dealing with disrespect the proper way

[CLOONEY]

Let me tell you this, all the thinking, wondering, taking opinions, doubting yourself, justifying her, doubting her, will just fukc with your head.

Let me tell you how it is from the outside, having been through the exact same thing myself......

She will always be an attention wh*re, u have two options:

1) deal with it
2) dump her

Its quiet simple.

U might be able to demand her respect and dump her. She will either leave you, or give you the respect and come crawling back, FOR A WHILE. Then once she is comfortable again, it will all start over again. The cycle will continue to repeat itself until you are so fukced up that you will dump her to save not only your own mind, but your own dignity.

You can choose not to care, and to let her get away with it. But this is not your personality and ultimately u will be settling for less and disrespecting yourself, as you CAN find many really respectful great girls out there. It might take a while, but over time u wil find some.

I know how hard it is, the girl I was with was absolutely flawless. I had never had as much fun with anyone as with her before. All my friends were like, u can get some real hot chicks, but to pull this one is absolutely crazy. I had never seen a girl like her before, or had so much chemistry with a girl before. This is what kept me hanging on and hanging on. Until ultimately I realised, WTF, my head is scattered, I have lost my own sense of identity and my confidence has taken a caining. Now I am back to my best ever. U should see the new guy she is with, shes only been with him for 3 months and he is already fukced up. Man, get out of this one now, grow some giant man ballz and cut all ties. Tell her how u feel and just let go.

Ultimately it is your decision, but I know this kind of girl and she is nothing but trouble.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by C-Mack
my EGO that is the source of my discomfort.

It's good that you recognize what supreme told you long ago. There might be hope for you yet. Your ego is what is causing all of your problems.

-I said my ego was at the source...it is not what is causing the problems. In any case, of course it is goign to be your ego that is at stake here. Regardless if you care or not, the reality still stands that your gf is giving the eye to somebody else..they say its how you deal with it that counts?? Im not so sure.

You would dump your girlfriend just cause she was flirting with one of your co-workers? Now I wonder how bad it actually was since your ego was involved in the seeing process.

-Im confused by this point too, big chill (?). Some guys can tolerate flirting from their gf's, some cannot, or rather, should not. Again, the point still remains theres a problem somewhere tat needs to be dealt with. Whether u decide to dump her or not is really up to you and how severe the offense was, IMO. Look at all the other guys here who have told me to next already. Are they hopeless? No. they just dont tolerate any sort of disrespect from their gf's.

Your girlfriend obviously doesn't share your own views of your self-important delusions if she is giving the eyeball to a co-worker.

-Again, Im certain this is not about IL. This girl adores me, I know it, she knows it. Everybody knows it. What she is, however, and only recently has become, is an attention seeker.

Your getting drunk because of it is also a sign of weakness to me. You should of handled that situation before you got bent all out of shape. A simple few words reminding her who she belonged to would of been enough.

-I actually never got bent out of shape by it. That was my point. And I didnt get drunk because of this episode, I did in spite of this episode. I was out to have a good time, and continued having it hours after the fact.


Your post makes you sound like a controlling kind of person. With your girlfriend having that new job, I can only see disaster in your future. She will be exposed to other men and their attentions. She will soon if not already be able to see through you. So now you really will need to step up your game to keep her on your side.

-Thanks for the great wishes. Actually, she has been workign there for the past 7 months. She just quit the other day. Shes gone through what you described however, and remained loyal and affectionate with me throughout the process. As far as being controlling. I dont think i am. I never objected to her working there, I never gave a rats ass by the guys hitting on her. IMO, its all good and expected. Shes still with me, so other guys impressions couldnt hav ebeen that "grand". She knows equally as well that I can land girls left and right, and it bugs her.

I would give you some good ideas on how to salvage the situation but my friend has advised me not to, but I see the other posters have some good ideas.

-Dont forget to suck your masters dyck on the way out! Ha! All kidding aside, I applaud u on some sound opinions. Master is teachign u well.

 

[C-Mack]

Mr. Brain. I only have a Masters Degree in Theology, not Player-ology, so I’m not here to fight with you. I’ have read some of your battles with my friend supreme. My only hope is that you wake up before it’s too late my friend.

