Conflicting Messages in Pickup. What’s the real deal?

[Nu Vision]

I’m naturally a shy guy and introvert but with time have gotten much better about starting conversations with people and talking to girls. I can make jokes (they are often not great but I make them) and be upbeat with mixed resuts.

Now one thing we learn is to not be outcome dependent and not care what she thinks or does. But also we are told we need to be different and not apporach, talk, act like all the other guys. I find this contradicting and a thin line to talk.

Can one be outcome independent and at the same time be this guy she hasn’t seem before. For guys like me that requires some effort and acting I may say... so its hard to be outcome independent. Not sure if Im explaining myself clearly.

I was watching a video on youtube about George Cloney and how smooth he is. Like Bond, he is calm and has a smirk but often serious look. Im often serious too and that feels natura to me but in your experience does that approach work? Seems lik one can come accross as too serious and dull. Sure it looks great in the movies but hard to replicate in real life.

On the other hand, being ****y funny and what feels to me a bit like being a clown seems like the way to go.

So what I’m asking the experienced guys on here... whats the real deal... where is the ideal balance?

 

[zekko]

It's hard for a guy without experience or abundance to be outcome dependent. The key is to realize that it is not life or death when dealing with one particular woman. If you fail with this woman, there will be another one. Don't get too invested in one particular target - you can go after her, just don't stake your emotional well being on succeeding or failing with her. You have to be loose and relaxed with women, so you can be your best self, and your most natural wit and personality.

I think that's the most important thing about outcome dependence, not to stake too much on this one interaction so you can be relaxed and yourself.

 

[Nu Vision]

I hear you Zekko. Thats one thing I’ve gotten better at. Knowing that if it doesn’t work with one girl is not a big deal.

I just get confused sometimes when reading about pickup.

Take texting for example. They say one has to text something clever or funny. Not sur about you all or maybe is because Im in my 30s already but some of the texts suggested feel childish.

Does anyone here use a different kind/more serious a la james bond type of game with success?

 

[zekko]

Take texting for example. They say one has to text something clever or funny. Not sur about you all or maybe is because Im in my 30s already but some of the texts suggested feel childish.

I frigging DESPISE practically every fake example of conversation in PUA material that supposedly shows you how to interact with a girl. It all sounds the same, corny as can be, is incredibly predictable and unnatural sounding, and (as you say) childish. I just could never say a line that I had read out of a book like that, because I would know where it came from, and it would kill all the spontaneity. I guess the idea of these conversations is to give you an idea of what kind of things to say, not to repeat them verbatim (or text them exactly).

There's one line that's often recommended that I always think is a good line: It's something like "You're going to be my girlfriend for the next five minutes". I think that's fun, playful, suggestive, and sets the right kind of mood. But I would never use that line because I've seen it in so many places. I feel like she would say "Did you read that in a book on pickup?" lol. Because a lot of this stuff has been overexposed. Better to just make sure you have the proper mindset, and go it on your own. For me, anyway. I'm sure there are morons out there who are spouting these lines word for word and having great success with them lol.

 

[Nu Vision]

Glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. I think its just about being comfortable about who you are and going with the flow of the moment. Fact is if the girl likes you you can say anything even something not considered high value and you will still be in the game.

I like that line you posted. It doesnt sound as childish or corny as the other ones Ive read.

 

[marmel75]

Depends on the woman. Choose the right tool for the right job. Dont use a saw to try and hammer a nail. Dont choose a hammer to try and cut down a tree.

There is no one way that will always work. You need to be able to read, analyze and become chameleon like in your approach to fit what the woman needs from you.

This takes significant work to get down and most guys wont put the work or the time in to get to that level.