Conversation

[Mr.Fantastic]

I think I have worked out my biggest problem with women: Conversation. I am afraid to be alone with a woman because I fear my converation skills...generally I am bad at conversation, with all kinds of people, i am ok in groups (often very outgoing etc in groups) but kinda crap one on one...does anyone else have this problem?

 

[Sean O]

Read the conversation section of the DJ Bible.

 

[rocky_mtn]

Go to your local bookstore in the self improvement section and pick up a book on conversations, talking, communication etc. Skim them and decide which one looks like the best for you. It will be worth it. I recomment 'How to Talk to Anhyone' by Leil Lowndes. Its not directed directly to picking up women, but on personal and professional communication tips. These skills will make you an overall better person in all aspects of your life, and then talking with a women will seem natural.

 

[Radiance]

Conversation should come natural.

You should try making friends with some girls that you feel natural with (even if it means being seeing with slightly not so "attractive" girls) it will atleast give you good practice. Girls are all the same, you are just intimidated by the more attractive looking ones. Don't let it get to you.

The fear will go away with time, just keep fighting it and keep chatting it up with the girls.

A good tip of mine is to say "Hello" to every female you see for the next couple days. It can even be older ladies, but if you see an attractive woman you damn well better say something even if it is just a "Hi" just say something. It's better than being a wimp and just staring at her tits like most guys do.

Try practicing conversation over the phone with female friends too. Who cares if you go into the "friendship zone" with these girls. You main focus right now should just be learning to communicate better with girls, make it so it comes easy and natural. Then use the skills you learned on your "test dummies" and apply them to that HB9 you're going to meet up with later.

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

Thanks for the reply's dudes. I was thinking of taking some kind of conversation skills/public speaking class, has anyone done this?

Seriously, my conversation is lacking! I go out with girls and they do most of the talking! I just don't know what to say! I can respond pretty well, but i really do dry up in one on one situations! Not just with women too, with friends and girls that im not even interested in. Its a real curse.

 

[Vypros]

Thanks for the reply's dudes. I was thinking of taking some kind of conversation skills/public speaking class, has anyone done this?

Seriously, my conversation is lacking! I go out with girls and they do most of the talking! I just don't know what to say! I can respond pretty well, but i really do dry up in one on one situations! Not just with women too, with friends and girls that im not even interested in. Its a real curse.

It's not as big a curse as you think it is. It's only a curse when get around somebody who is like you, and then it's really akward. But with someone who is ok with conversation, they LOVE someone like you. Why? Because 90% of the people you meet won't CARE what you have to say! That's why.

People are so focused on themselves, that they don't even notice that you aren't talking!

How's that for crazy, eh? If you know how to ask the right questions and move a conversation from one point to the next, but you don't say more than a handful of words, people will STILL view you as a great conversationalist. Because most people, especially FEMALE people, like to TALK. So the less talking YOU do and the more you can get THEM to do, the better the conversation will seem to THEM, regardless of how little you talk.

What helped me was viewing conversation like a game of Tennis. In fact here is an excerpt from an article on my site that might help you:

Conversation is a just a game anyways. In fact, it's very much like a game of tennis. Imagine if you will, that you are playing tennis with your friend. Now imagine that your friend has a case of three tennis balls and you are out on the court. Casually, he lobs up the ball and serves it to you. Now, imagine if you just stood there and watched it go by and then just chuckled nervously. Ok, so your friend would get out another ball and lob it across the net again. Then imagine that, again, you just let it go by. One by one until finally after three balls, your friend no longer has any balls to serve. They are all on your side of the court.

Conversation is exactly like that. Imagine if someone comes up to you and says something to you and you just grunt out the bare minimum of "um hmmm" or "fine". You are essentially letting that ball fly past you and eventually, after so many tries your friend will be out of "balls" or intros to conversation. The key is to see the ball coming and be prepared to return it and volley it back and forth. I mean, eventually the ball will get by one of you, but then you have a couple of other balls (or topics) in reserve that can fill out a nice conversation before you run dry.

Let me give you an example of "holding the ball" and letting a conversation die:

Her: Hey, how are you today?
You: Fine.
Her: Uh, did you watch the game last night?
You: Yes.
Her: I was so psyched about how that one guy hit that triple.
You: *nervous laugh* Yeah, me too
Her: *awkwardly* Well, I better go.
You: Ok

Do you see how "You" held the ball? Now, let me give you an example of how to "return her serve":

Her: Hey, how are you today?
You: I'm pretty good. How are you?
Her: Ok I guess. Did you watch the game last night?
You: Yeah, it was awesome. Did you see the game-wining triple?
Her: Yes! I was so psyched about that.
You: Yeah, me too. Derek Jeter is awesome. I met him one time.
Her: You did? You are soooo lucky!
You: etc. etc. etc.

Do you see how much smoother and easier that played out? You led the conversation and captivated her interest. And you didn't have to say anything monumental. You just had to say the first thing that popped into your head (that is appropriate for the level of friendship of course).

Full article can be viewed here:
http://soulsasylum.com/soulsasylum/relationships/insecurity/

But at the end of the day you really only need a few basic skills to hold a decent conversation.

1. You must keep it as lighthearted as possible.
2. You must learn to ask the right questions. Questions are an AWESOME way to propel conversation. Learn to ask them.
3. When someone holds the ball, YOU lob one up and serve it to them.

Hope this helps.