Critique my (short) email

[Alphathree]

I'm sure this doesn't contain any obvious AFC contents, but please read between the (few) lines and tell me if there's any little tweaks I could've made:

"Are you coming to [name of place we dance] on Monday? Let's hang out afterward. There's a cool little coffee shop nearby where we can have some stimulating conversation."

Yes, I ripped out the "stimulating conversation" right from the David D handbook. I thought it sounded lame at first, but upon reading it to myself, it's actually a nice differentiator.

 

[Alphathree]

Specifically, do you think asking if she's coming is approval seeking?

To me it was practical. After all, if she's not going to be there, we can't very well hang out afterward.

(This is an event that we go to regardless of whether or not we're 'dating')

Also, I should put into context the timing of this email:

We had a brief MSN conversation a few days ago in which she very annoyingly ****-tested me.

She messaged me first, but then she proceeded to give me one word answers like 'sometimes' and 'maybe'. I tolerated exactly three of those, and then I said, "you know one word answers don't convey much information"

Ten seconds later, I said "ttyl" and logged off.

I didn't handle it perfectly, but do you guys think that's an acceptable way to handle such a **** test?

Anyway, deep in my mind I know that it's a little bit of a mistake to send her any email at all, because I'm "rewarding" her bad behaviour on MSN a few days ago (**** test).

I don't think this is a huge blunder, but I'd like your thoughts on that as well.

 

[G-Man UK]

"stimulating conversation"

I don't like it. It sounds like you got it from a book and you did....

But that's just my opinion.

Respect

G-man

 

[diablo]

Originally posted by G-Man UK
"stimulating conversation"

I don't like it. It sounds like you got it from a book and you did....

But that's just my opinion.

I agree - write what you'd naturally say. If you would normally walk up to someone and say "Let's have stimulating conversation!" then by all means say it in the email. Other than that, this is the most basic email I've come across - there's really not enough to critique.

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by G-Man UK
"stimulating conversation"

I don't like it. It sounds like you got it from a book and you did....

But that's just my opinion.

Respect

G-man

Thanks for the input dude-- never tried it before, thought I'd give it a shot. I hesitate to say "talk" or "discuss" because even *I* get bored thinking about that.

But thanks for taking a whack at my inner game! =p

 

[Alphathree]

Originally posted by diablo
I agree - write what you'd naturally say. If you would normally walk up to someone and say "Let's have stimulating conversation!" then by all means say it in the email. Other than that, this is the most basic email I've come across - there's really not enough to critique.

I've been known to SLIGHTLY eccentric, so I think it does fit with my personality, but I certainly haven't used it before.

I could definitely walk up to someone and use the phrase "stimulating conversation" in a congruent way.

Yes, I'm rationalizing=)

Thanks for your input.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by G-Man UK
"stimulating conversation"

I don't like it. It sounds like you got it from a book and you did....

But that's just my opinion.

Respect

G-man

Yeah you sound like a big time tool saying "stimulating conversation." LOL Actually you sound more like a 45 year old man trying to get a blind date with a chick.

I don't know how old you are but I'm guessin your pretty young, so save the old talk for when you ARE old. I'm not a fan of e-mailing or text messaging with girls, if you want to contact them, call them!! But here's how I'd e-mail her if I were you:


We are all going to (name of dance spot) on Monday, you should join us so we can make your boring life a little interesting...


That's it, don't say anything about the coffee shop after. Why? Because you don't want to give away how high your interest level is and you also want to see how she acts towards you at the club. What if she's not feeling it or being lame? Why would you want to go to coffee after? However if she's being really cool and your having a good time then you can set up coffee right after and you'll look more spontaneous. Make sure you bring some friends and other girls so you can flirt with them and not be hanging all over this chick the whole night.

If it were me, I'd only do the club and then hook up with her after if its going good. Club and coffee is a little much for one night.



PIMP

 

[jprjrjr]

You seem like an intelligent guy. I'm sure you can come up with something more effective than "stimulating conversation". It sounds like you're asking her for phone sex.

Women like intelligent men, but don't over do it.

I did however like your reponse to her one word answers; it shows you don't take shyt. Leave it to her to get back to you. I've used this technique quite successfully at times.