Dealing with Facebook ... Recovering from a weak move

[yoyoing]

Met this nice girl a few weeks ago .
We hit it off really well ... Went on a few dates we have incredible sex already after 2 dates. She seems really into me and my game is working very well !! Now here is the issue.

She added me on Facebook after our first date and of course I did not accept the request right away. Now we have been on 2 other date and I spend part of the weekend having amazing sex etc .

I woke up this morning got needy and curious and added her on Facebook . I regretted right away because my Facebook profile is not super interesting and also because I feel I takes a lot of the mistery that she add surrounding me.

She is also fresh a long term relationship and has a bunch of photos with her ex etc...
Now I wish I could unclick that button but the mistakes is already made. I usually wait a good couple of month before adding someone on my Facebook.

She just texted : '' we are now friend : ) ''

I am left with 2 options .
1. I delete her and tell her it was a mistake and she has too much ex pictures for me and I feel we should get to know each other more.
2 I keep her there .

I know some of you might think it's not that big of a deal but I feel it takes away a lot of my game and frame with this particular girl.

Any tips .
How do you guy deal with Facebook .

 

[expos]

You are overthinking!

Don't sweat this at all. If you are overly concerned, just don't visit Facebook and like all of her photos and all of that crap. In fact, don't login at all.

Just keep doing what you are doing. The fact that you don't have a lot interesting stuff on your page is probably a good thing. It makes her wonder what you are up to if you are not detailing your life every week to the world.

Keep doing what you are doing, don't worry about Facebook.

 

[yoyoing]

I know it's not that big of a deal but still I like to keep every little edge I can have in this dating market.

I think at this point before she is really in love mystery was a big ally. I should have made her deserve the Facebook friendship a bit more : ))

And all the pics with her ex ( profiles one too ) ughhhhhh !
Damm Facebook

Anyways thx expos

What if I really don't want her on my Facebook is there a way that would not seem awkward at this point ?!

 

[expos]

And all the pics with her ex ( profiles one too ) ughhhhhh !
Damm Facebook

Anyways thx expos

What if I really don't want her on my Facebook is there a way that would not seem awkward at this point ?!

This is your chance to win her over. Don't be anything like her ex. She is obviously into you, so don't stress out about her old photos. Everyone has exes and a history.

You will blow this if you become needy, too curious, and uptight. Be cool, mysterious, and confident.

Keep her as a friend on Facebook. Defriending her now would be weird and childish.

 

[El Payaso]

Download a Chrome extension that blocks you from visiting any websites you blacklist. Add her page to that blacklist and you'll be fine. Just never visit her page no matter how strong the urge is.

 

[yoyoing]

I don't really care about visiting her page . In fact I probably will not do it very often.
I did not want her to visit mine. Lesson learn never add girls you are just dating on your Facebook.
I had this whole hard to get frame and she was really working hard for validation and figuring me out. Now I opened her to my world by friending her on Facebook.
I could have played with this much longer anyways expos right no big deal ...

 

[sylvester the cat]

I don't really care about visiting her page . In fact I probably will not do it very often.
I did not want her to visit mine. Lesson learn never add girls you are just dating on your Facebook.
I had this whole hard to get frame and she was really working hard for validation and figuring me out. Now I opened her to my world by friending her on Facebook.
I could have played with this much longer anyways expos right no big deal ...

My, my what a drama!

So you added her on fakebook. Is your world that small that she's going to have you all figured out by what she sees on the internet? I hope not.

Either way, do away with this drama queen aspect of your personality. You don't want her to see that after all the mystery you went to the trouble of engineering.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Oh man, I LOVE this question!!

Your situation can actually be used as a perfect example of how to get your way without giving her an ultimatum. Obviously you don't want the pictures up, right? But, as I'm sure you're aware, if you tell a girl straight up to just get rid of them, she is likely to fight you on it, especially since she's new (only 2 dates in) and therefore you don't really have the built-in time with her or authority yet to say anything.

So, here's how you get her to take down the pics:

1. Date her for the next 2 to 3 months. Don't ever bring up the pics on Facebook AT ALL.

2. During this time, don't bring up any verbiage about you two possibly becoming a couple. Take her out once a week, show her a good time each time, limit your texting/calling/messaging to her and - most importantly - do NOT push for a relationship.

