"Controlling freak" to "great guy" in ONE email ?

[Don of Truth]

SHE WROTE:
You're a great guy and thanks for this email, it resolved my thoughts about you being an ******* and giving up hope on ALL male beings forever. I accept the apology about the "quality" thing bc I guess that's what really hurt the most. Maybe I was being a little self centered and spoiled. Lately I've been that way bc I've never had opportunity to act this way before bc I've always been dependant on someone else for my happiness and now that he is gone, I've become really self indulgent. This little stage won't last but I'm enjoying it while I can. I would really like to continue to keep contact with you IF you're comfortable doing so. Thanks. (her name) AKA Spoiled Brat
PS. Have a Better Day


***Hmm...so I renewed her hope in the males species, got her to say I'm a great guy, AND got her to admit she is a spoiled brat ??
It does look like she has some issues where she has been hurt in the past but now I'm on the case !

LOL...this is cool.


NOW....What is going on here ? lol
I knew that there was a reason I did not NEXT this girl who I took out to lunch and then flaked on me for the second get together and now for the third get together...she changed concrete plans when I went to pick her up AFTER she asked ME to lunch.
She did a total 180 on me personality wise when I showed up. I told her "this isn't gonna work, maybe we'll try again when you get things straightened out"...then I left.

HERE ARE THE EMAILS THAT LED TO THAT ONE YOU JUST READ:

I WROTE this after her 180 on me:
I don't know what you were thinking but you came off as a disrespectful brat! You wasted my time, energy, and money.

The reason I have continued to talk to you and contact you was that I had hoped you were a quality woman despite what my better judgement was telling me.

You've got a lot to learn kiddo.

SHE REPLIED:
Look, you came off at me as a controlling freak (which was expected) and you do not need to further contact me or place judgement in my court. You can find you someone to put up with your crazy, controlling bull****. LATER*

I REPLIED:
I dislike ending things with anyone on a sour note so I will try and explain this as best as I can.

You could have said what you wrote me in your e-mail AT ANY POINT...why wait till now ? I was being mainly assertive, not controlling.

YOU were the one who asked ME to get together for lunch ! Remember ? I took it as an opportunity not only to see you but to have a workout and a nice lunch. If you didn't like my actions at any point you could have said a magic two-letter word which works wonders.....it's the word "NO".
As in "NO, (my name) that's not what I want to do". If you don't have enough leeway at your job where you can take 2 hours off FOR SURE at your convenience then why agree to it and say you can ??? What's up with that ?

About the controlling thing...THAT'S WHAT MEN DO. It's our nature. I love to be in control but I don't hurt women. It's men who control,abuse women, and curtail their freedom who give the control issue a bad rep.There's a difference. Control by itself is not a bad thing. I suspect you have been hurt in the past by men who you saw as controlling if you are this sensitive to it.

You know why you are mad ? I took you out of your comfort zone and made you assert yourself. I was mad because your actions were disrespectful. On a side note, sorry for the "quality woman" comment, I know that was uncalled for.

I'm not trying to come off as perfect here as I also look for ways to improve and learn from my interactions with others....so I did learn a few things about myself from the short time I have known
you.

Have a great weekend and I wish you the best !!

"Controlling freak" (my name) ;-) Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

P.S. I will respect your wish and I WILL NOT contact you any further.

***AND then she replied with what you read at the top of the post.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

Never contact this woman again...it will save you alot of headaches and heartaches my friend.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

This girl (as most girls) disrespected herself in the past and got treated like the hor that she is and now blames guys as being "too controlling" - good luck trying to clean up the mess in her head. Always be in control, when she disrespects ypu again leave for good!!!l Kepp your dignity and do not write anymore e-mails!

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

"I was being self centered and spoiled"

With that statement, she single-handedly summed up the personality of every single woman I've ever known.
She said alot of things I'd like to elaborate on, but I just don't have the time right now.

LoL.

"This girl (as most girls) disrespected herself in the past and got treated like the hor that she is and now blames guys as being "too controlling" - good luck trying to clean up the mess in her head. Always be in control, when she disrespects ypu again leave for good!!!l Kepp your dignity and do not write anymore e-mails!"--PuertoRican_Lover


Well said.


This little girl sounds pretty worthless- don't bother with her anymore. She seems like another feminazi to me.

 

[cactus3178]

This right here:

"Maybe I was being a little self centered and spoiled. Lately I've been that way bc I've never had opportunity to act this way before bc I've always been dependant on someone else for my happiness and now that he is gone, I've become really self indulgent. "

Especially this part:

"bc I've never had opportunity to act this way before"


Makes me say WTF. Personally, I'd get out sheerly for that statement alone. I've dealt with too much of that bull**** attitude before.

