Critique where I fvcked up here

[Konada]

Got a chick's number from Tinder with a presumption that I was going to set a date when I text her. I have some clue as to where I fvcked up but I will withhold my opinions so I can get more clarity of what I'm doing wrong.

Me: Guess who?
HB: Michael? Max? Mark? Hmm I'm not sure hahaha
Me: It's <random name> actually! So what nights are you free this week?
HB: Hmm not Marcus (my real name)?? Hmm I don't think I'm free anymore haha
Me: Your memory came back pretty fast there... Fri/Sat, which works better for you?
HB: Saturday sounds good
HB: At least for now, I have to check again if I have something on
HB: You're not free on weekdays?
Me: Not for this week. Anyway I'd prefer to make definite plans, let me know if you really have Saturday free and then we'll make plans
HB: Alright, I'll let you know soon. How was your day?
Me: Pretty good, got alot done. Gonna crash soon.
HB: That's good. Hmm. Rest well then

<the next day>
Me: Remember to have fun today! Ladies night
HB: Haha I don't really drink nor go to clubs! Ladies' night aren't very useful to me unfortunately
Me: Haha that's what they all say... Especially those who look like they're trouble
HB: Do I look like I'm trouble?
Me: Are you?
HB: Haha not me. It's usually the guys who are trouble.
HB: I'm actually more worried that you're trouble, haha.
Me: Never said I wasn't
HB: Haha then maybe I shouldn't meet you on Saturday then?
Me: No promises on that ass pinching. I'll see you on xxx pm at XYZ place
HB: Mmm meaning I'm allowed to pinch yours or you might pinch mine? Haha
Me: Guess you'll have to find out!
HB: Hahaha, well all I can say is hands off the goods for now at least. Heh
HB: Do you have instagram?
Me: Nah don't have it
HB: That's rare. But cool. I've always looked at people without social media with a certain kind of... amazement? Haha. Cos I can't live without it. I need my daily dose of news updates via FB and random stories to read as well
Me: Haha yeah I occasionally indulge in FB but thats about it. Gonna crash for the night.
HB: Goodnight

A day before the date:
HB: Hey. I don't think I should go tomorrow anymore. My pup's been vomiting and having diarrhoea so I'm bringing him to the vet. I'll probably be staying at home to look after him. Hope you understand. Sorry!
Me: I understand. Hope he gets well soon.
HB: Thank you.

 

[icantgetlaid]

yea .. way too much chatter. in my experience when you text a girl they really appreciate when you get to the point plus it conveys courage/confidence.

e.g.

Charles: hey sarah, charles here hope your day is going as good as mine, i just had the best burrito ever for lunch!
Sarah: hey charles! yea it's going alright blah blah blah
Charles: awesome .. what's your schedule like this week ? we should get together for a drink

(any response other than specifics on when she is available equals low interest and you should probably go ghost for a while and let her re-initiate .. or wait a while before re asking her out)

Sarah: i'm free friday & sunday
Charles: great meet me at [Bar] at 8pm Friday
Sarah: ok sounds good see you then

 

[sazc]

agreed. Set the date, dont ask when they are free, ask if they can meet at X on day Y at Z time. If the response is no, and there is not a counter offer, they're not overly interested.
If the response contains an excuse, the appropriate reply is 'text me when you are free then" and then no more contact.

If, at any time, a chick tells you she doesnt know if she can make it, she has to wait and see, I suggest you say 'okay, let me know" and then go find another date for that time slice. If she does text and say she is free, and it is an anytime-the-day-of-date text, reply and say "sorry, I didnt hear from you, I made other plans." The counter with another date entirely " How about you meet me on X day at Y time at Z place" and the cycle continues. I dont care if you have zero plans that night, say no. You want to ensure you are not wasting your time and a $10 drink on someone who isnt interested. Any female who wont agree to a date a few days in advance probably is making you her back up plan.

