Confessions : as life gets better dating got worse..

[Gamisch]

The more I cold approached the easier everything became - how much time are you spending actively meeting new people ?

Little to none...my daughter is getting older and needs me more and more. Other family relies on me. I am working 6 to 7 days per week and other than that I am working put or teaching boxing.

I agree I could spend more time "chasing" women but it feels like a waste of time.

I also feel like I've witnessed the game change ( for the worst) and that I'm not the type of guy who's willing to do EVERYTHING for a little ego boost here and there...

 

[Gamisch]

You’re expecting entitlement, that’s a huge turn-off that women can sniff out miles away.

Makes sense...

I've been spoiled with ( easy) p00sy tbh..last year was the first time I experienced what @SW15 calls a " 1 date no sex no second date". Normally(qoute on qoute) I would meet a woman and know from the get go I would end up in bed with her. Lately things aren't that easy and low effort ..

Another thing I've noticed is that women will actively ignore me...that's worth a thread on his own . But yeah, I'm ripped, well dressed and yet some women treat me like ima ghost lol. The latter gotta have something to do with my entitlement and being overly focused on (getting) women.

If anything life is humbling me now..

 

[Gamisch]

So a couple things here:

1) You don't do those things for women, you do them for yourself and yourself only. Thinking "I am going to do X so I can get more women" is the wrong mindset. That's why it's called "self-improvement" because it's for yourself not anyone else.

2) You have not "leveled up" as much as you think. Going from maybe a 20 to a 35 is not going to show a huge difference in results. Going from a 20 to an 80 will, incrementally over time. That's not going to happen overnight, that will take some time.

3) You are likely not congruent with yourself as you still have the same mindset as you did before you started improving. That's the absolute last thing that improves and often lags well behind the physical, financial, mental and emotional changes.

All I can say is keep going and understand the most work is done for the least results in the beginning. As you keep going you will see a shift where you get a lot more results than the amount of work you are putting in, but that's not until you get to around 60-70

Great answer!!

Yes, I indeed went from zero to 20. Perhaps 30. But FAR from where I wanna be ,around 80 at least.

Yet the confusion is because as I said before, when was broke down and out and looked like shyte I was at least always occupied with some woman. Hence why I believed that some improvement would "logically " somewhat improve my dating life. But it did NOT.

I also have to admit I might be impatient and spoiled....

 

[Gamisch]

You can say "it's for yourself" all you want, but for most guys on this forum — subconsciously or not — it's about women.

The OP has given me advice in past threads about self-improvement specifically to boost SMV and attract women. When I explained that home constraints made things like gym-maxxing hard, he dismissed it and called me a troll. That kind of response shows how deeply tied these self-improvement discussions are to results with women.


Let’s be real: if women disappeared from the face of the Earth tomorrow, 99% of guys on SoSuave wouldn’t be obsessing over cold showers, gym grinds, or leveling up their game. That’s why you're seeing so many men (especially younger ones) opting out — they’ve realized self-improvement doesn’t always move the needle in dating unless you’re already in the top 10% (height, looks, social skills, etc.).


A lot of guys want self-improvement to work — not because they’re in love with the process, but because they hope it’ll eventually lead to better results with women. But when that illusion fades, the drive to keep grinding fades too. Even @BeExcellent tries to keep hope alive by pointing to a few successful outliers as proof that self-improvement "works," but let’s be honest — if it’s only working for the top-tier guys, then it’s not really scalable advice.


I’m not saying improvement is bad. I’m saying stop gaslighting guys by pretending it’s always “for yourself.” In this space, that’s not the real reason most are here.

I gotta disagree

I reached a point where I do shyte for myself. I have look in the mirror and face my self every day, so I want tha reflection to be fly. Same goes for all other areas in life. My house gotta be on point, not for a woman but for myself.

I did fell for this trap I the past..that's why I never took off like I'm doing nowadays: I would find a woman who would except my poor lifestyle and I'd " be good ". At the end of the day it left me with NOTHING to show for..

 

[SW15]

last year was the first time I experienced what @SW15 calls a " 1 date no sex no second date". Normally(qoute on qoute) I would meet a woman and know from the get go I would end up in bed with her. Lately things aren't that easy and low effort ..

"1 date, no sex, no second date" is the most common outcome with dates arranged via tech method (swipe app or social media DM). I'd say swipe apps create far more of that scenario than social media DMs.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"1 date, no sex, no second date" is the most common outcome with dates arranged via tech method (swipe app or social media DM). I'd say swipe apps create far more of that scenario than social media DMs.

