Current GF / Lost interest in Sex

[Learning Curve]

Been gone for a while from this forums.

Been building different things in my life and while all the rest is working like a clock, my love life and especially my sex life has been decreasing by a high margin.

Long story short i posted in the past about this chick im with for about 17 months now and we live together.

As with all the excitements in the beginning when i first met this chick we were having 6-7 times a day sex at-least.

Since we moved together this has gradually decreased to the point of her basically not even initiating unless i bring it up or not even discussing it if we don't have sex for 1-2 weeks for example unless i bring it up.

i want to mention here that since the beginning when we met she never initiated sex i always did, which is fine with me but when i did she was into it. Some chicks are like that from my experience all though i like a woman initiating as well.

The current situation now is that when i initiate sex im trying different things in the playbooks and she is not even getting wet. Her to get wet is like my trying to climb a mountain with a spoon.

Is like she lost interest in sex completely. At one point she even told me “sex does not interest me that much”.

Now i have yes tried to spice things up, i have tried to not bring up sex at all to see her reaction or initiate to see if she ever gets into it and nothing works.

At this point even when the sex happens its robotic and boring she is not investing time to fix this or to make it better unless i do this is what im getting.

She is not investing time in our sex to get down there to do things on her own it’s like she wants to be taken by hand on everything.

This was the case from the start and i did not mind to lead but this got to the point of either i do something or nothing happens.

Im considering exiting this relationship soon if nothing changes and she does not wake up.

Looking for your thoughts and forget about comments of “she is f3ucking somebody else” we live together and i work from home so pretty much she has no space to cheat we are together 24/7.

 

[plumber]

what makes your life exciting ?

when you got together what activities did you and her do together ?

what are your conversations about ? if your together 24/7 you likely have used up all the topics.

you work at home, does she also work at home or do nothing ?

ideas:
- start a side hustle.
- get involved with a sports gym, but don't take her with you until your already integrated with the place.
- do you have an office that you can go to sometimes to work away from home.
- take a class or classes (onsite at a college) to further your work credentials.
- learn a new language.

make some change or changes in your life. maybe more risk. make your focus something else.

 

[SW15]

Im considering exiting this relationship soon if nothing changes and she does not wake up.

This is likely what you will need to do.

 

[Learning Curve]

what makes your life exciting ?

when you got together what activities did you and her do together ?

what are your conversations about ? if your together 24/7 you likely have used up all the topics.

you work at home, does she also work at home or do nothing ?

ideas:
- start a side hustle.
- get involved with a sports gym, but don't take her with you until your already integrated with the place.
- do you have an office that you can go to sometimes to work away from home.
- take a class or classes (onsite at a college) to further your work credentials.
- learn a new language.

make some change or changes in your life. maybe more risk. make your focus something else.

I hit the gym 4 times a week.

i study, read books, and financially im doing well ahead the curve.

im already fully occupied, she is not. She is at home also working from home and she finds nothing interesting.

its work-netflix-sleep for her.

i told her to fill up her time with activities to essentially free up space from one another but she says she will and she never does.

 

[Learning Curve]

I recommend you the book: Dread - Rian Stone, read it and internalise it

Downloading

This is well known too, its called " Star fish sex" go on reddit and learn about it.

Well im definitely not a starfish, actually i did not know this terminology. Well this explains a-lot.

This is what she is like basically.

- You are too available (Maybe, but i work from home and my friends usually abroad travelling due to business so we meet but not frequently, but did you read that we live together? Apparently you did not.)

- Don't have a life outside of her (Plenty of hobbies, deejaying, music production, gym, so im outside the house plenty of time if needed and have a separate space i go to produce music daily)

- She has no anxiety to lose you (maybe but is this the point?)

- You're not acting like you're the prize (im not acting anything and i dont plan to act on becoming a prize, i have strong confidence on the stuff i do and she knows i can be gone if i want to.)

- Maybe you never were her first option (maybe)

- You have no friends, she can't fit that role for you (i have 5-6 friends, i dont expect her to fill that role, she has no friends in the city we live in.

- Are fit or fat? (Fit)

 

[Gamisch]

Downloading



Well im definitely not a starfish, actually i did not know this terminology. Well this explains a-lot.

This is what she is like basically.

- You are too available (Maybe, but i work from home and my friends usually abroad travelling due to business so we meet but not frequently, but did you read that we live together? Apparently you did not.)

- Don't have a life outside of her (Plenty of hobbies, deejaying, music production, gym, so im outside the house plenty of time if needed and have a separate space i go to produce music daily)

- She has no anxiety to lose you (maybe but is this the point?)

- You're not acting like you're the prize (im not acting anything and i dont plan to act on becoming a prize, i have strong confidence on the stuff i do and she knows i can be gone if i want to.)

