Deal Breakers

[STR8UP]

My list is based on Doc Love's 3, everytime I've deviated I have done so at my own peril. Necessary ingredients can be summed up real easy see below:

Integrity
Giving Nature
Flexible

You can really sum all the comments above into the above 3. Granted finding a blowfish might be slightly more of a challenge. Good one Mr. M!

KC

Those three pretty much cover it.

1. I would not even date a woman (not even for a fling or just sex) that

a) she is into one-night stands such as meeting random people and having sex (I can give them the benefit of the doubt if it happened once and over 15 years ago)

Although I agree with the premise behind your criteria. I have to point out that when you say something like the above quote, I have to laugh, cause a) 99% of women will never admit to this type of behavior, so how are you to know?, and b) whenever someone says "Well maybe I might make an exception if it was only one time and it happened at least 15 years ago", I know they are the type who would rather pretend that most women "just don't do those kinds of things" than face the truth that MOST women DO engage in this type of behavior from time to time.

Dude, I'm sorry. I know you truly believe that there are all these wonderful women out there who are "quasi-virginal", and who will spill the details about their sexual past to a potential lover with 100% honesty, but it doesn't work that way. Do you REALLY believe differently?

All you are doing is sticking your head in the sand to avoid the not so pleasant truth that "people are people", and people do a lot of things behind closed doors and they don't erect a billboard announcing it to the world because they know they will be judged, and judged ESPECIALLY harshly by people like you.

I'll stick with judging women based upon the things I CAN determine for myself over time, such as the three listed by KC.

 

[speed dawg]

1. I would not even date a woman (not even for a fling or just sex) that

a) she is into one-night stands such as meeting random people and having sex (I can give them the benefit of the doubt if it happened once and over 15 years ago).

You say you would not date a woman who is into one night stands.....

3. I might consider having a fling with a woman, but would NOT have with her a SERIOUS relationship (in another words, I would never be in a committed relationship other than just sex), if

but you yourself are open to them and entitled to have them if you want? Good luck finding this "perfect woman".

 

[drmeathead]

a woman that would tell you about her past sex life in detail shouldnt be dated anyway. who wants to know where her ***** has been. dont ask dont tell. i had an ex tell me about how she ****ed some dude in a lifeguard chair. it was her bf at the time but still i never wanted to take her to the beach after that.

 

[Bonhomme]

Pretty much all of the many "deal breakers" boil down to one of more of the following:

Disrespect

Insufficient chemistry (including "turn offs")

Addictions and/or habits I don't want to deal with

 

[guru1000]

Hey Latinoman,

Very Admirable! :yes:

When you fall for everything, you stand for nothing.

I add a few of my own,

1) Flexible
2) Feminine
3) Well Maintainted
4) Loves a MAN

 

[iqqi]

I don't keep a list, I just use my common sense and moral compass

best response here, and only person who seems to not be ridiculous.

edit: that was page one. page two seems to have some other reasonable responses. props to STR8UP. good post.

 

[Colossus]

Those three pretty much cover it.



Although I agree with the premise behind your criteria. I have to point out that when you say something like the above quote, I have to laugh, cause a) 99% of women will never admit to this type of behavior, so how are you to know?, and b) whenever someone says "Well maybe I might make an exception if it was only one time and it happened at least 15 years ago", I know they are the type who would rather pretend that most women "just don't do those kinds of things" than face the truth that MOST women DO engage in this type of behavior from time to time.

Dude, I'm sorry. I know you truly believe that there are all these wonderful women out there who are "quasi-virginal", and who will spill the details about their sexual past to a potential lover with 100% honesty, but it doesn't work that way. Do you REALLY believe differently?

All you are doing is sticking your head in the sand to avoid the not so pleasant truth that "people are people", and people do a lot of things behind closed doors and they don't erect a billboard announcing it to the world because they know they will be judged, and judged ESPECIALLY harshly by people like you.

I'll stick with judging women based upon the things I CAN determine for myself over time, such as the three listed by KC.

True Str8up, but sometimes you are just made privy to that type of info, be it through the grapevine, a drunken slip, etc. I personally NEVER ask those types of questions, because 1) It's intrusive and you will rarely get a truthful answer, and 2) private life is private life. Ive done things im not proud of, and I wont tell a woman just because she asks.


I dont think Latinoman was refering to directly questioning women about their sexual past.

