Cure for oneitis

[youngmack]

What's AFC mean?

We've all been there at some point, at least you acknowledged it and now you can learn and grow.

Average Frustrated Chump..basically a dude who gets no play

 

[youngmack]

And yeah i know, im glad i got to experience this at a young age. im 16, But i just dont know to cure this oneitis, I've done everything in the book, and i just cant get her out my mind.

 

[JPlaya]

Thing is that summer break happened and everybody went home from college. I know she still has interest because of other stuff and she accepts my kino.

 

[perseverance]

How am I suppose to find a new woman?

Women are anywhere and everywhere.

Oneitis is the product of an infatuation with a person whom you feel is 'the one', the problem with this concept is there are many 'one's' in this world. One year your oneitis will focus on this particular girl and the next year it could well be someone else. This infatuation usually occurs prior to any meaningful interaction with the said person. Your infatuation builds this person up into something they aren't and like a drug, you slowly, but surely become addicted to this picture you have painted of said girl. That is until the realisation sets in that this particular girl is like most girls and there is nothing really different, special or unique about her, at this point your infatuation goes from being an unhealthy one into a deeply unhealthy one.

We all experience oneitis, I have on no less than several occasions, but as I have grown a little older, I am cautious not to get carried away with premature feelings and emotions, I am a lot more calm, a lot more composed, my head is no longer lingering in the clouds, I am fully focused and I am reluctant to fall into such a trap again.

Oneitis is naught but a cruel illusion, it's not love, fondness or affection, it's obsession, desperation and an urge to fill an undeniable void in yourself.

Most men say "go and search for other women", but I say "take that girl off the pedestal" and treat her no differently to anybody else, until she proves to you that she is worthy of your investment.

 

[bigneil]

Treat her no differently to anybody else, until she proves to you that she is worthy of your investment.

Sometimes you can hold out until that point (which is long after sex) and oneitis can still set in. But at least then she can secretly respect you for liking her because you got her.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

And yeah i know, im glad i got to experience this at a young age. im 16, But i just dont know to cure this oneitis, I've done everything in the book, and i just cant get her out my mind.

It wouldn't let me post, your age is the most obvious explanation. I was a huge coward in high school. I had oneitis for a girl from 8th grade through 10th grade. Took me that long to finally realize she wasn't what I wanted and to move on. The rest of high school wasn't any more successful until the very end of my senior year when I guess you could say I got game (I also was at the gym every day).

Once I hit college I've had my pick of many women at any given time. I just am very picky in what I want, I'm having slight oneitis right now because of it.

Things get better with age, we all go through the young experience in high school of being way too emotionally attached without really having done much with the girl.

Thing is that summer break happened and everybody went home from college. I know she still has interest because of other stuff and she accepts my kino.

Does she live much farther away than you. If she's close (around an hour or so) and you have a car then you could make it happen if you really wanted to. If you're too far away then you're in a very difficult situation. You could keep up the flirting in hopes that you will win her back when you return in the fall, but this will waste another 3 months of your life if she ends up saying no.

 

[youngmack]

JPlaya at least she likes you or has some sort of interest in you "/ Make it happen bro

 

[JPlaya]

no way in contacting her because I deleted her #

 

[Serg897]

It's not lack of self-worth but simply a fact of life that we maximize our potential for heartbreak when we date the hottest women we can find. Women choose us, and we want to be chosen by women hot enough to hurt us.

Women choose us, but don't overlook the fact that we are also choosing them.

My point is that even if you are dating the hottest possible woman, an attitude of indifference and recognizing the fact that she is free to leave if/when she wants is what gives us the power. This is how you maintain control in relationships and avoid oneitis.

 

[bigneil]

Even if you are dating the hottest possible woman, an attitude of indifference and recognizing the fact that she is free to leave if/when she wants is what gives us the power. This is how you maintain control in relationships and avoid oneitis.

I tried this and pulled it off for a few months but in the end still lost. But that's probably why I maintained it so long.

 

[perseverance]

Sometimes you can hold out until that point (which is long after sex) and oneitis can still set in. But at least then she can secretly respect you for liking her because you got her.

Is it oneitis or is it a natural human reaction? As you go through the stages with a woman it is natural to start to develop feelings and as time goes by these feelings will intensify and at some point they may also diminish. However it is important that you do not allow these feelings to control you and your decision making! Many guys start off as being cool, laid-back and fairly straight forward and then in seeps strong feelings and these guys turn into star struck puppy dogs, that's when the situation usually changes.

 

[Ringleader41]

Ya that happened to me

 

[Serg897]

Many guys start off as being cool, laid-back and fairly straight forward and then in seeps strong feelings and these guys turn into star struck puppy dogs, that's when the situation usually changes.

