Dating a mom is not an issue

[jhonny9546]

One of the first mature decisions many men tend to make, and a widely accepted red flag in popular opinion, is to exclude from serious romantic consideration any woman who already has children.
In other words, if you’ve been seeing someone and later find out she has a child, for many men that’s an instant no.
But maybe we should stop and think for a moment...

We live in a capitalist society where women are gradually freeing themselves from old patriarchal dynamics, those of insecure men who sought control through aggressive dominance/fear rather than confidence and genuine leadership.
At the same time, we’ve been raised in a world that treats everything as disposable. Our possessions, and increasingly, our relationships, come with an expiration date. Once their “useful life” ends, we move on to the next new thing.

The internet has made us addicted to constant novelty, information, and instant gratification. Social media has reshaped how we see ourselves and others, influencing our self-image, our desires, and even who we think we should be with.
We are hyperconnected, exposed to endless choices, and constantly aware of what everyone else is doing. People replace their perfectly good phones every two years, trade in their cars for newer models, and seek upgrades in every area of life.
Technology has trained us to expect planned obsolescence, even in human connections.


Now, let’s add nature to the mix. In the animal kingdom, the female instinct is to choose the best possible partner, while the male instinct drives the desire to spread one’s genes widely. Combine those primal drives with modern culture, a society that celebrates personal freedom, female independence, capitalism, and consumerism, and it becomes clear why lifelong relationships are so rare today.


If a relationship lasts ten or fifteen years and results in children, that’s already a success by modern standards.
We are all deeply conditioned by the world we live in, by technology, social expectations, and the values of our time.
That’s why I strongly disagree with labeling women who already have children as “off-limits” for serious relationships. Many of them can be extraordinary partners, wise, mature, and emotionally grounded in ways that childless women may not yet be.
So, instead of repeating the same shallow rule, maybe it’s time to reflect, and open a real discussion about it

 

[Redwood]

If you want to date/marry a single mom, more power to you. First me, it's VERY low on my list.

 

[Manure Spherian]

insecure

Oh yeah? Insecure, or didn’t desire to see women run roughshod over society?

 

[plumber]

So, instead of repeating the same shallow rule, maybe it’s time to reflect, and open a real discussion about it

so some of us are not top tier; fact. we think single mom is not top tier. in some cases it can be a match.

as with all things understanding is golden. know what is going on.

not your baby and the girl then is not a virgin. so not perfect....

go back to the start, do you like her, does she behave well over time. do you feel good about yourself when she is with you over time. the over time part is key. two+ years before any commit if at all. you can take care of her for ever if you want without ever giving up your right to walk away.

my personal mistake list is big. for some reason its the only way that I learn anything, first hand mistakes....

i would prefer a single mom that treats me good over a 9+ virgin that treats me bad.

your 50% effort with the kid is likely more than the bio dad will give. the mom can ensure the kid shows appreciation.

its worth a look.

if most days are good and your having fun. that's the measurement.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

For some guys its the only way to get some action. Lets have a moment of silence for them.

 

[BadBoy89]

That’s why I strongly disagree with labeling women who already have children as “off-limits” for serious relationships. Many of them can be extraordinary partners, wise, mature, and emotionally grounded in ways that childless women may not yet be.
So, instead of repeating the same shallow rule, maybe it’s time to reflect, and open a real discussion about it

As long as you tell your son to date a woman who has at least 1 kid from a past relationship when she was in her 20s,, so he can raise that kid as his own and that kid can call you grandpa, you can play catch with him, take him on trips, give him money for his birthday, and post pictures with him on Facebook and post that you love your step grandson more than any thing, I agree.

 

[BaronOfHair]

One of the first mature decisions many men tend to make, and a widely accepted red flag in popular opinion, is to exclude from serious romantic consideration any woman who already has children.
In other words, if you’ve been seeing someone and later find out she has a child, for many men that’s an instant no.
But maybe we should stop and think for a moment...