 

[STR8UP]

I dont think Latinoman was refering to directly questioning women about their sexual past.

True, but women guard the skeletons in their closets with their life.

To think that your "intuition" is good enough to simply pick up on these things is foolish. I can guarantee you that everyone reading this post doesn't know HALF what they think they do about their past and current lovers.

 

[iqqi]

True, but women guard the skeletons in their closets with their life.

To think that your "intuition" is good enough to simply pick up on these things is foolish. I can guarantee you that everyone reading this post doesn't know HALF what they think they do about their past and current lovers.

THAT, and to judge a person based on HALF that crap, is just silly. I am one of the most righteous most annoyingly so people you will ever meet, and I can tell how silly that list is.

Someone mentioned on the other thread, you have just excluded any interesting people period. Even as moral and annoying as I can be... I was a thief when I was younger. I am excluded too! Lol...

EDIT: ALSO, I own my own business.... but sometimes I take a job as a server... because it is FUN, and you meet the most interesting people. But what would you care about that?

 

[Mr.Positive]

True, but women guard the skeletons in their closets with their life.

The thing to do is get a woman so comfortable with you, that she feels like she could tell you anything, without you judging her.

That's very tough to do though, especially if you are in filtering mode, sifting through a lot of women to find one that's quality and compatible with you.

If she feels that you accept her for who she is, these skeletons come out. If anything, to test your strength in handling it.

This really is a great thread.

It's important though to remember to take women on an individual basis. Some women can, and do get stronger as a person, from some of the hard lessons they've learned in life.

I think the biggest deal breaker for me right now is emotional instability.

 

[guru1000]

True, but women guard the skeletons in their closets with their life.

I totally disagree with that.

I open up women all the time.

Just last night, on the 1st Date, I had the girl admit to 3 ONS's, interracial dating, lesbo experience, how often her x went down on her, how many guys she estimated to sleep with, what she rated herself (1-10), how good she is in bed, how her x's performed, how often her x's cheated on her, how often she cheated on her x's, how many of her x's did she sleep with on the first date, etc. (the list goes on and on)

This girl was not the exception either. I open up most women.

There is no need for them to LOWBALL me. I APPEAR to be unopinionated and objective.

I will say "only 12 guys, that seems too low for a girl your age. Now what is the real number?"

You would be surprised how MUCH a women could open up.

 

[logic1]

You need to add one more.

Never consider an LTR with a woman who carries a credit debt load in excess of $10K.

You have been warned

Icky, This response came from page 1 and is a BIG one that a lot of men overlook.

I think it is one of the top 5 if you disected them. Women and their spending habits.............sheeeeesh! They will take you down if you allow them.

So, not all responses on the 1st page were ridiculous including the OP's.

 

[STR8UP]

I totally disagree with that.

I open up women all the time.

Let me rephrase that.

"Women guard their skeletons with JUDGMENTAL MEN"

I also get women to open up all the time. See my other thread.

 

[iqqi]

Icky, This response came from page 1 and is a BIG one that a lot of men overlook.

I think it is one of the top 5 if you disected them. Women and their spending habits.............sheeeeesh! They will take you down if you allow them.

So, not all responses on the 1st page were ridiculous including the OP's.

Rollo made a good point... but I just think that is too judgemental. I know a lot of people, male and female, who went credit card crazy in their early 20's. They have learned their lesson, and are completely different now in regard to their financial intelligence.

I just thinking completely judging someone based on past mistakes (esp. ones that do not denote bad moral decisions), is a huge character flaw on the judge...

 

[LoneSilver]

From my past experiences a deal breaker for me would be a woman who is to hung up on her religion a total turn off.

LoneSilver

 

[vorbis]

debt is a touchy one. I've of the opinion that if you go into heavy debt once you'll do it again. Credit reports are only really useful if they're undamaged. Once you've ****ed it up there's little incentive to stay financially sensible.

 

[jophil28]

Let me rephrase that.

"Women guard their skeletons with JUDGMENTAL MEN"

I also get women to open up all the time. See my other thread.

And here is another hurdle -

Women are the most secretive, and guard their history most vigilantly, with men in whom they have the highest interest level. Why? Simply because they believe that open disclosure may be a deal breaker for him and he may bail because of what he hears . If a woman is openly telling you about her history in the very early stages it usually means that she has a LOW interset level and could care less if the info pisses you off.
In this sense, somewhat paradoxically, secretive women are avoiding the risk of offending you because they value you and do not want to risk losing you.