As a young man in my early 30’s or so, I can relate to what you are experiencing in your life. Like you have heard before; you are the source of your problems.

I am crashing tonight at my friends home but if you doubt my authenticity you can have a moderator check my earlier posts IP address. It’s late and I shall not chance a hazardous drive back to the Bay area where I live and work in the imaginary world of Television production and such. Hence I am up at this ungodly hour posting to you.

You have doubted my friend’s words to you, why I shall never even catch, even the faintest hint of a clue. Yes I have learned a great deal from him, and I am still learning even more than you can imagine. You have no idea.

I do wish you luck, and I do truly hope you wake up before you lose this fine young lass!

Remember You are the problem, not her. She is only doing as women do. If you’re a real man then you would handle your business so that her interest stays with you. And that is all I have to say on this subject. You may respond but I will probably not see it, since I view this site as mostly a waste of my time, of which I place great value on.

Good night.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

JB,

If things happened the way you described then your girl severely disrespected you and it should have been dealt with right there and then!

You should have removed yourself from between the two of them and excused yourself so that they may talk to one another without your interference and then walked out!

This is what I would have done because I tolerate shyt when it comes to blatant disrespect!! You weakened your position by not confronting her roaming eyes and gracious smiles and giggles right away. Your inaction only encouraged her!

This has nothing to do with jealousy or her age - these are non-issues and irrelevant to her disrespect!

Quit making up excuses for her disrespect - her 'prettiness' has nothing to do with her character - look at her character - her actions.

Expect a woman like this to cheat soon - look out for clues, they will be obvious if you are not blinded by lust.

If she is screwing you then she has no inhibitions about screwing other men. Hors are loyal to no one until they start getting fat and/or old!!!

Just remember that you are only the next pimp in line!!

 

[darkofthematinee]

Jbbrain - I think I'm the only one who thinks this - but I'm gonna keep putting this view forwards...

I agree that your girl severely disrespected you.

And I agree that this kinda behaviour is intolerable in a girlfriend long-term.

But I don't think you should give up too quickly. I mean, if everything else about her is so good - and you know for sure she cares about you - why wouldn't she start to improve her character weaknesses for you?

When she's flirting with other guys, she must know she ain't making your day, but she probably thinks its no biggie. If you can make her see that to you its massive, and that she could lose you over it, then she might change. If when you talk to her, she promises to do so, you could have a future if she keeps her promises.

In saying that though - I think that deep down, attention wh0res' natural state is single, and the only reason they get into relationships is so they can get the best of both worlds. They want the constant, uplifiting and guaranteed attention a guy they're in a relationship can give them, and at the same time, they want to keep getting the occassional, but more intensely thrilling flirty moments. In other words, you're her intravenous attention drip, and the other guys are happy pills.

All I'm saying is: have a serious talk - get this off your chest. Let her know it isn't your ego talking - its just that as her man you expect her to respect you and to be faithful, and for you that includes not flirting with other guys. If she can't handle that, then she's not ready for a relationship with you, if she just wants an AFC to use, she's gonna have to go elsewhere.

Watch her actions. If she doesn't change, push her away - she might cry and resent you for it now - but its better for both of you to split up, if she gonna keep trying to use you. If she changes - then congratulations! You've tamed a beast, and a mighty fine (if somewhat dull) beast at that.

 

[squirrels]

Heh, relax. She's just a girl.

I know, I know. Not very helpful. But I think you're letting your envy get the best of you. Don't get angry over it. It doesn't help.

If you're solid, her attention will return to you at the end of the night.

 

[jbbrain]

squirrels and to the others-

thanks for the replies, although i must admit I'm surprised by the range of different opinions.

I guess all Don Juan's cant be the same..

Ill tell you this: I dont have any experience with this type of shyt from a gf. Why? Well, because im not a relationship type guy.

In that regard, I have no context to relate this incident to..I have no "measuring cup" per se to quantify the seriousness of her actions.

Some of you are telling me "this is just the way women are". Some are telling me "ditch the biiatch, this is blatant disrespect (cue puerto rican, ha!)

All I can really go by, and base my reaction on from this incident, is how it made me feel. I KNOW women are attention seekers. I know that, for the hot ones, this is like, built in veryyyyy deep down.

Regardless, there are different variations of this IMO. Some ladies like to dress provocatively, others squeeze random guys asses etc etc...others check other guys out intently.

hmm. So, inso far as I know that mostly ALL women like to have their egos stroked in some form, I take offense to what she did. She can wear the shortest skirt, have as many dude friends as she wants etc. but when she crosses the line of acceptable vs. unacceptable(aka checking out another dude right in front of me) I cant help but feel I need to take action. Is it ego? Maybe. Or is it keeping my dignity?

So...to my point about dignity. Squirrely cool, I know shes returning to em at the end of the night. My issue isnt about losing her (or fear of doing so), but rather if Flirty behaviour, in this form, is acceptable vs. unacceptable in a realtionship.

But whatver position I choose, I wont choose it with resent, anger (or blind understanding and gullibility for that matter).

Thanks.

 

[JohnJones]

There is a universal question in this thread: Is it always jealousy if you are concerned with a disrespectful action? Meaning, you may not really think that whatever flirting, etc., was going on would ever amount to anything, but its the disrespect that in principal affects you.

There has to be a difference in principle, though, because being strong and independent basically rules out being jealous (feeling it, showing it, otherwise). That is not the same thing as letting someone be rude or disrespectful to you.

I think that that is Clooney's point: if it doesn't bother you, then who cares, and if it does bother you, dump her now or later because you will inevitably feel bad.

But if it is merely a disrespectful action, does it get a different, more dispassioniate response?

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
She has the power in this relationship, she even disrespects you right infront of you. She is an ATTNTION WH*RE!!!

Your power is the one thing you never, ever give up. Dump her quick.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by alboh
So yeah it seems like we've found a pattern here amongst model-hot young women.

I dunno man, I'm seeing this pattern in chicks in their early 20's that are really only 7's.......especially if they work in the service industries and get AFC's kissing their arses all the time. It's out of control.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by JohnJones
I think that that is Clooney's point: if it doesn't bother you, then who cares, and if it does bother you, dump her now or later because you will inevitably feel bad.

But heres another question to ponder. Should we, as men, let it bother us?

Should it really be viewed as a "it bothers me so Ill take action" vs. "it doesnt bother me so I dont care".

The fact remains, it bothers me. At the same time, I cant help but think in a way, that it shouldnt. Should we be complacent and just accept ourselves for who we are, or should we all try to strive for the same plain of existence (aka not letting it bother us)?

 

[Don Juanabbe]

You know, this is a toughie. What about the other dude? Is he your friend as well as co worker? What's up with his behaviour then?

But one questiong that is important is: Have you seen this behaviour from her in the past, or is this the first you've noticed it?

Because one thing you need to understand is that she could just've fallen into girl mode with her friend right there and a couple of drinks in her. Chicks flirt like this all the time when they're out together - whether they're in LTR's or not. It's whether they act on it or not.

I wouldn't act on this now - it's too late. If you bring it up to her now, you're only showing her your insecurity because well, it's quite a bit of time after the fact- and it'll look like you've really been stewing and brooding on it. However, if it happens another time, I would deal with it right then and there - just don't freak out. Keep it calm and cool - hell, try putting your attention on another chick if that's how you want to handle it, and see how she likes it when the tables are turned. But as of now, I think you should let it slide, but keep note of it - and look out for a pattern.

Remember, if she's doing it blatantly in front of you, she could be doing it to gain something from you......

Guaranteed she's doing it behind your back - they all do - it's an ego stroke.

 

[JohnJones]

Originally posted by jbbrain
But heres another question to ponder. Should we, as men, let it bother us?

Should it really be viewed as a "it bothers me so Ill take action" vs. "it doesnt bother me so I dont care".

The fact remains, it bothers me. At the same time, I cant help but think in a way, that it shouldnt. Should we be complacent and just accept ourselves for who we are, or should we all try to strive for the same plain of existence (aka not letting it bother us)?

I think we're asking the same question. I also think that if you are correct in principal that you've been disrespected, being bothered isn't about being jealous its about being treated poorly. The real issue is, is she going to keep treating you this way in the future?

