confused: let's just be friends?

[seabreeze]

Guys, what does it mean when you've shown clear signs of sexual interest in a woman (bragging about your skills, telling her your penis size) and then you decide not to follow through with sex and say "let's just be friends?" I'm trying to figure out why this has been happening to me lately. One guy is a guy i went out with and he asked for sex (repeatedly) after the date and I said no (in a nice way), but that I wanted to another time. Another is a guy I met online about two months ago that I have been having friendly correspondence with. Just recently our messages have become more sexual. He told me about his sexual encounters so I told him about one of mine and he suddenly got weird on me. He made a comment about talking over wine and I didn't reply to that directly, so I wonder if I gave him an ego blow. The first guy said let's just be friends for now when I tried to set up another date. I said friends but no sex. He hasn't contacted me. The second guy I like as a friend so the friendship deal is cool, but I'm curious as to what might have turned him off to having sex.

Are they DJing me or do they really just want to be friends?
SB

 

[Jariel]

Men have mood swings too: horny and not so horny. If you base your relationship on the prospect of sex alone, then you risk falling into the slvt/ONS category and will lose your appeal as soon as the guy loses his erection.

If you are looking for a relationship or continued dates with these men, I'd advise being less forward sexually and focus on being good company and fun to be around.

Obviously many men are just after the sex, in which case you can't expect much more from them, but being sexually forward will scare off the LTR/dating potential.

 

[seabreeze]

Thanks Jariel, what you say makes a lot of sense. But, I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now because that's all I've had. I'm just looking for casual sex for the first time in my life and I thought that men were up for that. I never gave him the impression that I wanted more. Maybe he's in a place where he wants more, but then I'd say why flirt? Why brag about your sexual performance, your penis size and your experiences? It's doubly weird because he says he'd just like to hang out with me, but that he didn't think sex with me was a good idea. Is he trying to kitty-tease me?
SB

 

[Jariel]

Hmmm, then I don't really understand what could be happening, unless they expect you to put out right away, or as you said, unless they are hoping for more.

 

[seabreeze]

O my! Guys will hold out on casual sex if they are looking for more?! This is fascinating. Someone care to elaborate? Please?
SB

 

[Scrumtulescence]

"Let's just be friends" is a tactic Double-Your-Dating wizard David DeAngelo advocates in his stuff. Maybe this guy is a DeAngelo fan.

 

[seabreeze]

Thanks for the info, Scrum. Care to share the tactic with me? Or tell me where to find it?
SB

 

[buckwheat18]

long beach is pretty far away.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

I'm guessing you've had issues in the past, maybe abuse, maybe just bad relationships. You're somehow giving off a negative vibe related to those and the men are picking up on it. We're much more perceptive than we get credit for.

 

[cave dweller]

old?

sea breeze,

About how old are you?

cave dweller

 

[seabreeze]

Yeah, TillTheEnd, I think you must be right about that! I've only been married, never dated but, they were unhappy marriages. but, i only want sex anyway so why would it matter?

CaveD, I'm 38. I thought everybody here knew that!
SB

 

[MindOverMatter]

If you are looking for a relationship or continued dates with these men, I'd advise being less forward sexually and focus on being good company and fun to be around.

Exactly the same thing I'd advise. I will never consider a serious relationship with a woman that's sexually forward from the start, because I'll assume she does this with every guy she dates. I'll hook up, fool around etc, but I'll never consider anything serious with her.

The longer it takes for the girl to open her legs for me, the more I will respect her, and be willing to enter a LTR with her.

 

[AverageFC]

telling her your penis size

maybe she heard how small it was and fled!

just kidding. I really don't see how this is a very good idea at all honestly, regardless of size.

 

[The Rake]

Seabreeze, some dudes get cold feet and won't follow through with their rendezvous plans to hook up with you. Or they could have met someone with better assets (younger, tamer/wilder, money, etc.) than you.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

They are either losing interest in you or are trynna play you.

I do that to chics when I want to break them.Make them wait.

 

[Double]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
Exactly the same thing I'd advise. I will never consider a serious relationship with a woman that's sexually forward from the start, because I'll assume she does this with every guy she dates. I'll hook up, fool around etc, but I'll never consider anything serious with her.

The longer it takes for the girl to open her legs for me, the more I will respect her, and be willing to enter a LTR with her.

how do you know she didn't fvck with 100+guys, then read in some internet forum how to get a guy for a LTR and so she decided to play the good girl for you? ok, the chance maybe small, but it's not that small!i'm laughing my azz off when somebody tells me how not-slutty his gf is because she didn't give pvssy in the first weeks. lol, yeh but maybe she didn't need sex from you b/c she was fvcking her ex or whoever.

 

[seabreeze]

So, maybe am I not a challenge now because I was game for it? I told him that I haven't been with a lot of guys, so I'm thinking maybe that turned him off. But, Tha Realnezz and the Rake make some good points. I know that being older it might be harder for me to compete with the younger chicks. I'm okay with that too because I love being the age that I am. It just sucks because sex feels better for women when they get older and it definitely makes me more willing to do it than when I was younger. Actually, I've been told that i look like I'm between 25 - 28 and I'm starting to see the down side to looking younger. Young guys fall all over me and then they seem to be disappointed when they find out I'm older. And guys my age assume that I'm too young for them and I won't be interested so they don't approach me. Thanks guys.
SB

 

[dietzcoi]

WTF are you talking about past sexual actions and penis size on the first date?

The guy sounds like a loser, he thought bragging would impress you, then chickened out. I doubt this was a tactic by a DJ. Sounds like an AFC.

Avoid those topic in the future and try to be lighthearted and FUN on a date!

Dietzcoi