- Maybe you never were her first option (maybe)

- You have no friends, she can't fit that role for you (i have 5-6 friends, i dont expect her to fill that role, she has no friends in the city we live in.

- Are fit or fat? (Fit)

I am sorry but literally in between the lines you are very passive aggressive. Not only your last response but also your statement that we " shouldn't talk about another man bevause yxz" do you want an honest assessment or a circlejerk?

I mention this because I can immediately tell how your demeanor is when you are with her TWENTY FOUR SEVEN. We all read that you live together bro..this won't serve you any good when you deal with a woman you " can't just walk away from". We don't care. We don't have to suck your D. She does. We just close the tab and life goes on you feel me?

He is absolutely right bro. Living together is most of the time a death sentence to the relationship. I am a painter and this process is like rotten wood ; by the time you actually notice some is wrong you failed to maintain it properly and thus you're best option might be to completely replace it.

I feel your pain. Been there a couple of times myself and it's emasculating. Millions of men will tell you what follow next because we've been there as well!

Your best option is to let her know you want out. You can extend the relationship for a while with some dark tactics here and there but eventually it will collapse. Be wise , leave , find a new girl and learn from your previous mistakes.

I bet that there's a LOT to be learned for you, but my first advice would be do NOT be too eager to live with a woman. As with everything, SHE should always be a tad more eager than you. She should wanna have sex a tad more than you.

Eject and reset.

 

[Learning Curve]

Don't take this personal, but:
Most people are bad at sex.
When the sex is meh, but the guy is likeable, a woman will use her sexual side to manipulate him into an exclusive commitment.
Once exclusivity is established and she doesn't need to pretend to like the sex anymore, the frequency goes down.

She practically screams that she's not interested in sex and will only do (sacrifice herself) in order to create a bond. Once the bond is created you can see her true sexual nature. If you care about having sex, you will have to break your commitment to her.

thanks.

 

[Learning Curve]

I am sorry but literally in between the lines you are very passive aggressive. Not only your last response but also your statement that we " shouldn't talk about another man bevause yxz" do you want an honest assessment or a circlejerk?

I mention this because I can immediately tell how your demeanor is when you are with her TWENTY FOUR SEVEN. We all read that you live together bro..this won't serve you any good when you deal with a woman you " can't just walk away from". We don't care. We don't have to suck your D. She does. We just close the tab and life goes on you feel me?

He is absolutely right bro. Living together is most of the time a death sentence to the relationship. I am a painter and this process is like rotten wood ; by the time you actually notice some is wrong you failed to maintain it properly and thus you're best option might be to completely replace it.

I feel your pain. Been there a couple of times myself and it's emasculating. Millions of men will tell you what follow next because we've been there as well!

Your best option is to let her know you want out. You can extend the relationship for a while with some dark tactics here and there but eventually it will collapse. Be wise , leave , find a new girl and learn from your previous mistakes.

I bet that there's a LOT to be learned for you, but my first advice would be do NOT be too eager to live with a woman. As with everything, SHE should always be a tad more eager than you. She should wanna have sex a tad more than you.

Eject and reset.

Appreciate always your inputs.

will update how it goes.

 

[Clockwerk50]

There are two key factors to understand about the human libido:

1. Insecurities and self-doubt can dampen libido.
2. A person’s willpower is closely tied to their erotic desire. When someone is passive or waiting, their libido tends to be lower. However, when they adopt a more active, pursuing role, their desire intensifies, driven by tension and anticipation.

With that said, in relationships, the man needs to keep gaming their woman to prevent boredom to creep in. Introducing intermittent challenges—like subtle emotional withdrawal or stirring jealousy—can disrupt routine and reignite desire. Just to note, I am not talking about nagging or constant criticism; the goal is to break patterns and reintroduce excitement.

Basically, a balance of tension and affection is key. Too much comfort and predictability can kill desire, while a bit of hardship and unpredictability can strengthen the bond more than material gifts. The effort and engagement are required reignite the spark in a relationship.

Without knowing all the details, and assuming this is the woman who wants to move closer to her parents' house, it seems she may feel unworthy of having her needs met by you, which causes her to feel depressed. At the same time, she might believe you're not worthy of her compromising her values to pursue you. On the other hand, you may feel similarly, but with the roles reversed.

To reiterate my point, the techniques in MRP not only help a man make himself "more desirable," but also incorporate behaviors from the early stages of the relationship that keep the wife feeling "sexy" and valued.

 

[pipeman84]

Looking for your thoughts and forget about comments of “she is f3ucking somebody else” we live together and i work from home so pretty much she has no space to cheat we are together 24/7.

You've already heard the thoughts 5 months ago: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/she-gets-bored-frequently-sex-is-decreased.282508/
TL,DR: You 2 are incompatible, leave the relationship. Done.

