Ok, first off, I'm new here. Hello everyone.
Now, I have a situation and I'll try to make it a short story here. I'd appreciate any tips or feedback on how you would proceed next if you're in my situation.
I met this woman online. She actually contacted me first. We had some great exchanges over a period of a few days and then I asked her out and got her number. I then texted her the next day and we immediately arranged to get together for a drink. ( she was excited and said, "I have tomorrow or saturday night available, OR even tonight! ) I gave her a few options and she said she loved one place, so that's where we met.
Turned out that we had a pretty awesome date. We even ate dinner and hung around for a couple of hours. Pretty good for a week night, as she had to work the next day. There was a lot of amazing eye contact, smiling, etc. The vibe was tight. It was pretty obvious we were both enjoying ourselves. ( before I continue, I should mention the 'points' game we were playing. She originally contacted me and asked me how many points she got for x and y, etc. I mentioned something about bonus points in my profile ) After we paid, we left and I walked her to her car and she practically jumped on me giving me a huge hug. She said to let her know how many points she scored, etc. Here's where I made my first mistake. I told her that she was really great and that we should get together again soon. What I should have done is just said "this was fun, have a great night", I think.
So, the next day, I was legitimately busy, but I also decided that I would wait until Saturday to contact her. When I did, I just sent a random text saying something like, 'still adding up points, you scored x for this etc'. I was hoping this might kickstart a little back and forth, but she didn't reply ( she clearly didn't like the text and my delayed report of points scored ). My phone signal was really in and out and I wasn't even sure if the text was sent or not. I waited until the next night. No reply. So now I decided that I wanted to make it more clear to her. ( this might have also been a mistake ) I emailed her instead of texting, basically saying hey, not sure if my text was going out or not. I had a nice time with you the other night, and I hope we can get together again sometime. )
She didn't reply to that email ever. The next afternoon, she texted back. "Sweet! Sorry for the late reply. Been busy. Yeah we should definitely hang out again "
So, at least she replied. I felt like the fact that I waited 2 days to reply back to her after the first date sort of put her on the defensive. So she then started playing the 'game' with me. I decided that I didn't want to wait 24 hours to reply, so I waited 4 or 6 or something. I just said, Great! I look forward to it.
She never replied. I decided then to just chill for a while. I waited 3 days and then I decided to try and take control back by asking her out again directly. This time I called her. I figured I'd get voicemail and I did. I decided to leave a message anyway so she could hear my voice. I kept it short but said hey, hope you're well etc. Do you want to get together this weekend? Let me know. Catcha later.
The next afternoon, she finally replied. Hey ____! Thank you for your call. My weekend is booked! Let's grab a drink next week, cool?
I wasn't surprised she pulled this. I waited til the next day and text her back.
Hey _____, yeah, next weekend sounds good, how about Saturday night?!
So now she waited 2 days to respond, instead of my previous 1 full day. Finally, her response was. Hey _____! Not sure I can do Sat night. Maybe a afternoon coffee or a quick drink?
Now at this point, I'm basically trying to decide if I want to proceed and how.
She's obviously playing control games and maybe it's because she thought I was playing games from the beginning, but I gave her a couple of opportunities to stop with the games.
I feel like I could go a few ways here. Let me know what you think or what you might do in this situation.
1. I could simply go NC and write her off. She's not 'sure' if she has Sat available for me, and then only has time for a quick afternoon coffee or something.
2. I could call her on her bs and say, hey, unfortunately this seems to have degraded into mind games ( or just a game ) and I don't have time for it. Let me know when you become sure about having time to go out properly. Or something along these lines.
3. I could doubly play the game back ( which isn't really my style but it's an option ) and wait 3 or 4 days to respond. I could even say I'm busy back. And then try to schedule another proper evening out. But at this point, I am just chasing her and she's shooting me down and trying to control the situation.
If I do call her on her bs, I'd rather not wait 4 days to do it. I'm leaning towards 1 or 2, because at this point, I don't want to waste more time and weeks going by with an unknown situation. I can be meeting and dating other women.
It's frustrating, because we had a freaking great connection. There was chemistry for sure. But I'm not going to be a doormat for anyone.