 

[icantgetlaid]

If she does text and say she is free, and it is an anytime-the-day-of-date text, reply and say "sorry, I didnt hear from you, I made other plans." The counter with another date entirely " How about you meet me on X day at Y time at Z place" and the cycle continues. I dont care if you have zero plans that night, say no. You want to ensure you are not wasting your time and a $10 drink on someone who isnt interested. Any female who wont agree to a date a few days in advance probably is making you her back up plan.

this is great advice ... in my earlier red pill days .. there was this girl i was super into who was flaky about nailing a time/place down when i would ask her out .. but then she would text me randomly and ask me to meet her for lunch/coffee/etc. (literally an hour or two before she wanted to get together) and i would stupidly take the bait .. i feel this ultimately is what lowered any bit of remaining interest she had in me as it made me come off as desperate .. needless to say i was out the money for the meals/drinks and never had a meaningful conversation with her again.

 

[sazc]

you have to decide your self worth and raise your standards. it can be scary to tell a female no, because you wonder when the next one will come along, but you deserve to spend your time on someone that IS reciprocating. not everyone is going to reciprocate, but that isnt a reflection of you, that's their deal, dont ever take it personally.

Sometimes I wonder if the more bitter men on SS are bitter because they spent too much time on females that were not reciprocating, hoping to change their minds. idk, im sure it's more complex but my point is, she needs to be responsive for you to remotely consider if she is worth your attention.

 

[Konada]

Well I took it she was trying to counteroffer when she asked if I was free during the weekdays which unfortunately I am not. I took it as a sign of reciprocation. No excuses for her behavior though, I'm just trying to see where my thought patterns went wrong. Another point is when she hinted 'maybe I shouldn't meet you on Saturday.' I assumed she already made her mind up about meeting me thats why I stated the time/place immediately.

@sazc

I'd rather conversations progress organically and this was the exception rather than the rule. Usually I'm done with setting the date with 3-4 messages, however, quality has been rather disappointing because only HB5s readily agree. Anything beyond a 6 and the flaky games start, for me at least.

 

[JohnChops]

1) use of emojis is legit gay. please stop dude.
2) whyd you text her " have fun, ladies night"?
3) "Guess who" , you're better off opening with anything else... anything

Me: No promises on that ass pinching. I'll see you on xxx pm at XYZ place
HB: Mmm meaning I'm allowed to pinch yours or you might pinch mine? Haha

you ****ed up here. See how she never confirmed? In her mind she technically never "confirmed" the date, therefore, she didn't flake, she is NOT int the wrong ( in her mind.) As soon as she switched subjects to something else, other than the date, she did a nice soft rejection on you.

I've had this happen a few times myself, nothing to beat yourself up about.

 

[RangerMIke]

If, at any time, a chick tells you she doesnt know if she can make it, she has to wait and see, I suggest you say 'okay, let me know" and then go find another date for that time slice.

Good advice. But I wouldn't say "let me know", I would just withdraw the offer and say sounds like you're too busy another time. Anything other than a yes or solid conuter offer should always be taken as a no.

The only other advice I have would be not to **** around texting so much. Just make a date and leave it at that. But I would never do OLD, so I'm not sure if that sort of BS is just expected.

 

[icantgetlaid]

The signs were pretty obvious (the sarcasm laden response instead of telling you when she was free) .. and then the proceeding messages being flaky/lukewarm "i will have to double check and make sure though" ...

You seem experienced enough to see those signs and know to back off .. girls with high interest know when a guy is making an effort to ask them out .. when they like you they try to reduce the friction as much as possible and make themselves extremely available ... it was pretty obvious from the start she was adding extra layers of complexity hoping you would get the point

 

[Glassguy]

Agree with pretty much all the other comments. You werent very alpha, sort of needy and desperate sounding in the approach.

Limit all the chitter chatter and make the date.

 

[Trunks]

I just don't think this woman was that interested to begin with. For example:

HB: At least for now, I have to check again if I have something on.

Pre-flake attempt.

Other than that, the second time you contacted her it sounded too entertainer-ish. Next time, say something upbeat at the beginning to get her in a flirty mood, but quickly move on to confirm the date and say see you then. Less is more sometimes.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Me: Guess who?

Don't ever open like this again.

Me: It's <random name> actually! So what nights are you free this week?

Exclamation point? Really? No emoji unless they serve a purpose.

