Dealing with awkward silences during dates

[drift king]

I have a tendency in my dates to have a sparse amount of material that only lasts me max 20mins and I find myself getting into LJBF territory cos I end up asking questions about studies and general problems my date is having cos otherwise we just have silence.

If I keep quiet she'll ask me questions but I give half-assed answers and don't really say anything with conviction.. like i'll suddenly go blank mid sentences then mumble something to finish it off then think.. hmm i probably shouldn't have said that.

As a result in sudden bursts I come out with great stuff but then this is all neutralized by my boring monotone conversations which just lowers her interest level and probably LJBF's me.

In these awkward silences is it better to say anything just to keep the convo going or should i play the silence to my advantage?

usually I am thinking of rubbing up on her but sometimes I'm afraid cos it doesn't seem like the appropriate time and I might get a slap.

How do I deal better with the silences? cos when i do feel that pressure and nerves to fill in the silence I end up coming across as desperate and scared.. but if i keep quiet she ends up getting bored and I ruin all my good work.

 

[Quiksilver]

You need to learn a few good stories about yourself..

Jot down 4 or 5 really interesting/funny stories from your past and elaborate on them. Learn how to tell the story, so whenever there's an awkward silence where you're grasping for **** to say, pull one of them out and tell her.

It shouldn't be fake though. If you have no interesting stories, then you shouldn't even be trying to game girls. Get out and live life some more.

 

[drift king]

i have good stories but i seem to black out and freeze when i'm on dates cos i'm not 100% relaxed so i forget them.. when the girl asks me questions about problems i've had (if she's just been talking about a problem she has) i have nothing to say.. I need to rehearse and memorise funny stories and incidents so i can just pluck them out the air?

what happens if she's just getting bored, should i call it a night before she does? (maybe that'll throw her off a bit)

 

[DJx420]

Man, what Quicksilver said is true. Just get a few stories/routines down to say during the awk silence.

And the reason you should NOT be blanking out on dates is strictly for the fact that YOU ARE THE PRIZE and you should not care waht the outcome is because you have MANY other plates spinning (even if you don't). When you can get that down, then you will have mastered how to stay away from awk silences.

 

[drift king]

the thing is i can easily fill in awkward silences but lately i've been trying not to do that cos it's like every time there is silence my auto reaction is to ask a question to just get rid of the silence..

maybe in this case i should have gone back to that mode when there were more than 2 silences.. it just feels like im coming across as scared for there to be silence.

i thought the idea was to use the silence and tension of the awkwardness of the silence to start making out or something?

 

[DonGorgon]

Silence means you are not clicking... there is always plenty to say but when people are uncomfortable that list of things to say gets very short...

OK.. yeah.. shyness can factor in BUT comfort trumps shyness!! So work on making things light hearted and fun and the comfort will grow and bring never ending conversation with it.

 

[drift king]

yeah that's what it felt like.. i was finding it difficult to answer her questions.. like she was putting me on the spot.. usually i just ramble spontaneously about stuff but since i wanted to stop trying to fill silences cos i thought it makes me seem scared that i'm losing her i seem to have done the opposite and let the silence take over.

literally in the moment i just freeze.. can't for the love of god think of anything to say. is it always best to fill in those silences no matter what.. even if it comes across as if i'm scared im losing her so i fill the silence?

 

[Ripper]

Silences are only 'awkward' if you feel the need to fill them. What makes a silence feel awkward is when one or both of you give off the vibe that it needs to be filled for some reason. When you do this, on a subconscious level you make her the prize because your need to fill the silence betrays your (subtle yet distinct) need for her approval. Work on getting yourself to the point where you no longer feel the need to always keep the conversation going. The most seductive conversation has a nice rhythm and mixture of silence and talk. After all the silence makes the talk all the more poignant and vice-versa.

 

[schttrj]

ok, here's what i think:

don is right, no clicking, more silences. you cannot make it click like that. but you will notice one thing, more two persons open to each other, more connected they feel. so, ask questions, open ended questions, elicit her values and information you are really curious about? like did she ever try modelling or something? or if money was not a factor, what would she do with her life? where she from? you like her name? you have a cousin of her name? your cousin is funny? how?.... man, learn to talk. open her up. just spend some quality time with her, give her a great experience, tell funny incidents or any accidents or ask her opinion about somethign, gosh! there are so many things, but just don't ask anything for the sake of asking. believe in it.

another thing, somewhat silences are good. if you see two people who know each other very well, they are silent at times, they are not continuously babbling, they are sometimes looking at their mobile, they are sometimes thinking something to themselves or eating their food so dedicatedly, or just in his/her own world, but when they start interacting, they are just two atoms vibrating together. you get me?

 

[rushing dude 123]

Some of these guys might know more than me and probs say get more routines/story, so i will give u some other advice to deal with the situation, u don't have to speack do u?, why not jus b quiet and she will probablly try to renitiate convo so the tables will turn or just turn it against her. WOW THIS IS AWKWARD!!!!!!!!! MAYBE U NEED TO GO ON MORE ADVENTURES SO U CAN TALK ABOUT SOMETHING BECAUSE WELL I DIDN'T WANT TO SPILL MY STORYS JUST YET...... Turn ur weaknesses into strengths, what r u both thinking about....silence....there u got ur topic.

 

[LostAndConfused]

REVEL in the awkward silence.

Bask in the ambience of false awkwardness!

 

[War Against Betaism]

Silences are only 'awkward' if you feel the need to fill them. What makes a silence feel awkward is when one or both of you give off the vibe that it needs to be filled for some reason. When you do this, on a subconscious level you make her the prize because your need to fill the silence betrays your (subtle yet distinct) need for her approval. Work on getting yourself to the point where you no longer feel the need to always keep the conversation going. The most seductive conversation has a nice rhythm and mixture of silence and talk. After all the silence makes the talk all the more poignant and vice-versa.

I was going to say this as well, except it probably wouldn't have been as deep and literature

When you have these awkward silences, it means that you're placing yourself as a person of equal or lower value as the person you're talking to. What I do is make it seem awkward for HER and make myself completely comfortable, show no signs of nervousness. Then it'll seem like she is the one messing up the date and she needs to work for you so you won't lose her interest.

 

[619joe]

Your not doing a good enough job on the conversations buddy.

You HAVE to pay attention to what SHE is saying and bounce off from that.For ****'s sakes man cut the routines and planned material that you are gonna say and just be real.

Ask questions that you WANT to get to know about her and show interest to what she is saying.If you ask her what she does and she says "telemarketing" for example,that is a perfect setup to ask questions of how she likes it,what funny comments some people say,how your life long dream is to become a telemarketer...etc.

General questions are OK,you just have to push the envelope and make fun of the situation.I like to go very random and it usually works.

Hell one time I was at starbucks with a girl,I went to go get myself a drink and I get a A REALLY LONG RECEIPT! I must have pulled off atleast a 5-10 minute convo about how it will go onto my "wall of receipts",how I will treasure it forever and I kept fidgeting with it and making it lay perfect along the table and just caressing it (sounds stupid but it worked) and I pretended that it was a pet or something.This was HILARIOUS to her and she loved it and played along.I even nicknamed it for kicks

Hope I helped out a bit