I posted recently about a female friend who got dumped because she was still friends with a guy she'd fu--ed on a weekend party that her b/f didn't go to. A new b/f knew about the cheating and seemed basically okay with it (I don't know what his thought process was), but he drew the line at the point where she still saw this guy occassionally at the same party, they would very occasionally email each other, etc.

He told her he was surprised that she wasn't ashamed enough of the cheating and that she slept so fast, but more importantly, that she had disrespected her old b/f by treating this guy better than him after she'd cheated AND now was being too progressive and "Sex in the City" with the new b/f.

So I don't know if this guy was jealous, or just felt she was acting disrespectfully and knew that it would continue.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
You know, this is a toughie. What about the other dude? Is he your friend as well as co worker? What's up with his behaviour then?

But one questiong that is important is: Have you seen this behaviour from her in the past, or is this the first you've noticed it?

Because one thing you need to understand is that she could just've fallen into girl mode with her friend right there and a couple of drinks in her. Chicks flirt like this all the time when they're out together - whether they're in LTR's or not. It's whether they act on it or not.

I wouldn't act on this now - it's too late. If you bring it up to her now, you're only showing her your insecurity because well, it's quite a bit of time after the fact- and it'll look like you've really been stewing and brooding on it. However, if it happens another time, I would deal with it right then and there - just don't freak out. Keep it calm and cool - hell, try putting your attention on another chick if that's how you want to handle it, and see how she likes it when the tables are turned. But as of now, I think you should let it slide, but keep note of it - and look out for a pattern.

Remember, if she's doing it blatantly in front of you, she could be doing it to gain something from you......

Guaranteed she's doing it behind your back - they all do - it's an ego stroke.

I think this is excellent advice

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

I didn't read all the replies, just your original post.

The question I would ask myself is: "Do I care more about being disrespected or do I care more about keeping this girl as an FB/GF"? That answer will determine my behavior.

If I care more about being disrespected, then what I would have done was dealt with this issue right then and there. There would be multiple ways of doing this, from booting her on the spot, to telling her off, etc. In my view, taking such action (although totally understandable and I may have done that) is still AFC.

If you *know* you're not going to marry her and you want to keep her around, then this is not a big deal, and if your emotions are in check, you can actually have some fun with this.

For example, you notice her checking the guy out and making eyes at him, you basically encourage her to go for it. Tell her "babe, it would actually turn me on if all four of us (the guy and your chick's friend) can go back to my place for some fun". Or you just leave her do her thing and you approach the friend and say "look babe, GF and I were talking and she's trying to recruit that guy for an orgy and she said you'd be into it too". etc. Now who's the one getting disrespected? If your GF freaks out then you can blow up and accuse her of being a sl*tty little c*nt with the barman.

It's all good bro. 20 year old chicks love the fun. All this stuff about being disrespected is not worth your energy.

 

[Player_Supreme]

I wasn't going to respond to your post but here are a couple of riddles for you:


1. Be a Casanova, not an I’ll-make-an-ass-out-of-myselfinova.

2. Be her man, not her boyfriend! There is a world of difference between the two.


Meditate on these two for a few days.

don't bother with a corny response. I do not come here that much anymore and I will not be back to look at your post either little chill.

as far as I'm concerned I warned you and you acted like a got dam fool with your ego so you don't even deserve what I've written for you to figure out.

since your so got dammed smart figgure it out and you will solve your problem.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by jbbrain
But heres another question to ponder. Should we, as men, let it bother us?

Should it really be viewed as a "it bothers me so Ill take action" vs. "it doesnt bother me so I dont care".

The fact remains, it bothers me. At the same time, I cant help but think in a way, that it shouldnt. Should we be complacent and just accept ourselves for who we are, or should we all try to strive for the same plain of existence (aka not letting it bother us)?

Stop thinking up such absolute SH*T!!!

If you like the girl and she is disrespectful, it SHOULD BOTHER YOU!!! Even if you are sure of yourself, she is doing something that is disrespecting you. You are a human being and things effect you as they do everyone else, nobody is a machine that can just switch off what they think and feel. U can certainly learn to control it a whole lot better. The reason you are jealous is a primal instinct, she is MAKING you jealous.

ahhhhhh, why am I wasting my time. You are obviously NOT gonna move on, u are stuck on this girl and that is why you keep going on and on and on about it, replying to this thread.