Me: Your memory came back pretty fast there... Fri/Sat, which works better for you?

If you're going try to be funny through text then it needs to be cócky. Sounds like you were trying hard not to seem threatening.

Better text:

Konada: You know you remember me.

Me: Not for this week. Anyway I'd prefer to make definite plans, let me know if you really have Saturday free and then we'll make plans

This may seem nitpicky or asinine but your text messages are too wordy.

Better text:

Konada: Not this week. If you have Sat. free we'll make plans

Me: Remember to have fun today! Ladies night

I don't know what's worse this text or the 'guess who' one. If you want to initiate contact with something fun or lighthearted. Send a random thought or picture.

Konada: <picture of someone in bathroom eating pizza with chopsticks and sunglasses>

Konada: I feel like I should not see as many clowns as I have this December.

Me: Haha that's what they all say... Especially those who look like they're trouble

No need for ellipses or 'haha.' This would have been a perfect flirty text had it read:

Konada: That's what they all say. Especially when the look like trouble.

HB: Do I look like I'm trouble?
Me: Are you?

You should have replied with a simple: 'Yes'

This would have put her in qualifying mode and potentially lead to dirty texts. Yet you qualified yourself by trying not to challenge her and give her an out.

HB: Haha not me. It's usually the guys who are trouble.
HB: I'm actually more worried that you're trouble, haha.
Me: Never said I wasn't
HB: Haha then maybe I shouldn't meet you on Saturday then?

When she said she was worried you were trouble you should have replied: 'I am.'

Sometimes short simple messages convey a lot and make them think

Me: No promises on that ass pinching. I'll see you on xxx pm at XYZ place

This was hard to read. What are you, in highschool? Ass pinching? That's you idea of bad? If I were you I'd would have agreed and amplified making her more curious.

Her: Haha then maybe I shouldn't meet you on Saturday then?

Konada: Maybe you shouldn't if you're afraid.

Me: Guess you'll have to find out!

No. No exclamation points. Stop using them.

HB: Do you have instagram?

Translation: Your texts come off as needy and desperate, I need you check if you have any sort of value before we meet.

HB: That's rare. But cool. I've always looked at people without social media with a certain kind of... amazement? Haha. Cos I can't live without it. I need my daily dose of news updates via FB and random stories to read as well

Translation: Yeeeeeah. This guy is definetly a weirdo.

Here is also where she decided she 'wasn't free on Sat.

Me: Haha yeah I occasionally indulge in FB but thats about it. Gonna crash for the night.

No 'hahas' either. You shouldn't use emojis, or lols unless something genuinely calls for them

Me: I understand. Hope he gets well soon.

The best text message you sent the entire interaction.


Your texting game is weak. Needs work. If a woman is 50/50 on you and that's usually the case with online chicks if your not David Beckham, then smooth calibrated communication goes a long way.

A solid text game communicates that you are socially adjusted and perhaps worth the time. Note this only matters when your dealing with chicks who aren't 100% sold. For the chicks who are sold you can reply with 'dildo' every message and it won't matter.

I was a bit harsh but only so you could get my point. Hope it was helpful.

 

[Phobos]

Added links to above post since I wanted to read the first 2:

Jeffst1980
"How to Hold Interest Between the 1st and 2nd Date"
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/how-to-hold-interest-between-the-first-and-second-date.188587/

"Text Rules for the 2000's"
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/text-game-for-the-2010s.191946/

Pook
"Let Yourself Fail"
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/let-yourself-fail.20106/

"Be a MAN!"
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/be-a-man.16903/

 

[EyeBRollin]

Got a chick's number from Tinder with a presumption that I was going to set a date when I text her. I have some clue as to where I fvcked up but I will withhold my opinions so I can get more clarity of what I'm doing wrong.

You text way too much. The phone is a logistical tool for setting dates. I'll dissect this one by one.

Me: Guess who?
HB: Michael? Max? Mark? Hmm I'm not sure hahaha

This is just a stupid exchange. What the ****? What is wrong with "hey, it's <name> from tinder" Let her do the stupid texting.

Me: It's <random name> actually! So what nights are you free this week?