It's the most common outcome for ANY dating method.

 

[SW15]

It's the most common outcome for ANY dating method.

Interesting. Why is that?

I think the number of "1 date, no sex, no second type" type interactions has increased as the popularity of dating websites/dating apps has increased. In the last 20-25 years, dating websites and dating apps have created a lot of scenarios where a date is arranged between 2 people that are truly incompatible. It can be more challenging for a lot of men to properly evaluate date prospects with phone calls and text messages.

I would think there would be fewer "1 date, no sex, no second date" type interactions from a social circle facilitated interaction. A social circle wouldn't want 2 people to meet and have that type of interaction.

Do you think that approaching strangers in real life and having a short conversation (3-10 minutes), then arranging a date reduces the probability of a "1 date, no sex, no second date" type interaction. Why or why not? I think it reduces that probability of a date going bad.

 

[Isildur1]

Little to none...my daughter is getting older and needs me more and more. Other family relies on me. I am working 6 to 7 days per week and other than that I am working put or teaching boxing.

I agree I could spend more time "chasing" women but it feels like a waste of time.

I also feel like I've witnessed the game change ( for the worst) and that I'm not the type of guy who's willing to do EVERYTHING for a little ego boost here and there...

Marrying and dating the right women can have a huge impact on your life- how is it a waste of time exactly? It’s a man’s job to chase and create leads and initiate conversation.

Even if you improve as a man if the number of women you approach falls then your dating life too will go down hill

If Apple release an iPhone 17 after The iPhone 16 but scrap all their marketing and sales team then who’s going to buy it

If you’re a better product you still need to put yourself out there- that side of the game never changes

 

[Isildur1]

Makes sense...

I've been spoiled with ( easy) p00sy tbh..last year was the first time I experienced what @SW15 calls a " 1 date no sex no second date". Normally(qoute on qoute) I would meet a woman and know from the get go I would end up in bed with her. Lately things aren't that easy and low effort ..

Another thing I've noticed is that women will actively ignore me...that's worth a thread on his own . But yeah, I'm ripped, well dressed and yet some women treat me like ima ghost lol. The latter gotta have something to do with my entitlement and being overly focused on (getting) women.

If anything life is humbling me now..

But there’s variances right?
You can go on good runs and bad runs in pickup- it’s a bit like poker you can get on losing streaks and winning streaks- when I first started cold approaching during the day I had a 5 months dry spell followed by 3 women in the space of a week - it blows hot and cold sometimes for everyone .

and yeah bad dates , rejection streaks are part and parcel of the game but neither the successes nor failures define anyone

I once went daygaming with a male model wing and watched him get blown out 9 times in a row- right then I realised that dating really is easy for no one and everyone needs to work hard. Having high smv is good but it doesn’t guarantee the failures will go away forever

 

[Isildur1]

Yes I indeed kinda doubted my internal confidence after a "losing streak" like that.

Thanks for your encouraging post tho..I know I'm on the right trajectory, just was curious if someone else went through some similar or has any idea if there's something I overlooked.

3 bad dates is nothing lmao you can’t let that get to you

Everyone on this forum has had bad dates- you can’t let perfectionism stall your momentum , dating isn’t a maths equation- you don’t need to be bating 10/10 or nailing every approach and getting laid 10 minutes into every date , there’s always going to be situations beyond your control for you and everyone on this forum

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Interesting. Why is that?

I think the number of "1 date, no sex, no second type" type interactions has increased as the popularity of dating websites/dating apps has increased. In the last 20-25 years, dating websites and dating apps have created a lot of scenarios where a date is arranged between 2 people that are truly incompatible. It can be more challenging for a lot of men to properly evaluate date prospects with phone calls and text messages.

I would think there would be fewer "1 date, no sex, no second date" type interactions from a social circle facilitated interaction. A social circle wouldn't want 2 people to meet and have that type of interaction.

Do you think that approaching strangers in real life and having a short conversation (3-10 minutes), then arranging a date reduces the probability of a "1 date, no sex, no second date" type interaction. Why or why not? I think it reduces that probability of a date going bad.

I'm talking purely from an asking a random stranger out on a date after meeting them in any sort of environment or method...

Obviously if you already know them and interact with them regularly you would know whether you want to be involved with them.