"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Cool ways to answer the phone

S

Skilla_Staz

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Kerpal said:
"Talk dirty to me."

:crackup:
Click to expand...

Ha after reading through all of the lame, retarded, ignorant ones, this one made me smile.


Add "baby" on the end and we've got a deal


As for how I answer the phone...

Cute girl = hey punk
Male friend = whats up man
Somebody I don't know = Hello?
Festive mood = Ayyyyyy
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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C

Cruise

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If I know it's a chick, I bring them immediately into my world with a question.

Something like:

1. Pick up phone
2. Immediately say, "Let me ask you a question."
3. Wait for them to say "What?"
4. Then say, "How would you tell a guy you're so deeply into him you can't contain yourself, and you just had to call him to ask if he could see you tonight behind closed doors?"
5. She'll usually just laugh, or she'll act weirded out and say something like, "I don't know."
6. In both cases, tell her, "Call me back and try again." And just hang up.

Another seed in the field my brothas.
 
Cloudtopsun2100

Cloudtopsun2100

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FVCK YOU then hang up immediately... LOL I did that a few times after I pranked called people before caller ID came out and they *69d me..
 
V

Vulpine

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I hum or sing showtunes, sing songs, immitate characters, or sing catch-phrases from commercials. Then, at the main point I subsitute whatever word in the lyrics with "Hello" sung.

Usually, I have a second to customize it to whoever's calling and if I want to talk to them. Example: a slvt is calling...

"From the Valley of the Jolly - Ho, Ho, Ho... He-llo-o."
or,
"There's some HELLO'S in this house, there's some HELLO's in this house."

A hottie:
"Oooh, Aaah, OH! Poppin'-fresh Hellooo"

Random:
"Because, because, because, becaaaaaauuuse.... because of the wonderful things Heh-lo!"

Random:
(Lyrch from Addam's Family voice) "Youu Raang."

Random:
*in Johnny Cash karaoke mode* "I slipped and fell into the wet concrete HELLO."

Also, I have a simple VM message that I must've said 500 times before I recorded it, so I can answer the phone and mimmick it:

"Heeyy, it's Vulpine. Leave a message." *hang up, wait for call back, if none: call back and ask them why they called and didn't leave a message/what they wanted* The alternative is to see if they go for the fake "BEEEEP" and start leaving a message. :)

People get confused when you answer: "Diga!" or "Moshi, moshi."
 
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