Completely obliterated contact with ex.

[mrRuckus]

Short term pain for long term gain.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Wow. I am completely torn between Rollo and the rest of you.

I could imagine myself at 19 in a LTR if I was in love with a girl. But would that love be out of conviction spawned from obligation and being what a MAN should be? I think it would. I think I would be serving the masses a piece of my soul. I've been done with what people think I should do with my OWN life. Hell, maybe she's doing the same thing. Maybe she's breaking out of the matrix herself. Maybe.

If I understand, then why am I so pissed off? Why do I feel like pushing her off a f*cking cliff? Why do I feel so betrayed? Is it because she's following "biology" and I don't understand? Or did she do something seriously wrong to me? Was she being selfish or just being what nature made her out to be? She's "In LOVE" with me but wants to have sex with a guy out of state. Apparently if we got into another relationship (which she wants, but she really doesn't) I'll hold her back from her fun.

Once I get a clearer understanding of this whole ordeal I'll be able to move on more smoothly.

 

[frivolousz21]

you need some intense deconditioning

 

[MacAvoy]

you need some intense deconditioning

X 2

 

[Victory Unlimited]

If Biology tumps conviction then how would you be a bodybuilder? All the low carb and calorie dieting preparing for a contest. Measuring your protein grams and calories to a T. Water intake measures to the tablespoon. You feel like a tearing up a pie of pizza everyday (the last 60-90 days before the contest but you dont'. You CONVICTION trumps BIOLOGY.

You see a nice 10 walk by you on the street. She is blazing wearing tight fitted clothes. You give her a second look and say "I wish I was not married."
You don't pursue. Your CONVICTION trumps BIOLOGY.

I speak of personal experience. I have had quite a few LTR's with HOT young girls who never cheated and behaved to my every whim. Does this mean they have never thought of other guys? Of course not. However as I stated before, we are all motivated by pain/pleasure. All of us including young hot women. I made very clear my disposition and SHE knows if she acted on her instinct she would get the boot. She makes a decision by weighing the options. "I think this other guy is hot but if I cheat on GURU , I will never see him again". Her CONVICTION trumps BIOLOGY once again because she fears the consequence of acting on her instinct.

This is the only thing that seperates us from animals. CHOICE. We CHOOSE based on the scale Pleasure vs Pain.

...as I said well over a year ago:

ANYTHING that you can't say NO to, is your MASTER. And YOU are it's SLAVE.

Or...

To put it another way, AND for the THIRD time in this same thread...

...HELL yes. :yes:

 

[Mr.Positive]

If I understand, then why am I so pissed off? Why do I feel like pushing her off a f*cking cliff? Why do I feel so betrayed? Is it because she's following "biology" and I don't understand? Or did she do something seriously wrong to me? Was she being selfish or just being what nature made her out to be? She's "In LOVE" with me but wants to have sex with a guy out of state. Apparently if we got into another relationship (which she wants, but she really doesn't) I'll hold her back from her fun.

Once I get a clearer understanding of this whole ordeal I'll be able to move on more smoothly.

Hey Thunder, I wouldn't search for a clearer understanding of the whole deal..you will just beat yourself up. Some things are best left unexplained.

Cut her loose, like you are doing. Know that she no longer has the right to complain later in life that there are no decent men left. That was your gift to her.

Her gift to you is freedom from her, and to focus on making your life better.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

So maybe it wasn't conviction. Maybe it wasn't nature.

She could have just not wanted to be with me, plain and simple. All of that love talk could have been smoke up my ass. It doesn't matter now. It shouldn't.

You're right, Mr. Positive. What would be the point in searching for a reason anyways. Actions show that she didn't want to be with me and was going to have sex with another guy. I don't tolerate that.

 

[Mr.Positive]

You're right, Mr. Positive. What would be the point in searching for a reason anyways. Actions show that she didn't want to be with me and was going to have sex with another guy. I don't tolerate that.

Exactly Thunder. There's no point, because you are moving on to better things, as a man does. She made a decision, most likely one that she may regret later on, however right now she's going for what she thinks is a Bigger Better Deal. (the infamous BBD)

You are better than that.

