Contact after cold approach - please critique

[Wubbman]

Hello all. I had my car serviced yesterday and there was a woman working at the dealership that piqued my interest. We exchanged glances a few times and then I went to talk to her as she was leaving for the night. I introduced myself and asked about the possibility of getting dinner some time. She seemed receptive and gave me her business card (but no personal phone number). She mentioned calling her there or using email.

I kind of felt weird about calling her on her business phone (where I work that would be frowned upon), so I sent her this email during lunch today and have yet to receive a response. If I don't hear from her by lunch tomorrow I will give her a call.

In the meantime, what do you guys think of this email? I wanted to sound friendly and interested but not come on too hard as well.

"Hey Brittany! This is Rob; you gave me your card yesterday as you were about to leave the dealership. What does your work schedule look like on Friday? Would you like to get something to eat? Wanna meet up at a restaurant between 7 and 8 on Friday (I'm in the Army and don't always know when I'll get off work at the end of the day)?

How does seafood sound? I'm not too familiar with Atlanta, but Google shows lots of nice seafood places. If you're not into seafood, there are plenty of other restaurants.

Have a good day. Sell lots of cars!

Rob"

Any ideas on how I can improve in the future should this not work out? Thanks for any help.

 

[MartyMcFly]

You shouldn't just ask her to dinner. Just assume the sale like "So, seafood at 7. At Blahaahha. See you there" To me that sounds more in control and alpha

 

[Wubbman]

Cool. Good point. The only thing is I don't know what else there is to do in Atlanta. I don't want to go to a club with her on a first date (and certainly not a strip club! thats about all I know about ATL, lol). I'll see what I can come up with before I call her tomorrow.

Thanks.

 

[MartyMcFly]

Lol strip clubs. Hey, I've seen guys take girls to strip clubs before. It depends what she's into. Oh, by the way. You stationed in Benning or Stewart?

 

[Iceberg]

"Hey Brittany! This is Rob; you gave me your card yesterday as you were about to leave the dealership. What does your work schedule look like on Friday? Would you like to get something to eat? Wanna meet up at a restaurant between 7 and 8 on Friday (I'm in the Army and don't always know when I'll get off work at the end of the day)?

How does seafood sound? I'm not too familiar with Atlanta, but Google shows lots of nice seafood places. If you're not into seafood, there are plenty of other restaurants.

Have a good day. Sell lots of cars!

Rob"

Any ideas on how I can improve in the future should this not work out? Thanks for any help.

Well your email sounds more like you're applying for a job than trying to score a date. You didn't do a great job of showing personality. You don't exactly sound like a fun time.

"If you're not into seafood, there are plenty of other restaurants" I'm sure she's aware of that. And don't do that...don't assume that a girl is gonna not like what you offer. "If you're not into movies, we can go to the park. If you're not into parks, we can go bowling." Just make an offer. If she can't do what you suggest, she'll make a counteroffer.

 

[Wubbman]

Ice, thanks. I'll remember that when I call tomorrow. Marty, I'm at Benning. I was in 3/3ID but I'm in MCCC now. The joys of TRADOC...

 

[Iceberg]

Ice, thanks. I'll remember that when I call tomorrow. Marty, I'm at Benning. I was in 3/3ID but I'm in MCCC now. The joys of TRADOC...

What are you calling her for, by the way? Just to be sure of the rejection?

 

[Darth]

See if I were a woman, I would think to myself, "He sounds like a nice guy," and I would like him, based on that email. I don't really see anything wrong with the email. It's polite, friendly, and sounds genuine.

 

[Wubbman]

What are you calling her for, by the way? Just to be sure of the rejection?

****, sure...I'll make sure its official.

 

[Darth]

I reread it and it could be improved. I actually think it should be more professional, not less.

What if it went like this:

Dear Brittany,

Hi. What does your work schedule look like on Friday? I'm in the Army and don't always know when I'll get off work at the end of the day. I might be free by around 7 on Friday for dinner. Let me know if you'd like to come.

Best,
Rob

Something more like that. It just sounds less feminine without the exclamation points, unnecessary info, etc.

 

[Wubbman]

Thanks Darth. I'm still going to call tomorrow and ask her to a seafood place I've been to once before followed by bowling. **** it, what's the worst she's gonna do, say no?

 

[Demonpenz]

Man that is some WIN right there. OUT there and getting stuff done!

 

[Pierce]

Your from Atlanta, Me too. If you need some advice on some spots just let me know.

 

[runner83]

"Hey Brittany! This is Rob; you gave me your card yesterday as you were about to leave the dealership. What does your work schedule look like on Friday? Would you like to get something to eat? Wanna meet up at a restaurant between 7 and 8 on Friday (I'm in the Army and don't always know when I'll get off work at the end of the day)?

How does seafood sound? I'm not too familiar with Atlanta, but Google shows lots of nice seafood places. If you're not into seafood, there are plenty of other restaurants.