Yes, and I've done this several times. I think this last time was the final wake up call I needed to prevent it from happening again. You're exactly right that we cannot allow ourselves to become dependent - we must recognize these feelings of oneitis and attachment when they bubble up and not identify with them.

I tried this and pulled it off for a few months but in the end still lost. But that's probably why I maintained it so long.

What do you mean you lost? Do you mean she left and didnt come back? Good, now you know it ended without you wasting anymore time. Thats her loss, not yours, and you have bigger fish to fry.

 

[JPlaya]

Yes, and I've done this several times. I think this last time was the final wake up call I needed to prevent it from happening again. You're exactly right that we cannot allow ourselves to become dependent - we must recognize these feelings of oneitis and attachment when they bubble up and not identify with them.



What do you mean you lost? Do you mean she left and didnt come back? Good, now you know it ended without you wasting anymore time. Thats her loss, not yours, and you have bigger fish to fry.

God that happened to me

 

[bigneil]

Yes, and I've (turned into star struck puppy dogs) this several times. I think this last time was the final wake up call I needed to prevent it from happening again.

You can't. Emotions are not a choice. Women find a way to get the best of you eventually (if you're not underachieving). You can't always say the right thing. You take chances and some things come out wrong or produce a reaction that make you regret it. The better you get, the hotter the girl who breaks your heart.

Even Julius Caesar begged Cleopatra not to leave him. It's the male condition.

Is it oneitis or is it a natural human reaction? As you go through the stages with a woman it is natural to start to develop feelings and as time goes by these feelings will intensify and at some point they may also diminish.

It is natural, and I'd be more afraid to say I didn't love someone who I spent 6 months with than to say I did.

I want women who completely captivate me. Nothing makes you feel more alive than a) Making love to your dream girl and b) Losing your dream girl.

 

[perseverance]

Yes, and I've done this several times. I think this last time was the final wake up call I needed to prevent it from happening again. You're exactly right that we cannot allow ourselves to become dependent - we must recognize these feelings of oneitis and attachment when they bubble up and not identify with them.

If you are seeing a woman for several months or are in a relationship with her, it's natural to develop feelings for her, that isn't 'oneitis'. That's just a natural progression. Oneitis usually occurs before any meaningful interaction takes place like what we have witnessed with JPlaya here. Or it happens after a few dates with said girl. Oneitis is just a product of a void in someone's life.

However if Oneitis does occur or if strong feelings do occur then it's important that you do not allow these feelings to control how you behave and how you interact with said girl. It's no good being this cool, relaxed, happy-go-jolly type of fella one month and then transforming into a needy, clingy, emotional cesspit the following month because that's when attraction starts of decline on her part. I'm not saying don't ever show a woman emotions etc, but do it in a way that isn't #laying it on thick#. Too many guys go from being a lion to a lioness and that's no good. God gave us men a pair of balls, it's about time we started using them and acting like men.

 

[TopGun2000]

You can't. Emotions are not a choice. Women find a way to get the best of you eventually (if you're not underachieving). You can't always say the right thing. You take chances and some things come out wrong or produce a reaction that make you regret it. The better you get, the hotter the girl who breaks your heart.

Even Julius Caesar begged Cleopatra not to leave him. It's the male condition.


It is natural, and I'd be more afraid to say I didn't love someone who I spent 6 months with than to say I did.

I want women who completely captivate me. Nothing makes you feel more alive than a) Making love to your dream girl and b) Losing your dream girl.

let go of your ego

 

[perseverance]

It is natural, and I'd be more afraid to say I didn't love someone who I spent 6 months with than to say I did.

I want women who completely captivate me. Nothing makes you feel more alive than a) Making love to your dream girl and b) Losing your dream girl.

Do you need to tell a woman that you love her? Can you not show her that you love her through your actions? I am not a fan of telling someone how I feel, I'd much rather show that person because at least then they'll know it's genuine.

That's quite an intense statement, that second paragraph. I have never made love to my dream girl, because that's just it, she's a dream and doesn't exist. It's a nice thought though, I must admit.

 

[Serg897]

You can't. Emotions are not a choice. Women find a way to get the best of you eventually (if you're not underachieving). You can't always say the right thing. You take chances and some things come out wrong or produce a reaction that make you regret it. The better you get, the hotter the girl who breaks your heart.

Even Julius Caesar begged Cleopatra not to leave him. It's the male condition.

I see no reason to adopt this defeatist attitude, this women-will-always-get-the-best-of-me mentality. If you have this mindset then guess what - it will always happen to you.

Emotions are not a choice, but your reaction to them will always be a choice.

Some of us are actually working to better ourselves and become independent, secure human beings. No need for us to listen to or believe any of that.

 

[perseverance]

He's right, emotions aren't a choice, but how we deal with those emotions is our choice.

Now you can either behave like a man and keep these emotions in check (it's not easy) or you can behave like a woman and let your emotions control how you react to certain things and your demeanour. The choice is yours.