Confusing Experience w/ Girl at Bar

[redcouch]

Hey everyone. I'm pretty new to actually taking this part of my life seriously, and with being proactive IRL, vs. simply relying on OLD. Admittedly, I have been a weakling in my previous relationships, putting up with so much BS, not having the balls to leave, and just generally wasting my time on deadbeat, unstable women. I've been going out a lot these past couple months, and feel like I've hit a stride. I've been approaching, getting numbers, getting dates, etc., but trying to stay mindful of the plate-spinning approach.

But anyways, here's what happened this weekend:

I went out with a group of friends to a club, and we took a quick breather outside. One of the girls in this other group really caught my eye, and I immediately went up to her and started talking with her and her friends. We went inside together, shared a drink, and went out the dance floor. I was being pretty flirty, and she was reciprocating, and we were having a blast. We walked out to the main bar area for a little bit and she had me sit down with all of her friends, who I introduced myself to and hit it off with. Her and I got to talking for another half hour or so before I told her I was going to head to a different bar with my friends, but that she should come meet me there. I suppose I figured this was the best move, to not try to get her number then and there, and to not seem so needy.

About a half hour after getting to the next bar, I see her walk in with a gay friend of hers. We go upstairs and sit together in a booth, her and I next to each other. It's still the same type of vibes for another couple hours, just her, myself, her friend and a couple friends of mine. Eventually my friends leave, her friend goes to the bathroom, and it's just her and I there together. The bar is closing soon, so I make sure we swap contact info, since it seemed to be pretty much a given that we would see each other again. As this is happening, she essentially says that she really liked spending time with me, that she thinks we get along really well together, but that she wants to be upfront and that she is seeing someone at the moment. I kinda just play it off and say something like yeah, I think we get along really well too.

About an hour later we part ways. With all of this, I'm just kind of confused. Was there any legit chance from the start of this going anywhere. Sure, I can get just having some friendly, inconsequential bar encounters, but her and I were dancing together alone, she let me touch her hair, get up close, etc. If her whole thing was just 'making friends', why would she come all the way over, leaving the rest of her friend group, to come to where I was at? I'm not sure if I did something wrong, or if I missed out on doing something. I'm sure I could have played this better. I'm thinking about texting her tomorrow about something important we talked about that she has going on that day. I'm not married to the idea of seeing this girl again, but just kind of a mindf**!

 

[ThisIsSparta]

It might as well just be a **** test, but then
she was clear about not wanting to get involved with you and you should hold her accountable for her words. Dont text her until you want to be in her friendzone.

If you meet her again at the club, be friendly but indifferent to her and see how she reacts.

Its her turn to show initiative.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Due to plausible deniability, women at bars and clubs tend to prefer hooking up the same night and then forgetting about it the next day, since, again, for various reasons, they don’t expect to see the guy seriously in the future.

Regardless, if you don’t see her often, frequently, or if she’s not a regular at these spots, I’d still send her a message and try to pursue her. Who knows, maybe the guy she’s seeing is messing up, or maybe you’re better than him.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Hey everyone. I'm pretty new to actually taking this part of my life seriously, and with being proactive IRL, vs. simply relying on OLD. Admittedly, I have been a weakling in my previous relationships, putting up with so much BS, not having the balls to leave, and just generally wasting my time on deadbeat, unstable women. I've been going out a lot these past couple months, and feel like I've hit a stride. I've been approaching, getting numbers, getting dates, etc., but trying to stay mindful of the plate-spinning approach.

But anyways, here's what happened this weekend:

I went out with a group of friends to a club, and we took a quick breather outside. One of the girls in this other group really caught my eye, and I immediately went up to her and started talking with her and her friends. We went inside together, shared a drink, and went out the dance floor. I was being pretty flirty, and she was reciprocating, and we were having a blast. We walked out to the main bar area for a little bit and she had me sit down with all of her friends, who I introduced myself to and hit it off with. Her and I got to talking for another half hour or so before I told her I was going to head to a different bar with my friends, but that she should come meet me there. I suppose I figured this was the best move, to not try to get her number then and there, and to not seem so needy.