Free for what? Get to the point and be specific. "Let's grab a drink this week. What evenings work for you?"

HB: Hmm not Marcus (my real name)?? Hmm I don't think I'm free anymore haha

Translation: You're weird. You're out.

Me: Your memory came back pretty fast there... Fri/Sat, which works better for you?

She just told you she's not free anymore, and you asked her out why??! This is recipe for flake. You're radar should be up, playa.

HB: Saturday sounds good
HB: At least for now, I have to check again if I have something on
HB: You're not free on weekdays?
Me: Not for this week. Anyway I'd prefer to make definite plans, let me know if you really have Saturday free and then we'll make plans

This is not the time for the negative sale. She's not giving buying signals. She asked if you're free on weekdays. If your ass is free one day during the week, you take what she gives you. Your response is "I can make it work, what day works for you?" You can't sell this babe over the phone, so take any opportunity she gives you.

The negative sale is for when you corner her to a specific date and time but still acts unsure. If you remove her last line in this exchange and tighten yours up, it's a perfect play. See the difference:

HB: Saturday sounds good
HB: At least for now, I have to check again if I have something on
Me: I can only make definite plans. If you're unsure about Saturday we'll have to plan some other day when your schedule is more clear.

She either says "ok" or keeps the date. If she says ok, you walk away and try again in a week.

HB: Alright, I'll let you know soon. How was your day?
Me: Pretty good, got alot done. Gonna crash soon.
HB: That's good. Hmm. Rest well then .

This doesn't even require a response. Ignore it. Stop using emojis.

Text with a purpose then put the damn phone down.

 

[icantgetlaid]

@sazc

I'd rather conversations progress organically and this was the exception rather than the rule. Usually I'm done with setting the date with 3-4 messages, however, quality has been rather disappointing because only HB5s readily agree. Anything beyond a 6 and the flaky games start, for me at least.

I wanted to quote/respond to this part.

In my experience, it's best to be super direct with girls via text. You are either 1. texting them to build rapport, or 2. texting them to get them out on a date. Don't conflate these things -- it just makes things awkward.

Also, good looking girls already have a ton of guys trying to entertain/build rapport with them through text. Be the man that gets her out and escalates (nothing else will leave a greater impression/impact on her).

 

[LLM]

Guess who

 

[EyeBRollin]

I'd rather conversations progress organically and this was the exception rather than the rule. Usually I'm done with setting the date with 3-4 messages, however, quality has been rather disappointing because only HB5s readily agree. Anything beyond a 6 and the flaky games start, for me at least.

It's just the economics of dating. Your flake ratio is going to be higher the hotter the babe. The best way to meet HB8+ are in person, where they are directly subjected to your alpha qualities from the start. You have to be Brad Pitt to consistently get HB8+s online.

 

[pyros]

In my opinion OP has everything messed up in his mind.

OP, you cannot be labeled as a 'master don juan', because you're at a beginner stage.

1 you look too over eager.
2 you treat her as if she was the prize, instead of you being the prize.
3 you text like a girl.
4 you just dont get it, and she knows you dont.

All this equals: she's not gonna have sex with you.

It's better to be a little too much of an *******, than behaving like a little child/girl like you do: too polite, too sensitive, too nice, walking on eggs shells, etc.

 

[MrOctober]

yea see. I wouldn't have contacted her the next day. you should have left the convo completely and let her hit you back on the double WHENEVER that was.

this one I went on two dates with right.... chick really likes me... anyways... she leaves my place date 2... I tell her to text me.. next day she does... we exchange two texts a piece.. I didn't set a date and stopped replying.... 3 days later she hits me and says "I haven't heard from you ect ect I thought you got bored"... I said "lol nooooo" and proceeded to set our next date.

see... off dating apps I say text me... not hey whats your number nah... I immediately get the ball rolling where theyre doing the chasing thru text.

so instead of me saying hey its don juan... its "hey its becky from tinder" and im in control.

 

[marmel75]

When I read this exchange it immediately reminded me of this scene from Tommy Boy:

You come off as over-eager, desperate and like you have nothing else going on in your life.

And that's just through text...how are you coming off in person?