3. Assuming you're doing the right things (and if you don't know what those things are and aren't, click HERE to start learning) and not asking her to be the girlfriend, her interest will build up enough in you to where she will be the one to bring up the issue of being BF/GF. Something along the lines of "So... what are we?" or "Where do you see this relationship going," etc.

4. When she brings this up... even if you like her and want her to be the girlfriend, DO NOT GIVE HER A STRAIGHT UP "YES." Instead, you go into what I call the Negotiation stage - this is where you iron out the details of what being in a relationship with each other means. During this conversation, you ask her what her expectations would be, as well as what yours would be. Most importantly, though, this is where you ask her questions about things she's doing that you do NOT like to see if she's going to continue to do them in the relationship.

And THIS - my friend - is where you bring up the pics.

Because at this stage she sees you as important enough to be in a relationship with, which means she not only respects your opinion, but WANTS to respect you because you've now EARNED it. So, if she's doing things that are somewhat displeasing to you (like having up pics of the ex), these are things that, upon having them pointed out to her and finding out that you won't be in a relationship with her if these things are happening, she will be willing to change if she really wants to be with you.

Here's an example of how the convo would go:

HER: So... what are we?
YOU: What do you mean?
HER: Well, we've been dating for 3 months... I'm not seeing anyone else, are you?
YOU: Well... no...
HER: Sooo... should we take things to the next level?
YOU: Hmmm... well, it depends: if we start going out, are you still going to be the sweet loving girl you are now?
HER: Oh, absolutely! (It's a lie, but let her get away with saying it)
YOU: Okay... does this mean you'll take ME out now for the occasional date night?
HER: Oh sure - I'd love to plan a night out sometime
YOU: Hmm, okay... let me ask you: do you currently have any ex-boyfriends you hang out with or talk to on a regular basis?
HER: Well, only Bob, but he's harmless, and I dumped him, remember?
YOU: Okay... and what about your FB pics - do you still have pics of yourself with exes up on your page?
HER: Well, I think maybe a few, like 5 or 6...
YOU: Hmmm... well, maybe we should just keep things the way they are for now

So, what you're doing at this point is telling her that as long as traces of exes are lurking in her life (via pics, conversations, etc.), that a relationship with her is not going to work. You're not TELLING her directly to get rid of these things - after all, nobody likes to have their free will challenged - but you're simply saying that her having those things in her life won't make a relationship work for YOU. Which will let her know indirectly (because women are GREAT at reading passive behavior) that you're saying "no" to her request for a relationship unless she gets rid of these things.

Now, when you first do this she'll probably try to do some female reasoning with you:

HER: But why? You're the one that's most important to me, I don't really care about those other guys anymore!

But, you have to remain firm in your resolve. After all, she needs to be the one to know that if a relationship starts it's going to be on YOUR terms, one of them being that the pics come down and the exes gotta go. But again, not directly:

YOU: I hear you... But still: for now, we can just keep things the way they are.

And that's it. No explanation needed, but it will let her know where you stand with her having exes in the background without "forcing" her to do anything. She'll probably seem mad initially, but more likely than not she'll come back a few days later with "Okay, I got rid of the pictures, can we PLEASE talk about us getting more serious again?"

(NOTE: This also applies if you're dating women online - sometimes after you've been dating for a few months a woman will want to move things to the next level but still have her profile up online. That's when you hit them with the question "Hmm... well, is your profile still up on the dating site?" If the answer is yes, same answer: "Maybe we should just keep things the way they are then..." TRUST me, it makes 'em take down their profile quick!)

Hope this helps!

 

[Yewki]

I don't really care about visiting her page . In fact I probably will not do it very often.

Now that you've obsessively combed through all her pictures, yeah I guess you won't need to visit her page much anymore.

 

[VladPatton]

Stop playing with Fakebook. That sh!t's for girls and orbiters.

 

[El Payaso]

I don't really care about visiting her page . In fact I probably will not do it very often.
I did not want her to visit mine. Lesson learn never add girls you are just dating on your Facebook.
I had this whole hard to get frame and she was really working hard for validation and figuring me out. Now I opened her to my world by friending her on Facebook.
I could have played with this much longer anyways expos right no big deal ...