 

[Don of Truth]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
This girl (as most girls) disrespected herself in the past and got treated like the hor that she is and now blames guys as being "too controlling" - good luck trying to clean up the mess in her head. Always be in control, when she disrespects ypu again leave for good!!!l Kepp your dignity and do not write anymore e-mails!

Thanks for the input.
Since my career path is psychology/counceling I am intrigued by what is occuring. If nothing else I would enjoy having her play a "patient" role and as you said ...clean up the mess in her head.

I do like to learn from all my interactions and what this showed me is that I was way too hurt by HER disrespectful actions.
If anything, I should remain detached and when I simply react, it would be to gain a result and not out of being hurt or angry.

I do have a compassionate side and that coupled with my career interest in psychology would lead me to see if I can help this woman so that she can improve herself and become a better woman.

I can always pursue other women for intimacy.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

This is the kind of girl that wants a 50/50 relationship which doesn't exist in the male/female dynamic. This is what I was referring to in my thread on the natural order of things - we have complementary natures - men are the agressors (ones in control) women are suppose to naturally submit to this control!

Women today try to artificially change the balance of power by telling guys they are 'too' controlling only for the guys to artificially try to not be 'too' aggressive as to not upset the woman. He becomes a weak man and she becomes a strong woman (in the decision making process) - for her only to complain later that he is a wimp and she wants a man who takes charge!!

Men lead, women follow - that is the law of nature!!!!

 

[Don of Truth]

I totally agree with the balance of power thing. I'm not sure if you read my whole email but that's what I basically told her about the control issue....that that is what men do...it's our nature.
The interesting thing is that my first thoughts where AFC...I was like "damnit..she thinks I'm controlling..oh no...now I have no chance".
BUT....now that I've been a participant of this site I stopped for a moment and tried to think like a man. First, I would not make excuses or apoligize for my actions.
Second, if I do not need to apoligize then that means my actions where right to begin with...which led me to explain to her that to be controlling was a man's nature and what we do.
I love how that works!

Now get this...doesn't her email come off as a bit submissive ? Like she let down her guard a bit and realized she could open up ?

Psychology keeps me from becoming disinterested with whatever happens. I would find it fascinating if I could transfer the balance of power to my side at a higher ratio then 50/50.

And I don't mean this has to be an intimate relationship because control should be had over all types of relationship...wether it's acquaintance, friend, or lover.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

It is really not about "Balance of Power" leave that terminology for your political science classes. This is about "complementary natures". And yes you did tell her the right thing when you said that is what men do - she loved you more for this. If a girl likes a man she submits to the man because she knows this is her proper place or else she fears the man will lose interest in her and leave. When a girl doesn't want or like a man she disrespects him because she has nothing to fear or lose!!!

Just be a natural man and don't play "mad" scientist psyche mind games!

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by Jay Fiedler
Never contact this woman again...it will save you alot of headaches and heartaches my friend.

ditto.

hmmm....all of a sudden she realized that you are a "Great Guy" after this email thread? sounds really fishy.

she's a waste of time. i wouldn't play therapy with her either. she's on the rebound? forget it man, you will be the chump that loses.

you said...
I will respect your wish and I WILL NOT contact you any further

stick by it and never contact her. caving is exactly what she wants you to do--then she will proceed to trample all over you once she has you (thinks she does) hooked.

trust me, i had an almost exact situation a year or so ago with a messed up chick, but totally hot. i kinda hung around a bit, nothing serious, then realized i was wasting my time with her and her lame head games. the second time she blew me out, i sent her an email,...

Nice Knowing Ya! BYE!

she got the message.

 

[captn caveman]

To the ones telling to NEXT her,

Why don't you take up the challenge, and enjoy the time you are going to spend with this girl, all the time in control, and seeing the way she will change - she will - will give you another good lesson.

Now she is in the buffer zone of interested/notinterested,

If you can get her to the interested zone, watch what happens..

You can leave at any time,

Decently.

I personally like challenges, which are more or less a way of experimenting.

Its not about playing with the mind of the girl, it is just seeing how far she can go with a man.

Its just another challenge...

 

[Tails]

she is a cokhead.

 

[Don of Truth]

Originally posted by captn caveman

Now she is in the buffer zone of interested/notinterested,

If you can get her to the interested zone, watch what happens..

Good post ! I too think this is a good challenge for me. If I can get her into the really interested zone then is there anything I can't do ??? lol

So..do you have any suggestions ? I am currently just waiting. I thought I'd give it at least a week and then decide wether or not I feel like keeping in contact with her. Maybe I'll wait two weeks.

I already have an idea of what I should write, but that can change. I thought about getting her to tell me two good reasons why I should keep in contact with her. Heck...I'm actually curious what she might say.

 

[DankNuggs]

I think it was a bad move to be called a 'controlling freak', and then spend a paragraph of an email discussing the power constructs of male and female control, defending your point


Her perspective of you is HERS, you self image is YOURS, to each their own....