"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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confused

nosmirk

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i am seriously at a loss about how to approach this situation; any insights and advice you guys can give will be very gladly appreciated.

met this girl through mutual friends. barely talked much, until a work gathering where we really hit it off. got her number, then proceded to ask her out about a week later. we went out a couple of times, and im thinking my action of asking her out already is explicit enough to let her know im interested. recently i have stopped trying to meet her in person due to one incident where she flaked on me.

we still meet when together as a group with friends. connect well still, make her laugh and everything. but i display hardly any kino when with our friends ( dont want them to make a huge thing out of it ).

very few personal questions exchanged either. what she knows about me is mainly from what people talk about. im kind of known as a player due to several incidents at parties and at work. is that reputation a factor?

another problem is our conflicting religons. she's strongly catholic, but i dont see this as a problem. had exs who were either christian or whatever, and our religios differences never matter. ( i feel that if she likes me enough, she will overlook the religon aspect ).


the MAJOR problem is that she rarely, if ever initiates conversation on AIM/text messages. im not sure if its making a huge thing out of it, but i feel its a strong lack of interest. she never attempts to ask me about my activities or just to chat on AIM. but we can talk very smoothly when in person. i see 2 ways about this:

- she has VERY LOW interest. thus the lack of initiating contact.

- or, she is rather shy and conservative. in addition, my reputation leads her to think that initating contact will make her another one of 'those one-night' girls. BUT i feel that if her interest level is high enough, her attraction to me will include my personality, and it wouldnt be a factor.




rather long post; thank you so much if you manage to read all the way. cheers.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Desdinova

Master Don Juan
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When it comes to flaking out, I give two or three chances before I forget about them.

It sounds like too much time may have passed for you to salvage any kind of "relationship" out of this girl, so you're best bet is probably to move on.

im kind of known as a player due to several incidents at parties and at work. is that reputation a factor?
Believe it or not, your repuation can have little to no effect on a woman. If you can make her feel good, your reputation won't mean a damn thing.
 

nosmirk

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desdinova,

im thinking that my reputation will kind of affect her's ?

because we have mutual friends and all, she might not want to be viewed as just another one of my one-night stands? and also she obviously doesnt want to be seen as used for banging.

the thing is that i want a LTR with her, not just another notch on the bedpost. but im concerned that unless i display to her that im not just after her body ( which im not ), there wouldnt be any chance at all. and its ironic because i would have to change what see probably was attracted to in the first place
 

Desdinova

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because we have mutual friends and all, she might not want to be viewed as just another one of my one-night stands? and also she obviously doesnt want to be seen as used for banging.
You're only speculating what's going on through her brain and creating excuses to prevent you from succeeding. Let her worry about her reputation (if she even thinks about it).

the thing is that i want a LTR with her
Unfortunately, life doesn't quite work that way. A LTR can only happen after you develope a STR, and that's provided that both parties are interested. Why would you want a LTR with a woman you've only been out with a couple of times? You have no clue what her interests are, how she treats men, how she takes care of herself, or how much emotional baggage she has. Find out all of that stuff before you even contemplate a LTR with her.

I'm smelling a case of one-itis.

but im concerned that unless i display to her that im not just after her body ( which im not ), there wouldnt be any chance at all.
If you show her that you're willing to put your sexuality aside for her, you're going to become her friend. A sexual relationship has the element of sex. A "friends" relationship excludes the element of sex. Is that what you want?

and its ironic because i would have to change what see probably was attracted to in the first place
If what you're doing is working, then why change it?

Now, how long has it been since your last date with her?
 

nosmirk

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3 weeks.

i've decided to kill this. thanks for your insights, really helped to straighten out my thoughts.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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