the heck is going on... should give you some insight for the future.

Flexion, thats some of the best advice I've ever seen. I'ts amazing that whenever I go to a foreign restaraunt (chinese,mexican,etc.) I try to figure out what they're talking about. At times I've noted the body language and such and realized they were talking about a customer or somebody else. I never thought to try it with regular....um american women.