Have a good day. Sell lots of cars!

Rob"

Any ideas on how I can improve in the future should this not work out? Thanks for any help.

Possibly she just gave you her card to get you away from her, but you said she sounded receptive. Good balls on going for it.

I think your e-mail was too long winded, and mentioning that you don't know a lot of places in town was a HUGE MISTAKE!

No woman wants some "babe in the woods" she has to show around town...she wants a MAN who will take her interesting places and enrich her life.

Also way toooooo mmaannyyy question marks!

Also dinner is not a good idea, drinks is better.

Better e-mail would have been something like

"Hey Brittany,

Let's catch up for drinks at x at 7pm Friday. What's your mobile number?

Rob"

No need to explain where you met (assuming you gave your name when you met) since if she doesn't remember your name after 1 day it's a lost cause anyway.

Keep it:

- Short
- Confident
- Certain (no ?'s)

 

[NoCommitments]

FIRST OF ALL GOOD JOB APPROACHING!!!

I'm sorry bro but this might not work out for you...I've been there, done that ..& learned...here's the problems:

First off.. if ur worrying about calling her at work than ur already giving off a weakness vibe which is not good.
So u decide to email her. Ok..that might work BUT..u start off the email reminding her who you are, which isn't bad in the right context. But u state it like she already forgot you.
Then you ask question after question, like you're having an actual conversation with someone. NOT GOOD! Just state what you're doing fri night & how great it would be if she joined you.
& the way you non challantly placed the military thing in there sounds like you're trying to impress her. shldve been short & sweet.

"Hey Brittany,
What an awesome business card you have.lol.
Fri night I'm goin for sushi with some friends & I'll be in your area. We should totally get together afterwards for drinks at 'X'. I'll call you tonight...here's my cell so u know it xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Rob

 

[Iceberg]

"Hey Brittany,
What an awesome business card you have.lol.
Fri night I'm goin for sushi with some friends & I'll be in your area. We should totally get together afterwards for drinks at 'X'. I'll call you tonight...here's my cell so u know it xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Rob

Now that's a good message.

You summed it up better than I could.

All that "Google maps says there are lots of good seafood places near you" and "If you don't like seafood, there are plenty of other places!" stuff...It just makes it sound like you're a guy who doesn't date much.

NoCommitment's message sounds like a guy who has a busy, social, active life. It's like "Hey, I'm having my usual awesome Friday night. But I'll clear a couple hours for you if you want to have a drink." Even if it's a lie, and you were gonna spend Friday playing video games, it's important to present yourself as someone who has a fun life.

Yours (Wubbman) sounds like you're planning the most important DATE of your life. Nocommitment's is just an offer to hang for a drink or two. If she passes the test, she might get a restaurant date some time down the road.

Either way...a girl who offers me her business card instead of a real phone number is already NEXTed in my mind. I assume that you're new to this type of thing, but there are too many girls in this world for me to spend time fighting an uphill battle just to get a damn cell number. You dont like me enough to give me a number? Cool. Hope you find someone you do.

 

[NoCommitments]

We're here to help eachother & have fun

I just wish more guys wld ask for opinions before they act rather than after.

 

[Wubbman]

Well, thanks for the replies. I called some today and she wasn't even in. I'm not even going to leave a voice mail at this point. I guess I made it sound important because I don't date a lot. **** it...

Lesson learned.

 

[Marvin Gaye]

Hey Wub you approached her, most guys don't even have the balls to do that
. Like you said lesson learned, you'll snag em' next time. The email made me cringe a little though.

 

[Masculinity]

Hello all. I went to talk to her as she was leaving for the night. I introduced myself and asked about the possibility of getting dinner some time.

"Possibility of getting her number? You're a putting her on a pedestal right off the bat.

She mentioned calling her there or using email.

Calling is quicker and you actually improve the odds of getting a response. It's like calling vs. texting. Choose calling, all day.

I kind of felt weird about calling her on her business phone (where I work that would be frowned upon),

She knows this, but she took the chance because she had some attraction. You should have disguised yourself as a customer and made it a playful interaction pretending to sound like you want to buy a car.


"Hey Brittany! This is Rob; you gave me your card yesterday as you were about to leave the dealership. What does your work schedule look like on Friday? Would you like to get something to eat? Wanna meet up at a restaurant between 7 and 8 on Friday (I'm in the Army and don't always know when I'll get off work at the end of the day)?

You're seeking waaay too much approval. This is about the TWO of you not just about when she can hangout and you changing everything to make her fit in. Fix that, some of the other guys gave you good advice.

How does seafood sound? I'm not too familiar with Atlanta, but Google shows lots of nice seafood places. If you're not into seafood, there are plenty of other restaurants.

Have a good day. Sell lots of cars!

Rob"

I don't mean to pick on you, but this ending just sounds lame. try something playful, or a light neg next time. On the other hand, you approached and got information. well done!