"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Damage control. God damn mess Need advise.

JustmeVSI

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Ok. I fu**ed up big time!

A little background:
I met a girl and an business convention that was several days. During the brakes we had really nice conversation and there was a vibe so by the end of the convention I had taken her number and set up a date. But right at the end of the convention I also met her boyfriend. Big bummer! Decided not to act and that I had misread the conversations we had.

Any ways she was cool and we started hanging out with and her and her group of friends including the bf. I had no intention on making moves on her. I don't like that. Too much drama down that rout.

Main:
I moved to another city and 1 month later she breaks up with her bf and calls me about it. I tell her i like her. She tells me she likes me and comes to "visit" me for the weekend. The first day went great lots of kissing rolling around in bed and so forth. During that I tried to seal the deal several times but she was still not feeling ready so I back off and try again later. We made dinner at my place had a few drinks and it was on. Now during the day I was not sure if she was her just to have fun for the weekend or she was expecting something more serious and the way she acted during the day I was feeling that she wants something more. I did pop the stupid question what is she expecting from this earlier in the day so that there will be no hurt feelings on either side after it. My perspective was that I just got out of a distance relationship and no way in seven hells will I do that again. She said she doesn't know. Now here comes the fun part. After sex we laid in bed for a while and she asked me what em I thinking... and I said the most stupid thing I could. "What do we do now? I do not want a distance relationship".The wuss of wusses. She got pissed stopped talking for awhile and now I realized what came out of my mouth and my mind was all over the place how to fix this. I really didn’t want to hurt her by my insecurity. Eventually we started talking. I said **** to my ego. She might end up thinking I’m the most wossest guy in the world as long as she does not feel used and **** over. I have to fix this. We talked a lot I told her about my previous relationship and what a mess it was in the end and that i was afraid this will happen again. That I was only thinking of myself and so forth. Eventually we kinda got over it started laughing again and went to sleep after some more kissing. I made her the deal that tomorrow I will try to make up for what I did and she kinda agreed.

In the morning she went had a shower then I took one and when I got out she was gone. She called me after she had taken her train that she is sorry that she left that way. I apologize once more. And I felt I needed to be more sincere so we talked one more time hoping at least to stay friends. Any of the times I apologized she was not even hearing me and she was just concentrating on hating me and I was fine with that because I think deserved it. I was feeling depressed and disappointed from my self from what I did and the way I handled it but decided to learn from it and move on. Not it has been several day later and I receive text form here that I made her feel used. And now I'm beginning to feel pissed because she dose not hear a word I say and I basically gave her my balls(I guess that was my second big mistake) but she is still on with the drama. Am I still being a douchebag for wanting to tell her here off and there is nothing more I can say or do? I have no idea how to deal with this. I'm completely at a lost.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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marmel75

Master Don Juan
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I swear those xenoextrogens that are everywhere are destroying males more and more these days. I am convinced you simply have too much estrogen in your body.
 

flashpoint

Senior Don Juan
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the wrath of a scorned woman will be endless. :D

ok so she feels hurt. what does actually bother you? you didnt hurt her intentionally, right? how do you think now about the long distance relationship? just because she made drama, you are fine with it or what? dont let your emotions get the best of you. it was her decision to come to you, it was her decision to sleep with you. not your fault she was way ahead in this relationship and is now disappointed. unfortunately no rational will change how she feels right now, but maybe you can come to your senses. it is not a crime to have a weak moment, and if she cant handle that ... well dont know about the relationship here anyways.

you really like her ?.. that is another thing. maybe you need to apologize until her ears fall off then. but the dynamics of the whole situation are not exactly healthy. how would you handle it if you were 100% sure she will come back eventually?
 

azrael

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why are you thinking about a relationship, when you only have known this girl for a month?

Right after sex. the 1st thing that pops to your head is: what do we do now?
dude...
 

Greasy Pig

Master Don Juan
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Don't beat yourself up too much, OP. She travelled to see you overnight...WTF did she think was going to happen???!!!
Don't believe her "victim" routine. She had every intention of fvcking you, why else would she agree to meet and spend the night?

The only problem is what you said to her afterwards and now she's in full "I'm not a slvt" mode.
I think you'll just have to withdraw and let her stew for a bit. You've apologised, there's nothing you more you can do.

Leave it a couple of days or even a week and then get in touch. Don't bring up this unpleasantness again, talk about something completely different and try to be funny.
If you're still getting the "ice queen" routine, back right off and learn from your mistakes.

And don't be so honest next time while basking in the post-sex, oxytocin glow!!!
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Desdinova

Master Don Juan
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After sex we laid in bed for a while and she asked me what em I thinking... and I said the most stupid thing I could. "What do we do now? I do not want a distance relationship".
There's nothing wrong with letting the woman know you don't want a LDR. However, there was no reason to bring this 5hit up. If you fvck her and she goes back home, then you've had a ONS and have no reason to think about the future with her.