That's what you think. Once you get emotionally invested (and you will), you WILL visit her page to "check up on her".

 

[yoyoing]

Interesting stuff Harry . This is usually pretty much how proceed with relationship. I have a few question regarding your post .

I have this problem with girls that they press for relationship too early lets say after 5-6 dates and already act like she is my gf what's the best course of action without burning her at this point if I want keep seing her but not sure if she I want to make her a LTR.

I often see mentioned that at the Begining it's best to see a girl less often 1-2 a week at the top. I usually not the one to go about following rules like that very strictly but I often find myself receiving texts and setting up too much date with one particular girl like this one ( when I am really into her ) . Is this really a bad thing for keeping high interest or 2 dates a week is still ok early in the seduction phase. Things progressed very quickly with that girl and have a good feeling about her but we only saw each other 3 times....

Thx

 

[pyros]

It doesnt matter what you did cause she still has pics with her ex (even as profile pic) so she is more than likely gonna dump you after a short time together to go back to her ex.

True story.

P.S.
Stop overthinkin dude...

 

[yoyoing]

Yeah we will see about that in time .

 

[Albatross953]

Log off...

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Interesting stuff Harry . This is usually pretty much how proceed with relationship. I have a few question regarding your post .

I have this problem with girls that they press for relationship too early lets say after 5-6 dates and already act like she is my gf what's the best course of action without burning her at this point if I want keep seing her but not sure if she I want to make her a LTR.

My motto is: until I get to 3 months with a girl, she's just one of many girls I COULD be seeing. Meaning: even if I THINK she might be LTR, I don't give her that option until month 3, which means I can go about seeing other girls if I choose to and not feel guilty about it.

The problem is that you're worried not accepting a woman's invite into a relationship at date 5 or letting her know you're seeing other girls if she asks you (never volunteer that info, BTW) is going to be a BAD thing that results in her not wanting to see you. In actuality, it's the PERFECT way to get what you want out of the girl. For example, let's say after date 5 she comes to you with the LJ-BRA speech (new acronym I'm making up - it stands for "Let's Just Be in a Relationship Already"). If I feel it's too soon, my answer is this:

"Well, I think you're great, and I could possibly see us in a relationship in a little while... but right now we're still getting to know each other, and I think it's better if we both spend a little more time together before we make this an official thing."

Part of her might be mad at hearing that, but guess what?

1. It's going to make you stand out from the other bozos who were just saying "yes" to not upset her even if they weren't ready for a relationship (essentially making you the first guy ever to tell her "no")

2. It's going to make HER work harder to prove to YOU why she deserves the girlfriend title.

3. Even if she has strong feelings for you, the small part of her that has non-emotional logical thinking will understand where you're coming from, and be willing to wait until you're ready to call it a relationship.

Ultimately, you can't let fear of her reaction cause you to rush into something if you're still needing time to feel things out and see if it's the right person for you to be dating long-term.

I often see mentioned that at the Begining it's best to see a girl less often 1-2 a week at the top. I usually not the one to go about following rules like that very strictly but I often find myself receiving texts and setting up too much date with one particular girl like this one ( when I am really into her ) . Is this really a bad thing for keeping high interest or 2 dates a week is still ok early in the seduction phase. Things progressed very quickly with that girl and have a good feeling about her but we only saw each other 3 times....

Always remember: if you think back to man and his primal nature, men are hunters. What does this mean? Back in the day, when a man sees an animal he'd like to eat and take home, there wasn't really much time for lolly-gagging around and making decisions: he had to see it, know he wanted it, go after it, kill it right there, and claim his prize. As a result, man became good at assessing his prey and making an assumption about it before even making the kill.

Works great in the primal world of survival... but totally f---ks guys over in the dating world.

Why? Because most men do what you're doing - they find their "prey," i.e. a girl they like - and automatically make the assumption that she's LTR material after only 2 or 3 dates. As a result, they stop focusing on continuing to research her for 3 months and mentally make her the girlfriend already... thus, they start doing dumb stuff to counter their efforts, like texting/calling her all the time, seeing her more than once a week... But in reality, a woman NEEDS time away from you to help her build up her interest in you. And if you're bombarding her with your presence every day via a wide variety of formats (in person, on the phone, on facebook, etc.), all it screams to her is: "I have no life, and need you in it to help make me one." And that's WAAAAY too much pressure for a woman to have when she's just starting to decide if she even enjoys talking to you one-on-one in a coffee shop, let alone as a life-mate!