Sailboats don't sail backwards, they make headway...always moving in a forward direction. Change course and set your sails for a new direction.

Fresh breezes and calm seas are ahead for you.

 

[hithard]

She could have just not wanted to be with me, plain and simple. All of that love talk could have been smoke up my ass.

Read your own quote and remember it for future reference. She could hardly say " I want to screw other guys for a while your boring me at the moment, but I want you around as a fall back position in case".

In my youth I've had this happen and have seen it countless times. Simple loss of interest, she is at that age. It’s like a gentle let down from a woman’s perspective I suppose. Feeding you what you want to hear, but their actions state otherwise so you end up confused as hell. Time to move on.

 

[Adam007]

leave her. and forget ur past...................

 

[Last Man Standing]

leave her. and forget ur past...................

No!!! She is gone already but remember your past!!! The past is the only thing that you have!!!

 

[jophil28]

Suppose that RT is more correct that he is mistaken and this 23 year old is following her "biological imperatives" - or "exploring her options" or whatever . Perhaps she is indeed being driven by forces which supercede her wisdom of choice .
Then agin, perhaps RT is wrong and she IS just a wh0re behaving like a wh0re behaves.
My question to TM is this- Do you want to devote anymore of your life and energy to someone who behaves like her ?

She ,and her actions, are a classic example of why we should never believe what a woman says . She says thet she "loves you " TM, however her definition of love appears to include the freedom to go fuuk another guy .

How does that overlap with YOUR definition of love ?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Haha, not to sound like a complete F@G but I remember a scene from the movie "Closer" where Jude Law's character is telling Natalie Portman's charater over and over again that he "loves her". Heh, I pulled up the quote:

Where? Show me! Where is this love? I... I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words. Whatever you say is too late.

I'll admit when my ex told me that she was still "In Love" with me, it scrambled my brain and threw me off guard. I wasn't expecting it. I usually try to come prepared for the unexpected, but that was new to me. I won't lie, even now I'm asking myself from time to time "she says she's still in love with me. That's good, right?" That ego invested part of me wants to believe it. It wants to believe I was the best she ever had and that she'll regret her decision. Probably not.

The fact is, is that I was serious when I told her this was it. Even now I'm sure she doesn't believe me. Who gives a sh!t though, right? Rollo, even if she is following her natural grooves, what would you do in my situation? Would you be angry and annoyed as well? How would you treat this whole situation?


I ask only you because you seem to be the one empathizing with her the most. Which is fine, don't get me wrong. I think it's a good thing. I don't want to have any hate towards her. (It's not doing me any good)

What would you do?

 

[Ever onward]

I know I'm late to this topic but I'll add my two cents.

Rollo is wrong, age is no excuse for bad behavior. My current girlfriend is 25 (6 years younger than me) and she is a high quality woman. I didn't think that there was such a thing before I met her. She is loyal, hard working, smart, funny and caters to my every whim. She pleases me in every way possible and she would feel horrible if I were even given the impression that she had interest in another man. Remember, I'm 31 and she's 25. Yet she is the one pressuring me to settle down and I'm the one who is hesitant.

You telling me that your 23 year old will mature in 2 years and be a high quality woman like my girl? Nope, ain't gonna happen.

I think Rollo may have given up on the nature of women. Maybe he's seen so much bad behavior by women that he assumes that it's inevitable with all women and expects nothing less than the worst from them.

I'm here to tell you that that isn't always the case.

Listen man, regardless of whether you conclude it wasn't her fault because she's young and controlled by her biology or that you conclude that she just isn't worth it, I think you can agree that it's best to let this one go for good.

Stop analyzing it or trying to justify it or trying to figure it out. Stop discussing it endlessly and let go. Just lay it down, walk away and move on with your life. There are better women out there. Believe it.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Onward, I must ask how long you've been with your girlfriend.

Sorry to say, but if you say you've been with her for less than two years I can't take your advice seriously. Everything you described as far as your girlfriend being, I could describe my EX and MORE. Girls will do and say anything if they have high IL. Sometimes it takes a while for someone to see the bad points. It could take a serious argument or a revealed secret to make the girl's IL go down , never to return to the way it was ever again.

