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Dated a girl for 4 months and I broke up, thoughts?

Warpal

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So I was dating a girl for 4 a 5 months. We met on happen. First date felt good I was very attracted to her. We both would go on holiday and so we plannend the second date late in the evening we had sex also felt good. We were both a month seperated en we called and texted a lot. I felt we were really bonding. For me the first time in 8 years since my last ex( had many plates in between). I really invested a lot in her. Payed almost everything drove her, make food etc. She told me she was always happy and sometimes say in a cute way your mine boyfriend or something like that. Very loving girl. But then we would get some conflicts about disagreements. I have a very strong opinion. And she never had this before. I notice sometimes she was distancing me. Back towards me while sleeping and didn’t like to be touched when sleeping. I also had my doubts if she really apraciate me for the things I done for her. Allas came the talk. We would first be dining togheter at my place. She would cook. But then she said she would eat at her home because of Hello fresh. She told me come around 9 but I’m going to bed @ 1030pm. I felt on my water something was wrong. Or she had a suprise. Then she texted me come to the parking lot. We will do a walk. I went with it but I knew it wasn’t right. Probaly was best for me to say when she canceld dining that I wouldn’t come. Anyway she told me she had doubts about us cause I was emotionally locked. She couldt see if I was happy when she was happy and that sort of stuff. Even when i told her many times. In fact 2 weeks ago because of Covid, she wanted to live with me in lockdown. She asked me in the talk what i wanted. I told she should know me better. I went emotional i couldn’t stop it. She hugged and kissed me and said it was good to see me opening up for her. We agree to go to they sauna’s in a couple of days. The days in between she was to “busy” to call and felt very distant. On sunday she texted it didn’t felt good to go to the sauna in this situation and that we could see a movie or drinks at my place. ( I already paid for the sauna and she knew). That broke my bottle and said let’s just quit this. She agreed. She said if I wanted to be in contact i could. But I just said no contact. I drove to a plate of my and ****ed her felt not so good.
Sorry for the bad English and ofcourse this is just my side and many things are missing. I just wanted to know how you guys look up on this.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Not enough real details to see...but it appeared she saw you as maybe being overinvested or that she didn't see a long term future with you so she wanted things to end. There are certain checkpoints in relationships and if a woman decides at this checkpoint that she wants something different therr is little you can do.

Walk away and don't look back.
 

Romanemp22

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Getting emotional with women never goes into your favor. That's a weakness and has probably turned her off, you can't believe her words, ever. It's good that you stand up and ended things. It sucks that you thought something might come off with this one after many years without meaningful relationship but it happens. Hit North Carolina and remain there.
 

Warpal

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Not enough real details to see...but it appeared she saw you as maybe being overinvested or that she didn't see a long term future with you so she wanted things to end. There are certain checkpoints in relationships and if a woman decides at this checkpoint that she wants something different therr is little you can do.

Walk away and don't look back.
What checkpoints are you talking about
 

BackInTheGame78

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What checkpoints are you talking about
For instance, after a few dates...will I sleep with this guy or not? If not she ends things

After a month or two...do I want this to continue? If not she ends things

After 3 or 4 months...do I see this being a long term thing or are we compatible long term? If not she ends things
 

derby1

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For instance, after a few dates...will I sleep with this guy or not? If not she ends things

After a month or two...do I want this to continue? If not she ends things

After 3 or 4 months...do I see this being a long term thing or are we compatible long term? If not she ends things
Oprah winfrey style programmes have brainwashed the sisterhood, if the man isnt at the same checkpoint to abort mission.

watch the female crowds reaction when a guy purely states hes not ready married to marry the chic
 

bcude

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I really invested a lot in her. Payed almost everything drove her, make food etc. She told me she was always happy and sometimes say in a cute way your mine boyfriend or something like that. Very loving girl.
This could've been the beginning of the end. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to invest alot in a girl, IF she invests more than you.
You've been single for 8 years and probably went out of your way to please this girl since you felt that this girl might be it, very common to feel that way when you've been dating mostly unexciting girls and then finally one seems special. However girls only value men they've to invest in and it seems that this dynamic was put on its head. The girl feels your overinvestment and her subconscious is telling her that it doesn't feel right, you're wanting to be with her a little bit too much, this must mean that you've no other options = not attractive. A girl wants a challenge, she wants to feel that she's conquered you. Not that you've walked volountarily and eagerly into her 'cage' (metaphorically speaking). Which is what you communicate when you invest more than her.
Keep it simple, let them invest just a little bit more than you invest in them so they have the feeling that they've earned your attention and commitment. That way she will value you so much more.
I also had my doubts if she really apraciate me for the things I done for her. Allas came the talk.
Probably not, people don't appreciate things that are taken for granted. But you shouldn't really give things and expect something in return. It's totally fine to do nice things for your girl but see it more as rewarding her good behavior. That means she's been good to you (cooked meals, given gifts, helped you in different ways) and you reward that by doing nice things for her and likewise you take your attention away when she's misbehaving.

Just some general pointers for the future.
 

Warpal

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This could've been the beginning of the end. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to invest alot in a girl, IF she invests more than you.
You've been single for 8 years and probably went out of your way to please this girl since you felt that this girl might be it, very common to feel that way when you've been dating mostly unexciting girls and then finally one seems special. However girls only value men they've to invest in and it seems that this dynamic was put on its head. The girl feels your overinvestment and her subconscious is telling her that it doesn't feel right, you're wanting to be with her a little bit too much, this must mean that you've no other options = not attractive. A girl wants a challenge, she wants to feel that she's conquered you. Not that you've walked volountarily and eagerly into her 'cage' (metaphorically speaking). Which is what you communicate when you invest more than her.
Keep it simple, let them invest just a little bit more than you invest in them so they have the feeling that they've earned your attention and commitment. That way she will value you so much more.

Probably not, people don't appreciate things that are taken for granted. But you shouldn't really give things and expect something in return. It's totally fine to do nice things for your girl but see it more as rewarding her good behavior. That means she's been good to you (cooked meals, given gifts, helped you in different ways) and you reward that by doing nice things for her and likewise you take your attention away when she's misbehaving.

Just some general pointers for the future.
Thx man good advice. Would you like ask her doing this like said in the pdf file ?
 

r4zorsharp

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My brother, I feel for you in this situation. It just seems like you guys don't align too well besides sex. It hnk she enjoys the relationship for what it is but doesn't see you past that, and is not invested in you thes ameway you are invested in her... I think she realizes that a lot but she's always open to seeing you because something about the relationship she does in fact like.

As far as wondering if she has other stuff going on, I mean, since you're so invested, I dont blame you for thinking that way.. But, it's not going to benefit you to think like that.
 
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