Me, I follow the "once-a-week" meet up thing with new girls to a T (nor do I initiate calls or text with them unless it's to set up a date). And, I found once I started doing that, I was able to make the majority of these girls my girlfriend or F-buddy, whatever. Why? Because by limiting my presence in the beginning I wasn't pressuring them into thinking they HAD to date me... which, in turn, made THEM reach out to ME, thus convincing themselves they must be doing that because they have a high interest in me. At the very least for you, it wouldn't hurt to try it out for 2 weeks and see what results you get. Hope this helps!

 

[Meisterman]

It shouldn't matter, but if there are things on there you don't want her seeing, you can edit the privacy settings to do so.

Also, you can unfollow her so you remain friends, but her posts won't appear on your news feed. She won't be notified that you did this either.

 

[yoyoing]

Interesting stuff once again Harry ...
One problem I have is that she usually the one contacting me after the date ( like one day after ) and I use this occasion to set up a date 2-4 days later. I rather do that then engage into small talk over text. How do you deal with girls texting you in between dates ?!
And what if she is clingy and want to see you more ?!

The problem I run into a lot is the following . Visit girl at her appartment or for a date. We have amazing time and we **** all night. I leave the next day. Then I usually let her initiate text ( altough sometimes I feel bad and want to tell her I had a good time to reassure her before she Innitiate ) I mean letting her initiate MOST of the times is surely good but if you never iInnitiate and seems like you don't care all the time must not be the best either.

Anyways so she initiate text or small talk soon after the date and the mistake I often made I will right away propose her a date or activities the following few days. I do wait at least 2-4 days but I feel it can come across like I am very eager to see her and this could lower her interest over a period of time. at the same time I feel like striking the iron while it's hot and I don't want to look too unaivaible and distant.

I know we are discussing fine details here in this post and ultimately the time spend together will dictate the way the relationship goes. But ultimatly I feel those finer detail can make or break a pickup in the initial stage.

Me adding her on Facebook this early was obviously not really a ''mistakes'' but it did probably remove a little bit of the edge I had and it could have been played to my advantage. Ex

HER : Why didn't you accept my Facebook friend request.
ME : '' insert all kind of ****y and funny stuff or DHV ''

It keep her guessing : is he seing other girl ?! Is he really that interested into me ?! He is a man of high principle and he just does not add anyone he just met on his Facebook .

That's how I felt I made a mistakes.
Not a big deal I know ...

But still

Interesting stuff to discuss

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Loving this discussion! Here goes:

One problem I have is that she usually the one contacting me after the date (like one day after) and I use this occasion to set up a date 2-4 days later. I rather do that then engage into small talk over text. How do you deal with girls texting you in between dates ?! And what if she is clingy and want to see you more ?!

Them contacting you the day after a date is to be expected, and is an indicator of high interest. However, you still have to remember to control the interaction. Women have to be trained how to communicate with you, as well as the frequency at which it happens. In the beginning, she's not going to know these things, so how you respond when you start dating her is going to be crucial to how she proceeds with YOUR program as the relationship progresses.

Perfect example: when a girl I'm dating hits me up the day after a date (usually after we've gone out 3 to 5 times), the first thing I do is ignore the call or text and wait a few hours to get back to her. When I respond, I interact with her for a little bit so she can feel like I desire her, and then - I go ghost for a while. If it's a phone call, I'll say I have something else to do but that it was nice hearing from her; if it's a text convo (which I hate) I'll wait for her to say some kind of text response to something I said (i.e. "That's hilarious" or "yeah, I do too") and just stop responding with no explanation.

Next time she hits me up, I follow the same procedures... after I've done this about 5 or 6 times she starts to get the idea that I'm not much of a phone person. The result? The number of times a day the girl hits me up will decrease to once a day (which is pretty good for a girl that's crazy in love with you and could talk to you on the phone multiple times a day). At the same time, though, her interest in me increases because (a) she's not hearing from me all the time, which means she has to spend time thinking about me ALL the time; and (b) when she does hear from me, it's so I can set up a time to see her in person, where she'll be able to experience the whole version of me (touch, taste, smell, looks, etc.) instead of just voice and/or digital text.