So how long were you with her? Don't lie.

 

[zinc64]

Oh, me being in love with a woman who wants to f*ck other guys isn't the punchline.


Her saying she's IN LOVE WITH ME is the joke! What rational sane person can understand this:

"I'm in love with you, but I can't be in a relationship. I know how I get when I'm in relationships. I never promised you anything and I said "maybe". I would like to be friends, yet I'm still strongly attracted to you. If we had sex I would want to be with you again. I would want to be in a relationship with you again and you know I'm bad at it. Who knows what the future holds for us? I try to control myself around you..ALSO there's a guy I want to fu*ck who lives in Texas. Yeah."


What do I look like?

Believ it or not....she could be telling the truth. She may need to get some **** out of her system. I was in the exact same situation as her three months ago and it cost me my ex GF even though I broke up with her...complicated situation. But for now...hook up with her until she comes around and keep your heart out of it until she is ready. You will know when. Right now...**** her brains out and **** other girls too because she will too probaly. It's simple man. Control your emotions if u like her and respect her situation. Some people have issues they have to work with.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Zinc, apparently screwing her would have been impossible. She told me if she had sex with me she would fall in love with me all over again. She would want a relationship with me because of history. So she didn't have sex with me.


Now she can screw whoever she wants because she doesn't have me looming over her head.


Win-win for her.


Spoiled b*tch.

 

[Ever onward]

I wouldn't lie to you man.

It's been less than 6 months. So maybe I have jumped the gun in saying she's a high quality woman. Time will tell.

And maybe I'll come back here some day and say "that ***** screwed me over!"

But will I say say **** it and I deserve better? Or will I justify it as Rollo does because "it's in their nature and not their fault"?

I don't mean to discount Rollo's advice as he is very experienced and has a lot of wisdom. I'm just saying that there are high quality women even though they are few and far between. It's no excuse to write all women off as 'bad' and therefore 'bad behavior' is acceptable.

I've been burned before dude. I know what it is like. I'm not going into this with my head up my ass. As far as I'm concerned women are guilty until proven innocent. I'm just saying that maybe, just maybe there are better women out there and I think I've found a good one. (Let's hope she plays her cards right). I won't settle for second class behavior (this time) and I don't think you should either.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Thanks for being honest, Onward.

It's just that it's extremely difficult to trust a woman's feelings so early on. Hell, I think 2 years is too early as well. Amazing creatures they are.

There's one girl now, (the one who blew me in her car) and I talked with her yesterday. Told her I'm banging someone else and that it's just casual. She still says "We have to find time later next month to F*ck". Seems like high interest level? Or is it I'm just the new flavor of the month?

I can't tell. I'm just going to be really careful from here on out with what girls say. Much more careful than before.

Edit: Just wanted to make the point that early on, girls will do anything and almost everything to get a guy they want. Makes me wonder if girls are really more of the predator than the prey?

 

[##17]

Don't ask what I am doing here on a Saturday night...

Anyway, what ThunderMaverick's ex-gf is doing is following her lower reptilian brain, which is driving her to seek the best genes possible (by screwing different guys) AND to procure for herself resources (by her confessions to TM to bind him to her and her relationship with her ex-bf right after TM). That I agree with Rollo Tomasi about. It's as natural as a guy screwing as many women as he can.

HOWEVER, we don't just have reptilian brains. We also have a higher brain (neocortex) which deals with things such as the consequences of our actions (immediate and long-range), and which has a sense of ethics and tempers our reptilian brains. Developing this part of our brains and using them is part of becoming a mature person. A mature man who is married, for example, doesn't screw around even though his reptilian brain is driven to. Similarily, a mature woman understands that using her beauty to try to procure favors and resources from men she isn't interested in is a bad idea. (e.g., If you were to ask a mature woman if you could buy her a drink and she is married, she would say no, while an immature woman would take the drink...)

Anyway, TM, what I am trying to say is that your ex doesn't sound very mature. She is stringing you along, intentionally or not. I commend you your decision to cut her out, I know it's not easy.