We live in a capitalist society where women are gradually freeing themselves from old patriarchal dynamics, those of insecure men who sought control through aggressive dominance/fear rather than confidence and genuine leadership.
At the same time, we’ve been raised in a world that treats everything as disposable. Our possessions, and increasingly, our relationships, come with an expiration date. Once their “useful life” ends, we move on to the next new thing.

The internet has made us addicted to constant novelty, information, and instant gratification. Social media has reshaped how we see ourselves and others, influencing our self-image, our desires, and even who we think we should be with.
We are hyperconnected, exposed to endless choices, and constantly aware of what everyone else is doing. People replace their perfectly good phones every two years, trade in their cars for newer models, and seek upgrades in every area of life.
Technology has trained us to expect planned obsolescence, even in human connections.


Now, let’s add nature to the mix. In the animal kingdom, the female instinct is to choose the best possible partner, while the male instinct drives the desire to spread one’s genes widely. Combine those primal drives with modern culture, a society that celebrates personal freedom, female independence, capitalism, and consumerism, and it becomes clear why lifelong relationships are so rare today.


If a relationship lasts ten or fifteen years and results in children, that’s already a success by modern standards.
We are all deeply conditioned by the world we live in, by technology, social expectations, and the values of our time.
That’s why I strongly disagree with labeling women who already have children as “off-limits” for serious relationships. Many of them can be extraordinary partners, wise, mature, and emotionally grounded in ways that childless women may not yet be.
So, instead of repeating the same shallow rule, maybe it’s time to reflect, and open a real discussion about it

Long story short:

Most young-youngish men are willing to work with a gal who has A child, from either a youthful indiscretion or a marriage that didn't quite work out... Gals who started birthing kids in junior high, and who are baby mamas of 8(by that many baby daddys)at 21 years of age are less appealing than walking through ISIS country, alone and unarmed, when you're a known Yazidi

This gets a bit more complicated later on in life: Newly single fathers with grown kids pairing up with women in similar straits is very common, and such unions are often reasonably successful

 

[Sega Genesis]

Most young-youngish men are willing to work with a gal who has A child, from either a youthful indiscretion or a marriage that didn't quite work out...

^^You forgot one...death.

My late dad who was a great humanitarian and exceptional human being (not perfect no one is) married a single mom whose husband had died.

Why? When they met he felt a strong instantaneous connection and fell in love. Pretty much period.

He loved her kids like his own and eventually adopted them and we became one big beautiful family! He LOVED being a dad including his natural kids (myself and my brothers) and his adoptive kids.

My step mom became the absolute LOVE of his life until HIS death 10 years ago (RIP miss you every day dad).

I'm not quite getting the turn off for some of yall? Do you assume she only wants you for what you can provide to her and her kids?

Agree there are women who are users and takers and they're not all single moms. Plenty of single childless women wandering around like this as well.

Why not judge each woman individually? If you feel a connection get to know HER. You're dating her not her status after all.

That said IF you flat out dislike kids, don't want kids of your own, have no desire to raise kids including your own natural kids then agree stay away from single moms.

But other than that I don't understand the negative judgment before ever even getting to know her.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Too add there is a former single mom on this forum whom most of you guys hold in the highest regard. Almost goddess-like status to some of you.

Thank goodness her now-husband didn't negatively judge her single mom status otherwise he would have missed out on a beautiful human being inside and out in many ways.

He liked what he saw, felt a connection and went for it and from what I've read they are extremely happy together.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

^^You forgot one...death.

My late dad who was a great humanitarian and exceptional human being (not perfect no one is) married a single mom whose husband had died.

Why? When they met he felt a strong instantaneous connection and fell in love. Pretty much period.

He loved her kids like his own and eventually adopted them and we became one big beautiful family! He LOVED being a dad including his natural kids (myself and my brothers) and his adoptive kids.

My step mom became the absolute LOVE of his life until HIS death 10 years ago (RIP miss you every day dad).