Thoughts or advice?
Now, I have a situation and I'll try to make it a short story here. I'd appreciate any tips or feedback on how you would proceed next if you're in my situation.
I met this woman online. She actually contacted me first. We had some great exchanges over a period of a few days and then I asked her out and got her number. I then texted her the next day and we immediately arranged to get together for a drink. ( she was excited and said, "I have tomorrow or saturday night available, OR even tonight! ) I gave her a few options and she said she loved one place, so that's where we met.
Turned out that we had a pretty awesome date. We even ate dinner and hung around for a couple of hours. Pretty good for a week night, as she had to work the next day. There was a lot of amazing eye contact, smiling, etc. The vibe was tight. It was pretty obvious we were both enjoying ourselves. ( before I continue, I should mention the 'points' game we were playing. She originally contacted me and asked me how many points she got for x and y, etc. I mentioned something about bonus points in my profile ) After we paid, we left and I walked her to her car and she practically jumped on me giving me a huge hug. She said to let her know how many points she scored, etc. Here's where I made my first mistake. I told her that she was really great and that we should get together again soon. What I should have done is just said "this was fun, have a great night", I think.
So, the next day, I was legitimately busy, but I also decided that I would wait until Saturday to contact her. When I did, I just sent a random text saying something like, 'still adding up points, you scored x for this etc'. I was hoping this might kickstart a little back and forth, but she didn't reply ( she clearly didn't like the text and my delayed report of points scored ). My phone signal was really in and out and I wasn't even sure if the text was sent or not. I waited until the next night. No reply. So now I decided that I wanted to make it more clear to her. ( this might have also been a mistake ) I emailed her instead of texting, basically saying hey, not sure if my text was going out or not. I had a nice time with you the other night, and I hope we can get together again sometime. )
She didn't reply to that email ever. The next afternoon, she texted back. "Sweet! Sorry for the late reply. Been busy. Yeah we should definitely hang out again "
So, at least she replied. I felt like the fact that I waited 2 days to reply back to her after the first date sort of put her on the defensive. So she then started playing the 'game' with me. I decided that I didn't want to wait 24 hours to reply, so I waited 4 or 6 or something. I just said, Great! I look forward to it.
She never replied. I decided then to just chill for a while. I waited 3 days and then I decided to try and take control back by asking her out again directly. This time I called her. I figured I'd get voicemail and I did. I decided to leave a message anyway so she could hear my voice. I kept it short but said hey, hope you're well etc. Do you want to get together this weekend? Let me know. Catcha later.
The next afternoon, she finally replied. Hey ____! Thank you for your call. My weekend is booked! Let's grab a drink next week, cool?
I wasn't surprised she pulled this. I waited til the next day and text her back.
Hey _____, yeah, next weekend sounds good, how about Saturday night?!
So now she waited 2 days to respond, instead of my previous 1 full day. Finally, her response was. Hey _____! Not sure I can do Sat night. Maybe a afternoon coffee or a quick drink?
Now at this point, I'm basically trying to decide if I want to proceed and how.
She's obviously playing control games and maybe it's because she thought I was playing games from the beginning, but I gave her a couple of opportunities to stop with the games.
I feel like I could go a few ways here. Let me know what you think or what you might do in this situation.
1. I could simply go NC and write her off. She's not 'sure' if she has Sat available for me, and then only has time for a quick afternoon coffee or something.
2. I could call her on her bs and say, hey, unfortunately this seems to have degraded into mind games ( or just a game ) and I don't have time for it. Let me know when you become sure about having time to go out properly. Or something along these lines.
3. I could doubly play the game back ( which isn't really my style but it's an option ) and wait 3 or 4 days to respond. I could even say I'm busy back. And then try to schedule another proper evening out. But at this point, I am just chasing her and she's shooting me down and trying to control the situation.
If I do call her on her bs, I'd rather not wait 4 days to do it. I'm leaning towards 1 or 2, because at this point, I don't want to waste more time and weeks going by with an unknown situation. I can be meeting and dating other women.
It's frustrating, because we had a freaking great connection. There was chemistry for sure. But I'm not going to be a doormat for anyone.
Thoughts or advice?
and :crackup: