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Current Situation - Mixed Signals and Games

Jonblood

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The Girl

Very attractive and funny. HB 8/9. Got out of a 3 year relationship about 6 months ago. Said she didn't want to commit to anything but wants to keep "this" going. High social status, always busy, getting invited places, etc.

Me

Good looking, good personality and great job. High value for sure. Needy and insecure inner game but have control over my outer response. She doesn't know how I feel.

The Relationship

Met the final week of October on Tinder. K closed first date, F closed that weekend at a party she invited me to. I kept texting to making plans and not small talk, was assertive with planning, was sexual. Had great time on dates, slept over after and great sex. Was seeing each other 1-2x/ week.
It's now 2 and a half months later and I'm starting to feel very insecure. She never asks to hang out or says she wants to so me. The only explicit invites I ever got were after our first date to a party, and to be her NYE date.

She has said "Oh, I was going to ask you to hang out but I figured you were busy, which you were." I've never asked her why she does this or told her that I was upset or felt like I was chasing her.

I admit, I like her..a lot. Planned great dates, got her Christmas gifts etc. Still, not needy. If she doesn't respond to a text or flakes, I don't double text or fret. However, might have invested too much too soon.

Snapshot of the current situation:
Bought us 2 tickets for Christmas to something very cool on January 13th. She completely forgot. We still went, had a great time and I slept over. When I try to make plans, she says she'll let me know and then doesn't. Or, she'll say yes and cancel last minute.

I've stopped asking her out to dinner, etc. It's mostly been meeting up on weekend nights after drinking. Now, seeing each other only about 1x/week. When I was last in her bed Monday, she said "Oh, I'm glad you're here. I missed this."

She still gchats me every day while we're at work and she initiates text however, I feel at this point she needs to meet me half way. She should be inviting me, and I feel like I'm still chasing.

I take the lead to invite her 9/10 times because I was trying to take the lead and she doesn't want to commit every time but she's down the other half of the times.

Other than this issue, everything is going fine. No fights, etc.

How do I get power back and make this an equal relationship? How do I get her to initiate plans with me?
 

VladPatton

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Seems she doesn't want much of a relationship with you. This is turning into a FWB situation. She likes banging, but doesn't care to do anything else. This is not an LTR girl. Not all girls will be. Don't complain, it's not the worse thing in the world, you just have to adjust and become less invested. Much, much less invested. If it bothers you, just eject from the relationship. Good luck.
 

Jonblood

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VladPatton said:
Seems she doesn't want much of a relationship with you. This is turning into a FWB situation. She likes banging, but doesn't care to do anything else. This is not an LTR girl. Not all girls will be. Don't complain, it's not the worse thing in the world, you just have to adjust and become less invested. Much, much less invested. If it bothers you, just eject from the relationship. Good luck.
Thanks man, that's what I'm planning on. But, how do I make her an LTR girl? I know the timing may not be right but I'd like to at least explore and get to know her better.

I have started withdrawing attention a lot and am not inviting her to hang out at all.
 

n52

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Jonblood said:
Thanks man, that's what I'm planning on. But, how do I make her an LTR girl? I know the timing may not be right but I'd like to at least explore and get to know her better.

I have started withdrawing attention a lot and am not inviting her to hang out at all.

You don't make her anything, that's just the way it is. If she wasn't as invested as you in the first place it's unlikely it will go much further after this amount of time.

You should focus on doing more of your own things. She will *perhaps* change her mind. Maybe not. Who know's, either way why do you care? You should have your own things to do and you have to make the time to squeeze her in around that stuff, not the other way around.

Anyway GL with it br0ski.:up:
 

Bokanovsky

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Jonblood said:
I try to make plans, she says she'll let me know and then doesn't. Or, she'll say yes and cancel last minute.

I've stopped asking her out to dinner, etc. It's mostly been meeting up on weekend nights after drinking. Now, seeing each other only about 1x/week. When I was last in her bed Monday, she said "Oh, I'm glad you're here. I missed this."
This should give you an idea as to what she wants from you (hint: it's not a serious relationship). Basically, she just wants you as a fvck buddy. You need to accept this "relationship" for what it is and spin more plates.
 