The more u read, the more messed up you become.

Sometimes you think you have it all figured out, and then the next moment, its all a mess infront of you again.

U dont want to loose her because she has so many great qualities, but u cant put up with this disrespect.

You think that you should not care about this kind of stupid sh*t, because ultimately she is with u at the end of the night, and u should be secure enough in yourself not to care about it, but u keep coming up with the same answer, U ARE JEALOUS, and for a VERY GOOD REASON.

Stay with this girl, get totally fukced up over her, and then realise in years time, hey so many other great respectful girls out there, why the FUKC did I stay with this one for soooooo damn long.

This is whats gonna happen, becuase u dont have the strength or big enough ballz to REALLY move on with your life (and I am not talking about just dumping her and THINKING you are moving on with your life).

Good luck with it. Thats all I have to say. Glad its been years since I experienced such bullsh*t!!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Dude, it has nothing to do with 'ego' or 'how women are when they drink" or "if it doesn't bother you then don't worry" it has to do with respect a woman owes to a man and who she is as a person - her character.

The way I see it - you have to ask yourself "what kind of women would do this in my presence and do it so conspicuously.?" Only hors do this, not all women seek attention - hors seek attention.

Guys are so use to being disrespected by hors today (because they allow it) that they see disrespectful dress, language, behavior merely as ordinary commonplace actions and they try to pretend it doesn't affect their mindset.

If your girl wears miniskirts and dresses like a hor, talks like a hor, screws in bed like a hor, looks at other guys like a hor, then guess what? She IS a hor!!!! As long as you understand this and you do not fall in love with her you'll be OK.

Remember, you are just the next pimp in line!

But one thing a man doesn't allow and that is blatant disrespect from a woman, especially in public and especially when you are present, and especially eyeing and smiling at another man! Hold on to your dignity at all cost - once you lose it then you have nothing left of greater value! Once you lose your dignity, you have voluntarily handed her all of the power in the relationship!

If she is doing this in front of you what is she doing when you are not around her????

How do you think that other man she was eyeing views you? Not that you care - just a rhetorical question. He is probably thinking "This hor is giving me all this attention and her man is right in front of him - damnnn!"

I'm sure she'll visit the bar again without you present!

This is the beginning of the end - just realize this!

If you are thinking about a LTR in the future, always look at a woman's character and what she values and NOT how she treats you or what she says!!

 

[Frank Zappa]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
If you are thinking about a LTR in the future, always look at a woman's character and what she values and NOT how she treats you or what she says!!

Wow... Amen.... You don't believe this until you get f*cked over one time... And hopefully that is the only time.... ~Zappa

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Stop thinking up such absolute SH*T!!!

If you like the girl and she is disrespectful, it SHOULD BOTHER YOU!!! Even if you are sure of yourself, she is doing something that is disrespecting you. You are a human being and things effect you as they do everyone else, nobody is a machine that can just switch off what they think and feel. U can certainly learn to control it a whole lot better. The reason you are jealous is a primal instinct, she is MAKING you jealous.

ahhhhhh, why am I wasting my time. You are obviously NOT gonna move on, u are stuck on this girl and that is why you keep going on and on and on about it, replying to this thread.

The more u read, the more messed up you become.

Sometimes you think you have it all figured out, and then the next moment, its all a mess infront of you again.

U dont want to loose her because she has so many great qualities, but u cant put up with this disrespect.

You think that you should not care about this kind of stupid sh*t, because ultimately she is with u at the end of the night, and u should be secure enough in yourself not to care about it, but u keep coming up with the same answer, U ARE JEALOUS, and for a VERY GOOD REASON.

Stay with this girl, get totally fukced up over her, and then realise in years time, hey so many other great respectful girls out there, why the FUKC did I stay with this one for soooooo damn long.

This is whats gonna happen, becuase u dont have the strength or big enough ballz to REALLY move on with your life (and I am not talking about just dumping her and THINKING you are moving on with your life).

Good luck with it. Thats all I have to say. Glad its been years since I experienced such bullsh*t!!

cloons-believe me, its all good, I just want to make the most sense out of the situation as I can. I'm pondering what you're saying. I know u say it from experience.