I'm not quite getting the turn off for some of yall? Do you assume she only wants you for what you can provide to her and her kids?

Agree there are women who are users and takers and they're not all single moms. Plenty of single childless women wandering around like this as well.

Why not judge each woman individually? If you feel a connection get to know HER. You're dating her not her status after all.

That said IF you flat out dislike kids, don't want kids of your own, have no desire to raise kids including your own natural kids then agree stay away from single moms.

But other than that I don't understand the negative judgment before ever even getting to know her.

Most guys try and eliminate entire classes of women because they have exceptionally poor screening skills.

They think that if they eliminate entire classes then they will avoid what they don't want by default.

Except that doesn't account for them only screening with their d!ck instead of their brain so if that's the main issue, it likely won't improve just because a woman doesn't have kids...then they will simply date a psycho woman that has them on a rollercoaster starting every morning.

 

[BaronOfHair]

^^You forgot one...death.

My late dad who was a great humanitarian and exceptional human being (not perfect no one is) married a single mom whose husband had died.

Why? When they met he felt a strong instantaneous connection and fell in love. Pretty much period.

He loved her kids like his own and eventually adopted them and we became one big beautiful family! He LOVED being a dad including his natural kids (myself and my brothers) and his adoptive kids.

My step mom became the absolute LOVE of his life until HIS death 10 years ago (RIP miss you every day dad).

I'm not quite getting the turn off for some of yall? Do you assume she only wants you for what you can provide to her and her kids?

Agree there are women who are users and takers and they're not all single moms. Plenty of single childless women wandering around like this as well.

Why not judge each woman individually? If you feel a connection get to know HER. You're dating her not her status after all.

That said IF you flat out dislike kids, don't want kids of your own, have no desire to raise kids including your own natural kids then agree stay away from single moms.

But other than that I don't understand the negative judgment before ever even getting to know her.

A gal's husband expiring falls firmly into the realm of "marriage didn't work out", same way a clerk at Burger King who finds himself decapitated during an armed robbery unquestionably had "an unsuccessful shift", on that particular day. Young-youngish mens rationales for avoiding single mums(even when such gals are comely and fun to be around)are complicated, nonetheless here's a hint:

-Her child may resent you, out of either loyalty to their actual pops or unhealthy attachment to her

-Chances are high, especially in the early days of a fling, that things will fizzle out fairly rapidly... If you've bonded with her child, as well as her, the loss will be exceptionally painful to EVERYONE*

-Paraphrase a point raised by the late, spectacular Kevin Samuels, and many others: Becoming a stepfather or something similar carries with it the burden of having to(metaphorically or literally)whup your adopted offspring's ass every now and then. By extension, that often translates into dust-ups with the biological father, if he's in the picture


When one runs a Cost-Benefit Analysis on single mothers, the potential ROI is often(though not always, by any means)lousy


*I've dated a couple of single moms, both very cool people, and whom I ended things with amicably. Despite this, no longer having not only her, but also her child in my life, stung extra hard

 

[DJ Novice]

If her kids are at least university age or older and very independent, it can be ok especially if they have their own car, friend, hobbies and partner and are out a lot of the time or live away from home. It won’t work for older kids that are social outcasts/homebodies and are still very dependent on their parents.

Primary and high school children - you will be expected to take on a stepfather role. Avoid like the plague for any serious relationship.

I had to break up with a girl recently because she had a primary school child. I won’t be making that mistake again (it was my first time).

 

[Sega Genesis]

Primary and high school children - you will be expected to take on a stepfather role.

^^Not necessarily @DJ Novice especially if they already have a father actively involved in their lives. Many single moms are simply seeking love like most everyone. Not all but many.

In fact many single moms have gotten turned off by a man attempting to play the "stepfather" role. One of my friends who is a single mom has dated men like this and again it's a huge turn off.

Don't do it!

I had to break up with a girl recently because she had a primary school child. I won’t be making that mistake again (it was my first time).