About a half hour after getting to the next bar, I see her walk in with a gay friend of hers. We go upstairs and sit together in a booth, her and I next to each other. It's still the same type of vibes for another couple hours, just her, myself, her friend and a couple friends of mine. Eventually my friends leave, her friend goes to the bathroom, and it's just her and I there together. The bar is closing soon, so I make sure we swap contact info, since it seemed to be pretty much a given that we would see each other again. As this is happening, she essentially says that she really liked spending time with me, that she thinks we get along really well together, but that she wants to be upfront and that she is seeing someone at the moment. I kinda just play it off and say something like yeah, I think we get along really well too.

About an hour later we part ways. With all of this, I'm just kind of confused. Was there any legit chance from the start of this going anywhere. Sure, I can get just having some friendly, inconsequential bar encounters, but her and I were dancing together alone, she let me touch her hair, get up close, etc. If her whole thing was just 'making friends', why would she come all the way over, leaving the rest of her friend group, to come to where I was at? I'm not sure if I did something wrong, or if I missed out on doing something. I'm sure I could have played this better. I'm thinking about texting her tomorrow about something important we talked about that she has going on that day. I'm not married to the idea of seeing this girl again, but just kind of a mindf**!

maybe she wanted to bang you that night ,
Not exchange contact details ? Idk

the ‘I have a boyfriend ‘ could be her way of saying indirectly -‘I can’t give you my number , it has to be a tonite thing/ NSA’ … it’s a possibility.

What else makes sense ?

 

[The Duke]

My bet is on she just wanted the attention and its even better when it comes from a guy she is attacted to. Things probably aren't great with her boyfriend either.

I'd keep her number and hit her up from time to time, but not exert any real effort unless she is single.

And even then, don't take this one too serious. Here she is entertaining men in a club. That doesn't look good on her.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The chance was that night while she was out alone. Likely had a window to fvck her that night and that was her way of telling you to make a move tonight.

In general, for many reasons, if you meet a woman out like that, never assume you will ever see or hear from her again unless you make something that happen that night.

The "real world" and the "night life world" are typically treated as two separate worlds that usually don't mix together unless you are able to unlock that door which typically is by fvcking her well enough that she transitions to the other world with you.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

All I can say is what *I would have done, which could have gone either way as well. When she said something about 'seeing someone' I probably would have said "Yeah, that happens every time I look in a mirror." and then paused with a half grin while making concentrated eye contact and go off of her signals based off of that.

I don't think you made any major blunders or mistakes. You approached, you had fun, bajillions of other dudes wish they could have been the one having fun with her. lol

 

[sevbucmash]

she wants to be upfront and that she is seeing someone at the moment

No ****? Really? She is seeing someone at the moment and is going to bars and stuff? Talking to guys? That girl is a *****!

The chance was that night while she was out alone

This!

But also realize women always looking for upgrade. You need to improve your social skills, financial situation, clothing situation, hair cut situation, shoe situation, etc. Become 1 up on the HB scale. If you were 6 become 7, if you were 7 become 8. That way their legs spread more easily and they don't talk none sense like this anymore.

 

[Slickster]

Hey everyone. I'm pretty new to actually taking this part of my life seriously, and with being proactive IRL, vs. simply relying on OLD. Admittedly, I have been a weakling in my previous relationships, putting up with so much BS, not having the balls to leave, and just generally wasting my time on deadbeat, unstable women. I've been going out a lot these past couple months, and feel like I've hit a stride. I've been approaching, getting numbers, getting dates, etc., but trying to stay mindful of the plate-spinning approach.

But anyways, here's what happened this weekend:

I went out with a group of friends to a club, and we took a quick breather outside. One of the girls in this other group really caught my eye, and I immediately went up to her and started talking with her and her friends. We went inside together, shared a drink, and went out the dance floor. I was being pretty flirty, and she was reciprocating, and we were having a blast. We walked out to the main bar area for a little bit and she had me sit down with all of her friends, who I introduced myself to and hit it off with. Her and I got to talking for another half hour or so before I told her I was going to head to a different bar with my friends, but that she should come meet me there. I suppose I figured this was the best move, to not try to get her number then and there, and to not seem so needy.

About a half hour after getting to the next bar, I see her walk in with a gay friend of hers. We go upstairs and sit together in a booth, her and I next to each other. It's still the same type of vibes for another couple hours, just her, myself, her friend and a couple friends of mine. Eventually my friends leave, her friend goes to the bathroom, and it's just her and I there together. The bar is closing soon, so I make sure we swap contact info, since it seemed to be pretty much a given that we would see each other again. As this is happening, she essentially says that she really liked spending time with me, that she thinks we get along really well together, but that she wants to be upfront and that she is seeing someone at the moment. I kinda just play it off and say something like yeah, I think we get along really well too.