You need to decide what you want when it comes to dating women or you're going to fvck things up with your indecisiveness. Also, NEVER bring up relationship talk. Let her do that, and THEN you can talk about it. Let her be the one to ask "What do we do now?"
 

JustmeVSI

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flashpoint said:
the wrath of a scorned woman will be endless. :D

ok so she feels hurt. what does actually bother you? you didnt hurt her intentionally, right? how do you think now about the long distance relationship? just because she made drama, you are fine with it or what? dont let your emotions get the best of you. it was her decision to come to you, it was her decision to sleep with you. not your fault she was way ahead in this relationship and is now disappointed. unfortunately no rational will change how she feels right now, but maybe you can come to your senses. it is not a crime to have a weak moment, and if she cant handle that ... well dont know about the relationship here anyways.

you really like her ?.. that is another thing. maybe you need to apologize until her ears fall off then. but the dynamics of the whole situation are not exactly healthy. how would you handle it if you were 100% sure she will come back eventually?
"the wrath of a scorned woman will be endless" (ROFL)
Yea I'm over it. Learned my lesson for over-thinking. I was not sure if she is now playing the victim role and trying to gate back at me with drama or is it just my ego saying "f**k off" and being unreasonable again.

I guess I didn't make it clear in the background section that I actually knew her for abut 4 5 months and it was one month since I moved. So all in all 6 months. And I do care about her and did not want to hurt her. But it is pass the point of no return.

Thanks for the input guys.

And I really need a estrogen diet. F**K!
 

Kbomb

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JustmeVSI said:
Ok. I fu**ed up big time!

A little background:
I met a girl and an business convention that was several days. During the brakes we had really nice conversation and there was a vibe so by the end of the convention I had taken her number and set up a date. But right at the end of the convention I also met her boyfriend. Big bummer! Decided not to act and that I had misread the conversations we had.

Any ways she was cool and we started hanging out with and her and her group of friends including the bf. I had no intention on making moves on her. I don't like that. Too much drama down that rout.

Main:
I moved to another city and 1 month later she breaks up with her bf and calls me about it. I tell her i like her. She tells me she likes me and comes to "visit" me for the weekend. The first day went great lots of kissing rolling around in bed and so forth. During that I tried to seal the deal several times but she was still not feeling ready so I back off and try again later. We made dinner at my place had a few drinks and it was on. Now during the day I was not sure if she was her just to have fun for the weekend or she was expecting something more serious and the way she acted during the day I was feeling that she wants something more. I did pop the stupid question what is she expecting from this earlier in the day so that there will be no hurt feelings on either side after it. My perspective was that I just got out of a distance relationship and no way in seven hells will I do that again. She said she doesn't know. Now here comes the fun part. After sex we laid in bed for a while and she asked me what em I thinking... and I said the most stupid thing I could. "What do we do now? I do not want a distance relationship".The wuss of wusses. She got pissed stopped talking for awhile and now I realized what came out of my mouth and my mind was all over the place how to fix this. I really didn’t want to hurt her by my insecurity. Eventually we started talking. I said **** to my ego. She might end up thinking I’m the most wossest guy in the world as long as she does not feel used and **** over. I have to fix this. We talked a lot I told her about my previous relationship and what a mess it was in the end and that i was afraid this will happen again. That I was only thinking of myself and so forth. Eventually we kinda got over it started laughing again and went to sleep after some more kissing. I made her the deal that tomorrow I will try to make up for what I did and she kinda agreed.

In the morning she went had a shower then I took one and when I got out she was gone. She called me after she had taken her train that she is sorry that she left that way. I apologize once more. And I felt I needed to be more sincere so we talked one more time hoping at least to stay friends. Any of the times I apologized she was not even hearing me and she was just concentrating on hating me and I was fine with that because I think deserved it. I was feeling depressed and disappointed from my self from what I did and the way I handled it but decided to learn from it and move on. Not it has been several day later and I receive text form here that I made her feel used. And now I'm beginning to feel pissed because she dose not hear a word I say and I basically gave her my balls(I guess that was my second big mistake) but she is still on with the drama. Am I still being a douchebag for wanting to tell her here off and there is nothing more I can say or do? I have no idea how to deal with this. I'm completely at a lost.

You basically insulted her by telling her she's not Long Distance material, not good enough to wait for it. Where you really didn't need to go there immediately. She takes a hit to her self-esteem and feels like a slut for ****ing you, and also feels like you used her for sex, blah blah blah.

Bottom line you shouldn't talk about the future until you want to get more serious.
 
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