What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

marmel75

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Jonblood said:
Thanks man, that's what I'm planning on. But, how do I make her an LTR girl? I know the timing may not be right but I'd like to at least explore and get to know her better.

I have started withdrawing attention a lot and am not inviting her to hang out at all.
Sometimes it has less to do with the woman herself and more to do with the timing of things and when you met her.

Example, let's say you meet a girl in a club and talk to her, she likes you but has a boyfriend at home, and tells you that and you don't get a chance to do anything. Now let's say she thinks the boyfriend is cheating on her...same girl, now you talk to her and end up f**king her that night...why? Different situation, different timing.

Maybe this girl is tired of being in a relationship and just wants to have some fun. Maybe she sees you as someone to have fun with but isn't THAT attracted to you to want to be in a relationship, or maybe there are some things that are non-starters for a relationship with her, but is sexually attracted to you... I mean it is what it is...you are complaining because you are having a no strings attached bang-a-thon with a hot chick...do you know how many other dudes on this site would be willing to trade places with you in a heartbeat?? Probably a hell of a lot of them, lol...

Stop worrying about it and just bang the chick...I mean I don't see where the mixed signals are at all...she is sexually attracted to you and likes having sex with you...I see nothing that suggests on her part its more than that, other than you WANT it to be more than that and are looking for signs that aren't there and that she isn't giving...
 

Jonblood

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Guys,

thanks for the great responses.
UPDATE:

Been cold for three days and get this through chat:
HB: hey stranger!
Sent at 11:15 AM on Friday
me: hey qt
sup
Sent at 11:22 AM on Friday
HB: counting down until 6pm already haha u?
me: oh yeah can't wait
tgif woo
HB: what are u doing this weekend again?
Sent at 11:25 AM on Friday
me: got a couple party options
in the process of narrowing down
then on sunday going to this goign away party in UES...going to cause some trouble in your hood. ha
HB: love when that happens
oh shiiiiiit
HB: hows work goin
Sent at 11:38 AM on Friday
me: exciting
everything is changing for me
you get yelled at yet today?
HB: did it already start to change?
not yet today, shes not in yet. yesterday was bad..really bad..im pissed cause she made me cry and i thought i wouldnt let it get to me
me: Did you have tissues at least?
HB: ha
me: what an *******
Sent at 11:43 AM on Friday
HB: so listen, we never finished our talk that we half started on the subway, and i was hoping to make some time next week so we can do that
i dont want u to start resenting me
Sent at 11:47 AM on Friday
me: yeah sure
Sent at 11:50 AM on Friday
me: just let me know
HB: k
 

Trump

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She doesn't contact you for 3 days and then you respond to her text in 5 min? Bro you have to have more patience.

When she asks what you are doing on the weekend, she doesn't really care. She just wants to make sure you are alone and not with other girls.

Keep texting short and sweet. One word answers to set up appointments. I think text should just be used to set up a time to have sex with her. Anything else you don't know what she could be doing while she is texting. I've had girls saying they absolutely 100% love me by text while a guy is giving them oral sex.
 

Jonblood

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WOW. This girl needs to be dropped. She says let's talk Monday (the talk), texts me says let's hang (hang? She said talk) Wednesday instead something came up. I say if you want to talk just call me she says "I have a busy weekend I'll see if I can slip away for a minute" I say, whatever I'll be in your area Sunday let me know when you're back. She responds, "well my friends want to go to the bar for the game so we'll see."

At that point I decide I'm done. So I email her roommates ask if anyone will be home Sunday for me to pick up my guitar and shirt that I left there. At that point, this girl calls me for he third time ever. For the first time asks what's wrong, why are you distant, why didn't you just ask me for the guitsr, etc. I say I'm fine just busy, your roommate made it really easy for me so I'll just get it from her.