About an hour later we part ways. With all of this, I'm just kind of confused. Was there any legit chance from the start of this going anywhere. Sure, I can get just having some friendly, inconsequential bar encounters, but her and I were dancing together alone, she let me touch her hair, get up close, etc. If her whole thing was just 'making friends', why would she come all the way over, leaving the rest of her friend group, to come to where I was at? I'm not sure if I did something wrong, or if I missed out on doing something. I'm sure I could have played this better. I'm thinking about texting her tomorrow about something important we talked about that she has going on that day. I'm not married to the idea of seeing this girl again, but just kind of a mindf**!

It has been a really long time since I offered advice here, but I think I can add some value for you and the forum....

(Note: I'm assuming you are beyond just looking to get laid here)

First, her behaviour should not surprise, confuse or upset you. This is standard behaviour for women who are playing the field. It doesn't matter if she is seeing someone or even has a long term boyfriend. This is just how women play the game. Get over it and love them anyway.

She was interested and attracted to you enough to dance, flirt, hang for a while and share contact info. While all this was happening she was most definitely measuring and comparing you to her other options. You obviously did a lot of things right here! However, not every encounter is going to go somewhere beyond that. Most importantly you have to let things roll off your back and don't let this type of thing mess with your head because none of it really matters. The best thing you can always do is learn.

Persuasion and Seduction: When you were exchanging numbers and she brought up how well you got along together but also mentioned the other guy, this was your moment to plant the seed in her mind. These types of moments happen at some point with every encounter. You've laid some good groundwork but now you are going your separate ways and you need to set the hook. You need to be ready for these moments. (Especially for the I'm seeing someone comment.). Most guys absolutely wither at this point or get flustered, or make some lame joke or comment that kills everything. You need a template type response at the ready but it cannot sound scripted. It must sound genuine and in the moment.

If you want her thinking of you the next day, you need to respond in a way that is going to:

1. show her that you are completely unfazed.
2. clearly show your intent by being bold.
3. show that you are a carefree, playful, fun guy but also completely genuine and sincere at the same time.
4. make her think past the sale (ie. imagine being with you).
5. reinforce that you have made a connection (ie. you both think the same way or in other words you can almost read her mind.)

So when she says, "I really liked spending time with you. I think we get along really well together, but.... I want to be upfront and let you know I'm seeing someone at the moment"

A suggested response that demonstrates the above points.....

"Oh I totally agree there is definitely some chemistry. It's funny you bring that up because I'm seeing someone as well. It's not very serious, but when we left the other bar earlier I couldn't help thinking that I don't have a such an easy and fun connection like this (hand motion between the two of you) with her at all. Which sucks because it's exactly what everyone is looking for right? (Smile with direct eye contact) It WAS really great talking with you......" You can end it here and get up and leave with a smile or you can throw in a playful joke to demonstrate that you don't take things too seriously. "Hey, maybe we can do a double date sometime and secretly try to hook those other two up so we can hang out some more. (Laugh, smile and nod jokingly) You've got my number let's make this happen. See ya around."

Regardless, at that point you make a beeline out of there. Be awesome and be gone. I noticed in your post you mentioned hanging around for another hour or so. Always try to leave things at a high point. Never linger. Texting her the next day probably wasn't the best idea. Leave the ball in her court and focus on other prospects.

I have found over the years that women respond very positively to interactions like this. Vibing, flirting, playfully joking with a woman and then speaking openly about chemistry and the type of an interactions you are seeking in a partner and then either subtly or directly implying that she has the goods, imprints on a woman's mind. The concept of planting a seed that you will potentially "harvest" at a later time is very powerful especially with women you know you will see again. Even when nothing comes of it initially when you encounter these women a 2nd or 3rd time there is a comfortable ease that you can build on. I've had instances in the past where these taken women tried to set me up with friends or when they became single they were suddenly magically in my orbit. I've even had women far younger tell me they broke up with their boyfriends based on conversations we had like this. Not to hook up with me, but because they realized the guy they were with was the wrong guy. My buddies make fun of me for this sometimes.

Note: I do not condone trying to seduce married women or even women with boyfriends. However when a woman says she's "seeing" someone, that is her saying she is dating and open for business. Fair game.