I don't know what happened in this particular situation and how the fact she had a primary school child played out but I'm sorry it didn't work out.

IMO no parent should be introducing their kids into the relationship until it's been determined the RL has long term legs! IF a woman attempts to do that, big red flag worthy of a dump.

This falls under the category of having social awareness imo.

P.S. I met my step mom a year after she and my dad began dating when he sat me and my brothers down and told us he was getting married. My dad had not met her kids either until that time.

$.02

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If her kids are at least university age or older and very independent, it can be ok especially if they have their own car, friend, hobbies and partner and are out a lot of the time or live away from home. It won’t work for older kids that are social outcasts/homebodies and are still very dependent on their parents.

Primary and high school children - you will be expected to take on a stepfather role. Avoid like the plague for any serious relationship.

I had to break up with a girl recently because she had a primary school child. I won’t be making that mistake again (it was my first time).

This seems extremely biased towards a singular interaction you had and not my experience at all.

Some women with young kids will look for certain types of guys to take care of them. Perhaps you portrayed yourself as that type of guy which is why they tried to rope you in.

I've dated several women with younger children and this never happened to me.

Your conclusion essentially would be like saying "I ate chicken once and got sick, I'm never eating chicken again".

Makes no sense, but you do you.

 

[The Duke]

Makes no difference to me if you date single moms or not. I have and don't see what the big deal is. I've never known a single mom that was looking for a father figure for her child.

Please enlighten me!

Have some of you that are anti-single mom played the step-dad role? It sounds like it. Why did you ever put yourself in a position to raise her kids? Can't you simply date and not raise her children? Thats how I've always done it.

I've dated enough women with kids and women without to say that the women with kids tend to be more nurturing, caring, thoughtful, and have more empathy than those without. Those without were usually on the more selfish side.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Makes no difference to me if you date single moms or not. I have and don't see what the big deal is. I've never known a single mom that was looking for a father figure for her child.

Please enlighten me!

Have some of you that are anti-single mom played the step-dad role? It sounds like it. Why did you ever put yourself in a position to raise her kids? Can't you simply date and not raise her children? Thats how I've always done it.

I've dated enough women with kids and women without to say that the women with kids tend to be more nurturing, caring, thoughtful, and have more empathy than those without. Those without were usually on the more selfish side.

Some of those women look for guys to play that role and they target certain guys they think they can control.

Like me, you haven't been targeted by those women because you don't fit the bill for someone they think they can control.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Jhonny,
" Many of them can be extraordinary partners, wise, mature, and emotionally grounded in ways that childless women may not yet be." Very true,but it takes experience to gain these qualities,with many mistakes along the way...It truly depends on the number and age of the kids...So I agree with you when the Children are flown the coop,prior to that, excellent Fvuck Buddies as long as you are careful not to put a bun in their oven.

 

[DJ Novice]

My ex wanted me to love her child like I love my own. I couldn’t do it. Also I could not come to terms with providing financially for someone else’s child when I have children of my own that are still studying at uni.

I’ve raised my own kids for 20 years and didn’t want to do it again with someone else’s.

I think many men have a primal loathing of being a cuckhold no matter how great or attractive the single mum is. I know I do. It was hard to break up but this was the primary reason.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

My ex wanted me to love her child like I love my own. I couldn’t do it. Also I could not come to terms with providing financially for someone else’s child when I have children of my own that are still studying at uni.

I’ve raised my own kids for 20 years and didn’t want to do it again with someone else’s.

I think many men have a primal loathing of being a cuckhold no matter how great or attractive the single mum is. I know I do. It was hard to break up but this was the primary reason.

Once again, you were targeted by this women because she thought she could control you enough so that you'd go along with her plan.

The issue isn't with her, it's with how you present yourself to women, you make yourself a target for these type of women.

Stop making yourself a target for women who are seeking this out and you'll find this won't happen. I've dated multiple single Moms and have never experienced this one time.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Hard pass.