She said yeah you still could have asked me. My response was. "Okay, I'll text you when I'm going there and if you're there I'll see you. Have a good weekend, bye"

I've been dating, banging and talking to her for like three months and the only time she ever calls or asks if I'm okay is when I pull a move like this.

Guys, do I next her? And, do I tactically next her in the hopes if getting her back or actually just find someone willing to give me some respect, time of day, etc.
 

“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”

You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.

I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.

Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.

These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.

Read more...

Pimp-sicle

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The other guys have hit the nail on the head already, read Marmel's post a few up.

The girl isn't the issue here; its you.

Your on two different pages with your expectations.

I'm sure your thinking was if I just keep my cool and don't reveal my feelings, eventually she will want something more.

Meanwhile, she was upfront and pretty honest with you from the jump and has other options. Its good to hear that your going out with friends still and having fun, but find more options.

You've allowed yourself to become emotionally invested in a girl, who wasn't available in that capacity.

I do agree with you on one thing; you should drop her, but not because of anything she did. You should drop her simply because you have become too invested in this and your fragile inner self is starting to show.

If you take a little hiatus from her and meet a few new girls, you'll realize what we are trying to tell you.











PIMP
 

Jonblood

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Thanks guys. Hard to let go sometimes. After all this pua reading I feel communicating is beta. Do I just hear her out and leave and NC. Or, tell her I'm ready for something serious, were on a different page and to let me know if her heart changes?
 

Pimp-sicle

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Jonblood said:
Thanks guys. Hard to let go sometimes. After all this pua reading I feel communicating is beta. Do I just hear her out and leave and NC. Or, tell her I'm ready for something serious, were on a different page and to let me know if her heart changes?

It was a mistake to call her roommate and ask about picking up your stuff, that showed how invested you were in her and she clearly has the upper hand now.

Communicating isn't beta, its the way you communicate that is important.

Yes, go into it and just let her say her piece, don't be butt-hurt, mad, angry or show that it affects you because most likely she is going to say something to the effect of "I really like you, but I'm not ready for something more serious right now, I told you that from the start, I hope you understand blah blah blah."

Its the woman's job to bring up "the talk." When a guy resorts to bringing up "what are we" its because he is much more invested in the girl than she is in him.

Don't ask for something more, always understand that you can only expect to get what a woman is willing to give you. That's why this situation is set up to fail now, no disrespect but you are acting like the girl and she is acting like the guy.

And DEFINITELY don't say "let me know if you have a change of heart." All that verbiage is communicating that you are the weaker party, your frame is lost.

That basically says "hey I know you don't want to date me exclusively, so after your done messing around with other guys, I'll be waiting for you." -- that's not what you want to communicate.

One of the biggest pillars of being good with women is never being afraid to let a woman walk or lose her. If you FEAR losing one woman, you will get eaten alive many times in your various experiences. It definitely stings in the moment, but you'll be fine.

Be honest with yourself, if you want something more and she tells you she's not ready blah blah, go NC. If your OKAY with it continuing the way it is now and realizing that's all it might ever be, then you can let her stick around.


Choice is yours…..








PIMP
 

Jonblood

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You guys were right. We ended it yesterday. She's still devastated from her past relationship and not ready to give herself to anyone. The timing is just off. Going no contact and maybe I'll hear from her down the road. Pursuing other options in the meanwhile.
 

sylvester the cat

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Jonblood said:
You guys were right. We ended it yesterday. She's still devastated from her past relationship and not ready to give herself to anyone. The timing is just off. Going no contact and maybe I'll hear from her down the road. Pursuing other options in the meanwhile.
not ready to give herself to you.

just thank your lucky stars it didn't take you 6 years to do the right thing like it took me once upon a time. oh the shame!
 

joker79

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@Silvester: did she send mixed messages form the beginning and you ignored them? It's always difficult to see it coming. Sometimes you need to test them ruthlessly
 

sylvester the cat

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joker79 said:
@Silvester: did she send mixed messages form the beginning and you ignored them? It's always difficult to see it coming. Sometimes you need to test them ruthlessly
the writing was on the wall from the get-go. i chose to ignore them.
 
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