 

[Bokanovsky]

This is why you never move in with a woman unless you’re planning to start a family and have kids. Move on and learn from your mistake.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Since we moved together

All I needed to hear.

 

[Ricky]

I wanted to write this before i read the responses. Maybe i will repeat what is said

To me sex is the canary in the coal mine. When there are problems its one of the first indicators

To us men, sex is like the cake, but for women sex is like the icing. All the other ingredients have to be in place and it has to be baked for you to start the icing.

As men we can have sex with anyone, including someone we hate. Women are more complicated.

That being said you pointed out that she can't cheat because you are together all the time. Thats one of the big problems. You are together with her too much, you can easily smother her that way, you end up being too close like family it's almost incestuous. Having your own interests and desires are so important.

Rina stone and Athol Kay will tell you to put together your male action plan. It sounds like you already have the rest of your life in order. The other aspect of things is that the pair bond and limerence end around this amount of time. Are you sure she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Lots to think about.. I was very happy with one woman for 14 years and then i wasn't anymore. You really just don't know with women. It's all a crapshoot. I am rooting for you either way my friend.

 

[Ricky]

I hit the gym 4 times a week.

i study, read books, and financially im doing well ahead the curve.

im already fully occupied, she is not. She is at home also working from home and she finds nothing interesting.

its work-netflix-sleep for her.

i told her to fill up her time with activities to essentially free up space from one another but she says she will and she never does.

There are so many women like this now. I hesitate to use the word boring.. but that's what it is. My wife and all 3 of my girlfriends this year.. fit that bill. Lay around watch netflix and ***** and retail therapy. Boring and its terrible. Technically at least one of the girlfriends liked to read a lot and another would do it on occasion. I'm interested in women that have some intellectual curiosity about the world now.

 

[Gamisch]

Appreciate always your inputs.

will update how it goes.

You've already heard the thoughts 5 months ago: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/she-gets-bored-frequently-sex-is-decreased.282508/
TL,DR: You 2 are incompatible, leave the relationship. Done.

Yeah, the relationship just got dragged on and now we're here. 6 months later. Same advice.

I know exactly what kinda hell OP going through. A lot can be said and learned, for example how this another example that women's sexuality and desires are completely different from us men. Sex 6 to 7 times per day when she NEVER initiated is not good..

Remember that once the relationship is officially over you might need a long time to recover from it. The sooner you jump ship the sooner you'll heal. Good luck OP and let us know what's up.

 

[pipeman84]

There are so many women like this now. I hesitate to use the word boring.. but that's what it is. My wife and all 3 of my girlfriends this year.. fit that bill. Lay around watch netflix and ***** and retail therapy. Boring and its terrible. Technically at least one of the girlfriends liked to read a lot and another would do it on occasion. I'm interested in women that have some intellectual curiosity about the world now.

Cats could be described as boring (they just eat, run around the house for an hour or 2 and sleep the rest of the time) yet cat owners adore them. Why is that?
I think this idea that the woman should work, have one side business and 2 hobbies (as if she was a man) is just an excuse to mask the real issue: incompatibility. A lot of couples who were basically incompatible but managed to drag along got separated during Covid lockdowns when they were forced to be together without the usual distractions and face the fact that they're not suitable for each other.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's one of these 3 reasons:

1) She is fvcking someone else

2) You have significantly changed appearance since you began dating(or, gained a bunch of weight, etc)

3) She has lost enough respect for you that the thought of being intimate with you is revolting to her. Women CANNOT have sex with men they don't respect, it gives them the "ick".

Only you can determine which of these 3 it is, but it is one of these three.

 

[Jor-El]

we are together 24/7

..well,its the ultimate passion/relationship killer isnt it,and proving to be so

 

[Jor-El]

My girlfriend tried to sue the doctors after I lost interest in sex following an operation. They said to her "look,we only adjusted his eye sight"

 

[DJ Novice]

I wouldn’t recommend moving in with a girl until at least the 3 year mark. And even then I would take insurance with a pre nup or similar

After 3 years you should know whether she still has genuine desire for you which will manifest itself in the bedroom.

While the quality and quantity of s*x will not be at the same levels as when you first met due to hedonic adaptation, they should still be high. variety, surprise etc. in the bedroom has to come from her as well as you.

Many women will use s*x as a way to either get you to commit to them during the early stages of a relationship or to control your behaviour after you have committed to them. You need to be alert to this during the 3 year vetting period.

During the 3 years before moving in you should make sure you have extended periods of time with her (like a month long holiday) to see how living together would actually be like.

You should exit a relationship if your s*xual needs aren’t being met and you have both had open and honest conversations about it. You can’t negotiate desire; it’s either there or it isn’t.