Now, if she's clingy and wants to see you more, great! But you still need to regulate it, especially in those first 3 months of dating. Luckily, a girl that likes you is willing to go along with the program. At the same time, it's also a great way to weed out the crazies - a girl that's not willing to respect your boundaries or the requested times to NOT see her is a girl you don't want to be with in the first place!

The problem I run into a lot is the following . Visit girl at her apartment or for a date. We have amazing time and we **** all night. I leave the next day. Then I usually let her initiate text (although sometimes I feel bad and want to tell her I had a good time to reassure her before she Initiate ) I mean letting her initiate MOST of the times is surely good but if you never initiate and seems like you don't care all the time must not be the best either.

Right - so for one, women don't need reassurance. If anything, her NOT feeling assured is going to make it easier for you to get the next date. She'll know you had a good time on the last outing by the fact that you hit her up for another date. And again, you DO initiate contact with her... when you're seeking another DATE. Otherwise, there is no point. Once she's the girlfriend she's entitled to the occasional "Just calling to see how you're doing" call, but until then it's not necessary to do that to keep her interest.

Anyways so she initiate text or small talk soon after the date and the mistake I often made I will right away propose her a date or activities the following few days. I do wait at least 2-4 days but I feel it can come across like I am very eager to see her and this could lower her interest over a period of time. at the same time I feel like striking the iron while it's hot and I don't want to look too unaivaible and distant.

Again, not necessary - even if you plan on taking her out again, you don't need to mention that every time she hits you up. On some occasions, you can just end with a "great hearing from you, talk to ya soon" and hang up without having planned anything. Keeping her in the dark about when you're going to ask her out again will only INCREASE her interest.

You have to understand: a lot of what will make a woman attracted to you is ANTICIPATION. They're not like us guys where we get satisfied getting what we ask for NOW; it's just like with sex, they're more excited about the build-up than the actual destination. You have to create journeys for a woman to go through - the anticipation of when you'll call; the anticipation of what the surprise date will be; the anticipation of what you're going to do to woo her... all of this causes her to use her imagination, which is the most powerful tool a woman has in her brain to help her increase her interest in you. But, if you don't help her to flex that imagination muscle by spelling everything out for her, she's going to lose interest FAST.

Me adding her on Facebook this early was obviously not really a ''mistakes'' but it did probably remove a little bit of the edge I had and it could have been played to my advantage.

Actually, it was a mistake, albeit a minor one. I've date women I dated who sent me friends request that I never responded to. When they asked me about it, I told them the truth: that FB has caused more break-ups than it's helped, and that I don't think either one of us need to be on each others' pages because we both should be allowed to have some things that are private. If you say it this way it makes it fair for both parties: I don't want you snooping on MY page because I don't feel I have the right to snoop around on YOUR page. And the girls I told this to - even if they didn't like it - respected it enough to stop asking me further. Why? Because, again, YOU have to be the one to set the program - and, as long as you have one, women are willing to follow you because you're supposed to be the leader in the first place!

 

[Thatdude8708]

Met this nice girl a few weeks ago .
We hit it off really well ... Went on a few dates we have incredible sex already after 2 dates. She seems really into me and my game is working very well !! Now here is the issue.

She added me on Facebook after our first date and of course I did not accept the request right away. Now we have been on 2 other date and I spend part of the weekend having amazing sex etc .

I woke up this morning got needy and curious and added her on Facebook . I regretted right away because my Facebook profile is not super interesting and also because I feel I takes a lot of the mistery that she add surrounding me.

She is also fresh a long term relationship and has a bunch of photos with her ex etc...
Now I wish I could unclick that button but the mistakes is already made. I usually wait a good couple of month before adding someone on my Facebook.

She just texted : '' we are now friend : ) ''

I am left with 2 options .
1. I delete her and tell her it was a mistake and she has too much ex pictures for me and I feel we should get to know each other more.
2 I keep her there .

I know some of you might think it's not that big of a deal but I feel it takes away a lot of my game and frame with this particular girl.

Any tips .
How do you guy deal with Facebook .

Just "unfollow" her on facebook. That way you wont see her feed unless you go to her page, but she will still be on your friends list