 

[JackPrescott]

A female friend and I were talking and the issue of deal breakers came up. She asked me if I had any if so, what they were.

For a man that has managed to get involved in "committed" relationships, I do have a laundry list of "deal breakers". Now, what does that mean? It means that I have very high standards, very high self-value, and that there are obviously "quality women" out there.

Here is what I shared with my friend.

No everybody has the same deal breakers…but for ME, it depends of what I want with the woman (relationship or just a fling or just sex). So,

1. I would not even date a woman (not even for a fling or just sex) that

a) she is into one-night stands such as meeting random people and having sex (I can give them the benefit of the doubt if it happened once and over 15 years ago)

b) she has engaged into sexual behavior that I personally find deplorable (eg. group sex, wife-swapping, prostitution, work as a stripper)

c) she uses illegal substances, such as marihuana or other drugs (even "recreational)

d) she has an addiction to drugs (legal or illegal)

e) she has committed a certain crimes such as selling drugs, sex with minors, stealing

f) she has served in prison

g) she is unclean

h) she is unemployed

If she has done a-f above, then I don’t even bother getting involved with her. Not even for casual sex.

2. If I’m already involved with her…(e.g. committed relationship)

a) If she cheats on me, it is OVER.
b) If she disrespects me in a very serious way, it is OVER.
c) If she gets involved with crime, illegal drugs, or any addiction to drugs, it is OVER.
d) If she has a very low sexual drive, it is OVER (as it is an indication that we are not compatible).

3. I might consider having a fling with a woman, but would NOT have with her a SERIOUS relationship (in another words, I would never be in a committed relationship other than just sex), if

a) she has minor children
b) is going through a bitter divorce
c) she is over 21, but under 26.
d) she is over 50
e) she is incompetent at her work/career
f) she does not have an education
g) she works as a bartender, hairdresser, barber, waitress
h) she has a boyfriend, lover, fiance, or is married

Now, if a man like me, that have very high standards went from one relationship to another...wouldn't any man with less stringent requirements manage to at least find ONE quality woman? When I say there are plenty of quality women out there (more so than "M"en)...I truly mean it.

Unless you hit the Powertball for 200 million, you may consider investing in a RealDoll.

 

[Latinoman]

Those three pretty much cover it.



Although I agree with the premise behind your criteria. I have to point out that when you say something like the above quote, I have to laugh, cause a) 99% of women will never admit to this type of behavior, so how are you to know?, and b) whenever someone says "Well maybe I might make an exception if it was only one time and it happened at least 15 years ago", I know they are the type who would rather pretend that most women "just don't do those kinds of things" than face the truth that MOST women DO engage in this type of behavior from time to time.

Dude, I'm sorry. I know you truly believe that there are all these wonderful women out there who are "quasi-virginal", and who will spill the details about their sexual past to a potential lover with 100% honesty, but it doesn't work that way. Do you REALLY believe differently?

All you are doing is sticking your head in the sand to avoid the not so pleasant truth that "people are people", and people do a lot of things behind closed doors and they don't erect a billboard announcing it to the world because they know they will be judged, and judged ESPECIALLY harshly by people like you.

I'll stick with judging women based upon the things I CAN determine for myself over time, such as the three listed by KC.

You are making assumptions about me and how I approach women. And the type of women I approach. I fish in CLEAN waters...I don't fish in strip clubs, or bars, or drunk women. The nasty water that you fish.

When I am in the stages of knowing a woman...they already assumed I am kind of "sexually open minded". I have no problem having sex with them in my vehicle if it comes to that. And I even break Rollo's rule about NEVER sharing my past as I have no problem covertly and indirectly telling them that I have slept around and being involved with married women. Even that I have cheated.

That open then up as they think they are dealing with an equal. Some act like what I have done is disgraceful, etc. And I of course talk my way into showing them that I have reformed, etc., etc.

Of course, I don't do that all the time...but my last 2 LTR did not trust me that much. But both loved me.

Women talk...and they talk covertly or overtly. It is up to you to LISTEN.
And I never listen when I'm drunk.

 

[Latinoman]

best response here, and only person who seems to not be ridiculous.

edit: that was page one. page two seems to have some other reasonable responses. props to STR8UP. good post.

Why? Because I have standards?

I can afford to have standards.

And I have no problems finding good women.