Dealing with emotional manipulation

[Leporello]

Just off the phone with a girl I'd been seeing for a few months. Realized it wasn't going anywhere, out of the blue she demanded to know where we were headed, i was honest with her and hoped she'd be cool.

Wrong, of course. Over the past couple of weeks she's just been calling me and accusing me of being cold and uncaring and etc. etc. while she seemed on the verge of tears.

The thing is, while I do try to keep myself from getting oneitis and being emotionally needy, when i break up with girls and they cry and carry on, it really gets to me. On the one hand I'm annoyed with them for being so fragile, but I really do feel bad about causing other people pain.

Is this just a sign of a normally compassionate human being or is it just their last attempt to hurt me on the way out, so at least I'll suffer too?

 

[rocket87]

Is this just a sign of a normally compassionate human being

I think you answered your own question there.

Just from your post, it seems as though you're trying to be genuine and mature about the situation; and in that sense you are thinking about your actions/words while they are coming out of your mouth - and then analyzing them afterwards... Which = concern/compassion of the situation.

Overall though, as a DJ, I would say you should be working towards controlling those emotions/feelings in your mind by blocking/absorbing them from having any real impact your psyche. I don't think she's "attempting to hurt you" on the way out, as you may have thought.

 

[bigneil]

Remember: only a man can really empathize with a woman over a breakup, because only men know what it's like to be hurt. Women don't get hurt or jealous the same way or to the degree that a man does. Why? Because women always have a steady stream of guys in line, so they never truly experience or even face loneliness as a man does. Plus, they don't need to have a career or be confident to be successful. They don't get rejected for being in a slump either. They can be unemployed, recently dumped, average looking, and with low self esteem and still score - try that as a man.

 

[Leporello]

It makes me realize that every moderately attractive girl must have a heArt of stone, otherwise they wouldn't be able to casually brush aside so many guys' feelings.

 

[Warrior74]

Just off the phone with a girl I'd been seeing for a few months. Realized it wasn't going anywhere, out of the blue she demanded to know where we were headed, i was honest with her and hoped she'd be cool.

Wrong, of course. Over the past couple of weeks she's just been calling me and accusing me of being cold and uncaring and etc. etc. while she seemed on the verge of tears.

The thing is, while I do try to keep myself from getting oneitis and being emotionally needy, when i break up with girls and they cry and carry on, it really gets to me. On the one hand I'm annoyed with them for being so fragile, but I really do feel bad about causing other people pain.

Is this just a sign of a normally compassionate human being or is it just their last attempt to hurt me on the way out, so at least I'll suffer too?

It's nothing wrong with understanding that break ups hurt. Of course they do. Nobody likes to be rejected. But as long as you aren't dwelling on it, or changing your behavior because of it, you're fine.

It makes me realize that every moderately attractive girl must have a heArt of stone, otherwise they wouldn't be able to casually brush aside so many guys' feelings.

I look at it like telemarketers. If you get called by telemarketers every day, eventually you would just stop caring about the feelings of the marketer on the phone. Yes they are people, but dammit its annoying. So until you get a call by a marketer who approaches you in the right way, and sells you a product that you want, you really don't care about them. Of course when that guy sells you a peice of crap you go and cry to your mates about it.

Be the best marketer.

 

[Laracuente]

Stop being insecure its emotional pain she will get over it. You shouldn't feel hurt at all because your dumping her duh...Its happened to me to like the extreme she was crying and messaging me and trying to contain contact with me. I just said leave me alone you got the wrong idea and eventually she was like your so cold blah blah blah and I just ignored it and it went away.

 

[mahoney]

It makes me realize that every moderately attractive girl must have a heArt of stone, otherwise they wouldn't be able to casually brush aside so many guys' feelings.

not really! think about it. the majority of these guys feeling are people who don't even know her, they're just judging her on her looks, and the ones who think they are judging her on more than that when they don't know her are just being a bit creepy. You don't have to have a heart of stone to be not all that concerned by the 'feelings' of people you don't even know or that think they know you - you don't really think about it is all.

We do it ourselves, think about how the people in war torn countries feel, or children born in slums, people who have to work in sweatshops, or even just the bullied kid in class (and the fat girl that you yourself dont think of 'in that way') How much time, really, have you given to their feelings?

Most people, even the kindest and saintliest, use virtually all their empathy on their family and friends, the people they know, the people they care about. I don't think it makes a person heartless if they don't spend much time considering the 'amorous feelings' of someone they don't know so well